My matt free night

my Matt free night was a complete failure. I supposedly was supposed to hang with Matt tonight, I don't remember agreeing to it, but it sounds like something i would agree to. Anyway, I get a text message with him bitching about being alone and I am not in the mood for this, especially because I just am not. After a long phone conversation I feel like we have made no progress towards anything, mainly because we weren't talking about anything. just a lot of nothing. SO, Matt is pissed off (because I forgot and am not about to sacrifice myself at an alter out of regret and sorry-ness), I am pissed off because I have gotten the worst parts of Matt not being here (his sadness and the empty spot in bed), and now i have to wait for my phone to charge before I go to bed.
This sucks. I am alone and pissed off, and Matt is alone and sad. I realize something.
Matt puts more effort into the relationship, but he is a lot more dependant on it, so it works out. I am sure he will read this, and later I will regret writing it, but to dam bad. I am pissed, and i shouldn't post when I am pissed.