stop sending hate mail

I received a hate filled email a few days ago. I suppose that everyone is entitled to their opinions, and they have right to voice their opinions... on public property. I have posted previously the rules of a certain web forum as they relate to angry posts and messages; if it isn't public property, you live by my rules. If you don't like what I post, don't read it. Or at least support your hate mail with reasons why you think I am such a terrible person.
Moral: you can disagree with something, and even voice your opinion, as long as you act like a mature and reasonable person. Swearing at people is not going to make to make your argument stronger.

on giving

I am a generous person, there is little that I have that I will not give. However, recently I have been tested. All that I gave, it was not enough. I was bitter and angry that more was asked of me, and I refused. But now I see- it isn't ever enough. There will always be someone who needs it more than I do, always someone that my small gesture will truly help.
Even saying these words does not make me feel better, I am still angry and bitter that so much is asked of me. I do not want to give any more.
Moral: you can know that something is the right thing, and want to do the right thing, and even actually do the right thing... but sometimes you still hate it.

10 PC Games that I liked

Because I cannot tell you which is my favorite, I am forced to put these into chronological order by release date. I enjoyed them all for the same reason; they are fun! I don’t enjoy games where you can’t win due to difficulty or wasting 40+ hours of my life playing just to get the end for completion sake. So, without further pause…

Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings (September 1999)
I first encountered this game on my father’s computer back in my late grade school/ early highshcool years. It came bundled with some other software or something like that, but for some reason I was transfixed by it. The third player perspective allows you to create and control an ancient civilization and attack surrounding groups. There are “Ages” that you must make it through (not a requirement of the game, but if you plan on beating the competition you really aut to get on that.) You choose a civilization in the beginning and lead them through their historically-enhanced development that is based on a real line of the world. I always played as the Brittans because they have archers and I liked distant attacks at that time in my life. There are also several preset campaigns like William Wallace and Joan d’Arch.
The Sims (February 2000)
We all remember this game, or have played one of the sequals. A 3rd person perspective game with questionable graphics and funny noises, this game lead in a whole new era of absolute control. Build your own house, create a social misfortune of a character, and then control every aspect of his life. I made my characters in two phases: heterosexual and then fags. Once I became gay, so did all my characters. This is a trend for all players, we create our characters to be similar to ourselves. Once you start up your household, it is just a matter of time till you have a career and a family, all of whom you can take complete control over (up to 8 people.)
Diablo 2 (June 2000)
I was a little late in finding this game, it wasn’t till 2008 that I picked up this jewel as the complete Battle Chest edition. The game is good, but the fact that so many people have it and that it isn’t a resource hog make LAN parties possible. The different character classes and character leveling choices make the game dynamic. I played as a Barbarian named Bubbles, but while LANing I was accompanied by a Sorceress, Necromancer and Druid. Also, the random treasure aspect of the game combined with the map randomizer makes every game different. Please note that this game has some of the best cheats available, various character trainers allow you to create your own weapons and beef up your character instantly. LANing with 4 other players who have magic spells attached to their weapons can create a small lag, but is surely something to see on screen.
Clive Barker’s Undying (February 2001)
This game was the first game that I bought that ever scared me. The plot circles around a convoluted family secret of death. The graphics were a little behind the times and the music was almost monotonous, but the game play took you through a mansion filled with non-regenerating baddies (thank God, because you only get six rounds before you have to reload that dam pistol). The game features the best human sacrifice scene I have ever encountered, actually giving me a reoccurring nightmare (but it is to the point of lucid dreaming now, so all is good). The numerous online threads urging the creators for a remake speak a testimate for the great plot. There is also the matter of the unexplained magic aspect of the game. Being a first person shooter, armed with a tiny arsenal of weapons and only a few spells makes this game a little limited. But you will have everything you need to follow along the plot. This game is bug free, and you never get stuck in a room with no way out, at least I never did.
F.E.A.R. (October 2005)
When I first played this game I was amazed by the revolutionary ability of the main character, who is able to temporarily speed up his reaction time and perception. This was so different because not until this point in game history was THE PLAYER given the bump in power. Rather than running faster or jumping higher, the entire world of the game was slowed down and the contrast increased. Bullets and fists flew by visibly trailed while being easily avoided. As for plots, this game features one of the more fucked up dark corners of human beings. Without giving away too much, trust me when I say that the little girl deserves to kill anyone she wants after being subjected to what she was put through. This game will definitely haunt you for weeks after you beat it, and being a first person shooter you get a great perspective during the gory scenes. Also, the addition of several hot spots in the maps will let loose various hallucinations for you character and other freaky things, many of which you aren’t sure if they are really in the game or not.
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (March 2006)
This game is still widely played, and with its massive fanbase mods make this game a bit more personalized... all my characters are stunningly beautiful people thanks to several body and face mods. Although the world is so large it may as well be infinite, there are limits of the map. But far to the north the land is covered by snow and the south is a marshy heated climate. The custom character class allows you to choose what aspects of your game you find important, and your choices lead to your leveling up as you excel in those areas. The aspect of magic deeply influences this game, with several different schools of magic to master, all of which require a different mindset to utilize. The main plot is for from the bulk of the game, as several add-on content packs expand the game nearly endlessly. Completing the entire game is impossible, as the results of your choices close off and open up different quests. As far as the resources required to run the game: the graphics can really heat up your hardware, especially when walking through grassy fields.

Titan Quest (June 2006)
Once the Diablo 2 LAN parties began to be unfashionable and repetitive, this was the next choice. Offering a leap forward in graphics and a more “real world” plot (we all know basic Greek mythology) this was a great deal of fun to play. Plus, there is no class limitations like wizards or barbarians. Everyone begins the same way and from there you can do anything anyone else can (but once you make a choice of specialization, it is concrete. However, you do get two specialties). For LANing I chose the melee character as usual, but gave him fire/earth magic also. When playing this game, I recommend one battle choice (defense, warfare, hunting, or something else like that) and one magic choice (fire/earth, lightning/ice, Dream, Nature, ect.). This game sports a great addon pack, Immortal Throne. But be warned- the addon is longer than the original game. Although the game was supposed to support internet play through game servers, only LAN is supported as the production company is now out of business.
Clive Barker’s Jericho (October 2007)
I got this game for one reason, it had Clive Barker’s name on it. I Loved Undying, and I loved this one. This first person shooter allows you to switch first person pespecnive between all the characters of the cast (at least the good guys) at any time after the first 3 or 4 levels of the game. I expected to find one character to be stronger than the rest or more useful, but truthfully, they all have their place. It was as if they laid out all the characters and said, “how is this character less than that character?” and then fixed it. The plot isn’t as frightening as Undying, but the gore makes up for it. And, unfortunately the game is just as linear, you can only go forward through the story line along one path (although you can replay any level at any time after completing it). This is the only game on the list that makes cheating impossible, by the way; no trainers, no codes, no console… no cheating. Also, the music created for this game is one of the best soundtracks I have ever heard.

Turok (April 2008)
I always liked the Turok series, but this one is a little different. The title character obviously has a history of steroid use, as is evident by his huge arms and short temper. And there is only one character that I enjoyed playing with (NPCs run alongside you to help fight), that being “Cowboy”. And we all know what happens to nice guys in these games…Beside that, the maps are hard to navigate and you frequently get lost in the greenery that looks the same as it did 500 yards ago. The plot lacks depth and is so linear you might as well be watching a movie. So why do I like this game enough to add it to my top ten? It is really fun to just let loose and slice some throats. This game is rated “M” for a reason. The knife kills are so realistically choreographed that it can make you a little squeamish the first few times. One more thing this game has going for it is the health bar… there isn’t one. As you play through the game and take damage the screen begins to fade to red, and time passed standing still heals Turok. Pretty cool, actually.
Dragon Age: Origins (November 2009)
Game of the year. Need I say more? Be you Melee or Magic character, your needs will be met. The spells in the game are impressive visually, and some can be combined to create new spells. As for melee players, dual weapons and countless armor and weapons are at your disposal. The game is pretty good about allowing you to actively work on multiple quests at the same time, and not create bugs from that fact. Just as every other game that allows you to play as multiple characters at the same time, this game limits your party size to 4, and offers no LAN gaming. A pretty good story line and the ability to drastically alter the game by saying the wrong things to the wrong people make this game different each time you play it. The standalone expansion pack isn’t worth playing.

On Jeff

I first met Jeff my freshman year of college, about 5 years ago, when I was working at a store on campus. He was a frequent customer who had a crush on me I later found out. But a few months after meeting him I found out he has/had a degeneration blood disease. I doubt that is accurate, as I never really talked to him after that to find out the details. I was a scared kid who didn't know how to deal with something like that, so I just ignored him till he went away. I became his facebook friend before finding this out and never really got around to deleting him. I randomly clicked on his profile every once in awhile, and never stayed too long. But only moments ago I discovered his death. One of his friends (a REAL friend) posted funeral details a couple weeks ago, and since then people have been writing him things on his wall. I wish I hadn't been such chicken shit back then. I deleted him now, as i do not deserve to be his friend, even on facebook.
Moral: I am not the brave and loving person I think I am. Deep inside, or maybe it is long ago, I am fearful jerk who pushed away a dying man because I was afraid. What the hell was wrong with me?

Virgina

If everyone thought of other people before themselves, everybody would be taken care of.
-Virgina L. in her monologue

I

Death Penalty

(an excerpt from another blog)
Before I get into comedic related issues a quick statement on the death penalty (due to some Facebook chatter on my page). I am against the death penalty in all cases. The recent revelation in Texas that an innocent man was executed for arson and capital murder in 2004 for allegedly setting fire to his home, which killed his two young children should be huge news. Can you imagine the man’s anguish (he never pleaded guilty)? But I am against it even when the person is actually guilty (yes even if DNA and videotape corroborate it). I think it is barbaric. China, parts of the Middle East and the U.S. are the world’s executors. No one else I believe.
One argument for the death penalty I get is - what if it was your friend or family member they killed – you’d be for it then? Well, being human I would want vengeance. But the government is in place to elevate society (at least we hope) beyond Old Testament justice, not to enforce it. It has no deterrent effect and I don’t think satisfying some sort of blood lust should be our main justification for imposing a punishment. Isn’t that why people get to watch UFC and MMA fights? This is to say nothing of the racial disparity in the application of the death penalty. It is a flawed and barbaric system because it relies too much on passion and prejudice, which is exactly what the law is supposed to reign in. There is a reason that a police officer can shoot someone during a potentially dangerous or lethal situation, but not when the criminal has his hands behind his back handcuffed and is unarmed. Of course the person is not convictedof anything yet, but even after conviction does he/she pose any more threat to society locked away for the rest of his life than the unarmed person on the sidewalk with his hands cuffed?

Any Questions?

Ethos: the source's credibility, the speaker's/author's authority

Logos: the logic used to support a claim (induction and deduction); can also be the facts and statistics used to help support the argument.

Pathos: the emotional or motivational appeals; vivid language, emotional language and numerous sensory details.

Angel Oak

About a month ago I went to Charleston, South Carolina. Now, in the general vicinity there is a very old and large tree. Every once in a while, genetics fuck up during cell reproduction and create a new genetic allele. Most times these mutations don't do much of anything, but other times they have massive results; like a single tree that covers nearly half an acre of land and is still growing after 1400 years. While there another member of the production crew (I was there on business) picked up an acorn as a souvenir. I did the same, but I decided to plant mine when I got back. Now, more than a month later it is sprouting. There is only a small chance that it will contain the same genetics as the angel oak tree, because oak trees pollinate with other oaks rather than with themselves and a lot of mutations are ironed out during reproduction. But here is hoping!

To the aid of friends

I was looking at facebook today and I arrived at the page of one of my exes. We are facebook friends now(the drama is over), but one of his friend had posted on his wall (just something random). Now. the moment we broke up, she deleted me as a friend and for some reason took it personally, saying things like "I invited you into my home..." and "My parents really thought you were great, but I guess not".
I was always rattled by those things. It wasn't what she said, but the fact that she said anything. The breakup was between him and me, but she was all offended by it. This confussed me for years. To be honest, I still don't know why she acted that way.

Moral: Some people are overly loyal. They are offended by osmosis.

sexism

Sexism saved a woman and her family the other day. She beat an intruder with a nearby iron after he broke in. If she hadn't had a huge pile of laundry that her husband had condemed her to, the iron would not have been near, and the family wight have been killed.

So... go make me a sandwich, woman!

One Phone Call Can Change Your Life!

I was watching television a few hours ago today and saw a commercial for the next episode of some show about rich people. On the commercial a guy says "Most people don't know what it is like to get a phone call that changes their lives".
uhm.. what? hold the press you egotistical piece of television crap. You honestly thing that you are the only one who can have their entire fate decided by someone on the opposeite ond of a telephone? Or perhapse it is just that you have had sucha stable and padded life that the idea that it could be so quickly ripped out from under you is so foriegn that you have never heard of it before. I think that everyone who has ever had to work for something can look back on a wowent and say thath they were not in control. Med students waiting to get into residencies, actor's praying for a role, cancer pationts on the verge of tears about bioepsy results. Wo have all had to admit that we are at the whims of fate.
Moral: People are not as different from eachother as you tnhink.

Six More Beautiful Movies

I have 4 Films in line for the second volume of my collection of beautiful movies and 2 shorts. I am not going to tell my readers what they are. But, I promise you will like them. These first four are very good! In my last release, five of the six movies were from after the turn of the millennium, all were in vivid color and the spoken language was English. So far I have one that is in black and white and one that is French with English subs. These films are so much more diverse.
Please stay patient, it won't be too long.

Tech week

A while ago I met a fellow who I feel I touched. Uhm... don't take that the wrong way. I mean, I met a guy who I helped shape into what he is now-- partially, of course. What I mean to say, is he would be different in at least one aspect if it weren't for me. I would be different, too if I had never known him. I don't even remember how we met. He probably remembers, but I don't see that as an important detail. What is important is that the course of both our lives has (have been?) changed for knowing the other. What is important is the times we spent together outside of the studio. We are going to call him "Fellow A". He is continuing with lighting because of me. Obviously I didn't cause him to enjoy lighting tech more than any other type of theater tech, but I did show him the ropes, and I did enjoy leading him around more than any other student. He has worked with me on several projects, more than half he received only praise and in rare cases; a listing in the credits as "Assistant Lighting Designer-- Fellow A".
But this blog isn't about showing how I touch people, it is about how people can touch me and the readers get a front row seat (in his case a backstage pass.) I would not be as successful today as I am if it weren't for him. Really, he gave me the undoubting trust that I needed. Sometimes it was as simple as "Uhm... that looks even... I think... uhm... I don't think anyone will notice." Other times he deciphering my crazy magic sheets (they are paperwork that lists a bunch of important lighting data) was just what I needed while a director breathed down my neck.
Needless to say, our friendship isn't just about lighting, but this post is already too long.

Moral: A line stolen from the musical, "Wicked": Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Thanksgiving

I know a man who when he came out to his sister, she replied, "I forgive you". This was a testament to his whole family (luckily my family had the one outlier who wasn't cool with it). No wonder he doesn't see them often.
Anyways...
I got an invitation to Thanksgiving at this man's house. I know that i will always have a seat at his table, he is very generous. In fact, I'll bet a near stranger would be welcome at his table. I also know that he invites his family every year, but that they never come. It is really their loss.
I just wanted to share this with you now. because early November is approaching and many people start making their plans right about now. I am not going to tell you to spend the holiday with family, but I am going to tell you that the holidays are a time for spending with people who matter (and after all, those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter).

Moral: if you missed it in the above paragraph, REREAD!

"reality" TV

You know how I know reality TV shows like "parking wars" and "operation repo" are fake? Because nobody is going to sign a waiver to appear on television if they are being towed/ticketed.

Apparently the costume designer got in trouble for Katy Perry's cleavage. It isn't like she is in a bikini or anything...

Megan is now a Vegetarian, lite Vegan

Megan has taken up the lifestyle of a Vegetarian with Vegan influences-- what ever the hell that means. Point being that I told her that she can't expect to be healthy like that. Being that I am a believer that you need a well rounded diet; just as all your protein shouldn't come from red meat, neither should it all come from tofu. She said she is feeling healthier than ever, and her energy levels are a nice even state all day. I of course was a little confused about this, so I did some research.

I did a little reading to discover this (many of you might already know these terms, but here is a right brain approach to healthy eating):
The nutrients needed in the largest quantity by the body are called Macronutrients.

These include:
Carbs
Proteins
Fats

These are mainly what gives our bodies energy to live. Because of this, when we are lacking in them, we feel several effects rather quickly. We get hungry, we get headaches, and we feel weak.

Some Macrominerals we need, but that don’t necessarily provide us with immediate energy, include:
Salt (sodium)
Potassium
Calcium
Magnesium

When we’re hungry and when we have cravings, our bodies are lacking in these nutrients, and their telling us we need to replenish them.

Unhealthy foods are high in -- you guessed it-- fats, sugars, carbs, and salts. Taking in these gives your body a huge blast of energy, a spike in your day.

Once you’re in a habit of eating incredibly unhealthy food on a regular basis, your body functions on the never ending cycle of spiking and plummeting of blood sugar and intake of fat and sugar. When you are on this cycle, you have intense cravings all the time. Your brain is accustomed to that spike.

If you are in the habit of eating healthy, balanced foods, there are no spikes! Energy and nutrient intake is much more balanced. The usual intense cravings go away. In Megan's case, you have a nice smooth day.

Pretty awesome, isn't it? Kinda makes you want to try eating nothing but healthy foods for a month, just to see if I am full of crap.

It also kinda makes you compare bad food to drugs... just for a second.

Many updates

I apologize about not updating for so long, it has been hectic around here. But I have several updates. First off, I no longer work were I used to work. I had feared the failure of the restaurant for sometime. Turns out the paycheck I picked up the day I had my little discussion with my previous managers actually bounced. Yep, so I was dead on: the restaurant is failing.*
Secondly, driven by the sorrow of unemployment, I felt the need to be fruitful in some aspect of my life, any aspect of my life... I now have a 5 gallon tank with two fiddler crabs inside. They are so cute!!! Actually they are ugly little things, but that isn't really the point.**
Thirdly, I leave for South Carolina soon. If I am not able to stash away enough money for an emergency exit (should anything go terribly wrong and I need to jump ship on the project) I am going to have to borrow erin or josh's credit card.***

*Moral: if you think that your job (or any aspect of life) is doomed for failure, get out before you are at the point where you aren't getting anything for your time.
**Moral: When life is out of control, any little thing that you feel you have accomplished can make you feel better.
***Moral: Make sure you are safe, always give yourself an exit. I still stand by my philosophy that you are responsible for your own safety. (I have posted before my thoughts on drunk sorority girls waking up in a strange guy's bed)