for fat people

Diet tips from a thin guy to fat people. Feel free to send me hate mail, I can take it. But my response will be “which tip didn’t work for you?”. I am not writing this in a nice way (I can write very nicely, just see the rest of the blog.) I am writing this in a way that is meant to be rude and straight forward. So don’t be such a softie.
1. Make a commitment and just do it. Planning is just disguised procrastination. I am right. You hate me for it. Besides, how often have you felt good from finishing a plan of a diet… just imagine how nice it would have been to have a feeling of accomplishment a week prior, because you were happy to see that you ACTUALLY lost weight. Make a decision and start with your next meal. And if your house doesn’t have any healthy food, go out to eat. YOU NEED TO START IMMEDIATELY! No time for grocery shopping. I am impulsive, but I have follow through. You won’t die if you are hungry for an hour, and you don’t need to binge at the first sign of a tummy growl. For most fat people, it is your stomach in control at this point, not you.
2. Stressing about what you eat makes you think too much about it. Rather than depriving yourself of something (woe is me…) just think, that is not going to make me fat if I don’t eat it. It is like the sign at Jimmy Johns (that terribly bland sub shop) “Free smells”. Feel free to sniff anything you want, but realize your ass is only going to get bigger if you eat it. So, view dessert as something that will make you fat, not “a nice way to finish a meal”
3. Make your own schedule. Make it convent and plan your meals. Too busy to plan your meals? Did you see Glee last week? Yeah it was pretty awesome. But you could have skipped it and written out your meals. Were you too tired to do anything active? Well, what is making you so tired? Work? I know you work 14, 16, 18 hour days. I am sure that you are working 14 hours a day Monday through Friday and then working 16 hours every Saturday and Sunday at a different job to pay the rent. It has been months since you had a day off. I know that everyone reading this is in that position and can’t possibly spare 2 hours create a meal plan and exercise schedule for the next month.
4. Every little bit helps, there are plenty of ways to account for 100 calories or more
a. Park farther away (a few blocks away), or get off the bus a stop or two early. This little bit of walking (especially if you force yourself to walk briskly) will trim you down. If you are shopping, speed walk the whole time. (this can be done during any solo activity)
b. Drink less soda and more water. Oh, and diet soda is worse than regular soda, because it is a false sense of achievement. You aren’t doing anything different, it is a lie! You are a fool if you think a diet soda will help you lose weight. If you need flavor, add lemon, or lime, or orange, or cucumber, or mint, or something. Once you get used to this, you won’t crave soda. (which has a 600-1000% mark up in restaurants)
c. Wash your car by hand, shovel snow often (actually it isn’t so bad if you are used to it, and you hate it less (but for God’s sake, stretch you back first)), mow your lawn with a push mower (much greener, too), work you garden by hand, take your bike to errands (not to work, that will make you all sweaty and gross and you will get fired and then eat your feelings). It isn’t hard to combine chores with exercise. General rule of thumb, if it is harder/ more strenuous, that is the option that will help you lose weight.
d. Bring snacks in your purse or backpack (yup, I used to carry a backpack everywhere I went, because I didn’t have a car and had to walk/bike/ bus everywhere I went. Now I carry a soft leather briefcase-bag-thing). Bringing your own snacks will let you choose healthy things and you won’t buy candy bars. Now that I have a car, there is a can of nuts in there. I have a handful just before I turn my car on, just out of habit now… actually pretty awesome. This is also portion control, so only eat one at a time. Never eat two of these snacks within an one hour of each other.
e. Use fat free milk instead of whole milk will cut calories and your cholesterol. Seriously. I am amazed at how many fat people don’t do this. I drink whole milk because I can… but you can’t—so don’t.
f. Walk to a restaurant for dinner rather than driving there. I understand that you are socially obligated to eat out, and that ordering a low calorie meal when surrounded by people who think you should do so can be embarrassing. So if you must fulfill everyone’s expectations and consume 1350 calories in one sitting, walk off at least 100 calories of it before hand in secret by walking there. You can also walk to get lunch rather than eating in the break room.
g. Stand up while you eat. I kid you not. One tiny little change will make your gut feel better while it digests and you will find yourself doing other things while eating (like wandering around your house or other strange things). Plus you won’t shovel food four inches from the plate to your mouth.
h. If you are forced by society to eat something you know is bad for you (birthday cake, etc), then leave half of it on your plate. Self control, bitches.
i. Make a conscious effort to eat more vegetables and fruit, but really veggies are better than fruit. This will help you eat less heavier foods and junk foods. This will help you feel better as well.
j. You can’t be on the move all the time, sometimes you want to watch TV. I get it. But do bicep curls of sit ups while you do that. Then you won’t like TV as much. And maybe you will go for a walk and get to see this amazing High Definition, Surround Sound thing called “Outside”. It also features massive multiplayer action for gamers out there.
k. While walking (not running, this could be very dangerous if you mess up your timing) try whistling or singing to yourself. This will strengthen your lungs.
l. Basketball, football, and soccer are all great, but they are a little intimidating (they are undeniably athletic and not fun if you are remotely out of shape). Try swimming (and you might get a tan), rollerblading, kayaking, biking. Or if you are more aggressive, try paintball; you will be amazed at how good you can be at outrunning that little ball.
m. I suppose you could put on a weight belt or weight vest. Try that. Could work, all that extra weight will force every motion to be more strenuous.
n. Turkey instead of red meat. But, this only works in a few cases. It doesn’t taste as good, but with enough seasonings, it is good, but still different.
5. Eat less fat, more protein, and less sugar. There is 3,500 calories in a pound of fat. In a pound of YOUR fat. Not just in fat intake through diet. If you keep eating the same things you eat right now, you would have to burn of 500 more calories everyday to lose a pound a week. So, better to just keep it out of your body in the first place. Protein on the other hand is the most important macro nutrient (oh, you didn’t think I knew what I was talking about… that I was just some bitch thin guy who doesn’t like fat people…) I am not talking about the Atkins Diet, but he was onto something. Over doing it is terrible. Proteins help you feel full and that makes you eat less. You should eat 2 grams of protein per 1 kilogram of lean body weight**. Men need more than women. I need 120 grams according to the formula. And yes, you do have to do this in kilograms. As for sugar, cut out the unnatural sugars. There is nothing more than calories in these. Fructose, on the other hand, in fruit is a slowly released sugar, so if you need something sweet, try this thing called a banana (one of the cheapest, cleanest (you only eat the inside so you don’t need to wash it), and greenest (no packaging) fruits on the market).
6. Eat more often. You have heard this, I am sure, and seen skinny people doing it. Yes, we do eat a lot. We can, because we are always doing it. Our bodies don’t think we are starving through a cold winter, and aren’t slowing our metabolisms to survive it. It is always autumn harvest in my body. Your body equates dieting with starvation, as does your mind. And don’t skip breakfast, or lunch. Really if you HAD to skip a meal (or substitute a snack for a meal) it should be dinner. You don’t need all that in when you sleep. A lean body isn’t a 50 gallon gas tank that you can dump 45 gallons of gas into and access whenever you need to. That is a fat body. A thin body is a 10 gallon tank, you have to fill it more often, but don’t put as much in it.
7. If you feel like a wake up call is in order, save all your food wrappers/boxes/bags. Add them up at the end of the week (not the end of the day). Don’t just write them down and throw them away after each meal, rinse them out and stack them up till Sunday. You will be amazed to see.
8. Get rid of your scale. It isn’t your friend. Plus, it doesn’t know you well enough to tell you how your cloths fit. If your muffin top can’t fit into something, it doesn’t matter what you weigh. If you can bring yourself to look in the mirror, really look at yourself and see if you are loosing weight. Once you start to see it, it won’t be so bad.
9. “A handful” is the best measurement. You don’t really need to eat more than that at a time of anything. You can eat three handfuls of three different things at a meal, but not of the same thing, I can easily fit a microwave meal into three handfuls (and this is what you need to avoid).
Bonus: . Don’t buy clothes that don’t fit, planning on being able to fit into them some day. They will just take up space that could be better used. The only advantage of buying the wrong size is that you have to lift them every time you want to move them, so maybe you will burn 50 calories from moving a whole wardrobe’s worth. They are not motivators, they are not going to stay in style while you lose weight, and they are not flattering if you do manage to SQUEEZE into them.

There, now tat you read the whole thing, I can tell you that I didn't put this up to be a dick, and not to spread hate or the idea that fat people are just lazy. A lot of this content was inspired by diet sites, but my twist on it as a thin guy adds something to it. I do not think I am better than anybody, but society pressures you to be thin. Don't shoot the messenger, especially if the messenger is bringing ideas of ways that you can help yourself. Try any or all of these tips. But, if you don't do anything, you are not going to change. It is that "if" word.

**Lean Body Weight (men) = (1.10 x Weight(kg)) - 128 x ( Weight2/(100 x Height(m))2)
Lean Body Weight (women) = (1.07 x Weight(kg)) - 148 x ( Weight2/(100 x Height(m))2)

A ghost

Last night I woke up and saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the end of my bed.

At first I was afraid. I was petrified!

Apple

I just had a group interview at Apple. It was very nice, best part is: I had more in common with the people who already worked there than the other applicants. The other applicants had nothing but great things to say about macs, and were all evangelical apple users, and they all wanted to own one of everything in that store.
I on the other hand found myself bitting my tongue a lot, but only at what the other applicants were saying. I really think I stand a chance at getting the job.

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Message from my father, who is retiring

just came back from a 45 min. walk around the neighborhood and got to thinking about things that happened in the last many years. In my carrer I have been bit by dogs,mosquitos,spiders,geese. Itched from mosquitos,posion ivy and dirt. Been shot at and missed my truch was shot at and hit,I have been pulled into excavation holes by cables and ropes, fallen into ditches by not jumping far enough, got soaked in the rain, frozen in the cold, came home smelling like a sewer,manure,sweat and grease. worn out many pairs of jeans, boots, gloves,shirts and tools. Driven over 200,000 miles on seven trucks and can look back on all of it as an adventure that changed every day. I got to thinking on my walk that now my adventures will be for relaxing and goofing off, no more having to scrape the ice off windows at 530am.No more 5am alarms, no more middle of the night phone calls with somekind of emergency where I needed to get to the cable right away. No more big ugly truck in the front of the house.Only getting up, having coffee,packing my fishing or hunting gear and doing what I really enjoy......being outside. Seems I've been outside all my life but just did'nt realize it. Well, enough for now as it is time for coffee, putting my feet up and getting ready for the super bowl. In less than 14 days my life is going to change....yoohoooooooo!!!
Good Ol Dad

Today's Assignment

Today's Assignment; Imagine who you are ten years from now and write a letter to yourself.

I will post all submissions, so just use your fist name or initials or something.

law abiding citizen

I believe in morality, which is doing right regardless of what I am told... not laws, which is doing what I'm told regardless of what is right.

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Today

Today is a great day for falling in love.
--Taio Cruz

Moral; you've heard me say it before, and I will say it again. "Give love a chance."

My gingersnap cookies

2 1/2 c. flour
4 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 c. butter
1 c. sugar
1 egg
1/4 c. molasses
Up to 1/4 c. water as needed


Combine sugar and butter. Add egg then molasses. Stir in dry ingredients and water (good luck stirring without it); shape into 1 1/2 inch balls. Roll in sugar. Place on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees 10 to 15 minutes.

opportunities

They come along everyone once in a while, often just by chance or luck. For example, a friend of mine was just offered a job (a "real" (end air quotes) job) at a teeshirt company. She is likely going to turn it down because it doesn't fit into her plans, and I personally feel she should, but that is not my place to say. Anyway, this chance truly came out of nowhere. A man walked up to her and felt she would be good for it. I was jealous for a moment. I truly was, but I refused to let those negative feelings enter my mind. So I pushed them out. And now I am being asked to help with a community theater project. I might be the leader of it. holy fuck. What the hell am I getting myself into? But, if you read regularly, you will know that I am a man of "doing" and that I often tell people that they will usually regret not doing something more than they regret taking an opportunity. This sort of thing can only be a good thing, because if it a bad thing, I will not let myself get sucked into it. I know how to keep myself safe legally and safe financially. And I might really be doing something great here. But time will tell.
I also received two very good leads on jobs via text message from a family member. One would be a very large step up in my life. I could quit my two current jobs if I got it. The other is a small step up.

Moral: good things happen to good people, and patience is virtue. But there is no harm in giving it a little nudge.

The Bleeding Vlad

4 parts Campari, 3 parts Bombay Sapphire, 2 parts Lime= The Bleeding Vlad. it has a beautiful bitter undertone with a floral foreground.
This is the drink I invented yesterday. I thought it was a gimlet, but apparently a gimlet is gin, a spot of lime, and soda. So as I confirmed with the bar tender what I wanted I said, "oh, that isn't the gimlet I want. I want gig, campari, and lime. No soda." So alas, the Bleeding Vlad was born. just like the squeaky clean martini (a certain San Francisco girl and I disagree on what a squeaky clean martini is).

Is it OK for your boyfriend to...

Response to an email:

Dear B-----,
It sounds like you love your boyfriend very much, but I can not tell you what is acceptable behavior between you. Have you talked to him about your opposition to him masturbating? And to what degree do you opposite it? Ask yourself what you expect of him, and go from there. Make sure that you both have a clear understanding of where he stands. But ultimately, it is his body, you can't force him to give up masturbation no more than he can force you to have sex every time he feels a lingering in his loins. You might nag and coax, but you musn't force.

It is ok for your boyfriend to...
Masturbate with just his imagination?
Masturbate with the aid of searched images or videos of no particular person on the internet free of charge?
Masturbate with images or videos of no particular person he has saved/ downloaded from the internet free of charge?
Masturbate with the aid of images or videos of a particular model/person (who he has no contact with) on the internet free of charge?
Masturbate using images/ videos of no particular person from the internet that he paid a subscription fee for?
Masturbate using images of a particular model/ person (who he has no contact with) that he paid for?
Masturbate with the aid of a free of charge chat style (text based) communication with a person who is a random stranger, if no further contact will be made?
Masturbate with the aid of a free of charge chat style (text based) communication with a person who is a random stranger, further contact is possible?
Masturbate to a one way video chat (he is not seen by the model/person) where he is able to communicate (text) with the model/ person? (These are all pay services)
Masturbate with a stranger in a two way video chat situation, if no further contact will be made?
Masturbate with a stranger in a two way video chat situation, further contact is possible?
Masturbate with a random stranger in person?
Masturbate with a person who is not a stranger?
Have oral sex with a stranger for free?
Have oral sex with a stranger in a payment system?
Have oral sex with a person who is not a stranger for free?
Have vaginal/anal sex with a stranger for free?
Have vaginal/anal sex with a stranger in a payment system?
Have vaginal/anal sex with a person who is not a stranger for free?


Where do you draw the line for someone you love? Where do you draw the line for yourself? And where do you think he draws the line?

Good luck!
P.S. make sure you practice safe sexual habits. Pregnancy and diseases DO HAPPEN.

lessons

I think that i just learned something important... I am not sure how to say this, but there are bad people out there in the world. I mean, you all know that, but there are people that are a different kind of evil... a personal evil. They want others to be angry or sad. Why? I am not sure. But, just be warned. There are people who just want to hurt you.

Water Tank

I would say "fish tank" but there are no fish in it. I have solved my filtration problem in the simplest way possible... two filters working in parallel. Anyone who knows me personally knows my computer, Sheila. Sheila is a testament to my philosophy on problem solving; bigger is usually better, and redundant is always a good idea. In this case, both applied to the fish tank problem. I have been trying to get a single pump to filter an appropriate sized tank with a astronomical sized piping system. By using a second filter pump, I can eliminate 75% of the piping, AND cut down the load by half (actually more, because the reduction in piping also reduces the amount of water that needs to be moved.)
Moral: When faced with a difficult problem, you might be better of completely starting from square one. I had invested a small amount of money to build the piping system, but it completely destroyed the first pump. When I threw out he whole system, I solved my problem in a totally different way.

stop sending hate mail

I received a hate filled email a few days ago. I suppose that everyone is entitled to their opinions, and they have right to voice their opinions... on public property. I have posted previously the rules of a certain web forum as they relate to angry posts and messages; if it isn't public property, you live by my rules. If you don't like what I post, don't read it. Or at least support your hate mail with reasons why you think I am such a terrible person.
Moral: you can disagree with something, and even voice your opinion, as long as you act like a mature and reasonable person. Swearing at people is not going to make to make your argument stronger.

on giving

I am a generous person, there is little that I have that I will not give. However, recently I have been tested. All that I gave, it was not enough. I was bitter and angry that more was asked of me, and I refused. But now I see- it isn't ever enough. There will always be someone who needs it more than I do, always someone that my small gesture will truly help.
Even saying these words does not make me feel better, I am still angry and bitter that so much is asked of me. I do not want to give any more.
Moral: you can know that something is the right thing, and want to do the right thing, and even actually do the right thing... but sometimes you still hate it.

10 PC Games that I liked

Because I cannot tell you which is my favorite, I am forced to put these into chronological order by release date. I enjoyed them all for the same reason; they are fun! I don’t enjoy games where you can’t win due to difficulty or wasting 40+ hours of my life playing just to get the end for completion sake. So, without further pause…

Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings (September 1999)
I first encountered this game on my father’s computer back in my late grade school/ early highshcool years. It came bundled with some other software or something like that, but for some reason I was transfixed by it. The third player perspective allows you to create and control an ancient civilization and attack surrounding groups. There are “Ages” that you must make it through (not a requirement of the game, but if you plan on beating the competition you really aut to get on that.) You choose a civilization in the beginning and lead them through their historically-enhanced development that is based on a real line of the world. I always played as the Brittans because they have archers and I liked distant attacks at that time in my life. There are also several preset campaigns like William Wallace and Joan d’Arch.
The Sims (February 2000)
We all remember this game, or have played one of the sequals. A 3rd person perspective game with questionable graphics and funny noises, this game lead in a whole new era of absolute control. Build your own house, create a social misfortune of a character, and then control every aspect of his life. I made my characters in two phases: heterosexual and then fags. Once I became gay, so did all my characters. This is a trend for all players, we create our characters to be similar to ourselves. Once you start up your household, it is just a matter of time till you have a career and a family, all of whom you can take complete control over (up to 8 people.)
Diablo 2 (June 2000)
I was a little late in finding this game, it wasn’t till 2008 that I picked up this jewel as the complete Battle Chest edition. The game is good, but the fact that so many people have it and that it isn’t a resource hog make LAN parties possible. The different character classes and character leveling choices make the game dynamic. I played as a Barbarian named Bubbles, but while LANing I was accompanied by a Sorceress, Necromancer and Druid. Also, the random treasure aspect of the game combined with the map randomizer makes every game different. Please note that this game has some of the best cheats available, various character trainers allow you to create your own weapons and beef up your character instantly. LANing with 4 other players who have magic spells attached to their weapons can create a small lag, but is surely something to see on screen.
Clive Barker’s Undying (February 2001)
This game was the first game that I bought that ever scared me. The plot circles around a convoluted family secret of death. The graphics were a little behind the times and the music was almost monotonous, but the game play took you through a mansion filled with non-regenerating baddies (thank God, because you only get six rounds before you have to reload that dam pistol). The game features the best human sacrifice scene I have ever encountered, actually giving me a reoccurring nightmare (but it is to the point of lucid dreaming now, so all is good). The numerous online threads urging the creators for a remake speak a testimate for the great plot. There is also the matter of the unexplained magic aspect of the game. Being a first person shooter, armed with a tiny arsenal of weapons and only a few spells makes this game a little limited. But you will have everything you need to follow along the plot. This game is bug free, and you never get stuck in a room with no way out, at least I never did.
F.E.A.R. (October 2005)
When I first played this game I was amazed by the revolutionary ability of the main character, who is able to temporarily speed up his reaction time and perception. This was so different because not until this point in game history was THE PLAYER given the bump in power. Rather than running faster or jumping higher, the entire world of the game was slowed down and the contrast increased. Bullets and fists flew by visibly trailed while being easily avoided. As for plots, this game features one of the more fucked up dark corners of human beings. Without giving away too much, trust me when I say that the little girl deserves to kill anyone she wants after being subjected to what she was put through. This game will definitely haunt you for weeks after you beat it, and being a first person shooter you get a great perspective during the gory scenes. Also, the addition of several hot spots in the maps will let loose various hallucinations for you character and other freaky things, many of which you aren’t sure if they are really in the game or not.
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (March 2006)
This game is still widely played, and with its massive fanbase mods make this game a bit more personalized... all my characters are stunningly beautiful people thanks to several body and face mods. Although the world is so large it may as well be infinite, there are limits of the map. But far to the north the land is covered by snow and the south is a marshy heated climate. The custom character class allows you to choose what aspects of your game you find important, and your choices lead to your leveling up as you excel in those areas. The aspect of magic deeply influences this game, with several different schools of magic to master, all of which require a different mindset to utilize. The main plot is for from the bulk of the game, as several add-on content packs expand the game nearly endlessly. Completing the entire game is impossible, as the results of your choices close off and open up different quests. As far as the resources required to run the game: the graphics can really heat up your hardware, especially when walking through grassy fields.

Titan Quest (June 2006)
Once the Diablo 2 LAN parties began to be unfashionable and repetitive, this was the next choice. Offering a leap forward in graphics and a more “real world” plot (we all know basic Greek mythology) this was a great deal of fun to play. Plus, there is no class limitations like wizards or barbarians. Everyone begins the same way and from there you can do anything anyone else can (but once you make a choice of specialization, it is concrete. However, you do get two specialties). For LANing I chose the melee character as usual, but gave him fire/earth magic also. When playing this game, I recommend one battle choice (defense, warfare, hunting, or something else like that) and one magic choice (fire/earth, lightning/ice, Dream, Nature, ect.). This game sports a great addon pack, Immortal Throne. But be warned- the addon is longer than the original game. Although the game was supposed to support internet play through game servers, only LAN is supported as the production company is now out of business.
Clive Barker’s Jericho (October 2007)
I got this game for one reason, it had Clive Barker’s name on it. I Loved Undying, and I loved this one. This first person shooter allows you to switch first person pespecnive between all the characters of the cast (at least the good guys) at any time after the first 3 or 4 levels of the game. I expected to find one character to be stronger than the rest or more useful, but truthfully, they all have their place. It was as if they laid out all the characters and said, “how is this character less than that character?” and then fixed it. The plot isn’t as frightening as Undying, but the gore makes up for it. And, unfortunately the game is just as linear, you can only go forward through the story line along one path (although you can replay any level at any time after completing it). This is the only game on the list that makes cheating impossible, by the way; no trainers, no codes, no console… no cheating. Also, the music created for this game is one of the best soundtracks I have ever heard.

Turok (April 2008)
I always liked the Turok series, but this one is a little different. The title character obviously has a history of steroid use, as is evident by his huge arms and short temper. And there is only one character that I enjoyed playing with (NPCs run alongside you to help fight), that being “Cowboy”. And we all know what happens to nice guys in these games…Beside that, the maps are hard to navigate and you frequently get lost in the greenery that looks the same as it did 500 yards ago. The plot lacks depth and is so linear you might as well be watching a movie. So why do I like this game enough to add it to my top ten? It is really fun to just let loose and slice some throats. This game is rated “M” for a reason. The knife kills are so realistically choreographed that it can make you a little squeamish the first few times. One more thing this game has going for it is the health bar… there isn’t one. As you play through the game and take damage the screen begins to fade to red, and time passed standing still heals Turok. Pretty cool, actually.
Dragon Age: Origins (November 2009)
Game of the year. Need I say more? Be you Melee or Magic character, your needs will be met. The spells in the game are impressive visually, and some can be combined to create new spells. As for melee players, dual weapons and countless armor and weapons are at your disposal. The game is pretty good about allowing you to actively work on multiple quests at the same time, and not create bugs from that fact. Just as every other game that allows you to play as multiple characters at the same time, this game limits your party size to 4, and offers no LAN gaming. A pretty good story line and the ability to drastically alter the game by saying the wrong things to the wrong people make this game different each time you play it. The standalone expansion pack isn’t worth playing.

On Jeff

I first met Jeff my freshman year of college, about 5 years ago, when I was working at a store on campus. He was a frequent customer who had a crush on me I later found out. But a few months after meeting him I found out he has/had a degeneration blood disease. I doubt that is accurate, as I never really talked to him after that to find out the details. I was a scared kid who didn't know how to deal with something like that, so I just ignored him till he went away. I became his facebook friend before finding this out and never really got around to deleting him. I randomly clicked on his profile every once in awhile, and never stayed too long. But only moments ago I discovered his death. One of his friends (a REAL friend) posted funeral details a couple weeks ago, and since then people have been writing him things on his wall. I wish I hadn't been such chicken shit back then. I deleted him now, as i do not deserve to be his friend, even on facebook.
Moral: I am not the brave and loving person I think I am. Deep inside, or maybe it is long ago, I am fearful jerk who pushed away a dying man because I was afraid. What the hell was wrong with me?

Virgina

If everyone thought of other people before themselves, everybody would be taken care of.
-Virgina L. in her monologue

I

Death Penalty

(an excerpt from another blog)
Before I get into comedic related issues a quick statement on the death penalty (due to some Facebook chatter on my page). I am against the death penalty in all cases. The recent revelation in Texas that an innocent man was executed for arson and capital murder in 2004 for allegedly setting fire to his home, which killed his two young children should be huge news. Can you imagine the man’s anguish (he never pleaded guilty)? But I am against it even when the person is actually guilty (yes even if DNA and videotape corroborate it). I think it is barbaric. China, parts of the Middle East and the U.S. are the world’s executors. No one else I believe.
One argument for the death penalty I get is - what if it was your friend or family member they killed – you’d be for it then? Well, being human I would want vengeance. But the government is in place to elevate society (at least we hope) beyond Old Testament justice, not to enforce it. It has no deterrent effect and I don’t think satisfying some sort of blood lust should be our main justification for imposing a punishment. Isn’t that why people get to watch UFC and MMA fights? This is to say nothing of the racial disparity in the application of the death penalty. It is a flawed and barbaric system because it relies too much on passion and prejudice, which is exactly what the law is supposed to reign in. There is a reason that a police officer can shoot someone during a potentially dangerous or lethal situation, but not when the criminal has his hands behind his back handcuffed and is unarmed. Of course the person is not convictedof anything yet, but even after conviction does he/she pose any more threat to society locked away for the rest of his life than the unarmed person on the sidewalk with his hands cuffed?

Any Questions?

Ethos: the source's credibility, the speaker's/author's authority

Logos: the logic used to support a claim (induction and deduction); can also be the facts and statistics used to help support the argument.

Pathos: the emotional or motivational appeals; vivid language, emotional language and numerous sensory details.

Angel Oak

About a month ago I went to Charleston, South Carolina. Now, in the general vicinity there is a very old and large tree. Every once in a while, genetics fuck up during cell reproduction and create a new genetic allele. Most times these mutations don't do much of anything, but other times they have massive results; like a single tree that covers nearly half an acre of land and is still growing after 1400 years. While there another member of the production crew (I was there on business) picked up an acorn as a souvenir. I did the same, but I decided to plant mine when I got back. Now, more than a month later it is sprouting. There is only a small chance that it will contain the same genetics as the angel oak tree, because oak trees pollinate with other oaks rather than with themselves and a lot of mutations are ironed out during reproduction. But here is hoping!

To the aid of friends

I was looking at facebook today and I arrived at the page of one of my exes. We are facebook friends now(the drama is over), but one of his friend had posted on his wall (just something random). Now. the moment we broke up, she deleted me as a friend and for some reason took it personally, saying things like "I invited you into my home..." and "My parents really thought you were great, but I guess not".
I was always rattled by those things. It wasn't what she said, but the fact that she said anything. The breakup was between him and me, but she was all offended by it. This confussed me for years. To be honest, I still don't know why she acted that way.

Moral: Some people are overly loyal. They are offended by osmosis.

sexism

Sexism saved a woman and her family the other day. She beat an intruder with a nearby iron after he broke in. If she hadn't had a huge pile of laundry that her husband had condemed her to, the iron would not have been near, and the family wight have been killed.

So... go make me a sandwich, woman!

One Phone Call Can Change Your Life!

I was watching television a few hours ago today and saw a commercial for the next episode of some show about rich people. On the commercial a guy says "Most people don't know what it is like to get a phone call that changes their lives".
uhm.. what? hold the press you egotistical piece of television crap. You honestly thing that you are the only one who can have their entire fate decided by someone on the opposeite ond of a telephone? Or perhapse it is just that you have had sucha stable and padded life that the idea that it could be so quickly ripped out from under you is so foriegn that you have never heard of it before. I think that everyone who has ever had to work for something can look back on a wowent and say thath they were not in control. Med students waiting to get into residencies, actor's praying for a role, cancer pationts on the verge of tears about bioepsy results. Wo have all had to admit that we are at the whims of fate.
Moral: People are not as different from eachother as you tnhink.

Six More Beautiful Movies

I have 4 Films in line for the second volume of my collection of beautiful movies and 2 shorts. I am not going to tell my readers what they are. But, I promise you will like them. These first four are very good! In my last release, five of the six movies were from after the turn of the millennium, all were in vivid color and the spoken language was English. So far I have one that is in black and white and one that is French with English subs. These films are so much more diverse.
Please stay patient, it won't be too long.

Tech week

A while ago I met a fellow who I feel I touched. Uhm... don't take that the wrong way. I mean, I met a guy who I helped shape into what he is now-- partially, of course. What I mean to say, is he would be different in at least one aspect if it weren't for me. I would be different, too if I had never known him. I don't even remember how we met. He probably remembers, but I don't see that as an important detail. What is important is that the course of both our lives has (have been?) changed for knowing the other. What is important is the times we spent together outside of the studio. We are going to call him "Fellow A". He is continuing with lighting because of me. Obviously I didn't cause him to enjoy lighting tech more than any other type of theater tech, but I did show him the ropes, and I did enjoy leading him around more than any other student. He has worked with me on several projects, more than half he received only praise and in rare cases; a listing in the credits as "Assistant Lighting Designer-- Fellow A".
But this blog isn't about showing how I touch people, it is about how people can touch me and the readers get a front row seat (in his case a backstage pass.) I would not be as successful today as I am if it weren't for him. Really, he gave me the undoubting trust that I needed. Sometimes it was as simple as "Uhm... that looks even... I think... uhm... I don't think anyone will notice." Other times he deciphering my crazy magic sheets (they are paperwork that lists a bunch of important lighting data) was just what I needed while a director breathed down my neck.
Needless to say, our friendship isn't just about lighting, but this post is already too long.

Moral: A line stolen from the musical, "Wicked": Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Thanksgiving

I know a man who when he came out to his sister, she replied, "I forgive you". This was a testament to his whole family (luckily my family had the one outlier who wasn't cool with it). No wonder he doesn't see them often.
Anyways...
I got an invitation to Thanksgiving at this man's house. I know that i will always have a seat at his table, he is very generous. In fact, I'll bet a near stranger would be welcome at his table. I also know that he invites his family every year, but that they never come. It is really their loss.
I just wanted to share this with you now. because early November is approaching and many people start making their plans right about now. I am not going to tell you to spend the holiday with family, but I am going to tell you that the holidays are a time for spending with people who matter (and after all, those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter).

Moral: if you missed it in the above paragraph, REREAD!

"reality" TV

You know how I know reality TV shows like "parking wars" and "operation repo" are fake? Because nobody is going to sign a waiver to appear on television if they are being towed/ticketed.

Apparently the costume designer got in trouble for Katy Perry's cleavage. It isn't like she is in a bikini or anything...

Megan is now a Vegetarian, lite Vegan

Megan has taken up the lifestyle of a Vegetarian with Vegan influences-- what ever the hell that means. Point being that I told her that she can't expect to be healthy like that. Being that I am a believer that you need a well rounded diet; just as all your protein shouldn't come from red meat, neither should it all come from tofu. She said she is feeling healthier than ever, and her energy levels are a nice even state all day. I of course was a little confused about this, so I did some research.

I did a little reading to discover this (many of you might already know these terms, but here is a right brain approach to healthy eating):
The nutrients needed in the largest quantity by the body are called Macronutrients.

These include:
Carbs
Proteins
Fats

These are mainly what gives our bodies energy to live. Because of this, when we are lacking in them, we feel several effects rather quickly. We get hungry, we get headaches, and we feel weak.

Some Macrominerals we need, but that don’t necessarily provide us with immediate energy, include:
Salt (sodium)
Potassium
Calcium
Magnesium

When we’re hungry and when we have cravings, our bodies are lacking in these nutrients, and their telling us we need to replenish them.

Unhealthy foods are high in -- you guessed it-- fats, sugars, carbs, and salts. Taking in these gives your body a huge blast of energy, a spike in your day.

Once you’re in a habit of eating incredibly unhealthy food on a regular basis, your body functions on the never ending cycle of spiking and plummeting of blood sugar and intake of fat and sugar. When you are on this cycle, you have intense cravings all the time. Your brain is accustomed to that spike.

If you are in the habit of eating healthy, balanced foods, there are no spikes! Energy and nutrient intake is much more balanced. The usual intense cravings go away. In Megan's case, you have a nice smooth day.

Pretty awesome, isn't it? Kinda makes you want to try eating nothing but healthy foods for a month, just to see if I am full of crap.

It also kinda makes you compare bad food to drugs... just for a second.

Many updates

I apologize about not updating for so long, it has been hectic around here. But I have several updates. First off, I no longer work were I used to work. I had feared the failure of the restaurant for sometime. Turns out the paycheck I picked up the day I had my little discussion with my previous managers actually bounced. Yep, so I was dead on: the restaurant is failing.*
Secondly, driven by the sorrow of unemployment, I felt the need to be fruitful in some aspect of my life, any aspect of my life... I now have a 5 gallon tank with two fiddler crabs inside. They are so cute!!! Actually they are ugly little things, but that isn't really the point.**
Thirdly, I leave for South Carolina soon. If I am not able to stash away enough money for an emergency exit (should anything go terribly wrong and I need to jump ship on the project) I am going to have to borrow erin or josh's credit card.***

*Moral: if you think that your job (or any aspect of life) is doomed for failure, get out before you are at the point where you aren't getting anything for your time.
**Moral: When life is out of control, any little thing that you feel you have accomplished can make you feel better.
***Moral: Make sure you are safe, always give yourself an exit. I still stand by my philosophy that you are responsible for your own safety. (I have posted before my thoughts on drunk sorority girls waking up in a strange guy's bed)

Hate Mail

I sent out an email exposing, what I feel is, a biased video on Youtube. I am not going to go into detail about the subject matter of the video nor my email, but I think it was important to say what I said. The funny thing is, I hate pushy people. And of course pressing my views in that way was very pushy. I am a hypocrite. dam.
Now I aw going to wake up tomorrow with a mailbox full of hate mail.I I have already decided that I am not going to respond anymore on the subject, even if someone responds to me. Is that cowardice? To say something so bold and then walk away from the situation? I know some will respond. But as long as they are thinking for themselves and not just blindly believing what they read or see on Youtube.

One over Another

Occassionally in life we have to choose one person over another. Sometimes this is very difficult. This time it is not, but sometimes it is. I recently rekindled a friendship. I was then faced with a dilema. The friend doesn't care for one of my facebook friends. Now normally in a case like this one person bitches about the other until some resolution is reached- and with me, I usually drop the bitchier friend who has the audacity to tell me who I can and can't be friends with. But in this case, nobody said anything. Likely because they are both unaware or perhapse just don't give a flying shit. Either way- I feel that I cannot be friends with both. It isn't them, it is me. (By the Way-- never believe anyone who says that to you (just a side note)) this time I choose the old friend.

moral: sometimes you have to push someone out, but often times they weren't really that close.

Addition: I didn't even have to think twice about it.

Timed Events

The Last Airbender

I was very excited to see the live action movie, but it was a disappointment. Upon the advice of a certain Chris W. i began watching the cartoon. It is much better.

Moral: Great things are celebrated for a reason. They turned the cartoon into a movie because the cartoon was great, not because the live action movie was to be great.

My Favorites

Clive Barker's Jericho
Diablo 2
Dragon Age
F.E.A.R.
Titan Quest
Turok


There. Enough said.

Layers of an Onion

As the video states, I am not changing. But how you see me might have just changed drastically. Some who have never met me never expected me to sound so gay. Others assume that all the people who blog are fat, pale, nerds (I am simply a pale nerd). I hope that this was a good decision.

I have nothing to say

I bought a webcam a few days ago for a specific purpose, but blogging wasn't it. I am doing this just because I can. But I realized something today... If you haven't got anything to say, you can't force it.

A bad dream

I had a terrible nightmare just minutes ago. Int was kinda like something that would happen in a saw movie. There was man who let a homeless man stay in his attic one night on an old mattress. But he introduced a bunch of cockroaches to it to teach the homeless man a lesson about being dirty, the man kept him locked up for a time. Then the homeless man awoke with a glue trap (those things used to catch rats and mice) over his eyes and the entire house littered with pest traps (glue traps, bear traps, squirrel traps, and poisons used as insecticides) the man blindly and nearly dead managed to escape the house, but the site of him drew great fear on the street and he died before he could be helped.

chatroulette

I must say... I have been enjoying this. I was first introduced to it months ago by a friend. I would say that 2 in 5 of the participants are blank screens, 1 in 5 are guys jerking off, and 2 in five don't care to talk to me. 1 in 50 will chat. Point is... It is fun talking to people in Iceland, Japan, and other places.

Ten Days Later

Inspiration

Every once in a while I plunge into a state of art. Does that make sense? For the past few days I have cast away my video games; been distant to friends, family, and lover; found myself awake at all hours needing to create. It is like an itch i can't reach, or a fix I can't satisfy. There is no way to explain it besides to simply state it. I have been toiling away on my bonsai project (I now wait for the final piece before the final stage of assembly) and creating a new sign for PI (Pure Illumination). I have also been writing (nothing of any consequence, just dribble that I never manage to complete) like I rarely do just for the sake to get whatever is inside of me out into a tangible form.
It all started with the bread machine I got Josh for Christmas, I have been baking like there is an army to feed (perhaps a small army...) after picking it up two weeks ago. Once I was able to create something I needed to do it more and more.

It is truly an addictive process. Cruel and addictive.

speaking in tongues

There is a person I know from my professional life who hasn't got many allies. The reason for this is not the point of the post (although it does explain the reason everyone dislikes him), but it is a solid fact that people would be more shocked if he did something nice rather than acted like a jerk. I, like many before me, have tried to be his friend-- thinking "he just needs someone to be the nice guy first." But it is to the point where he can't even trust someone who is being kind to him. Hurt so often, he is unable to let someone be kind. Tonight I made the switch. I stopped caring. If someone is content to hide behind the ignorance of another (calm down readers-- yes you read right. Kevin is admitting to not knowing everything :P ) then they do not respect that person. And if there is no respect, there is no hope of much. He felt it acceptable to start babbling in a mixture of languages. Apparently he does this a lot. What walls is a person who needs to hide behind THAT intend to build?--

--The same ones I built several months ago when I posted in non-language.

I understand, now, how he feels. But that doesn't make it alright.

Moral: We all need to get things out sometimes, but there are better ways than muttering to yourself. TALK to someone.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandfather replied, “Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

‘ television

‘ penicillin

‘ polio shots

‘ frozen foods

‘ Xerox

‘ contact lenses

‘ Frisbees and

‘ the pill

There were no:

‘ credit cards

‘ laser beams or

‘ ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

‘ pantyhose

‘ air conditioners

‘ dishwashers

‘ clothes dryers

‘ and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

‘ man hadn’t yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, .. …. . and then lived together..

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, “Sir”.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, “Sir.”

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends – not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios.

And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with ‘Made in Japan ‘ on it, it was junk.

The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam..

Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

‘ “grass” was mowed,

‘ “coke” was a cold drink,

‘ “pot” was something your mother cooked in,

‘ “rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby.

‘ “Aids” were helpers in the Principal’s office,

‘ ” chip” meant a piece of wood,

‘ “hardware” was found in a hardware store and

‘ “software” wasn’t even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap. And how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind…you are in for a shock!

Are you ready ?????

This person would be only 59 years old.

Coming out at 46

A gentleman that I know has been straight all his life. He is now 46 and is finally coming to terms with his own sexuality. We spoke about this today, he and I, and came to the conclusion that it is a whole different ball of wax from what I went through. I advised him in the same way that I would advise a straight man. Don't rush into anything and don't give into the urge to shout it from the mountain tops.

Unexpected

If you read really far back in this blog you will see a few posts where the anger in my posts is matched only by my cryptic wording. I was very angry with someone who was very angry with me. I truly felt for years that we would never speak again. Thank God for my huge music collection. Occasionally I will just put it on random and listen to whatever is played. Alana Davis came up. I only know one person who listened to Alana Davis. So I decided to text her. We had a very nice conversation through texting. It was distant, but it was still the nicest things we have said to each other in 2 years.

Moral: Time heals all.

Formism, Cubism, and Dadaism

For a class, I was asked to teach a seminar on Formism, Cubism, and Dadaism… Lord help us.
The primary differences between the three –isms are in the artist intentions. The intentions of the Formists are primarily to shock the audience with a twisted view of reality expressing a pessimistic view of the world. This seems to apply to all three –isms, however, the drive of the Formist is not involved with social issues. Unlike Cubism, which is based very heavily in social reform and reshaping, or Dadaism, which is anti-government, Formism comments on the current state of humanity without any thought to the governing bodies or issues that create the mindset of the viewers. The viewer needs only be human to understand the Formist ideas. Cubism claims this same stance, that the emotions of the audience are enough to frame the art.
Recognizing that each character represents part (not the entirety) of humanity separates Cubism from Formism and Dadaism. The latter two do not make a stance on the representation of humanity, whether one character can show the entirety of anything. Cubism, theatrically speaking, breaks humanity and individuals down into facets and shows all emotions in one work. Dadaism has a tendency (although it is not a rule) to show many things being represented by one character, an absolute opposition to a Cubist idea. This representation of multiple things stems from Dada being a response to society. Cubism also often plays on the emotions of fear and solitude, where Dadaism acts on the idea of art being a movement of the masses. The artist’s intentions for humanity differ in each –ism. Cubists intend to dissect humanity, while Dadaists intend to unite humanity until the collapse of society (which of course will be caused by the reformed society corrupting to be just as the old society was). Formism simply complains about it, voicing an opinion of distaste.
The artist’s intent branches into another difference between the three –isms; the visual quality of the works. Formism is filled with tricks and illusions, brought to life by a very simple and awkward set, where everything has a purpose. The colors used are very monochromatic, and often are only black and white (stage directions make direct references to this). Cubism, a step above Formism, has sets and costumes that are very familiar to the audience, but restricts this to avoid anything vivid and distracting. The set is filled with average things, no matter how un-average the play is, which often function as simple “filler”. Dada is the extreme in this respect. The stage is very intricate, and the characters often do not interact with their surroundings. The colors are vivid, and the eccentric design is matched by the eccentric themes of the play.
Because of the abstract nature of these forms, they all require open minds to be understood. The question asked by so many, “What is the way out?” leads each –ism to be a different explanation of a situation. It is not that one –ism leads to the next, which leads to the next, they all came into existence individually. Some are more confusing than others. The most confusing is cubism, due to the way that the message is dissected into so many pieces. The way that the characters are presented, representing a section of every person’s personality. This way of representing people gives a very fractured and not easily followed storyline. Although both Formism and Dadaism are not easily understood, either. Formism’s exaggerated shapes and colors lead the viewer to a misunderstanding of reality, portraying basic concepts to the viewer using complex methods. Dadaism is confusing due to its constant turn rounds, building up the expectations of the viewer just before completely changing the course of action.
Of the examples used (The Mother, Desire Caught by the Tale, and Ubu Roi), two are about political change and one is about social change (on an individual level). The Mother, a Formist play delivers a message about individual social change, and how each person fits into society. The constant use of drugs and other substances to alter the minds of the characters leads to The Mother being a Formist play. Also, the colorless set, except for very few and small details used for plot purposes. Ubu Roi strives for political change, stating that even the best intentions will be lost through the rise of power. This follows the claim that a new revolution will lead to a replacement of the old with very similar ideals. This Dadaist philosophy is a core tenant that renders itself best to Dada theatre.
Desire Caught by the Tale is a Cubist play calling for revolution, just as Ubu Roi. The largest difference lies in the delivery of the lines. Picasso’s Cubism dissects the plot and characters to deliver a very complex set of lines using the sentence structure to build the story. Jarry uses the literal meaning of the lines instead. Cubism takes apart an idea to build on it, while Dadaism takes advantage of the literal meaning of every idea that comes up.

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says.......

"Grandpa....Go home, you're drunk."

Moon

Scientists have shown that moon is moving away at a tiny although measurable distance from the Earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 65 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the Earth’s surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs – the tall ones, anyway.

Another side of people

Have you ever known somebody in only one sense to the point that you think they essentially just disappear when they aren't in that environment? For example, only knowing someone professionally and then you see them in a different light when they are wearing jeans instead of dress pants. I think that a lot has to do with the mindset that you are in, too.

Moral: even if you think you know someone, you don't.

Wedding joke

I thought this might be good enough for the blog, even though it is about me personally rather than as an example, I think it can still enlighten some. I was trying to get inspired by some wedding humor to write a good speech for my sister's (Megan) wedding reception. Being that Megan married Valerie, I needed a joke that doesn't poke fun at wifes nagging husbands... and those are 90% of the jokes about marriage. I finally found one "It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener."-- well, isn't that nasty! In fact, all wedding jokes are pretty nasty.
But I am going to use this in my speech, but not as a joke.
It will go something like this:
I know how important gay rights are to Val and Megan, and I was thinking about that while I was writing my speech. I heard a joke once about marriage. I don't really think it is funny, but in this case, it is more beautiful than humorous if you listen to the words and ignore what most people associate them to mean. "It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener." It is true that love is blind, when we are in love we don't see anything but that person; not snickers nor pointing, or eye rolling or whatever other judgmental things people throw around. Gay couples are finally being more accepted, but there are still a few hurdles that are best to turn a blind eye to for right now. So, it is very important that love is blind. The second part, "Marriage is an eye opener" is very true in this case-- Look, Open your eyes wide, Love has triumphed. This is a testament to how far we have come. A marriage of these two women and these two families.

I still need to polish it and open it with that bit about Megan wanting me to be the maid of honor till Val and outvoted her for my title to be "Best Man".

Thank you for letting me get to know you. Both of you have changed my life in ways you don't know about. Thank God I never had to decide which of you has helped me more, as I can't even imagine where to begin thinking about that. It would be stupid of me not to see that you were both in my life for a reason (but not a season) and that the time has come to wave goodbye and gracefully turn away.

O'death

O, Death
Won't you spare me over another?
Oh what is this that I can't see with ice cold hands taking hold of me
When God is gone and the Devil takes hold
Who'll have mercy on your soul
O, Death
No wealth, no ruin, no silver, no gold
Nothing satisfies me but your soul
Well I am Death
None can excell
I'll open the door to Heaven or Hell
My name is Death and the end is here

Studying tea will not help.
Meditating on tea will not help.
Listening to others talk about tea will not help.
Reading sutras about tea will not help.
Smelling the aroma of tea will not help.
Sitting blissfully in samahdi around tea will not help.
Seeking tea in exotic countries will not help.
Having profound insights about tea will not help.
Opening the heart in deep life-changing ways will not help.
Going inside a tea shop will not help.

All of these things are mere confusion and delaying tactics.

To know the taste of tea you must drink it. There is no other way.

Moral: This isn't actually about tea.

the consumption of God

Einstein's theory states that E (energy)=M (mass of matter)*C (a constant that represents the speed of light in a vacuum) ^2. That means that to create a small amount of matter, you need a huge amount of energy... M= C^2/E. Mere atoms requiring more energy to create than anything you can imagine. Such energy had to come from someplace-- or someone. Taking a small leap of faith (as physics does very often then creates circular logic to self justify) I can claim that God created that energy. Or... God was the energy. Think about it. How much energy would it take to create an infinite amount of matter?: an infinite amount of energy. The math proves it. Not until the universe stops expanding will we be able to put a finite measurement on the energy required. Until then, I choose to call it god.
Philosophers have claimed that God is dead for a long time now, but what if God isn't dead (like defeated) instead he is consumed and used up like fuel for a volatile explosion?

Moral: I might be creating a lovely idea of God as a power source of infinite magnitude, but that is no less plausible or logical than all the huge claims made by physicists.

Moving

Moving sucks, it is extremely stressful. Often times people joke that moving is easy if you have all your friends to help. But the truth is that what sucks more packing stuff up in boxes and deciding what you have to throw away than moving those boxes. I can get rid of a lot of stuff in my apartment, but I really like most of it. I moved from a really huge place (an entire 3rd floor of a house) to really small place, I got rid of more than half of my stuff. Now I am moving someplace with another person, one who has the same predicament as I do. Josh and I both have... lots of stuff. And neither of us thinks the other will be able to consolidate while each of us feels confident in our own ability to do so. Best case scenario: we both get rid of a lot of junk. Worse case scenario: our friends bitch about the huge number of boxes.

Botulinum toxin is produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum and it is, beyond a doubt, the deadliest known protein. If the clostridium botulinum spores find their way to food or wounds, they will begin to release the toxin which leads to poisoning if eaten. It is so deadly that a mere two pounds (roughly 1kg) of the stuff is enough to kill the entire human population. It is so deadly that it is potentially useful as a biological weapon. This is the kind of thing we obviously want to keep right away from right? Well, no. Millions of people have this deadly protein injected into their face every year; it is present in minute quantities in Botox which is used to “treat” wrinkles.

bruises

You know how a bruise changes color over time? That's your body fixing the bruise by breaking down and reabsorbing the blood, which causes the bruise to go through many colors of the rainbow before it eventually disappears. You can pretty much guess the age of a bruise just by looking at its color:
When you first get a bruise, it's kind of reddish as the blood appears under the skin.
Within 1 or 2 days, the hemoglobin (an iron-containing substance that carries oxygen) in the blood changes and your bruise turns bluish-purple or even blackish.
After 5 to 10 days, the bruise turns greenish or yellowish.
Then, after 10 or 14 days, it turns yellowish-brown or light brown.

Finally, after about 2 weeks, your bruise fades away.

if you go away

and left your family, friends, job-- everything. You just got up and left, how long de you think people you know would stop looking for you? I mean actively looking for you. Who do you think would look the longest? Your parents? Siblings? Husband or Wife? Boss? Who would it be?

Now think of who you don't appreciate enough.

Moral: Appreciate the people you should.

dream

I had a dream this morning about a child labor camp making some sort of clothing or textile in the middle of a swamp. Pontoon boats were the only way in or out. Anyway there was a great open space on this building that was almost like the seating in an amphitheater. Then the music for Regnava nel silenzio from Lucia Di Lammermoor came on (no idea were the music was coming from) so i started singing it (much lower than the original) and then the evil slave labor lady was over thrown because one of the children drugged her in the night.
it was supper odd.

trends

there is a basic trend with the blogging community: as the real world engages us more, the digital world hears less about it. I will not hide the fact that a lot o blogging is mindless dribble, but I try to avoid that and at least pretend that I am giving good advice. I have been busy doing real things, flying kites, working, cooking, riding my bike, stuff like that. I have aso been honing my maya skills, trying to keep up that talent. I can't sleep tonight, so I am on the internet just reading blogs (other than my own). I have come to realize that so many people think the world cares. Hell, I am probably one of them. I am sure that I have lost many readers over the years, especially during the summer months. People would rather do things in there lives than read about someone else's. It is the same thing as all the First Families with their blogs filled with stupid children's crafts or the food blogs that are all the exact same. People want to spend time with their own children (or have their own) and cook rather than just read about how your cake turned out.

Moral: people invest interest into things they are doing... and rarely care about what you are doing.

Human to Electrical Power: Large banks of batteries captured all of this energy from the 42 bicyclists pedaling 12 hours a day for 4 days. At the end of 4 days and hundreds of Amp drinks, a meter had kept track of the total amount of energy generated. Remember, it amounted to 42 athletic bicyclists pedaling 12 hours a day for four days. That multiplies out to be equivalent to 2,016 hours of one bicyclist pedaling.

The electric meter reads 38 kilowatt-hours, which can be interpreted as 38 kilowatts for one hour (like an air conditioner running for one hour) or 1 kilowatt (like a toaster) running for 38 hours. At a cost of about 8 cents per kilowatt-hour, all of this effort produced only 3 dollars of electricity! Yes, only 3 dollars of electricity.

A Post of a rare manner

I rarely use this blog to talk about things that are completely about myself. Most times it is a story about another, advice, humor, or something else. This evening I will be discussing something wholly me. I fear for my future.
There, I said it.
It seems that everything in my future is hinging on ... on other stuff. I know what I want to happen. Ideally my chosen career succeeds, josh and I live together in harmony, and I continue toward my goals of b--

and there it stops.
This blog is not a place for me to air my concerns and the whole internet to suffer the trite bitching of a 23 year old male.

Moral/Advice: it is PROVEN that when you put something into a handwritten list, you are more likely to achieve your goals. This doesn't even have to be in a place where you see it regularly. You can put it in a drawer if you like. Just as long as you make the list.

The terms “Bromance” and “Bromantic” have been in the public radar a good bit these days, with the success of the film I Love You Man and the MTV show Bromance. The term Bromance of course refers to the affection between two heterosexual men as their friendship deepens, a platonic “romance” between “bros” as it were. As we explore the sensitivities of male bonding in our ever more emotionally complex social mores, here are some new terms to keep up with our Bromantic Age.

Bromeo: Some dudes are best-friending every guy they hang out with. Just as when a Romeo sleeps around, acting like you’re everybody’s best friend is a little, well, promiscuous, and can cause strange feeling of resentment and jealousy. Watch out for “Bromeos.”

Brolatio: There’s nothing a dude likes better than oral sex, and let’s face it, any mouth will do. It’s a huge solid to pleasure your bud “brorally,” and mutual blow jobs really bring a couple of friends together, and can be a cushion of consolation should a night cruising chicks go awry.

Bronal Sex: Once you’ve achieved the level of comfort with your pal that you can put your penis in his rectum, you know you guys are getting along well. Do it in the Bud.

Brooning: When you can cuddle naked together, you are a comfortable couple of guys. Of course, such clinches should always end with discomfort, and a quick reference to sports. Then it’s back to a sweet embrace and perhaps eating food off your number one friend!

Bromarriage: There are now five states and counting where you can declare a lifelong commitment to living with your best friend. It’s a little gay, but why not?

stage managers

if you are a theater goer and have ever seen a stage manager come on stage, you probably cheered at first. But stage managers always have bad news for audiences; either understudies, bomb threats, sever weather procedures, or other disastrous events.

as far as disarming a bomb... if it is wet, it won't explode... just pee on it.

Why doesn't God heal AIDS and stuff

Dear Mark,
I know it is hard to understand, Many people don't like to hear it, and most people can't accept it. But please try just for a second. God is able to heal everything and everyone. He made your body and he can heal your body from disease, but your body created to be the temple of something much more precious than physical life; your spirit. The TRUE you. That's where the true life is found.
It is sad that a terrible disease might take you from the earth one day, but nothing will take you from God.

With Great Love,
Kevin
kevinanon.blogspot.com

when buying online

When looking online for products, I pretty much just look at the cons in the reviews.

Pros: easy to install, start the screw and nut first before adding to the heat sink. This replaced a fried fan on a video card. Make sure you have clearance first. You can always add a Northbridge fan to it if you require extra cooling.

Cons: Fat fingers and small nuts don't mix.

our understanding is but a grain on the beach of God's understanding.

Moral: You don't even know how much you don't have any hope of grasping.

Child Prostitution

http://www.childrenofthenight.org/

stupid bluray

http://fuckaacs.com/

“There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle”
Robert Alden


It is in the darkest
night that a single
star shines brightest...


A glimmer of light cannot truly be seen without much that is dark, and darkness cannot truly be felt without shadowy forms rising from the blackness.


Wherever it is a literal manifestation in the work or an abstracted element, light compels the viewer. (Mary Todd Beam)


We see light, not dark. But it is in the dark that we feel goblins and ghosts.


Most people would guess that the sun is fifty or a hundred times brighter than the moon, but it's a half million times brighter – evidence of the amazing capacity of our eyes to adjust to light and dark. (James Elkins)



Don't just use light to illuminate... think about what light means in the context of the painting. (Martha Mayer Erlebacher)


I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day. (Vincent van Gogh)


There cannot be a shadow on top of a shadow. One shadow will cancel out the other one. Or the two together will form one totally new shape.


-The Art of Color, 1961
Colors are primordial ideas, children of the aboriginal colorless light and its counterpart, colorless darkness... Light, that first phenomenon of the world, reveals to us the spirit and the living soul of the world through colors. (Johannes Itten)



There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. (James Thurber)


Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp. Didn't they ever think to do their work during the daytime? (Jersey Tomato)

The Numbers

The numbers don't lie, and when the polls come in it is safe to assume that somebody won't be happy with the results.
Moral: People only want a recount/review when they loose. But they might actually think they should have won. If you are this person, it is ok to ask for a review. If you are the winner, you should be confident enough to allow the review.

HDMI audio on the PC

Josh and I had this problem recently and he found the solution online. Here is the basics (I would post the link but you never know how long a webpage will be there.)
Basically you need to connect the SPDIF out from the motherboard or soundcard to the SPDIF in on the video card. The four images to the left show videocards with the SPDIF in in a red box.

The wire that you connect the pins with usually comes with the videocard, but if not, just use some spare wires that would lead to the LEDs on the front of the computer.







Now that you have connect the wires to the above mentioned connector on the videocard, you connect the other end to the SPDIF out on the motherboard or sound card. On the motherboard you need to find the manual or get it off line. It will tell you under the I/O (in/out) section of the manual. If you don't have an SPDIF out then you will need to buy an audio card, be sure it has an SPDIF out (2 pin) or is a high end Creative Labs card (look for the below connector, 10 pin).


on a soundcard, if it isn't labeled nor is it 2 pin, then try this. On Creative Labs cards it is a 5x2 pins connector with the last pin being the key pin. You want to connect in to the ones farthest from the key pin.
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 K

connect it to 1 and 2







Now power up your system and go into your sound control and find the checkbox to enable digital I/O and enable it.

If you don't do this, you will get no sound.
if there is no sound, flip one end of the connector wire so that the pairs of wires are reversed.

Death

Death comes to everyone, and it is not something to fear. People fear, not death, but having life taken from them. Many waste the life given to them, occupying themselves with things that do not matter. When the end comes, they say they did not have time enough to spend with loved ones, to fulfill dreams, to go on adventures they only talked about...
But why should you fear death if you are happy with the life you have led, if you can look back and say: "Yes, I am content. It is enough."

I like snow, some say that i like it because i don't have to drive through it... True. I just walk through it.