fixing what isn't broke

I have several plants, all of which are growing very fast. Faster than they probably should be, to the point that they are disproportionately tall and too narrow. I was going to repot them into soil that was less fertile, but then i realized, "so what?". Big deal if my plants are not the same as everyone else's, they seem to be healthy enough. Plus now I can bend them into weird shapes.

obama

They might think they've got a pretty jump shot or a pretty good flow, but our kids can’t all aspire to be LeBron or Lil Wayne. I want them aspiring to be scientists and engineers, doctors and teachers, not just ballers and rappers. I want them aspiring to be a Supreme Court justice. I want them aspiring to be President of the United States of America.

moral: he did it, and he wants them to, also.

in a nutshell

promoted job, bigger portfolio, smaller desire to help those who won't help themselves, and I have been doing pull ups every day.

furious Angels

I am lucky to have a wide range of music available to me. One song that I have been listening to a lot recently is called "furious Angels". It is essentially about a man in love with a destructive woman (or man, the song doesn't really say) and his description of how the love has effected him. Bu providing violent imagery such as a piece of metal between his ribs or a dirty needle and a blow to the head the artist, Rob Dougan, shows that love is dirty.
I mention this on the blog because I agree; love is dirty and sometimes we feel like those we love are in a position to do so much damage that we know God Himself will call for the protection of you when they hurt you. This is of course an exaggeration, if you think that god will keep you together than you have a view of micromanaging on a macro scale.
Moral: love can hurt, so be nice to each other.

There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.

on straight boys

oh, alas. I have met my match. I mean that in reference to the situation, not any person. I have recently been ever so lucky to change jobs from a dreadful department store to a fun businessman's boutique. With this position I have been introduced to several upstanding fellows, 4 above the rest. We will simply go by their first initials; Ja., Jo., Mi., and We., in no particular order (albeit alphabetical). With each I have shared something great. With We. I find myself reduced to giggles at every turn. He has a lively humor that makes any dry humor pale in comparison. Mi. is by far the most stern of the lot, however from him I have seen that there is a directness with people you must maintain. I mean that with regards to me, personally. Through his frank analysis of every situation I could encounter I am prepared and readied for everything that could ever happen to me. Then there is Jo.! He and I share so much of the same past, and we always have something to talk about. I am not exaggerating in saying that he spends more time with me in the confines of those walls than anyone else. And we always have something to say to each other, weather it be work related or not.
And then we come to Ja.... Who I initially disliked. Yes, it is true. I can not even remember why, but it does not matter. Then there was also the short time that he disliked me, which I assume doesn't matter to him anymore, either. We are now very close. We talk endlessly about topics that just reaffirm we are both like minded, every conversation seems to be a compliment to the tastes and choices of the other. Thank God he isn't gay, otherwise we would both probably think the other is coming onto us. We, and he agrees with this, have a frightening number of things in common. It is kind of funny to see what I would be if I were straight. The answer: I would be exactly the same as I am right now, only I would like boobs.*

*not that boobs are bad, they just aren't very motivating.

Eulegy

I knew my grandma in the same way as many of you here, and many of us have a several wonderful memories that we will share later today. I would like to share one right now, though. At my grandfather, Joseph Duchon's, funeral I was very upset, it was the first time when I was able to understand grieving. I was terribly sad, but I remember that at the reception she asked me to sit next to her and spoke to me about grief. She told me that it was alright to be upset, because that helps you to accept death. And now I remind you of the lesson she taught me. It is alright to be upset. Grieve fully, and whole heartedly. Hurt deeply and release wailing cries. But do not let yourself be consumed by grief. You must allow the course of sorrow to end into acceptance of the death.

Back burner

I am in charge of a theater group. I picked it up as a... not a hobby, but I did not plan on fully devoting myself to it. It is a community that doesn't really support my decisions and is full of underachievers. I know that is harsh, but it is true. They would not have gotten nearly this far without me. I know that sounds cocky, infact; it is. I am cocky. I created the theater group, fully intending to hand it off to someone else when it took flight. So far... nobody has proven good enough.
Now, I also have my own company. Pure Illumination Lighting is my real baby. THAT is what I truly am devoted to. I love it, much more than a community theater in an area that I don't even live where every decision is question and all my efforts are slowed by those who surround me. In my company, I am final decision, nobody can counter me. I can do whatever I want.

I am just frustrated. I want both to succeed, really. But I can't support the weight of both. As PI grows, like it has been, I am not going to be able to do both. Yes, it is unfair to the theater group, but they are not trying nearly as hard as I am. I feel that i am not exaggerating in saying that I put more of my time and money (gas isn't cheap and I live 25 miles away) into it than all of the others. I am followed closely by another, but she also doesn't live in the community. We were asked recently by a member of the arts council if the area even wants us to be there. I am starting to doubt it.

Moral: a man cannot have two masters nor two true loves. He may love both, but one will triumph over the other. He must realize this and put his efforts accordingly.

biting

Biting is great. It is like kissing, only there's a winner.
Moral: I'm not saying that life is a competition, but in most things... somebody comes out ahead.

you shouldn't not do something just because everyone else is not doing it. If nobody else jumped off a bridge, would you not not do it either?!?

Ganzfeld effect

Basically, you are able to gently bring on a lucid dream without falling asleep. Take a pingpong ball and cut it in half. Place these two halves over your eyes, tape then down using medical tape (it won't cause chaffing). then you get 60 mins of white noise and a red light. Position the light so that you are looking directly into it while you lay down. Start the white noise and just lay there... and wait...

On Osama Bin Laden

I'll bet you that somewhere in the world there is a TV news station showing a bunch of American's jumping around like girls gone wild with he caption "US extremists gloat over their murder of a religious leader" or something like that. Many lives were lost due to Bin Laden, but it seems that the only one within the last decade puts the US behind the trigger. Go ahead and hate on me for calling a spade a spade and saying that it is wrong to rejoice over the death of someone. I agree that the killing was a correct move in warfare. I truly do. But the fact that people seem so happy about it is kinda terrible. The US government knew Americans would rejoice. But this only paints a target on our asses. Perhaps they shouldn't have released the news.
It was necessary, but we should not be rejoicing.

Haircut

I got a haircut today from the same woman who has cut my hair for the past 6 months or so. I got there and her assistant (the Asian lady who does nails) washed my hair, and then the hairdresser came in and proceeded to cut my hair. She asked me "you want same thing as last time?" through her accent. I said, "yes", and she proceeded to cut my hair and make small talk. It seemed like she was cutting rather close, but I trusted that she remembered how I wanted it since she asked if I wanted what I got last time. Shortly later she took me over to the sink and rinsed out my hair in the basin and then let me style it myself. It wasn't my haircut. I assume she must have confused me with another client, since all white people look alike. the haircut looks great, really accents my face, and makes me look kinda buff; but it isn't MY haircut.
The point is, although I do look great, it isn't really "me". Your haircut says something about you, just as much as what you wear or how girls do their makeup. Everything that you let the world sees says something about you. Even things you don't choose on a daily basis (thin/fat, white/black, your job, your friends, your car) say something about you.
Moral: make sure that every detail you show the world accurately reflects you.

busy

I have very busy as of recent. That is all.

Childhood perspective on Taxing

This is from my friends facebook note.


Jimmy and Johnny are both two brothers who work hard for their father. However, as Johnny is 3 years older and has more experience with the work and political power in the family decisions, he gets paid more by a large amount.

The time now comes when Jimmy and Johnny get their monthly earnings. Jimmy makes $100 for the work he has done, Johnny get $500.

That month there was unfortunately an issue with the household's water bill and while Jimmy may use a little less water than Johnny, they are charged a different percentage of their earnings.

Well, I suppose this sounds fair, I mean, Johnny does make more and use more resources, why shouldn't he be charged more than Jimmy?

Guess again...

Jimmy is charged 15% of his earnings while Johnny is only charged 5%.

Let's do this math... 15% of Jimmy's earnings is $15 of his money while 5% of Johnny's earnings is $25.

Well, you say, Johnny still does pay more than Jimmy, so why do we care?

Jimmy is now left with $85 of money and Johnny has $475. Both did the same amount of work, but Jimmy was charged more in percentage so Johnny could choose to invest his money into some of the new furniture his parents want to buy to make the house a better place to live.

Johnny also has the decision to blow it all on a new game system for himself....

Johnny thinks to himself "Do I want to spend my extra money on myself for an awesome gaming system or do I want to spend some of it on furniture the whole family can share?"

Which do you think Johnny will choose, the new furniture for the whole family (with a little money left over, equal to his brother's) or the new game system for himself?

He will most likely choose the gaming system, it does seem like it's better for him, right?

Now Jimmy is stuck in the family room of their house with no couch. His parents then ask if he would be willing to chip in his money for the couch instead of the books he wanted to buy. (I mean, he can always get them at the library, right?)

So Jimmy buys the couch with his parents and now gets his books for free from the library.

One day, on his way to the library, he gets mugged and beaten up for reading Huckleberry Finn since it historically has the "N-word" in it.

Of course, this is while his older brother is safe at home, playing an even more racist Italian mafia game where he kills hookers, cops, and gangster guys for money.

The End

onions

People are complex. they really are. It is important to understand that there is more under the surface than what you see. People are like onions, they have layers. Shrek (Dreamworks studios) has as scene were the title character is describing himself as complex. This same sort of metaphor is used in a short story I read as a high school student. The idea that if you peel back the layers of a person, you will see something different. The only problem... if you peel back the layers of an onion, you just find more onion. Sometimes people are the exact same on the inside as they are on the outside.
Moral. Let people show you that they can be different, but don't be too shocked if you don't' see a change.

A. Can I tell you something personal?
B. I mean, we're in the shower together, you can say whatever you want.

Vowes from a bridezilla

Promise to love you, to cherish you, to honor you. but not to obey you, because that's misogynistic and egotistic and who do you think you are, a sea captain? However I do entrust you with my heart , take care of my heart won't you please. take care of it because it is all I have to give you. And if you let me I'll take care of your heart too. I 'll protect it and tend to it like a little stray.

Remember

I gave you all some advice a while ago, or it wasn't really advice. Simply I said, "You can laugh, or you can cry, but you can not ignore." I am in a position in my life right now where I am brought to tears. My friend has been fighting cancer for the past several years. I truely thought that you would make it. And I never thought that I would be preparing for your death this young. It isn't fair, and everyone keeps agreeing with me on that, but it I know that she is not taken by surprise. I thought it was going so well, I thought that it was going into remission, and that she was going to have a long life. But then just as suddenly as ever could be possible, a complete change for the worst... she is in a hospice now. She will never leave. I will never take her to go fly one of the kites I built, and she will not be going to a park to play with Ada or Nadine (dogs). She wanted those things, and maybe she thought that if she kept a good outlook they would happen. I deep down think that it wasn't going well for a very long time, and that she knew. I wonder if she was telling us that it was going well to keep our hope alive and to keep her own alive. She chose to laugh, not cry. And chose for us to laugh, not cry. She wanted joy and relief. She was not ignoring it, I don't think. She was going for regular scans and all that. There was no pretending it wasn't happening.
I have never had to prepare for a friend of MINE die. Friends of family have died, but none where I have felt so alone. My family knows Ann, but none of them as well as I do. I am already thinking about the future, and what needs to happen. I suppose that is how you know i am growing up, I am making sure that all the things that need to get done are getting down before I start to get all emotional. People around me know that I am an emotional person. They think I am taking it hard now... but I am a wailer. Short of my grandfather... I don't think I have ever felt this much loss before, or am expecting to feel this much loss. I already feel like she is gone, but without the relief of closure.
I am going to go see her tomorrow in a hospice. I just don't know what is going to happen. I am worried that i am going to spend the whole time crying. And that isn't going to accomplish anything. I am worried that she isn't going to be the same Ann that I know, like she isn't going to be suddenly made of glass; fragile. I am making ice cream for her, and taking several small cups of it tomorrow, I have never been so unsure about how it will come out. Normally it is OK if it is a little off, but it has to be perfect tomorrow. What if she can't eat it, or something? I will feel like I missed the chance to give it to her, I was too late. I missed you when you were healthy enough to fully enjoy life. I was too busy putting my own shit first to do enough with you. I missed out on you.

I was lookign through my computer, for a good picture of Ann to put as the image to this post. iodn't even have one. How shitty of a friend am I? I don't even have a photo of her, I knew the woman for almost seven years and I don't have one dam picture of her.

USB 3.0 vs Thunderbolt

Both technologies are from intel, and both are very fast. Fast enough to outrun even the fastest Solid State Drives. The fastest SSD I could find could write at around 650 megabytes, this is slower than the transfer speeds of both USB 3.0 and Thunderbolt. So really it is just like the Bluray vs HD DVD. My guess is that USB 3.0 will win because people already have the technology that will fit it. The only thing that I see changing that, Apple is already carrying the thunderbolt connector. That mean 10% of the market has/will have it, and 30% more will desire to have it. That is nearly half...
Now, although it can't be utilized, the thunderbolt is faster, and it can be even faster if the technology swaps out copper conductors for optical ones. But as a fast connection is only important in the case of a large file transfer, and you will be transferring between harddrives... it isn't going to get anywhere near that speed anytime soon.