a new friend

I made a new friend recently. I am sure that some of you know who I am talking about.

let me start over. I have grown up a lot in the past 5 years. There was a period when I was spending 3 nights away from my dorm a week. I used to be hormone driven, those times are gone.

let me try this one more time;
What started out as me pursuing him as a piece of ass two weeks ago changed into a good friendship where I feel I can be honest with him; except about why I first talked to him. Even if I told him he looks fantastic in whatever he is wearing that day, or even if I were more blatant or even lude. I can not bear to tell him that I only opened my mouth because he interested me sexually that day in the hall.

can I explain?
this is not about sexual attraction, it is about being ashamed that such a good thing could have began because I was so bold in pursuit. If I told him that ever, it would rock the foundation. or would it?

I told him today that I was gay, he of course knew already, but it is different when someone says it. I mentioned that I found a guy in a suit at the place we had lunch hot. It was the suit, not the guy. I then explained that formal wear is a turn on to me. I did not mention the fact that he wears dress pants and a button down ever day I see him. He is very attractive, and I told him he would get eaten alive at a gay bar (he brought it up, not me)
As we were walking to class I brought it up, "I have a terrible confession. Do you know why I hang around with you"
In that moment all the air in the stairwell changed. I could almost hear the blood within his veins freezing as he went stiff. I couldn't tell him why I originally talked to him, so i said, "it is because you are shorter than I am. I like to feel tall."
Even if he knew it wasn't the truth I saw him return to a normal state. A lie makes it a little better. As if we agreed to never talk about the truth of the past again.