hmm

"I want to thank you for makin' me feel alive again, Marcus."
"But, Miss Crabtree--"
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"You realize I can't stay, none of this is real, it's all been a little eight year old's dream."
"oh, I know. I know Marcus, but lemme just pretend just long as I can..."

Wonderful feeling

I had a wonderful dream this morning. I was in my twenties, late twenties and I was in this glass structure. It looked like something that people would use to host a party. and there were all these children in there with me and this woman and another guy. The other guy was the director, and the girl was an actress. i was pretty much everything else (set, lighting, technical). Anyway, these kids were learning about what goes into a play... and I was teaching them. I felt so good doing that. Now I know why my sister wants to be a teacher. Also, this is good because it confirms my love of theatre, I never dreamed about engineering.

Graffiti

Frequently asked questions

Is graffiti art or vandalism?
That word has a lot of negative connotations and it alienates people, so no, I don't like to use the word 'art' at all.

How do you make the stencils so big?
By sticking lots of small ones together.

Do you sell t-shirts?
i don't make shirts because it would feel like the painting was a guerilla marketing campaign for a fashion label.

Has Banksy sold out?
That depends on what he does with the money.



A guide to cutting stencils

• Think from outside the box.

• Collapse the box and take a fucking sharp knife to it.

• Leave the house before you find something worth staying in for.

• It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

• Spray the paint sparingly onto the stencil from a distance of 8 inches.

• Be aware that going on a major mission totally drunk out of your head will result in some truly spectacular artwork and at least one night in the cells.

• When explaining yourself to the Police its worth being as reasonable as possible. Graffiti writers are not real villains. I am always reminded of this by real villains who consider the idea of breaking in someplace, not stealing anything and then leaving behind a painting of your name in four foot high letters the most retarded thing they ever heard of.

• Remember crime against property is not real crime. People look at an oil painting and admire the use of brushstrokes to convey meaning. People look at a graffiti painting and admire the use of a drainpipe to gain access.

• The time of getting fame for your name on its own is over. Artwork that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Any fame is a by-product of making something that means something. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit.

uhm... vacation

not my vacation, but that doesn't mean I can't reap the benefits of another's. So, let's examine some of the details of this photo.


One quick saturation tweak and some colorization reveals many more details.


ok, so this larger image shows the photo after being retouched in photoshop to increase detail. Notice the left hand fist and the the tan line under the arm. Also, the expression on the face is rather interesting. Always posing for the camera. That's Anthony for ya, a poser...
(as you can easily see, I have a love/hate view of him)

Freeze Frame

I looked on the face of a boy who died about two months or so ago in a terrible elivater accident. It was so strange because it reminds us all that when we wake up in the morning, we could possibley nt go back to bed. I looked at him on facebook, and saw that all his friends said their goodbyes to him on the wall. It is so tragic that someone so young is gone. I would like to sahre him with a few people, so here is his profile.
http://osu.facebook.com/profile.php?id=12460006&hiq=andy%2Cpolakowski

oh, and yeah, this

So, I mentioned before that Christmas is about family, and I don't like certain parts of my family. here is my response to an email I received from my sister Michelle. I composed a song (this takes days for just a few instruments) and had page make a mirror frame for her wall. She didn't like the gifts, so she called me up and said I didn't even think about how she would like them. I don't think that she has any concept of the time I put into these things.

Look. If you are trying to express some hurt feelings, than do it in a more adult manner. I suppose you expect that these things you say to me leave me untouched? I don’t know how you think I could hate you, or how you think I put no thought into the gifts. If you have the nerve to belittle someone’s good intentions and try to embarrass them in front of the rest of the family, then I must admit, you are gaining on my last nerve.

What did you honestly expect me to respond to this email with?

P.S. Do not dare to insult my lack of adulthood. You lack any understanding into my life.



Kevin Duchon

614.570.7703



-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle Duchon [mailto:msduchon@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 26, 2006 7:53 PM
To: kevin
Subject: emailing.



hello.

i think you and i should probably talk. i was rather disappointed with what i interpreted your thoughtlessness for holiday gift exchange.



i would really like to know what was going on in your mind with that.



it could be a few things.

1. i hate michelle, and i am going to purposely hurt her feelings.

2. nothing.

3. not a lot of thought, bc, i am 20 and no one expects me to act like an adult.

4. other plausible reasoning.

Opps

I figured out the computer problem. When metal gets hot it expands, well I forgot to plug one of my fans back in and the metal around one of my hard drive casing expanded, the subtle vibrations of the HDD caused a terrible ruckus the vibrated through the whole case.

It is worth it

I have never put a hole into sheila that could be seen from across the room, but today I did. I put a 4.5 inch hole in the right panel to allow my power supply to breathe. But now, my computer seems to be making a noise, that i believe i can fix really easily, now that I just realized what it might by in the last few seconds...
...
...
...
I was wrong. I will further investigate. Goodnight.

the same but different

I made the large version of the other landscape. Be carefull before you click the picture. It is a really huge file.

Sheila hasn't let me down.

My computer, sheila has a life force of her own. Basically, today I have been rendering a kick ass landscape that I plan on having blown up into a poster. It is very nice. Here is a picture.

I am invisible

If I close my eyes, and you close yours... And I tell you that I am now invisible... have I become invisible?
I am a theatre person, I specialize in creating a place of illusion. I help people suspend their disbelief's so that they can believe the tales that are unwinding before them. But, when the illusion fails them, everything falls apart. Suddenly, they forget the the evil witch really is flying, and they remember that the wires that the tech crew spent so much time hiding are really there. When the audience knows it is not real... I have failed.
This is not just true in theatre. It is true in so many other parts of life. The mind is a very powerful thing, people die on the operating table because they are convinced they are not going to make it. People survive with nails in their heads because they never knew they were there. If you neglect the reality, you can affect the way the masses react to the situation you have arrange for them. Think, 100 years ago, the idea of a device knowing that 1+1=2 was not even considered. But now, we have supercomputers. When the limits are ignored (ignored, not tested.) they are surpassed. People who believe they can lifts cars, because they have to do it, are suddenly able. All the world of physics against them, but they still prevail.
It is a beautiful thing, to feel that you can do the "impossible". And in order to have it work, you really have to believe.
So, I am asking you again...
If we both close our eyes really tight, and we concentrate really hard, and we convince ourselves so much that we know it is real-- have I become invisible?

A post from another blog.
Donald Harvey (a.k.a. the ‘Angel of Death’)
At the onset of his life, Donald Harvey earned the reputation of a friendly, quiet boy who liked to spend his time “…reading books, and thinking about the future,” according to his mother. After landing work as a nurses’ aide at a young age, he developed the same reputation as an employee… for a while.

Over the years of employment in hospitals (as well as other professions), he murdered approximately 30 to 70 patients, as well as other people in his life. His tool of the trade: secret cyanide poisonings placed in food (or sometimes other methods such as disconnecting life support, or injecting air into a patient’s veins). He began his anointed “mercy” murders on the feeble, terminally ill and dying. But it didn’t take long for his ego to get the best of him, as he took the leap from sainthood to All Knowing God And Ruler Of All Time And Space… killing anyone who annoyed him, got in his way, or that he simply disliked. Actually, Harvey’s habits of murdering patients apparently sparked with someone he considered an offensive “hassle.” His first killing was a stroke victim he spontaneously smothered after the patient smeared feces on Harvey’s face while under his care. Harvey had earned the nickname “Angel of Death” long before he was convicted (or even suspected) because he always seemed to be around when people passed on.

A gay man, Harvey actually tried to murder his own lover at one point. He even tried to secretly poison his lover’s parents after a squabble with them, which landed the father in the hospital with a stroke (which only allowed Harvey to secretly kill him again later with poisoned banana pudding) The mother miraculously survived, despite years of repeated poisoning attempts by him.

Despite several arrests and investigations over the years (and an ever-growing mountain of rumors and bad reputations in various cities), Harvey always lucked out and was able to continue his killings, leaping from location to location. He was not fully apprehended and convicted until 1987, when he confessed to everything during several trials and convictions. He is currently serving out four consecutive life sentences in Ohio, and avoided the death penalty via plea bargaining. He does not work in the prison cafeteria. Lots more here.

I will be making one thousand paper cranes over the next xeveral months. There is a legend about a man who's son went off to war and the man had notching to do but make paper cranes and wish for his some to return home safely. Much time passed and as he folded the final crane, the son came in the door and the man's wish came true. SO, the legend basically boils down to a wish will go to the one who folds one thousand paper cranes.
Now, what to wish for? I have a while to figure it out. But I know something. It has to be selfless. I can't go wasting my wish on me. Something to better the world, but nothing too big.

Christmas with the roommates

I just finished christmas with the roommates. It will be the best of my three christmasses this year. Or atleast the most calm, I mean that internally also. There was no worries about a wicked arguement breaking out, or of anything going south. Just god people, good times, and good... everything. I liked Christmas today, for about 4 hours.

So, the moral. Enjoy life in small steps. Take in the good moments and treasure them, not because they might be all you have, but because they might help to make other times better.

simple solutions

I am composing a song for my sister for christmas and getting my nephews small gift certificates to the Discovery store. Easy enough.

bah-hummbug

Matt seems to not be grasping why I dislike the holidays so much.
Page gets it, and I believe that a few others do. But, the people that don't get it are the ones that seem to not have to choose which parent to see on Christmas, and are all sure of what they are going to say to everyone when they see them. These people have no idea what it means to not want to see their family because they are afraid that this year they might just grow a spine and tell them off. The point of this holiday is not the tree and the decorations and the carols. it is about family, and if my family is the reason I don't like Christmas, than that means, by transitive properties, I don't like Christmas.
Now, the reason for my bitterness to manifest itself today. I was at work last night and I received a phone call. It was my brother's wife, Franca. She was going on about how she and I never get to do anything together and that we should go shopping together. I know exactly why she wants to go shopping with me. She wants to pick out what I buy for my nephews. I told her that I am booked solid and that i can't go shopping with her. So, abandoning all attempts to hide her plan, she launches into a list of "Things I can get my nephews, and they are all under $100"... is she serious!?!? I love that she somehow thinks that I have all the time and money in the world. And then to top it all off, she wants me to bring somethigns to dinner on Christmas. Icecream, I can handle that, I DO work in an icecream store. Some bread that i used to bake, I used to be able to turna profit when i was buying things in bulk, but to buy all required ingredients would cost a fortune. ANd then the final thing, a nice bottle of wine. WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE THINKING!!!! I AM NOT EVEN 21, AS WELL AS ME BEING BROKE!! I can't handle that. If she calls again, I am going to tell her that I can handle the icecream and I will scrape up some money to get the ingrediants for the bread, but the wine is out. I can't afford to buy my nephews presents, I still have no idea what to get Michelle, let lone how to pay for it.

12/9/2006 Dear Kevin, Thanks for the help. Val and Jim are very grateful. Jim had to siphon the gas out of the lawn mower, to have enough gas to get work. They both work so hard, and they both have such good hearts. They should not have to endure all that they do. They have no idea that the help came from you, because that would embarrass them. You are not that much older than their children. But Heaven knows what you did. Thanks.

???

Guess what that is? It is crack. When the drug traffic'ers are transporting it to America, they will put it in these brick forms for easy stacking. Crazy, huh?

on large scale printing

I was int eh drake today, and had to print again. Apparently, the printers here are not that smart. It seems that I only pay by the size of the print, not the amount of ink used. Cool huh? I always tried to make things as black and white as possible, acting on the words I was told once by another student.
I am killing time right now, keeping busy while this overly conspicuous thing prints out. There is not hiding that it is a personal print job. It came out nice. Really nice.

unexpected, but not unwelcome

Hahah, I just got offered the Q a few mins ago. I think i will take this offer.

my family

These people matter.

MY free hugs day

I am going to host a free hugs day at OSU. I have invited 7 friends, I would love them all to help me with this, but it si unlikely. I did not invite page or matt, because I know they would both think it is a stupid idea. Matt already laughed at me for it, well not really laughed, just said it was a stupid idea. So, that is that. Neither will be a part of this. Page will not be allowed to back out and matt will not be allowed to distract me.

big ball of criticism

what a big ball of criticism? How could she say that? I recently had a ... quick introduction to a table that clearly is not a good idea for a dinner table. It arrived in two pieces, one leg and the other was the rest of the unit. So I attached toe leg of the table while it was still upside down, I never really got a good look at the table, even though I brought it in from the car. Page brought back a table from her parent's place to use as a kitchen table, but one of the problems is it is too small. No more than two people could eat at this thing. IT IS NOT A KITCHEN TABLE!! IT IS A GODDAMN DESK. Thanks be to god that I was able to convince her that it would not support the weight of a ... any weight at all. It is very old and rickety. I can usually fix these sorts of things, but the actual wood is unworkable. It is too old and was never of a high quality, it looks like C grade. This is not an antique, it is just really old. Anyway, I told her that I know she doesn't like the old table, and to just admit it. "Admit it, you don't like the old one". I suppose that was kinda bombarding, becasue she told me that i was just a big ball of criticism. Maybe, but I am kinda stressed out, and her ablitly to not worry abiout her exams* is rather strange to me.
Oh, and it ended up being pushed to the side of the room as a side table.

i swear, i am different

I am different than others because I mean most of my stuff to be coated in love. I rarely say things to try and hurt others, mostly that happens by accident. Like today, I commented on a photo of a friend, and I was trying ot lead into a , "you were cute then, but you are still so much cuter in person" kinda thing. But i didn't make it that far, I wasn't cut off, it was just the timing was off, and I wasn't sure he heard me say it, so as I searched for evidense that he heard me, he was starting ot feel insulted. I was told that I acted like a typical gay guy, in that I expect that I can get away with saying those hurtful things. I intended nothing hurtful, but the timing was off. I swear.
So, today's lesson, don't try and use timing to change an insult into a compliment, you might just miss your mark.

I see

I can't just get a lighting BFA, or even a MFA. I need to get more in order to have any weight to throw around.

love and strength... God, so much.

I was watching a video today. A woman killed herself. it was beautiful. I know that sounds odd, but it makes sense. She deserved it. Let me rephrase that. She earned it. She was not alone, she had her lover with her. She was so very strong, that she deserved it. And I cried at the funeral. as they put the ashes into the water, it was like all the people she loved were loving her and that it was all about love. just love and strength, and more love and more strength, and more love and strength. but mostly love and strength.