family pains

I wonder how much my family hurts while wondering about each other...

funny

Now I remember why i like Steve so much. He is lovely.
We went to see BT at Sugar Bar tonight, and it was great. I would have liked to have gotten to meet him, but it didn't happen. I have included two pictures with this post. See if you can guess which is BT and which is Steve.
I regret not bringing my lasers to this show, but I made it through. I was sober and deafened. There were all sorts of people jumping all around and it felt great to be one of them. Once I started to recognize the music, especially "Simply Being Loved" (one of my favorites of his) the night got better and better.
Now I am off to bed.

Fetish

everyone thinks something is hot. There really is no such thing as a strange fetish... Just because I don't think some thing's hot, doesn't mean that others are strange for finding themselves titillated.
I just had a talk with a guy who is rather vanilla for the moment. But I have a feeling; that is about to change. His personality is very much one of a guy who will let me take him to the edge of his comfort zone and then he will cross it himself. Obviously this is all just speculation, but there is no harm in thinking that I might be lucky enough to do that. Of course, we have to make it through the whole pre-sex dating stuff.
Well, about that; Lucky me.
hehe, explanation: He seems really nice and like he actually has the ability to communicate intelligently. He has a good job, and will eat anything. Also, I really think that he is open to whatever I have to offer him. I have decided to open up a bit more to him. Of course that will all happen over martinis on Sunday.

Fetch?

So very fetch...

Update due to request

I must first tell you that i am updating only because I was requested to do so... well. Alrighty, so first off.
1. I find that there is a powerful force outside of my comfort zone. Too cryptic? What I mean to say; I have always been able to get, more or less, a good grasp on reality. But someone threw me a curve ball. YOU know who you are, YOU do.
2. Do not take your foot off the dock until you have the other safely in the boat.
3. 40?!?!? You can't be serious!
4. Power comes to those that take it by the balls.

45?

This is the loudest i have had my speakers since i got the new amp.
They go up to 80, and I have never gone above 45... Dear lord.

Adam Monroe

I had a dream last night, it was very pleasant.
I dreamt that I was in my room, and I heard a knock on the door. Up came Adam Monroe, not he actor, but the character. Well, maybe it was the actor. But that is not the point, he was the nice guy Adam. And he and I started talking, and I knew him, we must have had some history between us? But I don't know what it is. Anyway, I think that he was in love with me or something... Not sure. But. There was also this hint that i was just some other guy, one of many. And that one of them was going to be flying him someplace today, so he could stay long. But, despite that guy, he still loved me. I know it all sounds lame. But then he left.

Now, what he was wearing was interesting too. I am sure I have seen this outfit on him before, I will have to review my sources. It was like a white track suit thing, only wasn't tat swishy material, it was like a cotton poly knit or maybe a fleece suit thing. It was white with light blue trim. His hair was exactly as it has always been, and his face was just as stubbly as always.

cleared and gone

I cleared him away. far away. There are always shadows that remain after you push someone out of your life. Even if they leave, or push you out. They are still gone, but once were there. So, a shadow of the time gone clings to the last breathe you use to describe them. I have completed a rather complex photoshop. That doesn't mean it took me a long time, it just was very -- complicated. More complicated than what existed between James and I; which was nothing complicated at all, for it was barely anything that existed at all.
So, Requiem for a still-born relationship. For it was dead before it ever lived.

Dave

Who remembers this guy? Dave Sproles. Nice guy. Good conversation, but he was very sleepy. That makes me kind of tired, too.

Remove

I think that i am going ot remove an app on facebook. The on e that has a rainbow flag on it. it seems to be drawing a line between gay people and the non-gay people (straight, bi, transgender...). I received some kinda-sorta-hate mail already for having it and it is doing no good just sitting there.

dream

I had a great dream last night, it makes me want to drink more often. It seems that whenever I drink martinis I have beautiful dreams. My last martini dream involved me and God, it was really rather nice (the two of us just walking around in the garden of Eden, and him explaining why people need to forgive themselves). But this dream was a bit more of this-world. I was in a theatre with Matt McCarren and Jordan Beck. Jordan and I used to have problems, but then I asked her about her past experiences and now we are nice... But McCarren.. well He is a jerk. But not in this dream. I was telling them about my fears of Grad school... and they said that as long as I do what i like, it is a good thing.
There are many things coming into effect here; "start spending your time doing what your good at, rather than all your time becoming good at what your bad at." "You should have stayed with engineering. Your stupid for changing your major" "Fuck them, we rule the world, Mr. President" and finally "Kevin, they don't know you. I don't know you, only you understand what is going on inside your head."
All these things lead to the dream. But the second part of the dreme was different. It was third person, like all my dreams, but I wasn't in it. It was Ed and McCarren. Ed was driving and McCarren in the passenger seat, and ed laughed once and said "You know, he is rather taken by you". To which McCarren smiled...
I wish more people would smile when they find out I am taken by them...

DHL or UPS

I will only be using these two forms of shipping from now on. I greatly prefer how good they are at tracking the package. I like to give business to businesses that have procedures that i like. Fed-ex is OK, but the USPS sucks. Always the first two.

thanks

thanks, josh, for not being a jerk.

obsesive personality

that is me. I need to just drop the whole idea of J and just go back to the idea of me.

Nella Fantasia

I am not easily disturbed, and neither are those around me.
There is happiness for all, and love all around.
Nobody needs the false faces that we so often must put on.
There is complete harmony between the forces of myself.
Nella fantasia.

let em explain

The stuff below is an excerpt from lakme, where a guy gets stabbed for overstepping bounds.
So, I overstepped some bounds, but there was no need for jay to go ape shit and block me and run away.

gospel according to TheRaptor

[Tuesday, December 18th at 02:47:53] well I mean I'd advise you to drop the whole thing

You suck!

Sous le dôme épais où le blanc jasmin a la rose s'assemble Sur la rive en fleurs riant au matin. Doucement glissons De son flot charmant Suivons le courant fuyant. Dans l'onde frémissante d'une main nonchalante. Viens, gagnons le bord, Où la source dort et l'oiseau, l'oiseau chante.
Sous le dôme épais ou le blanc jasmin, Ah! descendons. Ensemble!
Sous le dôme épais où le blanc jasmin a la rose s'assemble. Sur la rive en fleurs riant au matin Viens, descendons ensemble
Doucement glissons de son flot charmant, suivons le courant fuyant. Dans l'onde frémissante d'une main nonchalante. Viens, gagnons le bord où la source dort et l'oiseau, l'oiseau chante.
Sous le dôme épais ou le blanc jasmin, ah! descendons
Ensemble!

oh, seriously!

don't be like that, J.

oh, don't be such a stick in the mud

alright, suppose I upset a lot of people tonight! I asked people to tell me an embarrassing part of there past tonight.
first (and probably more importantly then the others) is Dave. Who through a series of miscommunication thinks I feel he is subservient to me. Which is incorrect, but I can do little to explain it to him, I can't even promise I understand my motives so often.
Secondly is J. Who signed off in the middle of a conversation, when I informed him that he was professing a a dangerous thing to me. Then, I called and got voicemail after two rings... which is just as bad as hanging up on someone.
Third was the Raptor, who is just a dick head. plain and simple, but he is ok with that. So I suppose that as his friend, I should be also, but I just am not ok with that.