How I know

I know God is real. This sounds crazy, but he sent a me a dream last night. I was signing a contract with Satan (not some low level devil, but Satan himself) and my soul was shaking, trying to escape. I can't remember if I actually signed it or not. My soul was shaking so violently, I could feel my physical body constraining my soul within. But I vividly remember looking down and seeing me urinate all over myself (I was actually naked in this dream, at least for this part I know I was naked). I woke violently, it felt so real that I had to check if I had actually pissed myself. Luckily I had not.
I know God is real because I sold Him out yesterday, and this was his response. A warning.
Call me crazy, but whatever. I don't care what you think.

The contract nightmare

I know what it is to be offered a contract from Satan. You piss yourself as you read it, you feel yourself draining out of your body. Your soul shakes within your flesh. Then everything becomes hazy.

number 5

I have added number 5 to the list of Seven Sorta Surreal Movies.
The NeverEnding Story... and yes, it is spelled like that.
That brings it to The Cell, The Fall, The Fountain, Hellboy 2 - The Golden Army, and The NeverEnding Story.

Ella

May you sail fair
To the far fields of fortune
With dimonds and pearls
At your head and your feet
And may you need never
To banish misfortune
May you find kindness
In all that you meet

May there always be angels
To watch over you
To guard you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you
Safe from all harm

May you bring love
And may you bring happiness
Be loved in return
To the end of your days

All the kids

Never going down. Do you know how to dance? Can't stop, won't stop. Hollywood.

Changes

As humans we crave new stimulus. We are always looking for new ways to have fun, new things to eat, new people to meet. In fact, if you aren't looking, society slaps you with some sort of stigma/mental disease diagnosis. If you too actively seek these out, then you are antsy. A perfect balance is required to be "normal".
I am making some changes in my life, and I have one person to thank. I finally stopped listening to everyone else. And now I am pursuing happier things. I don't care if people look at me while I walk down the street or if they ignore me. I don't care if people think I am cold hearted or a big push over. Least of all do I care if anyone feels the need to validate my choices.
I am not saying that i want to be some sort of anti-conformist. I hate hipsters. I am saying that I will do what I think is best. This means I need to make some changes, since a lot of my life is about other people.
I'm 22. There is no need for me to live for anyone but myself. Nobody.

Moral: Live for yourself, because nobody else can make you as happy as you can make yourself.

So...

What's next?
I had a great time tonight. I hope that the rest of the visit goes well.

Moral: life goes on, even if you want it to stop. If you could take a single moment and repeat it, what would you choose? Choose wisely.

entertain my readers

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/takeatest.html

Requiem for a friend

I appreciated all you did for me, in your taking care of me when I was down. And I loved you for holding me up when enemies greatly outnumbered me, standing beside me through them all. I know that you cared for me greatly, matched only by the way I cared for you. Until one terrible day when you scared me into acting out of fear. Acting out of love, perhaps, love: absolutely; to try and keep you. For months leading up to that day, I was afraid I was losing you. Losing you in a way that you lost me several times, and waited for me to come back to you. I always came back to you. Now that I have lost you, I see it was not how I thought it would happen. But it was me who caused it. I still act out of love, but you’re so deeply hurt that you cannot accept it. I cannot blame you any longer. We cannot see each other at all. Our backs both turned on each other, even if one of us looks over our shoulder, the other is still turned away. I finally lay it down, it is over. Peace in all that comes your way.

Beauty

I saw somethign today: two beautiful people, then one person with down syndrome. One right after the other. It really made me think. I am lucky... So lucky.

Np brainer update

Cancel that, I was foolish for choosing someone who is like her. i should have expected her to go all bipolar on me.

but, wise words from Becca, (a mutual friend)
"Nothing you love is lost... not really. Things, people-- they always go away, sooner or later. You can't hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they've touched you, if they're inside you, then they're still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart"

no brainer

a simple choice, because she means more to me than him.

'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.

I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be... I'm like....

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.

And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal

These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.

$500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit..

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?



Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??

We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa .....

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany , Scotland , England ,Ireland , or the Netherlands . The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards toAfrica . So stop, already! ! !


With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap . And all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.

We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.'
Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.


WELL SAID, BILL
It's NOT about color...
It's about behavior!!!

Familiar

Anyone familiar with the idea that distance makes the heart grow fonder? I dare say that extends to people who are not separated, but have not met. The beautiful thing about being thousands of miles away is that people only see what you show them. The man who peers through his computer screen in New York at a man/woman in San Francisco shows only a small part of himself.
I am getting at something here. What I am saying is that I am nearly inventing a friend for myself in someone I barely know. I will refer to him as Robert Dumare... uhm. yeah. I am subtle...
Point is, I have very little to go off of. Mostly Facebook messages and texting. All text based things. Thus allowing a very limited portion of his personality to come through. I am sure he is as nice as he seems-- but I fear that I am building up to an extreme disappointment. This is not to discount long distance relationships... mealy explain my fear about meeting Roy-- I mean Ralph, err-- what the hell was that fake name?
Moral: you can imagine someone is anything you want when they are more than a thousand miles away.

Lyrics vs. Poetry

I understand that many lyrics are poetry. You can even ask where to draw the line between lyrics and poetry. I just heard some really shitty music. The lyrics are poetic... I guess. but. the music is terrible.
The Thermals, a Pillar of Salt.
I don't usually complain about music, but the singer has a terrible voice. There is nothing musical about it. He should stick to reading his poetry, rather than singing it.
Moral: just because the lyrics are good doesn't mean the music is worth shit. And just because the lyrics suck, the music might still be a great merit.

Lucid Dreams

I officially had my first lucid dream. It came from the realization that I don't live in the dorms, but an apartment. I had a dream last night where I was wandering around looking for my dorm room, but then i remembered I have an apartment. I knew it was a dream, so I tried to do a sideways flip, it worked, so I flew (yes, flying) into the hallway and then everything became a musical. It was really fun.
But a bitter sweet sort of thing, as the surprise of my dreams melted away and I completely controlled them. like putting on god-mode in a video game, it is fun for a while but then gets bland.
Moral: it is no fun being in complete control, so don't aspire for world domination.

Mac vs. PC

Ever met and evangelical Mac user? They Are as bad as the republican rights... or for that matter, the extremist PC user is as bad as the far lefts... Which are you?
Just like the political system, most people are in the middle of the bell curve, however we all have our preferences. I know where I am. And i know where a lot of my friends are. It is just funny that I don't think anyone has really put these two things together.

Rack mounting

Who knows what a server rack is?
For those who don't, a server rack is a verticle mounting system that computer people use to stack a bunch of technology. They are all a standard size, 19 inches wide. The are exactly what every tech geek wants.
But the problem is that they are expensive. So, many geeks have built their own for far less money. I found myself looking online for plans to make one...
then it hit me...
I don't need one.

Moral of the story: next time you want something, stop and ask yourself if you really need it. It might save you some serious dough.

on lights

If you read the post below this one, about my dream, you will see that my subconscious knows I am going places. Today, I proved it to myself. I was offered ANOTHER light design job at OSU. This time the playwright asked me. There was no professors involved, no bullshit. He wanted me. I suppose it is a bit different than the director asking me, but still a good thing. I need to speak with the director, and then i will get the concept... and be on my way. Yeah! I still worry, about my professional ability. I don't seem to know as much as some, however that is why I'm a student; to learn.
It is actually pretty funny. I know how to take orders from someone who knows a lot more than me... that is a GREAT skill. (this sentence replaced a long story...)
MORAL: Know your limits,a dn don't feel stupid for asking for help or clarification. If you do it wrong, you will look a lot dumber to the person who could have told you how to do it.

post number 500

This is the 500th post on this blog. I never really thought about wheatear or not I would make it to 500. I am not surprised.

now as to the actual reason for my post. I had a dream this morning... a flight dream; the good kind. Apparently I am confident in where I am going, but why am I so afraid when I am awake about my future? It just seems that my conscious and subconscious are in conflict.

Those we surround ourselves with

I am cutting someone out of my life today. People who add nothing to my life except trouble and exhaustion are not worth keeping around. I find that I am never happy around these people.

Moral: don't keep someone around just because they are familiar. If they are a neutral force, than that is fine, but if they actually detract from your happiness; drop them like a bad habit... that is what they are: a bad habit.