You can't just take it all back

http://www.queerty.com/gay-porn-star-jake-genesis-apologizes-20130503/

Yup, the porn star wants to act like it never happened.
So, to all of you readers, the message is this:  Nobody will forget the mistakes you've made if they are scandalous.

To be one with Myself

I wander through life often enough; dodging the bottlenecks and divingbells of the populus I surround myself with.  I recently spoke with an engineer who was jealous that I managed to take an electrical engineering degree and turn it into the lighting career I aspire to have.  But it was not till i told him that I wonder if I made the right choice that I realized how lost I was.  Somnambulist I am, walking through life not absorbing a fraction of it all.  It isn't until I set up my wires and lights that I wake up.  That is how I know that I am devoted to my craft.

Keeping a budget

It's pretty hard to keep a budget when 31% of your monthly spending is on unexpected expenses.

On debt still

821.92 is how much I paid this month to reduce my debt... and I've only reduced my debt by a few hundred dollars... Anyone notice something about those numbers.  Yup... Interest is a bitch.

Now, let's be straight forward: 312.17 of that is student loan payments, 151.75 is my car payment, which will be done in about 20-25 months.  85 of that is to pay down a medical bill that will be no interest of I pay the 85 every month till it is paid off (it was a larger bill that I simply calculated the payments into 17 months). But the rest, 273, is consumer debt that I am really angry about.
I know I am paying more in interest than initial debt. My student loans with have grown by 42% by the time i pay them off... my car loan closer to 35%.  yup.

On my Debt

2 1/2 months ago I wrote about my debt, and my plan to get rid of it.  Since then, I have reduced my debt by a few hundred dollars.  I deserve to be proud of myself!

Strange things to do on Drugs

A list of normal activities that I expect would be greatly enhanced by drugs:
1. Pooping
2. Fixing your hair
3. Changing your ringtone
4. Planting flowers
5. Cleaning out your closet
6. Skype with a friend who has a child.  Cause it would remind you that you can still make dumb choices without hurting anyone except yourself.

Straight Boys

In response to a question:
Dear Aaron, I'll teach you how to do that if you insist, but I warn you to guard your heart.  Straight boys are not gay and he will never like you the way you like him.  But if you still want to try and sleep with him you must make him feel like he wants it as much as you.  But before you can do this, you must befriend him first.  Don't tell him your gay till you've known him for a month or so.  And don't make a big deal of it, just casually mention something gay and let him realize that his new friend happens to be gay.  Once you've made him into a close friend you can start trying to get his pants off.There are two ways to do this: 1. Put on the appearance that you're attempts are not anything serious.  This makes it look like a casual thing that friends do, just another session of you jerking off and he is just hanging out with you.  If you do this right, you have your way into the next level of intimacy. 2.  Another way is to be less sneaky, but more manipulative.  Next time he bends over tell him "your asscrack is hanging out". And tease him like a straight boy would.  Then at some later point you can tell him" that as his best gay friend you have to do the world a favor and inform him that he can't wear boxers underneath his gym shorts" (obviously you only say this when he's wearing gym shorts.)  Then you just keep doing things like this.  Till he does them back to you.  When he says these things to you, that means you have taught him to look at your body.   That means you can TOUCH him.  Remember,  firm and masculine grabs are better than light feminine ones.  But all touching must be disguised as done for him.  You can grab his ass and tell him that he needs to up the weight he squats, or his arms and tell him that you wish your arms were more like his.  Eventually you'll get to his dick.
Final thought:  you don't kiss him, let him kiss you.

Away for so long

I've been away for a very long time, away from the blog, I mean.  I have a confession.  I'm seeing a man right now named Sam.  But last night I went on a date with a guy named Patrick.  Patrick has really big muscles, and he lets me touch them.  I like to do that.  I'm not a cheater, but he is exactly what I look for physically.  I just need to hurry up and fuck him so I can get back to Sam, who I am dating.
Oh shit, there is the lightbulb... I just need to get back to Sam.  Forget Patrick, cause he is only pretty.  And Sam is going to the gym a bunch now.  What am I doing, I'm so stupid.

Working out

IT'S NOT ABOUT GETTING BIG. IT'S ALL ABOUT GETTING BIGGER!

Bad date

I'm dating.  And not every date can be fantastic.   He complained about work.

Spending the Night

I spent the night at "a friend's apartment last night.   There were a couple bumps but we prevailed.   It's always interesting to see how different someone is when they aren't on a date.  When you're on a date, it is only for two or three hours.  But when you stay the night,  you see all the gritty details like the halfway clean (only worn for a few hours,  so still good to put back on) underwear hanging on the door knob.  I had a great time, and my stomach jumps when i reflect on it; I am excited to do it again.  So as I sit here on the morning A-train,  i can't help but smile.

Dear "Mani"

Really, "Mani"? You could have just used your real name in the Email.  It's not like I am going to judge you.  I don't even know you.  I am going to answer your question with a rather rude awakening.  YOU'RE COMPLETELY SELF CENTERED.  You are completely wrong, nobody is judging you, cause nobody is looking at you.  There is no need to be embarrassed.  Your friends are only telling you to make such changes because they are your friends, they like you right now, even in your current state.
As for my advice, I would say, "Yes, I did it.  You should try it."  Email me again if you need to.

Broken up (part 2)

He texted me again.  I knew he would.  He wants to be friends... but I am not interested in having him as a friend.  Maybe, we will see how it goes.

Pride 2013

Conflict resolution

When people argue,  they both think they are right.   There isn't always a winner, but there is often two losers.   There comes a point,  usually when one party attacks the other party rather than the issue, that successful communication is halted.  At that moment it is crucial to realize there are deeper issues.  Walk away and come back with a clear head.

Broken up

To all my dearest readers; I was recemntly broken up with. As in ten minutes ago. I imagine in a year when I reread this post, I will not feel much at all. But it did teach me somehting, about equals. I was lucky enough to go out with a guy out of my leage for a few weeks. In that time we made some changes for the better to try and pull myself up, but I guess it was too little too slow. So... FUCK HIM. I think he will certainly give me a call later. I know he will , they always do. Why? Cause I am BOSS! I am the Duchess! I am ME! Now, and Forever I am Me. It is his loss.

Airplanes

Airplanes take the "Travel" out of "Traveling."
Meaning that the joy is in the journey, not the destination

Alcohol

I had a friend in ohio who I never really introduced to people.  She was perfectly nice till she started drinking.  Then she became mean.  The few friends who did meet her would always ask me how long I'd known her, with a upset look on their faces.  So finally i stopped being her friend, cause she was nasty to me too, and she stopped inviting herself over all the time.  She moved away when i was about 3 or 4 months from moving to New York, since then i have gotten pleasant texts from her.  But i dont respond, i just let her exist.
I realize i was embarassed of her.
I am a loving drunk, she is a judgmental drunk.  It worked out well most times, but the bad times are the ones that stand out to me.

Opinions

Everyone has opinions.  And the thing is, people believe that these opinions are based on facts, but they never are.  For example: a friend and I were discussing age of people in couples.  I am 27.  But I have what most people think is a very large window of acceptable ages.  I would date a 22 year old, if he was martyrs enough for me.  I would date a 35 year old if he treated me like an equal.  That is what it is: the relationship is based on being equals.
Now, the person I was having this discussion with felt that my age range was too large.  I expect she would only accept if I dated ages 25-30.  Now why does that matter to her? Because she bas an opinion.  That's all it is... what she wants for me.  Perhaps she speaks from concern that I will be hurt by people, crushed from the differences.  My response was silence, until she persisted.  Then I realized that I had nothing but opinions also.  Except my opinions are within my own body.

On being single

Every time my phone chirps, I hope it's him.  I've got IT bad.  Real bad.  I'm working out more, to make sure he finds me sexy.   Trying to give him space so he doesn't feel smothered.   I even am playing hard to get.  And I think its working!  I just need to keep him from seeing anyone else... :-(

Opps

I really thought Chris Brown :-) and Bobby Brown :-( were the same person.  Glad to know they aren't.

Which is good,  cause Chris Brown is one of three black guys that I've ever found hot.  Bobby is kinda ugly.

In case you're wondering,  Taio Cruz is the other one... but only with the glasses on.

Best sales pitch for flower seeds ever

Nymphaea Caerulea (Blue Lotus) was held in very high esteem by the ancient Egyptians. Nymphaea Caerulea (Blue Lotus) was worshipped as a visionary plant and was a symbol for the origins of life. The Egyptians believed that the world was originally covered by water and darkness. A Blue Lotus sprang up from the water and opened its petals to reveal a young god, a Divine Child. Light streamed from the Divine Child to banish universal darkness. This child god was the Creator, the Sun God, the source of all life. When the Pharao known as King Tut was entombed, his body was covered in Nymphaea Caerulea (Blue Lotus) flowers. Read more: http://www.bouncingbearbotanicals.com/blue-lotus-p-101.html?osCsid=t0p46f2pjobu5f5rt8r9tn3594?ref#.UbHg6j44Kbw#ixzz2VXMaA9AG

Dear DEBT; I'm leaving you.

I have decided that I'm too good for you.  I don't like what you've become and I'm writing to tell you, "I hate you,  and I hope you catch hepatitis."  You've turned into an out of control monster who is getting in my way.  Please do your best to distance yourself from me, I realize it may take time.  I know that what you've become is my fault, I liked all the things we did together and I briefly thought the fun would never end.  But now it is starting to turn bitter.  I have done a little reading up on your personal life, all the other men and women you've been in bed with, and I don't like what you did to them.  So I am making a change: and there is no place for you in my life.

Hugs and kisses,
Kevin.

Moral: slap debt in its face.

My Method

I'll be writing all my spending down.  I used to do this, but then I stopped when I moved.  Since then I've wracked up more debt.  So its back to the drawing board.
I will also be taking myself down to one card, and putting my target card on ice (literally putting it in a bag of ice in the freezer).  I will also close my Newegg account once it's paid off.  CareCredit can stay open.

After the Date

As I grow older

As I get older, I'm starting to think I'm the only sane person.  It seems like everyone else is crazy.  All the people I know and meet with are little psychotic.

About being GAY

Whenever I meet another guy who doesn't really approve of my lifestyle they ask how I can be attracted to men.  They usually go on about how beautiful women are and about how sexy a vagina is, then says that the thought of another man's penis is disgusting.   I usually would engage them in conversation about how men are sexy.  But I just had a realization: I'm not gay because I find men sexually attractive (which I do, but that is a learned behavior caused by the real reason I am gay).  I am gay because I have LOVED men and never loved a woman.  I can connect emotionally to men in a way that I can't with women.  It is that simple.

Moral: So, to all my gay readers; next time a straight guy goes on about how disgusting dick is, just tell him that it isn't because of the penis of a man that you are gay, it is because of the heart. 
8===D

Peace before Death

Many of my readers know about a woman who greatly impacted my life.  Her name was Ann Rankin.  She died just before Easter two years ago.  But before she passed away she she told me about peace.  She was herself till the very end, and this is important because it allowed her to see that the small things she wanted were happening.  I don't mean that she wanted to take care of funeral details or anything like that, I mean the things she wanted for those she was leaving.  She was able to give away he most precious possessions,  poetry and photos,  furniture that had filled her home, and personal affects.  She was also able to watch her loved ones cone together.  Page and I had just rekindled our friendship,  and page was carrying a baby.  It was these details that brought her with relief, not a little blue box.
She was loved.

On gay actors

I was recently asked about why people care about if an actor is gay or not.  The person said, "Unless ur sleeping with him, doesn't matter".  Which is true.  But there is another side of it.  Young gay people always want famous and successful people to be gay, why?  Cause it sends a message of success for them.  When an actor stays closeted, it shows that there is fewer opportunities for them as a gay person.  Its that simple.

Advice on Recording

chances

I just found out that the chances of you dying on the way to pick up your lottery ticket are greater than your chances of winning.

Rainbows

The existence of the rainbow is dependent on the photoreceptors in your eyes, to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist.  So you don't just look at a rainbow, you create it.  This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colors you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum.

Im in New York

Yeah for New York!  I made the move and just got my computer set up today.  So, what do I do?  Of course, I blog.  I suppose that I am just here to tell you all that i am alive and well.  I will resume answering emails when I am able.

The Dentist

I reflect on this blog also.  So tonight I have decided to delve a little deeper, actually weeks ago I delved deeper (I am setting this post to not appear until I am in New York).  I recently made a decision between two people.  One very near, the other very far.  This decision was made based on several things, not the least of them how they treat me.  There are four things that are necessary in a partner for me, and they all begin with A; (fanboys, get your pencils ready) Attention, Affection, Appreciation, Acceptance.  One, the one I chose, gives me all four.   The Dentist, doesn't.  But I still am upset by him, why?  Cause I gave him all those things, and he didn't give them back.
Likely by the time this is posted and viewable, I will be over it.  Hell, I might be over it tomorrow... Just depends on when I see a certain Super Villain next.

Compare Yourself to YOU

Don't Compare Yoursself to Others

Moving

Replay Media Catcher 4

Possibly the best program i have used in a long time.  It captures video from any internet site.  I originally got it after my Realplayer downloader failed to download a Flow file.  Needless to say, it is pretty spectacular in that grabs EVERYTHING from the page, even the crap you don't want.  This is fine cause I can sort it out.  Sadly it doesn't work for Skype.
Oh, and by the way, it isn't free.

Tough Mudder

Who's heard of it?
Basically it is an obstacle course about 10 miles long.  It is an event that is open to anyone who wants to do it.  It raises funds for charity and gives participants an excuse to buy a teeshirt.
Now, lets talk about what it isn't.  It isn't qualifying you to be a navy seal, it isn't something for you to gloat over, and it isn't a StrongMan competition.  It really isn't a competition at all, it's fun.
The idea of the event it to have fun.  A friend of mine injured himself last year, he over exerted himself.  Bummer, that isn't any fun.  But here is the kicker, he wants to do it again.  Cause he had fun.

Now, the gray cloud to go with the silver lining:  I have no pity for him and his injury.  He did it to himself.  Just as I have no pity for ANY injury where someone is putting themselves into danger.  I hope he feels his three hours of fun was worth his year of physical therapy.

Resistance Bands

As many of you know, or maybe you don't... just read a few posts back, I have started a workout routine.  It is nothing huge, just 15 or 45 minutes (15 for doubles and 45 for quintuples).  But I am moving up in resistance.  So I ordered some resistance bands to increase my weights.  When i got them I just threw them to the floor, but today I did my whole workout without "maxing out" on the dumbells.  So, you know what that means?  It's time to move onto the bands!
I took them out of their little nylon bag and grabbed the black band, the equivalent of 22 lbs. (Yellow - Extra Light (6 - 8 lb.), Green - Light (9 - 11 lb.), Red - Medium (12 - 14 lb.), Blue - Heavy (15 - 18 lb.) and Black - Extra Heavy (22 lb.))  I quickly jumped on it with my feet at shoulder's width and gave it a pull with both arms; easy.  Then I said, "well, that was simple... I'M GOING TO PUT ALL THE BANDS ONTO THE GRIPS!!!!" well, that is the equivalent of anywhere between 64-73 lbs.

What an idiot.  I nearly pooped myself.

New favorite porn star

Logan McCree.  But I still wouldn't kick my old favorite, Adam Charlton, out of bed.

(2/15/2013 at 22:30)**Correction: Gianluigi Volti.  However, I would like to talk about why I like the above mentioned Logan McCree.  He is different than other porn stars, he is rough around the edges.  His sexuality is not anything like the other two, Adam Charlton and Gianluigi Volti.  They are both really traditional beauty, Logan is tattooed and crassly depicted, but notice that he does not do bondage.

Not too far...

I have a friend, who I though was avoiding me... turns out we are just both really busy.  That is about it.  So now we are friends again.
Thank God for Skype.

anonymousvoices.com Military Heroes

Although I don't 100% agree with this, it does make a certain amount of sense.

2012 Taxes, H&R Block

P.S. My tooth is pissing me off.

I just took my "Day 60" photo for my workout routine.  I am really happy with the results. I would say that I am proud of myself, but I am not.  I am actually a little disappointed.  I didn't stick with it as hard as I did in my first 30 days.  But I have changed my routine to make it more aggressive and easier to schedule.  Basically I have 2 days a week off, so I am doing all sections of my routine on those days; abs, butt, chest, legs, arms. 

The other days of the week I am doing my normal routine of:

Sunday: Chest and Legs

Monday: Butt and Arms

Tuesday: Stretch/Rest

Wednesday: Abs and Chest

Thursday: Arms and Butt

Friday: Legs and Abs

Saturday: Pull Ups

So for example this week I am off work Monday and Friday, so my routine looks like:

Sunday: Chest and Legs

Monday: abs, butt, chest, legs, arms

Tuesday: Stretch/Rest

Wednesday: Abs and Chest

Thursday: Arms and Butt

Friday: abs, butt, chest, legs, arms

Saturday: Pull Ups

I suppose that if all the stars aligned, I could potentially do each body section 4 times in one week, which would be over-training and would not be advantageous.  But if I get to that point I'll just be smart about it.

About Alex

So, you want to know ‘About me,’ do you? You’re willing to take the time out of your busy little life to read my mundane little blurb? You must really be bored.
Here, take my advice, stop now. Better yet, go read a book. OK? You have my permission. Go. I’ll see you later.

Still reading, eh? Yeah, I didn’t think that’d shake you. So, what if I gave you a direct command? STOP READING!

You didn’t. Why? Because you can’t stop, can you? You just HAVE to know what lies in the next sentence. Curiosity has gotten the best of you. Well I recommend you fight back. You CAN stop. Just leave. Exit off my page. Go ahead, it won’t hurt you. You’ll go on to live a perfectly happy (or miserable) life without ever knowing what lies at the end of this paragraph. So Go.

You didn’t Go.

Ya know, that’s a real problem; our curiosity that is. It’s very difficult to overcome, isn’t it? So, what kind of person are you? CAN you stop? WILL you overcome that urge?

You didn’t.

It’s like when someone says, “Don’t look up.” And you do. Why? Because of our weakness called Curiosity. Granted, it’s not always a bad thing. It’s due to Curious that humanity has progressed as far as we have. We’ve created great technologies which facilitate our lives and help us in unthinkable ways. But Curiosity has gotten people killed too.
Well, here we are. You and me. Sitting here with this webpage. Have I taken up too much of your time? Hey, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I never asked you to stay; in fact, I ORDERED you to go, and yet, you didn’t (for what motives I’ll leave to your own judgment). So, you want to know what this is all leading up to? Am I going to put anything of value into this paragraph? Well, for my ‘About me’ section, “I am Alex Childs and my favorite color is Blue.” The end. That’s it. That’s everything this has been leading up to. The big climax. The pinnacle of the past few minutes. The summit of all these worthless words. Now, don’t you feel stupid? You could have left when I told you to; saved yourself some time. Don’t go blaming me.
That’s just the kind of person I am.

Fantasty Comes True

Tonight I sent the wrong guy a text message, one that was asking if he wanted to trade pictures.  As one thing lead to another, I fell deeper down the rabbit hole, and finally my phone rang... He wanted me to go over to his place and he was going to suck me off.
Yup.
I kid you not.
I showed up to his house 20 mins later and within 15 seconds he kissed me.  I could tell he was nervous, he was like a teen on a first date; the taste of mint gum on his breath and his body smelled like straightboy soap.  He was more scared than I was.  I had wanted that for years, just a kiss, and I was about to get the whole package.  It wasn't till that moment that I was sure this wasn't some terrible prank or a joke at my expense.  I would never think him to do something like that, but the fear was still in the back of my mind.  He lead me to his living room and made his way to my crotch, were he began his work.  I was so nervous that i was only half hard; his dick was raging.  As the events progressed, we were both naked and then I was on top of him.  And finally, I was in him.  Only half way in, he took it like a champ, really pulling me inside.  Then-- we stopped. I would have fucked him so hard, I wanted to, but tonight was not about me.  It was his night to experiment.  I was going to let him do whatever he wanted, under the careful supervision of me.  He is safe with me, I won't let him get hurt.  I know that I am completely free of disease and will be there when the phone rings for him to say "Dude, what happened to us?  Where did that come from?"
The truth is, if I were more selfish, I would have cum tonight.  But I didn't, nor did he.  I would have LOVED to see that.  We spent more time talking about the effects of the evening than actually doing anything.

He is safe with me.  And I want him to know that.  I have grown up since I met him, and he needs me more as a friend to give him a guided tour than a guy to fuck his brains out.

A straight friend of mine saw this photo.  His response?  A confession of a fantasy about the three of us.  Now I am all confused cause I've wanted to get at him for years.   I  don't think he would ever actually do anything like a threesome with Erin and I.  It is far more likely that he would have a two-some... with me.

It's funny how I give advice about this exact situation very often, but now I can't follow my own advice.  I would tell a reader to avoid the situation, and that he is a tease.  But I know this guy.  I know that he is more confused than I am about the situation.

Can I pretend that I am doing him a service by putting the moves on him, or do I know that I am just taking advantage of his state?

Question: "If your best friend were laid up with two broken arms, and you went over to his house and he asked you to jack him off, would you do it?"

 o 74.0% said Yes
 o 26.0% said No


Question: "If you were laid up with two broken arms, and your best friend offered to jack you off, would you let him?"

o 78.9% said Yes
o 21.1% said No

Matt came to visit

For a very long time i have wanted to see Matt again.  And last night I got to.  He was in northern Ohio visiting family and he came to visit me in Columbus.  I was happy to see him, and it was nice to catch up; show him what has happened in my life.    But I realized something:  We could not have made it together.  I grew up, he did not.  By the end of the trip I was sure that there is no longer chemistry.  We are simply friends now, no spark of emotional connection.  I no longer carry a flame for him.
Many would find this sad, I am sure he is one of those people, but I am not upset by it.  I am relieved.  I am moving to New York in a few months, and I am tyeing up loose ends.  He is a loose end.
We were torn apart by his career, which sounds pretty grown up, doesn't it?  But that tear left us both without closure.  I remembered only the found moments, and there were plenty of them, and neglected his short comings.  Now I see that he is not my ideal mate, and I am glad to know this.

...I am glad to know this...

A good Laugh

Russians

Doing what I do, you meet a lot of high power people.  But none compares to my friend (I now call him a friend rather than a client) Steve.  I will not disclose his last name.  Anyway, Steve invited me out last night to a bar to celebrate his birthday.  Where I met some of his other friends, all high powered people.  It would seem that success attracts success.  I have said this before, but it is always nice to see it come into fruition.

Moral: make new friends, and be sure to conduct yourself in a manner which does not destroy your social image.

Story of motivation dying:

 1. Hey, I want to get in shape. I CAN DO IT!        

2. How the heck do I do it? Let's do some research...

3. Great, I found the perfect routine for my body type.  I can make this work!

4. How the fuck do I do this exercise?!?  And I need the equipment... I should go to a gym!

 5. A membership costs how much!?!  And  I am embarrassed to even be here until I'm in better shape, and know how to do these exercises, and how much weight to put on the stupid bar... oh, wait, the bar alone weighs 45 pounds!?! can I even lift that?!?

6. Maybe I can find a friend to go with me and he can tell me how much weight to use and how to do each of the exercises on this little sheet I printed offline... No? "I'll slow you down?" "your schedule is too different than mine?" "you charge HOW MUCH to do that?... YOU'RE NOT EVEN A PERSONAL TRAINER! DON'T YOU HAVE TO GET CERTIFIED OR SOMETHING BEFORE YOU CAN CHARGE ME?!?"

7.  i can't do it.

UFC is for gay men

One Day, the UFC is going to realize that they have a huge gay following.  Then there will be a slip up and some of the "Gay Budweiser" commercials will start to make their way into the rotation.   Dakota Cochrane featured above.

A straight boy in disguise

Dear Kevin,
     Please wear a condom.  I gave advice several years ago to a man in a similar position.Read my response to Robert Here
I have no idea how it all went with him, but I like to think that my advice was good.  His situation was a bit more complicated as there were kids involved, so for you I offer different advice; fuck him.
Yup, give it to him hard.  So hard that you make him wonder why he should even bother with women.  But wrap it up, cause guys like him (identity crisis) often have a habit of meeting people off craigslist or other places that may not be the cleanest, and guys like him are often afraid to get checked cause they don't want to be a "dirty homo".
Moral: always wear a condom, even if he says he's "never had sex with another guy"...

Rest in Peace

SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Dear Randy

Randy just came out on FaceBook.


Randy, I am happy for you. I hope nothing but acceptance for you on your road ahead. There will be some who this will upset, and some of those people will truly be important to you. When people say "if they don't accept you , they don't matter" they are trying to be supportive, but I (and other Gay (capitol "G") people) know that is not true; some of the closest people will not accept this and may leave you. For this I wish I could apologize on their behalf, but I cannot. As you progress forward, and build yourself into a better man you must remember that being Gay is a Right, but you should treat it like a Privilege. Do not make the mistakes many men make when they first come out. You must not loose yourself in a sea of rainbows, keep your head.

On Circumcision and the Right to Genital Integrity (actually off topic)

My friend page has recently been on a kick about circumcision.  My views on this are not why I am writing this post,  I write this to bring a point to the surface.  The topic of my post is more on the word "Right".

Let's look closer at that word: Right.

A right is the same as a claim, however you never have the earn it.  You have a right to breath, a right to imagine, a right to think.  You have the right to be.  You are born with these rights.  All of them are good things.  You also have the right to live, and the right to try and be the best you can be.  All good things.  The right to remove your shoes and walk in the oceans.  That is one of my favorite rights.  You even have the right to put patches over your eyes and cotton in your ears so that you can live life deaf and blindly: wait... why the hell would you want to do that? (maybe some sort of religious harrowing?  Which you have a right to put yourself through, also.)  You have a right to eat nothing but multivitamins and food bulking agents for the rest of your life-- now that sounds like a horrid fate!

So why would you not want to do those last two?  Cause you don't want to.  It's that simple.  Now let's look at why you don't want to...

It's likely cause you live in a society where your parents and elders said that is a bad idea. And you know what..?  They are right.  You enjoy your life because you receive positive feedback from people, it feels good to be with the fold.  I am not saying that you should conform, I'm saying that it feels good to.

Now.  Let's talk about why you want rights.  Why? you want a right cause it feels good when you exercise it: it feels good to take off your shoes and walk in the ocean.  If it doesn't feel good (like the above mentioned examples), and you have the right, big deal? you won't exercise it anyway.  I do not have a foreskin.  I feel fine, I have no desire to get one.  If I had a "right" to grow one back (and the ability to do so) I would not choose to regain my "right to genital Integrity".

Case Closed.

Desiderata

You are a child of the universe
 No less than the trees and the stars
And you have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should
Therefore, be at peace with God
Whatever you conceive him to be
And whatever your labors and aspirations
In the noisy confusion of life
Keep peace with your soul
As far as possible, without surrender
Be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly
And listen to the dull and ignorant
They too have their story
Avoid loud and aggressive persons
They are vexatious to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others
You may become vain or bitter
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your career however humble it is
A real possession in the changing fortunes of time
Be yourself
Especially do not feign affection
Neither be cynical about love
Take kindly the council of the years
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with imaginings
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond a wholesome discipline
Be gentle to yourself
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams
It is still a beautiful world
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste
And remember what peace there maybe in the silence


I try to be, I strive to be
Oh I wish to be happy

Everyday Gay rights are denied in America. But we must remember that equalizing rights are a distant second to eliminating violence.  Original photo by mark of The Boston Herald, then I added the words.

When it is real

A few days ago a man passed away because a of a disease.  Now, here is the kicker, he have 48 people the bacteria before it took him out.  A photo of him was put out and everyone who was in contact with him was encouraged to go get tested.  Because of his position, he was a social figurehead.  And he went by a different name on Facebook than in real life.  I believe this was so that the people who actually knew him could differentiate between who he truly knew and those he didn't.  I was a friend of his, for real, so I knew the real name.  And I was amazed when i found out he passed away, but I didn't get angry until the people who put out the photo referred to him by his stage name. It was upsetting because it was like they didn't even bother to find out the truth of him.  That, and they used the photo of him that I hate cause it makes him look like a douchbag.

Standing Still

Sarah Brightman has a song called The Journey Home.  The premises of the song is about returning home, but there is one line in particular that is applicable to my life right now.

"Not every road you come across
Is one you have to take
No, sometimes standing still can be
The best move you ever make"

I will soon be heading from larger pastures, I hope they turn out to be greener.  But that is not till April.  Until then, I am presented with many options and opportunities.  Two in particular have presented themselves in the past 24 hours.  One in southern Ohio and one in Louisville, Kentucky.  Both look great, but neither are in New York.  I have already made up my mind that I am going to New York.  And so what do I do about these two?
I believe that the best course of action is to pursue both until I come to a point of commuting to a project.  Neither seems to be a non-compete right now.  And hopefully I can start and complete at least one project before April.

With the Elections coming up

Keep this in mind: it is possible to conduct reasoned, civilized, even impassion debates, without resorting ot name-calling and mud-slinging.  And it is acceptable (indeed admirable) to "agree to disagree".  A "winner" does not have to be pronounced for parties to end the debate.  Remember, victory is no confired on the person who has the last word.

I am not a whore

I had the pleasure of going out to a night club with a real man-whore the other night and since then I have had a foul taste in my mouth regarding the scene.  I saw that he knew every guy.  I would say things like "oh, he's cute" or "look at the arms on that one" and almost always he would say that he had slept with each guy.  I don't want to be that.  Just imagine what they all thought of him.
So, I have decided (this was days ago, and I am proud to say I am successful) in being anything but a slut.  I am not going to give my number to anyone for a while.

Moral: you can learn from other's mistakes.

Never have I Ever

I have never been one to feel the world owes me something, but I am good person.  And every once in a while I want a piece of the pie.  There is a old idea of a "pie in the sky", basically it referrers to having to suffer to get your reward.  I am an advocate of hard work to reach your goals, don't get me wrong, but have you ever stepped back and said "When is it my turn?"
With that in mind, I guess i should just work harder-  HA! that is exactly what got me into this situation.  I can do one of two things, I can either admit defeat and let the load crush me or I can maintain that one day I will be a better person for all the work I have done.  Hard work.
...  But no man ever turned a plow into a scepter.  Fuck the Pie (in the Sky).

This summer

Ahh, the summer. I wish I could say that all things in my life have been going great. For the most part, everything is fine. I have been chugging away and making progress toward... uhm... I don't know. I am kind of lost. I feel a bit like I am just floating. I am trying to grow my business, actually just yesterday I sent in my resume to a Columbus company that is looking for freelance lighting designers. I hope that something good pans out of that. I have also been making new friends and trimming away old ones that are no longer very close to me. It is like a cycle.

I broke two hearts this summer, Josh and Brandon. josh was 5 years, good lord... Brandon feels it was 2 months... I didn't think we were dating, I just thought we were friends that had sex a few times. But you know what? Josh really did love me. I know that now, and I knew that then. I loved him. Despite the break up, I still care about him. He will always hold a place in my heart, I will always remember the good things about him. And those memories make me smile. Brandon thought he loved me (I think...) but he was a little too crazy for me, plus he was just not very nice to me. But I am not here to bash him.

In Summation: If you think it will go nowhere (Brandon), break it off. If it was beautiful once (josh), cherish the memories. If it is just starting (My lighting company), help it grow.

(And you thought it was all just random babbling... haha. thanks for reading, guys.)

Dear SolariusYuuhi

I read your story and I am sorry that all those terrible things happened to you. But I am also happy to hear that you have bounced back. It will take time, and although Soleanna's memory will never be gone, you will love again. And I hope that you get to feel the pride of fatherhood in your life. As for the withdrawl from your family, I encourage you to not venture too far from them. They are on your side. Don't push them away. I wish I could give you some advice, all wrapped up in a pretty bow, but I don't know what to say; excpet, I am sorry for your losses, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.

Actually, I just don't like pushy people

0:40 Name calling - Non-sequeter 2:00 Personal Choice? Yes, parents make choices for their children until the age of 18. These choices are made based on their own experiences. Fathers should be consulted on this matter. 3:30 Appeal to tradition: I believe that he is appealing to the fact that it has been successfully done for thousands of years (Success as in repeated once men have seen the results, we still wish it done to our sons) 4:00 Ok to rape someone if you use a roofie - Straw Man Argument 5:08 records of boy babies dying or having infections FROM CIRCUMCISION are not shown nor sourced. Therefore this bit of the argument should be struck from the video. 8:00 this procedure is not the only exception. Syndactyly repair, polydactyl repair, Ectrodactyly repair. And those are all just on the hands, and none are life threatening syndromes. Should I keep going? 8:30 Male breast cancer is 1 in 1,000. There were 40 million male babies born in 2011, that means that 400, thousand will be at risk for male breast cancer. The number is still high enough to draw attention, so should not be used to demean efforts to prevent other cancers. 9:00 The correlation of those numbers is not direct, other aspects of health such as diet and lifestyle (yes, I am also talking about sexual lifestyle) impact the numbers also. 9:50 The speaker is using an example where the lowest sample rate (4% total HIV infection) is over 100 times the rate of the area of the proposed ban. That is an unparallelled argument. (FYI, the highest rate of 41 percent HIV infection is more than 1000 times the California numbers, but since the speaker has already decided that 1 in 1000 is negligible at 8:30 it doesn't matter) 12:30 Wait... we aren't talking about female circumcision. Laws are already in place regarding those. Non-sequeter

Dear Fra, Here is a little secret: Women love words. So tell her how you feel. Say it! Then say it again. Then find a different way to say it; write it, sing it, scratch it into a tree or cement. Just let her know, but you have to use the words. Women are dumb (so says the gay guy), so be direct with her. Trust me, she will love to hear it. And keep an optimistic mind about it, because confidence is a sexy.

I like Ben even more now. I had always been a fan of Ben Cohen, as I like what he stands for; kind of a defender. I have always been very lucky to not have to deal with bullies, maybe because I have always had friends to be around so bullies couldn't get in. Anyway, some of the younger generation doesn't have that luxury. And that is were Ben Cohen comes into play. I used to just think he was hot, with a good cause as a bonus. Now I see that he is much more than that.

The couch

We are all faced with decisions every day. Sometimes is is a couch, sometimes it is a more important decision, often times a less important one. But every time it is a permanent one. You can return a couch, but the time wasted won't come back.
I am not going to get any younger. I only have so much time on this earth. You want to sped as much time as possible sitting on the right couch. You want to surround yourself with the right people as much as possible. You want to have children and be with them. If a couple is trying to get pregnant, they want it sooner rather than later.

open your chakras

I have combined a few things, mostly the ancient ideology of chakras and the art of reflexology. here is the chart I made, don't try

it if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant.

Por Te

I wish you happiness in all your endeavors, and joy in all corners of your life. If only you saw yourself the way I see you, rather than you seeing yourself as I see me; you would know just how amazing you are. I regret not spending every moment with you, instead of spreading myself thinly between so much. Time can not be returned to us, we have spent it already.
As I see you now, older and married to your own life, rather than a life together. Now all of us have settled down, controlling ourselves to give our hearts to one. There is no longer a face to reach out and touch, no longer a hand to press against my chest. So tell me, now, moments before you turn away from me, and make it so I can't speak. Here like smoke in a balloon, contained and enjoyed through a membrane.

you are gone from me. but you haven't even left.

Moral: Be great to each other.

Random Strangers

I was at Walmart (I know) and I saw a gentleman looking for a remote control for his TV. He was on the phone, and obviously confused about which one to get. I said, "what are you looking for?" and he told me his dilemma. I quickly solved it. But he wasn't finished there, he wanted my advice on a set-top box, I gave him the advice after comparing two models and the conversation continued... for an hour. Literally we talked about such a huge range of topics it isn't even funny. He has my number (no sexual attraction, just figured it was good form in case he wanted to ever chat again.)

moral: minuscule events can have amazing consequences.

My friend Scott

I have a friend who lives out of the state. Not a big deal. But I think that we might want to get together soon. Let me rephrase that, we want to get together now but we are both very busy. That is not the real reason...
OK, here is the skinny. Never actually met in person, only through digital means. He invited me to (open invitation) come to Iowa to visit him. I really want to, but that is not a good idea. I know what will happen: Sex. and then we will get emotional and that will mess up everything.
If it were only Iowa, it wouldn't be so bad, but he is leaving for Texas in the fall. I will likely never see him again in person.

Moral: Sometimes when you really want to do something, you find the best thing to do is nothing.

Cho

Those S&M people; they're really bossy.

I am moving

I am moving down the road, hence why I have been so slow to post. But that is no the point. The point is-- where did all these jock straps come from? I thought I only had one, but so far,I have seen three and I still have 4 more drawers to pack up.

moral: moving is a great time for cleaning out the closet.

Got ToHell!

I was recently told I was going to hell, this isn't a new thing for me (I have been told this before) but this was different. Normally it is a person who is calling me a sinner because I am doing something they are not (in this case, being a homosexual). But this was very different because it was not as much "you're going to Hell" as "we are going to hell". I was told this by another gay man. He is from a far away place where being gay is a sign of evil. Regardless of whether he acts on his urges or not, he is dammed. And I am dammed just as he, according to him. I refuse to believe this, how can he and I being cast into fire just for being who we are? After many long moments of silence, I asked him "Does this keep you from acting on what your body tells you to do?"

"No, I still like men. And I am going to have sex with them, and you will too."

...Wait, what? I still don't understand this. Is it that he feels he can't escape it, so he is going to enjoy it, or what?
Nope, he just doesn't want me to live in fear of the fire.
Moral: sometimes those around you want you to make the best of a bad situation. And sometimes they are dead wrong. He is wrong, God has not abandoned me, and He does not hold this against me.

Newly SIngle

I am newly single, and I must say... nothing is different yet 5 days a week. I still get up and go to work, come home and go to sleep. But on those other two days I am a totally new man. I have started to make art again, in preparation for my new apartment. The above is five motherboards that I mounted to a board and will be wiring together to hang on a wall. It isn't as creative as I used to be, but it is a start. I am going to dive deeper into my lighting, currently working on a big project that I won't bore you with.
I dated Josh (photo is to the right) for 4 1/2 years. That is a long time. We were good together, that is why it lasted so long. We will try to be friends, but the reality is... I don't think it will work. We are starting to get more harsh with each other; him more judgmental and me more apathetic. I will be moving in less than two weeks. And what will happen then? He will not be here when that happens, he will be out of town on business. Initially I thought of just leaving during the week and not telling him that I was going to to. But that was a juvenile idea, reaped from hurt feelings. He has been good to me.

I will never forget him.

Moral: Some people are in your life for a season. Some a lifetime, others simply a moment for a reason. But everyone who touches you leaves an imprint. These are usually opportunities to build character. I am a better person now, as is he. Despite this, you must know when to make and exit.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

a long time ago when the planet was first beginning, the lifeforms breathed only CO2 and their waste was O2. Now the majority breathe O2 and put out CO2. The first shift from CO2 to O2 killed the majority of the planet, now it seems that it is going to shift back again.

So smart I circle back to dumb

I learned/figured out something today. Ever wonder why something is green of purple or ect? It is crazier than you think. first watch this video below. Do yourself a favor and mute it first.

I assume that you all know that color is based in light.
Now, do you know why it is changing colors? It is because of the chemical makeup of the solution. That solution is not producing light. And if it isn't making light, how is it making color, after all it must be making the color, because the lighting in the room isn't changing at all. So how is it "colored"? Well, in a nutshell, the there is a molecular change occurring. Light interactivity the chemical makeup of something. Color isn't what something "is" it is what something is "doing". And strangely enough, light is doing a number on everything. Light (well, really, waves in total (radio all the way to gamma)) actually causes the molecules to be changed in everything it touches. I don't just mean plants with chlorophyll and such as that. I mean paint and ink, gemstones*, the rocks that make up cliffs, and the sand that fills the deserts of the world. When you look at a tomato that is green, then days later it is red, you are seeing the chemical change of the tomato growing and maturing. But when you see a red tomato in a painting turn yellow, it is a chemical change within the paint. There is no cellular life in that pigment maturing.
...
let me try to explain that again. Just as luminescence consumes energy from two chemicals mixing or a metal burning up atom by atom when heated red hot, reflected light causes a change in color to the subject matter by interacting/bouncing off it/being absorbed by it.** That is why things fade after prolonged exposer to light.

There is more to this than what I have stated above (I have ignored the physical phenomenons of the world). Incandescent things for example create their own light. Then there are actual physical properties of light that create rainbows in 2 degrees of our field of vision (40 degrees and 42 degrees***). That is a whole different ball of wax.

*yes, gemstones are still changing on the molecular level. Give them a millennium or two and they won't be very pretty at all.
**when an object appears green it is because it is absorbing the red and blue light, and rejecting the green light (sending it back to be received by your eyes).
***Double rainbows are created by one rainbow being behind another rainbow on a round planet, not beneath with respect to our vantage point.

I don't normally post political stuff, or maybe I am doing so more often... but This is important to me and others. If you have children, think of them; do you want them to grow up in a world were somebody besides you gets to decide what they are allowed to learn? If you ever attended college, you have seen how differing opinions enrich the academic world. I do not advocate young children aimlessly clicking around the internet, it can be a dangerous place; but this does not only affect them. This affects adults, too: Adults that are old enough to choose to drive, choose to speak, choose to vote. Why would they vote to lock them out of choosing what they learn?
I say no to internet censorship.

we have more in common than you think.

There is one trait that 97% of adults have in common. This 97% spans race, orientation, religion, social status, and political affiliation. No matter where a person is from, no matter where they live; this is common between most of us. I truly mean globally.
97% of all adults eyes are 63 millimeters apart off center.

powerful words

I awoke, flat on my back; in my mouth, the taste of blood and chocolate. As I opened my eyes, the golden clouds kissed my contracting irises. There were sounds, both terrible and melodious, louder than the roar of silence. Crashing bells took my consciousness to a distant place of standing stones and Cyclopean architecture. A moment lost in a blink took me to the cracked floor of the vault, although now standing perfectly upright. I threw open my arms wide, prostrate to the sunrise; dawn of a new century. The heat of the sun kissed my hair to my toes, bathing me in the aromas of saffron and champagne, tastes that end where they start.

On "Doing" and the fight to do it

first things first. I am not a fan of protesting. I think that if you feel strongly enough, you should try and create solutions to problems, not just groan about how terrible the situation is. Now, the disparity is still there, it always will be, but I have seen many "help wanted" signs on doors. But on that same note, I had trouble finding a job for a hot minute, and i have a clean background with no felonies and am well educated. It isn't as easy for others with a few strikes against them. But I am not in their shoes, I don't know if they can't find work. Just last night, on the news there was a carpet cleaning crew who was be raided by the news reporter about "does your employer know you are a felon?" and "would you want somebody like that in your home?". So, I imagine that some people don't really want to allow certain types to make money... I guess some people really do want to keep others down.

Vincent van Gogh's fame may owe as much to a legendary act of self-harm, as it does to his self-portraits. But, 119 years after his death, the tortured post-Impressionist's bloody ear is at the centre of a new controversy, after two historians suggested that the painter did not hack off his own lobe but was attacked by his friend, the French artist Paul Gauguin.

According to official versions, the disturbed Dutch painter cut off his ear with a razor after a row with Gauguin in 1888. Bleeding heavily, Van Gogh then walked to a brothel and presented the severed ear to an astonished prostitute called Rachel before going home to sleep in a blood-drenched bed.

But two German art historians, who have spent 10 years reviewing the police investigations, witness accounts and the artists' letters, argue that Gauguin, a fencing ace, most likely sliced off the ear with his sword during a fight, and the two artists agreed to hush up the truth.

In Van Gogh's Ear: Paul Gauguin and the Pact of Silence, published in Germany, Hamburg-based academics Hans Kaufmann and Rita Wildegans argue that the official version of events, based largely on Gauguin's accounts, contain inconsistencies and that both artists hinted that the truth was more complex.

Van Gogh and Gauguin's troubled friendship was legendary. In 1888, Van Gogh persuaded him to come to Arles in the south of France to live with him in the Yellow House he had set up as a "studio of the south". They spent the autumn painting together before things soured. Just before Christmas, they fell out. Van Gogh, seized by an attack of a metabolic disease became aggressive and was apparently crushed when Gauguin said he was leaving for good.

Kaufmann told the Guardian: "Near the brothel, about 300 metres from the Yellow House, there was a final encounter between them: Vincent might have attacked him, Gauguin wanted to defend himself and to get rid of this 'madman'. He drew his weapon, made some movement in the direction of Vincent and by that cut off his left ear." Kaufmann said it was not clear if it was an accident or an aimed hit.

While curators at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam stand by the theory of self-mutilation, Kaufmann argues that Van Gogh dropped hints in letters to his brother, Theo, once commenting : "Luckily Gauguin ... is not yet armed with machine guns and other dangerous war weapons."

7 months later

thank you ann. Truly, thank you. You have been so important in my life, and I can't imagine where I would be without you. Although I will never see you again in this life, your presence remains. I think of you often, more often than I do of many others who have passed away. You were very important to me. I never knew how important I was to you when you were alive, it was not until your memorial, 20 days after you sent me this email, that I learned how I was almost celebrity status in your life. I never knew I mattered so much, people I never even knew existed were saying things like "now I can put a face to a name" or "Ann was always telling me so much about you." I wish I could have more time with you, but I know exactly what you would say if you heard me say that, that I am a busy man, and you know I was always there when you needed me.
I am glad that before you passed away you got to see that Page and I had rekindled our friendship, and that Page was able to tell you she was pregnant. I am also glad that you got to meet Josh, and that you liked him so much. Your opinion matters to me.
Also, I want to tell you that the photo of you from your younger years is one of two identical copies. I have one and your sister has the other. I have not framed it yet, but I will soon-- I promise.
I miss you very much,
Kevin.

--I never knew I mattered so much


-----Original Message-----
From: Ann Rankin [mailto:portsails@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 08, 2011 7:49 PM
To: Kevin Duchon
Subject: Nana's desk is yours....

Dear Kevin, The ships are going to a nautical museum outside of Washington, D.C. Nana's desk is yours, free and clear, though. I spoke with Moira, tonight. No one in the family wants it. No one will fight you over it. It belongs to you. Go get it, anytime after this weekend. -- All my love, Ann

Steve Jobs

So, Steve Jobs is dead. I have two things to say. Firstly, it is ironic that all the mac users think they (their computers) are immune to viruses, but then their elected god died of a virus. The second part, I do not understand why anyone that I know is sad. They did not know him. He did not know them. The likelihood of anyone I know knowing someone who actually knew him is slim at best.

Save your tears for those who loved you back. You do not cry for death you cry for a broken relationship. And so I allow you tonight, just briefly, a moment to step back and say "where is the love, Kevin?" or "How can you be so cold."

The memorial:
At Apple headquarters in Cupertino, Calif., tonight, people were hugging and crying. Candles were being lit around an iPad with a picture of Jobs on the screen, and observers very quietly stood and looked at the memorial.

Really? An iPad? I'll take a painting please. For one time in their lives they could have taken their heads out of their asses long enough to realize that an apple product isn't always the best way to do something.

I feel the need to expand, it isn't Steve Jobs that I am hating on. It is the insane following and crying for a guy who created products for consumers, not technological advances. Celebrate Brahmagupta and Pingala, they did nothing to please consumers for profit, only gave to the technological world. He was a for-profit man, who started as a computer engineer and strayed from that by age 26 to fill the coffers.

Two into One

"...and the heavens shall tremble as furious angels drag you back to me."

Apples

I expressed my incredulity to the shop's assistant, who coldly noted that he did not like my implication. He insisted that every article in the emporium was genuine—no fakes, imitations, or cheap knock-offs.

I must have appeared unconvinced, for the assistant narrowed his eyes at me and disappeared into the bowels of the shop, returning several minutes later. He removed the jar of pickled apples from its display case, and proceeded to carefully, reverentially, remove the wax seal from the lid of the jar.

I watched with fascination as the jar was opened, and a single, rosy apple pulled from it. It looked as if it had been picked just that day, at the peak of ripeness. With a paring knife, the assistant cut the tiniest sliver of flesh from the apple and presented it to me.

The flavor of that one small sliver was astonishing. It was as close to a perfect apple as ever there was. I was experiencing the essence of every apple ever eaten, and that ever will be eaten. When it was over, the sense of loss that filled me was sharp enough to move me to tears.

The rest of the apple was returned to the jar, which was then resealed. I paid five sovereigns for that single taste, and I believe I got the better part of the bargain.

—From the letters of Brother Ferdinand Genitivi to Sister Petrine, Chantry scholar

Black and White

Sometimes there is black and white. You can't totter on the line, choose a side. See, when you mix black and white you get gray. And no matter how much white you add back in, all you're going to get is gray.

Total trim-back

I pruned my oldest Desert Rose plant this evening. Now it is almost the same size as when I bought it, but rather than having 2 shoots, it has 6!

... still no flowers, though...

wish every day

If I had one wish per day, for the rest of my life, I would spend them all on you.

I wrote that, it is a Kevin original. But the funny thing is, it didn't begin like that. It was originally much closer to, "Today I would wish for you, but only if I got one wish per day for the rest of my life." Much less endearing.

Moral: if you must make a big decision, don't blow your wad on a bad result.

as a whole

sufh uad U rhii theoa a theot and be lgue to inceur all the tryi ther l aowe nas firsshe on. I woll be reyye woe. tjh aso tjea o jae aowais wanroe ap jwrrp wlla. And they will all regret what they did to me.

On the Forum

"Oh my. It is strange how you don't really think about those we talk to on here as PEOPLE. Obviously we are all people, but there is a feeling of infallibility to everyone on here. If someone is suddenly not posting, we expect that they are busy doing something else. I hope that others share a feeling of loss, by that I mean I hope that we are able to remember (gently) that we are all real people."
I posted this on the Forum. It was brought to my attention that Frosty (a man I have known for more than 10 years) passed away in his sleep.
Moral: everyone out there is a real person. They have lovers and mothers. You are a real person, who HAS touched loves. Even if you don't think you matter, you would be missed if gone.

old friends and new

I have many friends, more than I can keep track of. I don't mean that to sound cocky, I mean that as a bad thing. The problem with knowing a lot of people is that you "know" them all, you aren't "friends" with most of them. And many people are the same way, those who I consider close might think differently about me. And so, as I go through the list and have to pick 12 people to invite to a party, it is clear; some of the top 12 people that I want to invite wouldn't come. Terrible? At first I thought so. But I am not too insulted. Some people I know are too busy, some are too far, some are not compatible with other people, others have track records of not showing up.

So, as I lick these envelopes, I am forced to decide who to send them to. I have the 12 people. I just need 4 more addresses.

Moral: After a while you stop inviting them. You just don't bother anymore. It isn't about a party, it is about your life. So Jason, I hope that this story about my life sheds clarity on yours. Forget about her, she isn't worth your effort.