ISP

Ann Rankin: Each
generation produces very few
legitimate poetic voices. It is
the most difficult of all forms of
writing. It is a gift. Like those
who sing opera or perform
jazz, very few people can write
great poetry. The I.S.P. recognizes
this, but unlike the M.F.A. programs,
they are willing to publish, if they
have faith in the poem, to let history
judge the value of the poet.


I read this and thought to myself, "Is Ann trying to validate herself, or is she reacting to the sadness that I felt when I read that a poem I wrote back in my freshman year of highschool was printed that I didn't like?" I decided that it is both, but moreso for me. She has her poem on her wall, i don't. I saw the scam far before she did. They didn't get any money from me.

asleep on the bed

So, Matt is asleep in my bed. I hate to have to wake him, but he needs to go so that we can both go to sleep. I have to do some serious classes tomorrow and he has surgery (performing, not receiving). Anyway, it all looks better on paper than in real life.
Now, more about him, for I think that he might read this, and we all love to read about ourselves. I am not sure how to feel about him. I mean, only good feelings. But there is a danger in investing emotion into someone that you know is leaving. He has sent me MFA sites for colleges in Boston. Now, this means two things: 1.) He cares right now. and 2.) He plans on caring when I am done with my undergrad.
Now, theoretically speaking. I could finish up here, and then head to Boston for MFA. But, there exists a danger on that. I have not looked into the program. I will not move to a new state just because my boyfriend is there. I can not live with him (even though this is not discussed, I think that is part of the plan??) I can not do that.
But, what will I do? Stay in Columbus, stay in college just because I am afraid of the world out there? Florida is a nice place for lighting, but I need contacts first. I need people. I can't just be a ligating designer without the rest of the group. Dam... I need someone who has done this. I need... Patrick Woodroffe (photo). Like he is on my speed dial.

how's your shitting?

So, there are 7 types of shit. here they are.

hmm

Guess who the better man in this picture is. I hated Tom for a hot mineut, after he and I broke up. It is funny how much one person can hurt another, but that is not the point. The point is, I sorta lost Tom because I ran after Paul. But, that is also not the point. I was on facebook and suddenly found myself judgeing people because I saw Paul with them at a party. Even Greg, a really nice guy that was in a class with me- then I saw a picture that I forgot existed, he and I.

nothing left

there is no remains of the powerful files that ran sheila before I deleted my restoration folder. Basically, for y'all who have not been in close contact; my computer suffered a terrible happening. I accidentally deleted the wrong thing, and formatted the wrong drive. Attempts from many programs (3-5 depending on what you call an attempt) lead me to restoring a great number of useless and unopenable files. Nothing survived. I ended up destroying not only the files on that partitian, but those that housed the unpacked files from them. There was nothing left. I lost 7000 songs, 200 music videos, 100 other videos, 50 full length movies, a great deal of software that I found on the internet over the years, and the entire last two years of schoolwork. No fun. Not to mention that I will have to search around for anyone who I gave a cd to.

Ne Me Quitte Pas (If You Go Away)

|For the long-time readers|

Matt: If you go away from me... then it will be on my terms. I will not let you run away, nor will you slip away in the night. I will not be harsh, but swift. It will be the cleanest of breaks, nothing but business. But, if you stay... then time will tell...

Dave: Should you stay away, far away. You will be distant and a memory only. You do not hurt from far away. You left in your time, but I said goodbye on my terms. You were already gone two days before the plane took off...

Anthony: If you go away, then I must tell you. You were fun to see, and fun to chase, but the loss would be so hazy that I would not be able to see it until it was over...

Matt(other): Well, shit. You can't leave. You are stuck here for a few more years... MFAs take some time... Hahaha. See you Thursday.

Cole: You are going. But, [if] you go away, then make it concrete. Be sure of the decision. Know that you are doing what is right. I know that you are on your way to the future. God Speed.

Dwayne: You are returning? Really? interesting. I hope that I get to see you. There is so much I have to update you with... and so little is made of things I am proud of...

Ben: Darling and dear. you are gone. Not in space, but in heart and soul, you have flown away, not that you were ever here. you were always gone, by default you never were near, but I am OK with that. I can accept that. Addicted to you was like a fix that I kicked in a few months. Goodbye my love, hello my friend.

---
Others.

I still hold your hand in mine when I sleep. I might dream of you. I might curse you when I wake. But you are gone, gone for here. Your heart beat is near to my chest... but it is really gone.

THe strangest of all things

The strangest of all things is when you know how to do somethign inside and out, but then one small step goes wrong, adn you can't fix it. You feel like a complete idiot. Let's just say that a young gentleman is fixing the computer of a 50 year old woman. Now, although he has done the exact procedure to his own computer a few times, he is still blown away when the procedure does not work on this woman computer. He knows the exact problem, but is unable to fix it until he arives back home. SO, at that point he will be home and she will be stuck with a computer that still has problems... until he can get back up here to fix it.

200

i was asked to send a 200 dollar money order to a guy in Canada. (well, in Canada now...) I said no.
The moral of the story... don't help crime... unless you really care about the person, in whihc case you are not helping crime, you are helping them.

Heifer

On this most tragic day, we mourn the loss of my fish, Heifer. He was a red Beta with blue tints in his tail and was very active. I will have to leave him there for now, and will clean the bowl tomorrow.

Raped

To all who have been faced with a problem of this nature. I must say one thing. People are there. Especially in a university or a school of any state. Girls and guys, if you have been raped you must realize that you are not alone. The worste thing that can happen is if you keep it in, and you put yourself into solitude. Being quiet is the most terrible thing you can do to yourself and to others.

removal of comment feature

I just recieved a pretty rude comment from a certain person who I am too tactful to name. This person, from a certain forum, has decided that my views in one thread should be held against me in another thread as well as outside of the forum. Although the same mind creates my posts in and out of the forum, this blog is not a place for people to leave hurtful messages and angry statements.
The removal of this feature will also help me to post to this blog as though I am the only one reading it. I know that sounds irratioanl, however, to is sensable. If I do not recieve the feedback, there is no way for me to KNOW that you are watching me. I assume that the three that have been here since the begining will continue to read, and that most of the people who started after I opened the pages of this blog will continue. Most of you have some other way of reaching me, if somethign is truely important send me a message.

hmm

"I want to thank you for makin' me feel alive again, Marcus."
"But, Miss Crabtree--"
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"You realize I can't stay, none of this is real, it's all been a little eight year old's dream."
"oh, I know. I know Marcus, but lemme just pretend just long as I can..."

Wonderful feeling

I had a wonderful dream this morning. I was in my twenties, late twenties and I was in this glass structure. It looked like something that people would use to host a party. and there were all these children in there with me and this woman and another guy. The other guy was the director, and the girl was an actress. i was pretty much everything else (set, lighting, technical). Anyway, these kids were learning about what goes into a play... and I was teaching them. I felt so good doing that. Now I know why my sister wants to be a teacher. Also, this is good because it confirms my love of theatre, I never dreamed about engineering.

Graffiti

Frequently asked questions

Is graffiti art or vandalism?
That word has a lot of negative connotations and it alienates people, so no, I don't like to use the word 'art' at all.

How do you make the stencils so big?
By sticking lots of small ones together.

Do you sell t-shirts?
i don't make shirts because it would feel like the painting was a guerilla marketing campaign for a fashion label.

Has Banksy sold out?
That depends on what he does with the money.



A guide to cutting stencils

• Think from outside the box.

• Collapse the box and take a fucking sharp knife to it.

• Leave the house before you find something worth staying in for.

• It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

• Spray the paint sparingly onto the stencil from a distance of 8 inches.

• Be aware that going on a major mission totally drunk out of your head will result in some truly spectacular artwork and at least one night in the cells.

• When explaining yourself to the Police its worth being as reasonable as possible. Graffiti writers are not real villains. I am always reminded of this by real villains who consider the idea of breaking in someplace, not stealing anything and then leaving behind a painting of your name in four foot high letters the most retarded thing they ever heard of.

• Remember crime against property is not real crime. People look at an oil painting and admire the use of brushstrokes to convey meaning. People look at a graffiti painting and admire the use of a drainpipe to gain access.

• The time of getting fame for your name on its own is over. Artwork that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Any fame is a by-product of making something that means something. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit.

uhm... vacation

not my vacation, but that doesn't mean I can't reap the benefits of another's. So, let's examine some of the details of this photo.


One quick saturation tweak and some colorization reveals many more details.


ok, so this larger image shows the photo after being retouched in photoshop to increase detail. Notice the left hand fist and the the tan line under the arm. Also, the expression on the face is rather interesting. Always posing for the camera. That's Anthony for ya, a poser...
(as you can easily see, I have a love/hate view of him)

Freeze Frame

I looked on the face of a boy who died about two months or so ago in a terrible elivater accident. It was so strange because it reminds us all that when we wake up in the morning, we could possibley nt go back to bed. I looked at him on facebook, and saw that all his friends said their goodbyes to him on the wall. It is so tragic that someone so young is gone. I would like to sahre him with a few people, so here is his profile.
http://osu.facebook.com/profile.php?id=12460006&hiq=andy%2Cpolakowski

oh, and yeah, this

So, I mentioned before that Christmas is about family, and I don't like certain parts of my family. here is my response to an email I received from my sister Michelle. I composed a song (this takes days for just a few instruments) and had page make a mirror frame for her wall. She didn't like the gifts, so she called me up and said I didn't even think about how she would like them. I don't think that she has any concept of the time I put into these things.

Look. If you are trying to express some hurt feelings, than do it in a more adult manner. I suppose you expect that these things you say to me leave me untouched? I don’t know how you think I could hate you, or how you think I put no thought into the gifts. If you have the nerve to belittle someone’s good intentions and try to embarrass them in front of the rest of the family, then I must admit, you are gaining on my last nerve.

What did you honestly expect me to respond to this email with?

P.S. Do not dare to insult my lack of adulthood. You lack any understanding into my life.



Kevin Duchon

614.570.7703



-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle Duchon [mailto:msduchon@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 26, 2006 7:53 PM
To: kevin
Subject: emailing.



hello.

i think you and i should probably talk. i was rather disappointed with what i interpreted your thoughtlessness for holiday gift exchange.



i would really like to know what was going on in your mind with that.



it could be a few things.

1. i hate michelle, and i am going to purposely hurt her feelings.

2. nothing.

3. not a lot of thought, bc, i am 20 and no one expects me to act like an adult.

4. other plausible reasoning.

Opps

I figured out the computer problem. When metal gets hot it expands, well I forgot to plug one of my fans back in and the metal around one of my hard drive casing expanded, the subtle vibrations of the HDD caused a terrible ruckus the vibrated through the whole case.

It is worth it

I have never put a hole into sheila that could be seen from across the room, but today I did. I put a 4.5 inch hole in the right panel to allow my power supply to breathe. But now, my computer seems to be making a noise, that i believe i can fix really easily, now that I just realized what it might by in the last few seconds...
...
...
...
I was wrong. I will further investigate. Goodnight.

the same but different

I made the large version of the other landscape. Be carefull before you click the picture. It is a really huge file.