This summer

Ahh, the summer. I wish I could say that all things in my life have been going great. For the most part, everything is fine. I have been chugging away and making progress toward... uhm... I don't know. I am kind of lost. I feel a bit like I am just floating. I am trying to grow my business, actually just yesterday I sent in my resume to a Columbus company that is looking for freelance lighting designers. I hope that something good pans out of that. I have also been making new friends and trimming away old ones that are no longer very close to me. It is like a cycle.

I broke two hearts this summer, Josh and Brandon. josh was 5 years, good lord... Brandon feels it was 2 months... I didn't think we were dating, I just thought we were friends that had sex a few times. But you know what? Josh really did love me. I know that now, and I knew that then. I loved him. Despite the break up, I still care about him. He will always hold a place in my heart, I will always remember the good things about him. And those memories make me smile. Brandon thought he loved me (I think...) but he was a little too crazy for me, plus he was just not very nice to me. But I am not here to bash him.

In Summation: If you think it will go nowhere (Brandon), break it off. If it was beautiful once (josh), cherish the memories. If it is just starting (My lighting company), help it grow.

(And you thought it was all just random babbling... haha. thanks for reading, guys.)

Dear SolariusYuuhi

I read your story and I am sorry that all those terrible things happened to you. But I am also happy to hear that you have bounced back. It will take time, and although Soleanna's memory will never be gone, you will love again. And I hope that you get to feel the pride of fatherhood in your life. As for the withdrawl from your family, I encourage you to not venture too far from them. They are on your side. Don't push them away. I wish I could give you some advice, all wrapped up in a pretty bow, but I don't know what to say; excpet, I am sorry for your losses, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.

Actually, I just don't like pushy people

0:40 Name calling - Non-sequeter 2:00 Personal Choice? Yes, parents make choices for their children until the age of 18. These choices are made based on their own experiences. Fathers should be consulted on this matter. 3:30 Appeal to tradition: I believe that he is appealing to the fact that it has been successfully done for thousands of years (Success as in repeated once men have seen the results, we still wish it done to our sons) 4:00 Ok to rape someone if you use a roofie - Straw Man Argument 5:08 records of boy babies dying or having infections FROM CIRCUMCISION are not shown nor sourced. Therefore this bit of the argument should be struck from the video. 8:00 this procedure is not the only exception. Syndactyly repair, polydactyl repair, Ectrodactyly repair. And those are all just on the hands, and none are life threatening syndromes. Should I keep going? 8:30 Male breast cancer is 1 in 1,000. There were 40 million male babies born in 2011, that means that 400, thousand will be at risk for male breast cancer. The number is still high enough to draw attention, so should not be used to demean efforts to prevent other cancers. 9:00 The correlation of those numbers is not direct, other aspects of health such as diet and lifestyle (yes, I am also talking about sexual lifestyle) impact the numbers also. 9:50 The speaker is using an example where the lowest sample rate (4% total HIV infection) is over 100 times the rate of the area of the proposed ban. That is an unparallelled argument. (FYI, the highest rate of 41 percent HIV infection is more than 1000 times the California numbers, but since the speaker has already decided that 1 in 1000 is negligible at 8:30 it doesn't matter) 12:30 Wait... we aren't talking about female circumcision. Laws are already in place regarding those. Non-sequeter

Dear Fra, Here is a little secret: Women love words. So tell her how you feel. Say it! Then say it again. Then find a different way to say it; write it, sing it, scratch it into a tree or cement. Just let her know, but you have to use the words. Women are dumb (so says the gay guy), so be direct with her. Trust me, she will love to hear it. And keep an optimistic mind about it, because confidence is a sexy.

I like Ben even more now. I had always been a fan of Ben Cohen, as I like what he stands for; kind of a defender. I have always been very lucky to not have to deal with bullies, maybe because I have always had friends to be around so bullies couldn't get in. Anyway, some of the younger generation doesn't have that luxury. And that is were Ben Cohen comes into play. I used to just think he was hot, with a good cause as a bonus. Now I see that he is much more than that.

The couch

We are all faced with decisions every day. Sometimes is is a couch, sometimes it is a more important decision, often times a less important one. But every time it is a permanent one. You can return a couch, but the time wasted won't come back.
I am not going to get any younger. I only have so much time on this earth. You want to sped as much time as possible sitting on the right couch. You want to surround yourself with the right people as much as possible. You want to have children and be with them. If a couple is trying to get pregnant, they want it sooner rather than later.

open your chakras

I have combined a few things, mostly the ancient ideology of chakras and the art of reflexology. here is the chart I made, don't try

it if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant.

Por Te

I wish you happiness in all your endeavors, and joy in all corners of your life. If only you saw yourself the way I see you, rather than you seeing yourself as I see me; you would know just how amazing you are. I regret not spending every moment with you, instead of spreading myself thinly between so much. Time can not be returned to us, we have spent it already.
As I see you now, older and married to your own life, rather than a life together. Now all of us have settled down, controlling ourselves to give our hearts to one. There is no longer a face to reach out and touch, no longer a hand to press against my chest. So tell me, now, moments before you turn away from me, and make it so I can't speak. Here like smoke in a balloon, contained and enjoyed through a membrane.

you are gone from me. but you haven't even left.

Moral: Be great to each other.

Random Strangers

I was at Walmart (I know) and I saw a gentleman looking for a remote control for his TV. He was on the phone, and obviously confused about which one to get. I said, "what are you looking for?" and he told me his dilemma. I quickly solved it. But he wasn't finished there, he wanted my advice on a set-top box, I gave him the advice after comparing two models and the conversation continued... for an hour. Literally we talked about such a huge range of topics it isn't even funny. He has my number (no sexual attraction, just figured it was good form in case he wanted to ever chat again.)

moral: minuscule events can have amazing consequences.

My friend Scott

I have a friend who lives out of the state. Not a big deal. But I think that we might want to get together soon. Let me rephrase that, we want to get together now but we are both very busy. That is not the real reason...
OK, here is the skinny. Never actually met in person, only through digital means. He invited me to (open invitation) come to Iowa to visit him. I really want to, but that is not a good idea. I know what will happen: Sex. and then we will get emotional and that will mess up everything.
If it were only Iowa, it wouldn't be so bad, but he is leaving for Texas in the fall. I will likely never see him again in person.

Moral: Sometimes when you really want to do something, you find the best thing to do is nothing.

Cho

Those S&M people; they're really bossy.

I am moving

I am moving down the road, hence why I have been so slow to post. But that is no the point. The point is-- where did all these jock straps come from? I thought I only had one, but so far,I have seen three and I still have 4 more drawers to pack up.

moral: moving is a great time for cleaning out the closet.

Got ToHell!

I was recently told I was going to hell, this isn't a new thing for me (I have been told this before) but this was different. Normally it is a person who is calling me a sinner because I am doing something they are not (in this case, being a homosexual). But this was very different because it was not as much "you're going to Hell" as "we are going to hell". I was told this by another gay man. He is from a far away place where being gay is a sign of evil. Regardless of whether he acts on his urges or not, he is dammed. And I am dammed just as he, according to him. I refuse to believe this, how can he and I being cast into fire just for being who we are? After many long moments of silence, I asked him "Does this keep you from acting on what your body tells you to do?"

"No, I still like men. And I am going to have sex with them, and you will too."

...Wait, what? I still don't understand this. Is it that he feels he can't escape it, so he is going to enjoy it, or what?
Nope, he just doesn't want me to live in fear of the fire.
Moral: sometimes those around you want you to make the best of a bad situation. And sometimes they are dead wrong. He is wrong, God has not abandoned me, and He does not hold this against me.

Newly SIngle

I am newly single, and I must say... nothing is different yet 5 days a week. I still get up and go to work, come home and go to sleep. But on those other two days I am a totally new man. I have started to make art again, in preparation for my new apartment. The above is five motherboards that I mounted to a board and will be wiring together to hang on a wall. It isn't as creative as I used to be, but it is a start. I am going to dive deeper into my lighting, currently working on a big project that I won't bore you with.
I dated Josh (photo is to the right) for 4 1/2 years. That is a long time. We were good together, that is why it lasted so long. We will try to be friends, but the reality is... I don't think it will work. We are starting to get more harsh with each other; him more judgmental and me more apathetic. I will be moving in less than two weeks. And what will happen then? He will not be here when that happens, he will be out of town on business. Initially I thought of just leaving during the week and not telling him that I was going to to. But that was a juvenile idea, reaped from hurt feelings. He has been good to me.

I will never forget him.

Moral: Some people are in your life for a season. Some a lifetime, others simply a moment for a reason. But everyone who touches you leaves an imprint. These are usually opportunities to build character. I am a better person now, as is he. Despite this, you must know when to make and exit.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

a long time ago when the planet was first beginning, the lifeforms breathed only CO2 and their waste was O2. Now the majority breathe O2 and put out CO2. The first shift from CO2 to O2 killed the majority of the planet, now it seems that it is going to shift back again.

So smart I circle back to dumb

I learned/figured out something today. Ever wonder why something is green of purple or ect? It is crazier than you think. first watch this video below. Do yourself a favor and mute it first.

I assume that you all know that color is based in light.
Now, do you know why it is changing colors? It is because of the chemical makeup of the solution. That solution is not producing light. And if it isn't making light, how is it making color, after all it must be making the color, because the lighting in the room isn't changing at all. So how is it "colored"? Well, in a nutshell, the there is a molecular change occurring. Light interactivity the chemical makeup of something. Color isn't what something "is" it is what something is "doing". And strangely enough, light is doing a number on everything. Light (well, really, waves in total (radio all the way to gamma)) actually causes the molecules to be changed in everything it touches. I don't just mean plants with chlorophyll and such as that. I mean paint and ink, gemstones*, the rocks that make up cliffs, and the sand that fills the deserts of the world. When you look at a tomato that is green, then days later it is red, you are seeing the chemical change of the tomato growing and maturing. But when you see a red tomato in a painting turn yellow, it is a chemical change within the paint. There is no cellular life in that pigment maturing.
...
let me try to explain that again. Just as luminescence consumes energy from two chemicals mixing or a metal burning up atom by atom when heated red hot, reflected light causes a change in color to the subject matter by interacting/bouncing off it/being absorbed by it.** That is why things fade after prolonged exposer to light.

There is more to this than what I have stated above (I have ignored the physical phenomenons of the world). Incandescent things for example create their own light. Then there are actual physical properties of light that create rainbows in 2 degrees of our field of vision (40 degrees and 42 degrees***). That is a whole different ball of wax.

*yes, gemstones are still changing on the molecular level. Give them a millennium or two and they won't be very pretty at all.
**when an object appears green it is because it is absorbing the red and blue light, and rejecting the green light (sending it back to be received by your eyes).
***Double rainbows are created by one rainbow being behind another rainbow on a round planet, not beneath with respect to our vantage point.

I don't normally post political stuff, or maybe I am doing so more often... but This is important to me and others. If you have children, think of them; do you want them to grow up in a world were somebody besides you gets to decide what they are allowed to learn? If you ever attended college, you have seen how differing opinions enrich the academic world. I do not advocate young children aimlessly clicking around the internet, it can be a dangerous place; but this does not only affect them. This affects adults, too: Adults that are old enough to choose to drive, choose to speak, choose to vote. Why would they vote to lock them out of choosing what they learn?
I say no to internet censorship.

we have more in common than you think.

There is one trait that 97% of adults have in common. This 97% spans race, orientation, religion, social status, and political affiliation. No matter where a person is from, no matter where they live; this is common between most of us. I truly mean globally.
97% of all adults eyes are 63 millimeters apart off center.

powerful words

I awoke, flat on my back; in my mouth, the taste of blood and chocolate. As I opened my eyes, the golden clouds kissed my contracting irises. There were sounds, both terrible and melodious, louder than the roar of silence. Crashing bells took my consciousness to a distant place of standing stones and Cyclopean architecture. A moment lost in a blink took me to the cracked floor of the vault, although now standing perfectly upright. I threw open my arms wide, prostrate to the sunrise; dawn of a new century. The heat of the sun kissed my hair to my toes, bathing me in the aromas of saffron and champagne, tastes that end where they start.

On "Doing" and the fight to do it

first things first. I am not a fan of protesting. I think that if you feel strongly enough, you should try and create solutions to problems, not just groan about how terrible the situation is. Now, the disparity is still there, it always will be, but I have seen many "help wanted" signs on doors. But on that same note, I had trouble finding a job for a hot minute, and i have a clean background with no felonies and am well educated. It isn't as easy for others with a few strikes against them. But I am not in their shoes, I don't know if they can't find work. Just last night, on the news there was a carpet cleaning crew who was be raided by the news reporter about "does your employer know you are a felon?" and "would you want somebody like that in your home?". So, I imagine that some people don't really want to allow certain types to make money... I guess some people really do want to keep others down.