furious Angels

I am lucky to have a wide range of music available to me. One song that I have been listening to a lot recently is called "furious Angels". It is essentially about a man in love with a destructive woman (or man, the song doesn't really say) and his description of how the love has effected him. Bu providing violent imagery such as a piece of metal between his ribs or a dirty needle and a blow to the head the artist, Rob Dougan, shows that love is dirty.
I mention this on the blog because I agree; love is dirty and sometimes we feel like those we love are in a position to do so much damage that we know God Himself will call for the protection of you when they hurt you. This is of course an exaggeration, if you think that god will keep you together than you have a view of micromanaging on a macro scale.
Moral: love can hurt, so be nice to each other.

There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.

on straight boys

oh, alas. I have met my match. I mean that in reference to the situation, not any person. I have recently been ever so lucky to change jobs from a dreadful department store to a fun businessman's boutique. With this position I have been introduced to several upstanding fellows, 4 above the rest. We will simply go by their first initials; Ja., Jo., Mi., and We., in no particular order (albeit alphabetical). With each I have shared something great. With We. I find myself reduced to giggles at every turn. He has a lively humor that makes any dry humor pale in comparison. Mi. is by far the most stern of the lot, however from him I have seen that there is a directness with people you must maintain. I mean that with regards to me, personally. Through his frank analysis of every situation I could encounter I am prepared and readied for everything that could ever happen to me. Then there is Jo.! He and I share so much of the same past, and we always have something to talk about. I am not exaggerating in saying that he spends more time with me in the confines of those walls than anyone else. And we always have something to say to each other, weather it be work related or not.
And then we come to Ja.... Who I initially disliked. Yes, it is true. I can not even remember why, but it does not matter. Then there was also the short time that he disliked me, which I assume doesn't matter to him anymore, either. We are now very close. We talk endlessly about topics that just reaffirm we are both like minded, every conversation seems to be a compliment to the tastes and choices of the other. Thank God he isn't gay, otherwise we would both probably think the other is coming onto us. We, and he agrees with this, have a frightening number of things in common. It is kind of funny to see what I would be if I were straight. The answer: I would be exactly the same as I am right now, only I would like boobs.*

*not that boobs are bad, they just aren't very motivating.

Eulegy

I knew my grandma in the same way as many of you here, and many of us have a several wonderful memories that we will share later today. I would like to share one right now, though. At my grandfather, Joseph Duchon's, funeral I was very upset, it was the first time when I was able to understand grieving. I was terribly sad, but I remember that at the reception she asked me to sit next to her and spoke to me about grief. She told me that it was alright to be upset, because that helps you to accept death. And now I remind you of the lesson she taught me. It is alright to be upset. Grieve fully, and whole heartedly. Hurt deeply and release wailing cries. But do not let yourself be consumed by grief. You must allow the course of sorrow to end into acceptance of the death.

Back burner

I am in charge of a theater group. I picked it up as a... not a hobby, but I did not plan on fully devoting myself to it. It is a community that doesn't really support my decisions and is full of underachievers. I know that is harsh, but it is true. They would not have gotten nearly this far without me. I know that sounds cocky, infact; it is. I am cocky. I created the theater group, fully intending to hand it off to someone else when it took flight. So far... nobody has proven good enough.
Now, I also have my own company. Pure Illumination Lighting is my real baby. THAT is what I truly am devoted to. I love it, much more than a community theater in an area that I don't even live where every decision is question and all my efforts are slowed by those who surround me. In my company, I am final decision, nobody can counter me. I can do whatever I want.

I am just frustrated. I want both to succeed, really. But I can't support the weight of both. As PI grows, like it has been, I am not going to be able to do both. Yes, it is unfair to the theater group, but they are not trying nearly as hard as I am. I feel that i am not exaggerating in saying that I put more of my time and money (gas isn't cheap and I live 25 miles away) into it than all of the others. I am followed closely by another, but she also doesn't live in the community. We were asked recently by a member of the arts council if the area even wants us to be there. I am starting to doubt it.

Moral: a man cannot have two masters nor two true loves. He may love both, but one will triumph over the other. He must realize this and put his efforts accordingly.