logs

god... I feel gayer already...
I really am so confused by straight boys, I think that they should all take relationship advice from me.

I'm troubled

that is what said today when Sam asked me how I am. I'm troubled. I have finals coming up, papers to write, and oral presentations to memorize. This whole thing with me showing up late to work yesterday is also killing me. I was so looking forward to having the day off and spending much time with Josh, but it was ripped from me. I have made a new friend, but he fucked it up, so now we aren't really as much of friends as we were 24 hours ago. Actually, I can't seem to understand why he has been in such a way as he is. He got really snippy last night when i spoke with him.
I think that I should listen to ed more that i do. I mean I listen to him a lot and usually take his advice, but for some reason i seem to resist him on this subject and those closely related to it. He was right last time, and will probably be right this time.
I would also like to mention that I had a nice time with page rock climbing. I hope that we continue to do it. I already told josh that i want him to try it. I think that Conrad will also like it. Something tells me that Conrad will be better at it than Josh... just a hunch... heheh. right. And the guy that ballad (spelling?) me was really nice, and I hope to see him there again. I would smile. (this sentence is a replacement for what I am not sure I really want to put there... i am so unhappy with every guy that i see walking down the street, right now.)
Oh, and I can't forget that I have to wash all my pants tonight.

I have no moral of the story for you readers... sorry. I will try to be of more help to your souls later...

we'd ask you to take a bow

but I am afraid your audience might try and kill you wile you are down.
I hate street performers that suck at it. I watched a guy way back when performing live, and he was just terrible-- simply terrible. But he tried, and that gets him major points. Enough for me to applaud him. I like to be entertained, so, you know.. he did his best. The best he could.
Here is the moral: as long as you do the very best you can, there will be someone who will appreciate it. So, take a bow, but be sure that at least someone is there clapping.

I know more now

I know more now than before about how to hunt someone. I hate to call it htat, but it really is that exactly, a hunt that I do. Sometimes they run, sometimes, I get them before they even know I am hunting them. I recently have gotten the resources to do --
OH my god.
I can't believe it. He has changed. He is no longer a jerk... I think. There was a post I created a very long time ago... april 25, 2007. It was about the same situation, only this time McCarren opened the door. And there was nothing snide about it. I suppose I should thank God for small miracles, but then again, it is only making it more difficult to let it go and write him off as a bad person.

I suppose that this is ... a dead point?
september 8, 2007

Someone who does not share the specifics of a culture remains an outsider, no matter how astute as student they are or how well meaning their intentions. I declined a white director not on the basis of race but on the basis of culture. White directors are not qualified for the job. The job requires someone who shares the specifics of the culture of black Americans

-Wilson, August. I want a Black Director

Are you serious? no wonder nobody liked you. You really were just some angry old black man who felt that no white boy could do anything as well as you. People that boil up that hatred, like you, are the reason that there exists racism. You needed to get over your past and understand that children are mean to everyone, not just you because you were black. Get over yourself and let Spielberg give your script a shot.

Under the radar

Under the radar my ass!
You can't do that... this is my blog.

who are you

who the hell are you to judge people?
For that matter, who am I to do so?

the ring

I just watched a widow give her son her wedding ring to give to his soon to be fiance. how sweet.

Cubism

I like cubism plays. They make no sense, but are still amazing.

the post

I posted a question on the forum and I received a reply from a person that i blocked their posts. I immediately said, well, maybe they posted a recipe, it was in request of a recipe that i posted. So I selected to view his post. It was a smart ass answer... no help to me.
SO the moral is, usually if someone is an asshole for years, they are still going to be one today and tomorrow.

Desires slippped away by the tail

There is a play by Pablo Picasso called, "Desire caught by the tail." I haven't read it, but I can assume that the title has something to do with it. My recent desire slipped away by the tail... how very sad, before I even knew I had caught it, it had escaped. Stupid tail!

Moral for the reader: If you find yourself satisfied, don't ask questions.

Tu

why do you feel the need to lie to me? I can see right through you, and see what happened to you.

There was a message to my readers, but it was put away from view to make room for my ranting. Now it is all gone.

alrighty, reflections?

I realized something, the reason why I see what is going on with those two is because I did it, too! I am guilty of trying to be someone I am not. Of trying to adapt my ways to be more compatible with someone else. I am not really that interesting of a person, so I extend myself into a new realm of me where i am just a bit more of whoever I want to be around. For example (and I am sure that josh doesn't want to hear this, but it is for my own good), a certain guy that has recently found out that i have lusted after him for over a year sees a more confident me, a more certain Kevin. While another guy will see a more playful me. I use all these personas to fit with these people better. I suppose the only ones that are worth it ins the end are those that i can be me around...

Any comments from others who have been in this boat?

bless you

bless you for trying, and I forgive you for your failure. This is about an entirely different person, not the one that tried to get me to befriend him by being someone else. You are stuck were you are. I wish you the best, but I need to let you fall on your own feet, maybe fall to your knees, I don't know. I hope that you will be humbled by this, that you can grow into something better. I can not help you out tonight, you are stuck in the middle with yourself. If you run from it, it will catch up to you, and you will be in trouble with yourself...good luck talking your way out of that one.

Moral: live, learn, fall in love, pick up the pieces when they break your heart, then get back on the horse, and ride off into the sunset.

I see you, not the fake one

I can see what you are trying to do, and i appreciate it, but really it isn't necessary. This mask that you put on is only fooling yourself. Just be honest with me, or else... I will think something different then the truth. You can not maintain this idea that you present to me. I see that you are trying to reach me on my level, but i have no problem meeting you halfway.
That was sort of my monologue for a guy that I really should tell you all more about, I don't think I have ever mentioned him on this blog before, he really is nothing too special-- no, he is special, but he can't see it. He might have some feelings for me or something, I am not sure, but I see that he is trying too hard to connect with me. He tried to get me excited about something that he knows i have a passion for, and his assumption that an extreme of that would excite me. But it simply fell through.
Sot he moral of the story is, just be yourself, if you make a friend being someone who you aren't then they really aren't YOUR friend, they are a friend of your created persona.

A walk to remember

This was a cute movie... till they had sex in the car.
err... sorry, i get bored sometimes and wander off. I'll bet she is terminally ill.

I needed that

Thanks, dude. I really needed that chat. I really think that you are a wonderful person, and that your very lucky to have met your girlfriend, but not nearly as lucky as she is. I would admit that I am am a bit jealous, but she talked my straight out of that idea. I see that I am lucky to have Josh, who really cares for me.
Thanks for being there.