theatre is rough

Yeah, I've recently have had the sincere pleasure of meeting Kevin. He's a really nice guy (as I'm sure you already know). First person in the theatre department who's been so cordial to me; I really value that. I didn't think I'd ever look forward to my lighting calls, but that has since changed, heh.

two schools of thought

I subscribe to the school of thought that believes every smll detail makes a different, it is called the butterfly effect. Killing a butterfly can cause a tidal wave half way around the world.* The other schoool of thought is that, short of accidentally inventing a zombie virus, no single choice can cause a huge life change.

I believe the butterfly effect to be true because I have experienced it. I can't think of an example now... but it is true; everything in my life is a result of a tiny thing. Literally, I am sure I dropped a drink once and that if it weren't for that I would not be gay-- well, maybe that is a stretch.






*There are several different versions of the butterfly effect, all contain a butterfly and a tidal wave.

and another thing!

check back in a moment

Zest vs. Rind

Zest and Rind are two different things. Some people are so close minded and so stubborn they would suffer just to say they are right. Like for example, someone who doesn't know the difference between zest and rind and cooks with it.
Rind is very bitter and zest is very -- err, Zesty! They produce two very different things when you use them in a recipe.
If somebody tells the cook this, the cook has a choice. He can admit he is wrong or can be stubborn and ruin the dish. If that cook has to ruin a dish before he learns his lesson, that is OK. He just needed convincing. Lesson learned.

But, you really think he believes he was wrong? No! He will change every other ingredient in that recipe before he even considers the rind/zest; just because he refuses to believe the other person was right.

Moral: people don't like to admit they don't know something, it is harder to admit ignorance than to admit being wrong for many.

dream over the weekend

I forgot to mention this, until reminded by a reader.

Whenever I get violently ill, I dream really crazy stuff. This weekend met me with something nasty. I had two dreams. On was about a mermaid raping another mermaid. The other about a think-tank.

The mermaid one was a kinda ... out there. First off because they looked more like blue unicorn fish things. it was messed up.

The other dream was the about millions of people on this flat plane. It was uniformly lit from all directions and there were no shadows. All the people were contorting there bodies in order to find the solution to some problem. As if they could think better in a different shape? I have no idea what they were working towards, just that it was really hard for me to visualize this. It wasn't going in slow motion, but it was skipping frames (like playing a video game on hardware that isn't up to the task.)
I was literally not able to rendering this dream in real time. I woke up with a splitting head ache, like I damaged my hardware.

Keep in mind, a coworker is picking my brain about everything I know of life vs robotic life.

Nina Simone

As a child, her beloved piano teacher had organised a recital at Tryon Town Hall. Eunice was about to play The Art of Fugue when she noticed a couple of white people asking her parents to give up their seats. Eunice stood up, aged 10, and said she wouldn't play unless her parents got to keep their seats.

The funny thing is, it doesn't say if Nina ever played.

six beautiful movies

also known as six surreal movies
or six beautiful movies
or I suppose you could just put in the numbers
6 beautiful movies
6 surreal movies

basically the list is as follows:
the Fall
The Fountain
Curse of the Golden Flower
What Dreams May Come
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Mirrormask

There are also shorts including:
The Hitman
Mind game - Sex
World Builder
and commercials by Pantene and Vaseline

curious minds want to know

why does art society welcome the up and coming talent-- until they become dangerously close to equality?
I know the answer. It is, of course, the same reason why I don't tell any of the art society the job positions I am applying for. I don't want them to get the job I might. It's that simple. I don't want to increase the pool of applicants; because that lessens my chance of getting the job.

Is that so terrible?

Not at all. It is like anti-affirmative action. hahah :)

gay marrage

stop trying to force your oppressive, frilly, and boring traditional institutions meant to ensure monogamy on my hot, promiscuous, anonymous gay sex.

I think America is quite fortunate the gays aren't as violent and brutal as a group such as the black panthers ..or they don't have a leader as confrontational as malcom x.

if

"if" is the saddest word in the history of language. For instance, "If I had gone down to those detectives and told them what I know, could that little boy have been saved?"
You hang onto that "if" long enough, it can eat a hole right into your heart. But let it go, tell people what you know, whether it sounds dumb or not, then that little word has no more power over you.

Technologic

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it,
Charge it, pawn it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it,
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it,
View it, code it, jam - unlock it,
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it,
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it,
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it,
Touch it, bring it, Pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, start - format it.

a new friend

I made a new friend recently. I am sure that some of you know who I am talking about.

let me start over. I have grown up a lot in the past 5 years. There was a period when I was spending 3 nights away from my dorm a week. I used to be hormone driven, those times are gone.

let me try this one more time;
What started out as me pursuing him as a piece of ass two weeks ago changed into a good friendship where I feel I can be honest with him; except about why I first talked to him. Even if I told him he looks fantastic in whatever he is wearing that day, or even if I were more blatant or even lude. I can not bear to tell him that I only opened my mouth because he interested me sexually that day in the hall.

can I explain?
this is not about sexual attraction, it is about being ashamed that such a good thing could have began because I was so bold in pursuit. If I told him that ever, it would rock the foundation. or would it?

I told him today that I was gay, he of course knew already, but it is different when someone says it. I mentioned that I found a guy in a suit at the place we had lunch hot. It was the suit, not the guy. I then explained that formal wear is a turn on to me. I did not mention the fact that he wears dress pants and a button down ever day I see him. He is very attractive, and I told him he would get eaten alive at a gay bar (he brought it up, not me)
As we were walking to class I brought it up, "I have a terrible confession. Do you know why I hang around with you"
In that moment all the air in the stairwell changed. I could almost hear the blood within his veins freezing as he went stiff. I couldn't tell him why I originally talked to him, so i said, "it is because you are shorter than I am. I like to feel tall."
Even if he knew it wasn't the truth I saw him return to a normal state. A lie makes it a little better. As if we agreed to never talk about the truth of the past again.

funeral

when someone dies, it is customary to bring food to the house of the family of the deceased. That is all great, but there is one less mouth to feed. Seems kinda counter intuitive.

the truth

"He who does not bellow out the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the accomplice of liars and forgers." -Charles Peguy (1873-1914) French poet, essayist and editor
To stand by and do nothing might save your neck, but it won't save your soul.

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( what )
( the )
( hell? )
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O ^__^
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my portfolio

I just sent out my portfolio to my friends and family; and Mary Tarantino and Patrick Woodroffe.
it is coming together!

Patrick Woodroffe

He called in response to an email I sent him.
11/28/2006 I blogged about him.