Donations

I like me. I think I am talented. I lit a prom this weekend, it was nice. Nothing burnt out or blew up. End of story.

What?

I am so tired, I don't know why. It is just that I am exhausted. maybe I should just go to sleep. I think i will. I am supposed to wait for Matt, but I just can't make it. I am going to send him a message to tell him to let himself in and just come up stairs,. Nadine isn't here so she won't bark.

what's the difference?

I am currently in the computer lab at school and I just witnessed a normality. There was a knock on the door that all the people ignored. The door has a security card reader so that only authorized people can enter the lab. You swipe your buckeye D to gain entrance. SO, nobody moved. Then the only grad student in the whole lab gets up to open the door, bitching about how you are supposed to bring your buckeye D to use the lab. Then he opens the door and it is another grad student. He doesn't say a word.

I know this sounds trivial, but it is a a constant theme of this drama department. The grad students think they are better than the undergrads. I can't stand it. Not because I am an undergrad, but because I am a decent person. I treat everyone with equal ideals.

Moral: if you are going to trash someone, at least make sure they are who you think they are... What? Did you think I was going to say something nice about loving all people?

let the poison out.

I know that is strange title. But I feel that it is accurate. i have a lot of bad things going on in my life at this exact moment. i mean professionally and emotionally. I have no choice but to let it all bleed out of me. I am afraid for my friends. I am afraid for my loved ones, and I am afraid that I will never get the chance to make them feel better. I mean I can make them feel better, but I can't fix their problems. Perhaps this can be linked to my earlier philosophy that they a re their problems, they must deal with them. I hate to leave them on the sidelines, but I have no choice.

Rough time at work

I worked today, and for once Denise wasn't on my back. But I had to deal with shit from one of my coworkers. I am ok with that, but i just feel like I handled the situation poorly. I did nothing wrong, but I am not sure...

New outlooks bring discoveries

A friend of mine had a mental break down today, I did not witness anything, but I imagine it must have been pretty rough. The beautiful thing is that this has brought on a new idea of self belief. The words that stuck with me after I stood up from the couch where this: "don't fucking shit on my confidence, bitch!" Although they were not spoken by her, they were for her. Let me rephrase that, she was told them in order to help cheer up by a friend. Now. This lead into a conversation where both parties discovered that they are pretty much good people. That has always been obvious to me. But it is very different to see that for yourself. It is good.

Moral: Remember, you are your best ally.

I wrote about needing time 15 days ago.. guess I fail.

My matt free night

my Matt free night was a complete failure. I supposedly was supposed to hang with Matt tonight, I don't remember agreeing to it, but it sounds like something i would agree to. Anyway, I get a text message with him bitching about being alone and I am not in the mood for this, especially because I just am not. After a long phone conversation I feel like we have made no progress towards anything, mainly because we weren't talking about anything. just a lot of nothing. SO, Matt is pissed off (because I forgot and am not about to sacrifice myself at an alter out of regret and sorry-ness), I am pissed off because I have gotten the worst parts of Matt not being here (his sadness and the empty spot in bed), and now i have to wait for my phone to charge before I go to bed.
This sucks. I am alone and pissed off, and Matt is alone and sad. I realize something.
Matt puts more effort into the relationship, but he is a lot more dependant on it, so it works out. I am sure he will read this, and later I will regret writing it, but to dam bad. I am pissed, and i shouldn't post when I am pissed.

I decided not to go to class today

I stayed in bed. It was lovely. I really didn't want to go to my movement class. And then i realized that i probably wouldn't die for not going to my Italian class either. SO instead I stayed home and played a video game. It was a welcome change from being mentally sculpted all day long.

Come once more?

Why do people feel it acceptable to whisper so softly when they need to be heard. The sharing of time-sensitive information does not call for a whisper.
Also... people who assume that they can center my every moment around them. There is never a calling for that. How on earth does that make sense.
I recently had an argument with someone, and I really don't think that anybody was right. Really we were both wrong... but, in different ways.
He was wrong for assuming that i could drop everything. And wrong for assuming that my completion of one task means that my entire night was free.
I was wrong for snapping at him when he called all excited about dinner. And then again when he wanted me to come for dinner.
Now, I have made sure to make him sound like the better person in this, because he really is a pretty good guy... but seriously-- I need time to myself sometimes... even if I don't give him prior notice of the subject.

New books

So, there is an advantage of new books, this particular workbook is so new that it actually mentions Lebrawn James...

Heheh, shut up linx.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjpn3L3bSJQ