Regnava nel silenzio

Thank god that i AM a bit ahead of most of the nation as far as my hardware. I am able to record any sound that comes out of my computer, including real time music. I am so angry that Regnava nel silenzio sung by sarah Brightman is not available to me... but using what I have, a 64 bit mp3 and a 244 exagerated bit mp3 I will be able to reconstruct the song. Hahah, fuck you "regional release" people. It won't be long before i have a near CD quality version of the song.

some system rocking

Blah!!! that is a monkey jumping around. Although very loud, you would never be able to guess that he is screaming because he is tired adn wants to go to bed.
Good night Housten!!

Unstopppable

I finally did it. i found out how to activate my Microsoft office without having to talk to a person on the phone. I regularly reinstall windows, and every time I do, I have to re activate Microsoft office. I legally own it, so it is not a secret, just annoying. But I finally found out how to activate it without calling Microsoft. Go me.

Cole, a love once lost...

The following is a reflection on a guy that I used to drool over...
I really couldn't have chosen a nicer guy. Cole really was a very cool guy. He and I sat one day, rather than doing a lighting call, and talked about nothing in particular. this is my most fond memory of him; just calm. I often thought my favorite memory was when I was over at his place and I saw him go from bathroom to bedroom in a towel (12/03/06). That was a hot memory, but it crumbles in comparison to he and I sitting in the bowen with out legs hanging over the edge of the grid. I really wanted to kiss him in that moment, but I never did. Not because he is straight (he is, there is no point in trying to convince me that I should try and see) but because he was radiating in that place. He was so... perfectly wonderful. In that moment (and that moment only) I loved him.
Now, not that he has gone away or that he hates me for some reason, but just because I was thinking about him. Granted, our relationship (professional and friendly personal) is completed. The chances are, I will not see him around very often, unless i make it happen... and believe me, it isn't hard. I "made it happen" for 3 quarters. But i am done chasing him. I am happy with him at the distance.
I am not sure how many people actually read this thing, or how many people care. But I am sure that some of you do. That is why I share these things. And it feels good to be honest, no hiding behind fake names or simple initials. I can just say: Cole. Anthony. Matt (McC). Brendan. Ben.

You are all... very fond memories, but, Cole; you are my favorite.

Hurricane

100 Best songs of all time.... and my favorite so far is one about a man who is falsly tried adn convicted of murder. It is great.

Hurricane by Bob Dylan

Pillars of the earth

"she knew that all men who were not part of her father's band were called cocksuckers and all women who would no go with them were called pigfuckers, although she was not quite sure - and didn't much care - what these insults really meant".

stepping up

SO, there is a crazy situation going on with my family. My mother and my brother's soon-to-be ex wife are hating each other. I am the only one in the family that is on the outside that has seen the inside first hand (I have been to the house since the divorce was proposed.). Michelle has the best view of what Franca is going through, however. Franca wants to get my mother kicked out of the house. OK, so that is not a big shock. I have no idea what is going ot happen, but I have a feeling that I am going to be putting mom up for a while. By a while I mean, a few days before I have to get rid of her. Granted it wouldn't be too bad to have her around. But, my feelings are not the ones that must be put into consideration here. i have roommates. Granted one is here far less than she used to be, and the other is at work 12 hours a day. I just don't know. What about sex? for all parties? I would not be able to have sex at my house, page is taken care of (she and tony have sex at his place), but Sam might not be comfortable having sex. That is not a major thing, but it is a thing. It represents many other things. Plus my mom is allergic to cats.

I guess I have to take the reins now. The behind the scenes work is a mole hill in comparison to what I will have to do this time.

Revisited lust

I discovered a feature on Facebook today that allows you to match yourself with your crushes. They are not informed of it, unless they also admire you enough to match them self independently. I realized how many crushes I have had over the days, and which ones still stick with me. There were a few people. I checked and saw that nobody crushing on me. I also realized something: i am not a shallow asshole. All of my matches are people that I know and think are good people. Some of them, so much closer than others. That is all well and nice.

But then I went looking for someone... and he wasn't there. He deleted me from his fiends. It isn't someone that i have ever posted about, not one of my major 5. But it hurt to know that I was straight-up rejected.

so

mat is gone
i know. nothing new.
I am OK.
My mom is in town.
my brother is getting a divorce.
I recently saw a man get hit by a car, sort of.
I am currently operating at reduced power... I mean my computer.
my hand hurts... everyone keeps making jack off jokes about it, but believe me... it has been a while... and I use the other hand.
my bobble head keeps mocking me.
I hate -- being alone.
It seems that I am alone a lot right now. I am so lonely, but i am hesitant to let people near me... I guess i am feeling hurt.

I put posting of Matt's up on the wall at work today, everyone liked it. I also put up two pictures of him to go along with it. I still am laughing about the fact that everyone keeps saying that THEY miss him. Fuck you all!! he was MY boyfriend, none of y'all are going to miss him like me. dumb-asses.
also. I printed off some other pictures today at CVS to go along with the Matt thing. the landscapes. They look nice.
that is all.

blabh blah

sobored.reallyreallybored...

whip it out and jack it

If your friend had never plunged his penis into an opening designed for something other than masturbation -- prior to walking in on your latest round of creative self-stimulation -- he probably ran home in ecstasy to discover a wonderful new world of pleasurable monkey-spanking possibilities.

I promise you

This I promise you:
I promise you honesty, even if I sugar coat it.
I promise you answers to your questions, not dodges.
I promise that I will act out of love to you , not love of myself.
I promise that I will keep you and I ahead of he and me.
I promise that I will sometimes just keep my mouth shut, and will overlook technicalities.
I promise that i will only tell YOU my feelings about him.
I promise that you can trust that I will not hate for the sake of being right.
I promise that he will not be the break down of us.
I promise that I will not try and affect other's opinions.

I do keep these promise because I love you. I really love you. Very closely. But the magic of love is that when you share it, it doubles rather than half's like most other things.

sister and page

-Editted-

I rarely edit a post, but this one was changed for good reason.

Library Card

SO, i signed up for a library card. It just recently hit me that I can legally have all the music I want for free with a library card... dumb ass.

giving alms

If you are in a good situation, and you give a little, it can mean a lot to a person in a bad situation. If you are In a good situation and give a lot, it can rock some one's world.
I have a relatively full fridge, especially after this party. During the planning of this party, I discovered that a local neighborhood boy has been living in our detached garage. We store junk in there, including a moldy old comforter, a pallet (for stacked goods in a warehouse) amid other junk. There is no electricity, and it is not clean. Guarantied mice and rats. This boy is not really homeless, he is homewardly challenged. I am not sure how we got to talking about it, but he came to us today and we spoke to him about it. I realized something, he can go back home, it might not be easy, but he can do it. Maybe I am just harder than page, but I feel that he is keeping himself in this situation. Anyway, it was 2 am by the time he left. and he asked for food. I was glad to give it to him, I had been trying to think of a nice way to ask if he wanted something in a way that wouldn't be embarrassing to him. But I think that is was page, as soon as she went in, he asked. I told him to hang tight, and I ran in a microwaved two bratwursts for him. I put them ona plastic plate so that he could just throw it away and not worry abut bringing it back in one piece. I am concerned for him, but I am only going to help him if he helps himself.

Something bad happened to one of my friends. She was one of the best of my friends and now she has cancer. I know that most of my readers won't care beyond the ideas that drift through your head while reading this because you don't know her. But I do. Now, it is not too far along, so I have good hopes for it. Modern medicine is good, so it is likely that she will be alright. She feels that she will be alright, as do I. But there is no harm in making sure that the best of precautions are taken. First off, everyone needs to calm down. That is the main problem that I have been running into. Ann’s friends have been calling me and asking if I know anything about what is going on. I have told them that I know she has had a biopsy, but I am not sure what the results are. I am not going to be the one to tell everyone. Ann is better with words, and she knows her friends. Secondly, we need to know more about this cancer. That is all for today.

hmm

The idea the run by shooting makes sense, you run by and shoot. That way don't risk being caught. But there are other run by's that simply don't make sense. I recently had a run by moment of kindness. And then it was over. I will never see her again. I gave her a date to stop smoking. It was actually page's birthday. The funny thing is... I told her I will never see her again. And she was alright with that.