This is my blog, so I can bitch about whatever i want. Today's rant is about hipsters. Reasons Hipsters suck ass. But, if you want to be a non-conformist, here is a handy book to make sure you are non-conformist in the same way as the other non-conformists--> http://www.hipsterhandbook.com/1. Male hipsters are femmie without being at all attractive. Don't believe me? I have never seen guy-liner look so bad, nor have man-metics looked so terrible before. Tight Jeans are simply skinny jeans hidden behind another word, and are still just as displeasing to look at. Nobody wants to see your nasty cock lump.
2. Female hipsters look a lot lie 12 year old boys, short hair, funny colors, and they seem to be outgrowing every article of clothing they own. And they look awkward in those outfits, not sexy.
3. They think they are the only ones that make real art. Radiohead is no more art than Puccini. Many argue otherwise, but I am not going to tell people what to listen to. Also, Pablo Picasso kicks that ass of anyone with black thick rimmed glasses.
4. Hipsters have ruined coffee and cafes. The only safe place is Panera Bread, and it is filled with lesbians now... I guess I will have to crawl back to my techno dance club...
5. Ever noticed how they all claim they are from New York? Some are, I am sure, but others have visited twice and act like they grew up there.
6. Hipsters pretend to be poor. Nothing is worse than having no money. Money gets you a lot of nice stuff. Hipsters always seem to have a lot of nice stuff but will always claim that they are “broke” or “strapped for cash.” Hipsters put on this act of being pseudo poor even though their parents are always willing to “help them out” should they need a little extra for rent or groceries. Being poor means you’re willing to take cans of food from someone, it isn’t not being able to buy that nice sweater from your favorite designer. The only designer poor people can afford are those with the tag “Sale” written on them. Poor people sometimes go hungry, hipsters will always have enough money to afford Chinese food from the corner by simply looking through their couches. This poor act isn’t moving anyone to tears. We don’t need to be fooled with this bullshit because it’s already an insult to the poor people hipsters already threw out by moving into apartments formerly rented by the poor. That “old style wood framing” wasn’t designed for hipsters to appreciate. It was there for the poor families who couldn’t afford to have the asbestos removed.
7. They are all lazy. Many people have to be up early in the morning. Them; not so much. They prefer to stay up late and then bitch about how tired they are while they answer the phones at the gallery.
I have saved the best for last
8. They are all dirty hypocrites. Hipsters are all about health. They will eat healthy as a two fold measure. One to protest against big business, and two, to piss off people. And when they engage in unhealthy activities, they claim to be at least healthy about it. For example: smoking. They all smoke American Spirit. The brand that claims to be “100% Chemical Free” contain more free-base nicotine than any other cigarette. Free base nicotine is basically a more potent but chemical free form of nicotine. You would have to be an idiot to fall for this type of douche-bag marketing. Just because the box comes in funky colors with a Native American doesn’t automatically make it any less dangerous. Most Hipsters wouldn’t even know that their precious American Spirits are owned by R.J. Reynolds (Big Tobacco). Suck down that bit of reality.
Hipsters. You make me sick
