Coming out

A funny thing about coming out is that it isn't like you just do it once.  You come out every day, to new people.  When I came out, it wasn't too bad the first 5 or 6 times; those times were to my family.  But after that I got kinda sick of it.  I realized something; I knew I was gay, but they didn't all.  The experience of telling people wasn't hard or painful, but there were times that were more difficult than others.  However, that is not the point of this post.  I am talking about the fact that I was assumed straight until proven gay.

In preparation for this post I contacted a few straight guys and said things about how honorable it is of them to be out and proud, and that they are part of a rich history  of Gay.  I got 3 responses, 1.) "I like vagina, dude" 2.) a string of profanity 3.) "I'm not gay".  That was all I got.  Every day I have to pretend to be straight, and it can sometimes be a little much.  Why s it that it is so difficult to not assume things about people?  Why do gay people have to come out at all?  Why does it matter?

Moral:  Stop thinking that everyone is straight.

Moral #2: It gets easier every time I come out.  Soon it will be just as easy to come out as it is to remain silent.

Perfect Martini

Here I share my triumph of making a perfect martini.

Big City Video

imaginary firends

I just learned that most children kill off their imaginary friends when they grow out of them. Often the imaginary friends die in violent ways like car crashes or kill themselves. This has to deal with the child learning that death means going away forever and that it parallels in maturity to what is real and imaginary.

being a gentleman

1. Have a signature drink that you both can make at home after a long day’s work, and order with effortless swag at any bar you happen to be in. (This means no complicated ingredients and easy substitutes. If it’s a whiskey soda, so be it.)

2. Keep all negative social media activities to a minimum, because no gentleman engages in things like Twitter fights or passive-aggressive Facebook statuses. It’s just not classy.

3. Hold doors open for everyone, because that’s just a nice thing that you do.

4. Always text back promptly, even if it’s to let someone down gently. The worst thing you can possibly to do someone is leave them hanging so they can torture themselves with worst case scenarios.

5. Own and be able to sufficiently rock at least one suit. Suits are the greatest untapped resource that most men have access to, and can take even the most slovenly 4Chan dweller into slick presentability. You owe it to yourself to know your way around a suit.

6. Master a good handshake, so that you are neither depositing your limp sea slug of a hand on someone else’s palm, nor crushing them with your Rock-Biter-from-the-Neverending-Story force.

7. Never attempt to explain, under any circumstances, why a cat call should be considered a compliment.

8. Do not be afraid of accessorizing, because a pair of nice shoes or a classy watch can Upgrade U almost immediately, as explained in the Beyoncé song.

9. Do not refer to things as “gay” that aren’t homosexual human beings. People who call things “gay” as a pejorative are truly the raisins in the trail mix of life.

10. Do your best not to put others down in order to elevate yourself, it reeks of the people who categorize men by their Greek letter status.

11. Call your mother, even if you have to set up a Google calendar reminder to get yourself to do this.

12. Know how to cook at least a few good meals, because a) there is nothing worse than guys who assume it’s up to the woman to do all the cooking, b) there is nothing sexier than a dude who can cook, and c) everyone deserves to feed themselves well.

13. Make good eye contact, but not so much that it gets into “I’ve been watching you from behind your dumpster” levels.

14. Don’t corner people at house parties with your political views (and this goes double — nay, triple — for libertarians, as you guys are the most egregious culprits).

15. Erase the word “slut” from your vocabulary.

16. Treat every one with the same amount of respect and humanity that you would your father, sister, or boss — and think about why there might have been conditions on how you treated them in the first place.

17. RSVP.

18. Always put a little money away at the end of each month, and not because you’re saving for anything in particular.

19. Be up-front about your finances, because it’s unfair for anyone to believe in the outdated gender roles of “the man should pay for everything.” As long as you’re working hard and trying your best, you deserve to be honest.

20. Do not sleep with anyone who wants a relationship from you that you are not prepared to give. Using their affection to get something from them physically is easy, but it makes you a bad person.

21. Learn how to dance, at least a bit.

22. Never underestimate the great value of unexpected flowers on a day that is otherwise nothing special, especially in long-term relationships.

23. Don’t be disdainful of selfies, guys have just as much a right to look and feel good about themselves as anyone else. If you want a selfie, take a selfie! Just don’t be a dick about other people who like to do it, too.

24. Be compassionate, and know that you are allowed to experience the full range of human emotion. Where the gentleman of our grandparents’ generation might have prided himself on keeping all of his feelings in check for fear of seeming ‘feminine,’ a real gentleman knows that the best thing about him is his ability to be kind and empathetic. Everything else — yes, even the suit — is just icing on the cake.

10 Pro-Gun Myths, Shot Down

Myth #1: They're coming for your guns.

Fact-check: No one knows the exact number of guns in America, but it's clear there's no practical way to round them all up  (never mind that no one in Washington is proposing this). Yet if you fantasize about rifle-toting citizens facing down the government, you'll rest easy knowing that America's roughly 80 million gun owners already have the feds and cops outgunned by a factor of around 79 to 1.

Myth #2: Guns don't kill people—people kill people.

Fact-check: People with more guns tend to kill morepeople—with guns. The states with the highest gun ownership rates have a gun murder rate 114% higher than those with the lowest gun ownership rates. Also, gun death rates tend to be higher in states with higher rates of gun ownership. Gun death rates are generally lower in states with restrictions such as assault-weapons bans or safe-storage requirements.

Myth #3: An armed society is a polite society.

Fact-check: Drivers who carry guns are 44% more likely than unarmed drivers to make obscene gestures at other motorists, and 77% more likely to follow them aggressively.

• Among Texans convicted of serious crimes, those withconcealed-handgun licenses were sentenced for threatening someone with a firearm 4.8 times more than those without.

• In states with Stand Your Ground and other laws making it easier to shoot in self-defense, those policies have been linked to a 7 to 10% increase in homicides.

Myth #4: More good guys with guns can stop rampaging bad guys.
Fact-check: Mass shootings stopped by armed civilians in the past 30 years: 0
• Chances that a shooting at an ER involves guns taken from guards: 1 in 5

Myth #5: Keeping a gun at home makes you safer.

Fact-check: Owning a gun has been linked to higher risks of homicide, suicide, and accidental death by gun.

• For every time a gun is used in self-defense in the home, there are 7 assaults or murders, 11 suicide attempts, and 4 accidents involving guns in or around a home.

• 43% of homes with guns and kids have at least one unlocked firearm.

• In one experiment, one third of 8-to-12-year-old boys who found a handgun pulled the trigger.

Myth #6: Carrying a gun for self-defense makes you safer.

Fact-check: In 2011, nearly 10 times more people were shot and killed in arguments than by civilians trying to stop a crime.

• In one survey, nearly 1% of Americans reported using guns to defend themselves or their property. However, a closer look at their claims found that more than 50% involved using guns in an aggressive manner, such as escalating an argument.

• A Philadelphia study found that the odds of an assault victim being shot were 4.5 times greater if he carried a gun. His odds of being killed were 4.2 times greater.

Myth #7: Guns make women safer.

Fact-check: In 2010, nearly 6 times more women were shot by husbands, boyfriends, and ex-partners than murdered by male strangers.

• A woman's chances of being killed by her abuser increase more than 7 times if he has access to a gun.

• One study found that women in states with higher gun ownership rates were 4.9 times more likely to be murdered by a gun that women in states with lower gun ownership rates.

Myth #8: "Vicious, violent video games" deserve more blame than guns.

Fact-check: So said NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre after Newtown. So what's up with Japan?

Myth #9: More and more Americans are becoming gun owners.

Fact-check: More guns are being sold, but they're owned by a shrinking portion of the population.

• About 50% of Americans said they had a gun in their homes in 1973. Today, about 45% say they do. Overall, 35% of Americans personally own a gun.

• Around 80% of gun owners are men. On average they own 7.9 guns each.

Myth #10: We don't need more gun laws—we just need to enforce the ones we have.

Fact-check: Weak laws and loopholes backed by the gun lobby make it easier to get guns illegally.

• Around 40% of all legal gun sales involve private sellers and don't require background checks. 40% of prison inmates who used guns in their crimes got them this way.

• An investigation found 62% of online gun sellers were willing to sell to buyers who said they couldn't pass a background check.

• 20% of licensed California gun dealers agreed to sell handguns to researchers posing as illegal "straw" buyers.

• The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives has not had a permanent director for 6 years, due to an NRA-backed requirement that the Senate approve nominees.

23 Life Lessons You Get From Working At A Restaurant

Chelsea Fagan

1. If you don’t have a thick skin and complete abandonment of political correctness, don’t go near the kitchen. You will immediately learn there that what you consider to be off-limits is just the baseline of someone else’s sense of humor.

2. Bad tippers are the worst kinds of people, and are often terrible in many other ways than just being cheap.

3. Correction, the worst people are those who don’t tip or tip very badly, and accompany their financial insult with a snarky note left on the receipt.
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4. The pain of a bad seating chart is a real one, and not a single customer will care or understand that you got slammed while someone else is totally dead.

5. The difference between the people who have never worked in food service, and the people who have, is always clearly visible. And a lot of time it has to do with the basic degree of respect they give to the people who are serving them.

6. Make back-of-house’s life easy, they will make yours easy. Working is always about scratching someone’s back so they’ll scratch yours, and you’d better not break that chain.

7. The only people you’re going to be able to hang out with — and often date — are by default going to be other people in the industry. So you better like the people you work with it, because no one else is going to be coming out with you at 1 AM.

8. There is absolutely zero shame in eating the plate that gets sent back barely-touched because someone either misunderstood what they were ordering or is incredibly fussy about their perfectly-good food. People who will judge you over shit like that are people who don’t know the joys of a pristine plate of onion rings coming back to you when you are starving.

9. The most important friend you will make is the one who will cover for you while you eat, crouched next to some appliance in the kitchen. True friendship is about taking the fall so someone can eat.

10. There are a lot of people who are going to look down on you for working a restaurant, and treat you with massive disrespect, and you just have to get over it and remind yourself to never be like that in your own life.

11. If you are good to your server, your experience will be about a thousand times better, and you might even get free stuff if you’re lucky.

12. There is nothing better than a chef who is currently trying out new stuff and has tons of excess food for everyone to try. The best friend anyone can have is a good chef.

13. Line cooks are some of the hardest-working, most humble and honest people in the working world. And many of them happen to be felons. And when you see them get off a 14-hour shift and still manage to make jokes with you at the end of it, you realize that every judgment we make about the guy with neck tattoos is completely off base.

14. If you’re a female waitress/hostess/bartender, some of the more drunk male customers will take it upon themselves to also designate you “professional receiver of gross comments and inappropriate touches.”

15. A good manager is the one who will shut shit like that down, because they would rather lose the money from that customer than have someone who mistreats their staff.

16. Even the best establishment can be run into the ground by a petty, spiteful manager.

17. There is no worse an experience on this planet than working a busy brunch shift when you are brutally hungover.

18. If you don’t make friends with the bartender from the get-go, your life is going to be difficult. And you quickly learn that this also applies to the places you don’t work at — treat your bartender well, reap the rewards.

19. The calm before the storm (also known as the rush) is one of the most precious, fleeting moments in life. And as soon as you see that first customer looking at the specials board just a little too long, you know that it’s already over.

20. Never be the person who comes in just as the kitchen’s closing and orders something really complicated. Just don’t be that person.

21. In the best restaurants, you’ll become like a little family, and live through several very important moments together (especially because you don’t get days off for normal, human things such as holidays or birthdays).

22. There will be one item on the menu that you fall in love with so much that you actually start having dreams about it, and go through withdrawal when you don’t have it for a long enough stretch of time. You can actually get that way over, say, a cream of crab soup. It’s like heroin.

23. Going back to a place you used to work and seeing all the old group — and getting to eat and drink all your favorites again — is one of the best feelings you can have.

guns

My stance on gun ownership is similar to my stance on most wedge issues. I don't care to an extreme degree in either direction; what I do care about is that some people seem to do nothing but talk about it. I get it, it comes up sometimes, but if 85% of your profile updates or time line involve being for or against guns, then I likely think your an ignorant fool without a thought in your head who can find no better way of attracting attention than my flashing controversial photos and banners.

To love somebody

Cause if you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody.  But also, there is going to come a time when it seems that the love of others is all that matters.  You will relish it, and want to collect it to save up as reserves.  But you can't hold it, like trying to pour a gallon into a shot glass.  Your withered heart is the shot glass, a hundred times too small.

Choosing

This is not about me, it's about a friend of mine.  She came to visit me in nyc this weekend.   We didn't have any hard plans so we winged the trip for the most part.  But therefore two things she DID plan: a concert and a sexual encounter.   Neither happened for her, her flight in was so delayed she missed the concert (she had them transfer the tickets to me)  and the guy she was supposed to meet up with never returned her messages and calls.  So this leaves her with just one option: a man she met on the plane: one who so serendipitously won her favor.
I tell you this story to remind you that when life gives you lemons; make orange juice and leave everyone wondering how you did it.

Grow up already!

If we went to college together, but you're still there: you're a failure.  Even if you got your PhD,  you've failed to leave the nest.

Act of charity

I totally just got my dollar's worth in the subway! An old oriental man was playing some instrument and I put a dollar in his case and asked him to play a slow song.  So he immediately starts a song and SANG about a black haired man being a "leaf on the vine".  But I have dark brown hair.

At work

The worst thing I've ever said to an employee was shouted out after the boys team beat the girls team at a card game: "you just got raped!" " you got gang-banged!" "By two black guys and a white guy!"

Bad Karma

I'm stirring up some bad karma.  I should let it go, cut off the head of the beast.  I don't need evil thoughts in my head.

An enemy

Oh look! I've made an enemy in the lighting world!   Or moreso,  he's made an enemy out of me... but I guess it's better that we got this figured out before I showed him any of my designs. I got what I needed from him: a benchmark.  I know what I'm up against in NYC.  And I've realized that I might not use the same tools as everyone else, but that isn't a weakness of my company.   I use a different approach than most, which allows me to solve problems differently.  Its gotten me a few awards so far, and it keeps my trouble shooting skills honed.  I guess what I'm saying is: it allows me to invent new systems,  not just regurgitate what the other designers are already doing.  So in a way, I'm glad I don't have everything the other guys do: else I would never have invented my circuit movers, inline dimmer packs, or all the LED fixtures.
I know what I must do next; create a chandelier and finish my "Feeling Good Feelings" design.  I have sought the advice of graphic designers,  IT systems guys, event planners, and many other professionals in related fields.  My differences make my designs individual.

My skill level

Nothing feels better than the praise of peer review.  And nothing feels more hollow than  encouragement from people who don't work in the industry.  I recently met a lighting designer who is very talented.   He is my same age but has accomplished so much more... he has even taught.  I feel like a really shitty lighting designer when I hang around with him.  And everyone I tell this too tells me that I am great and all that... but none of those people are in the industry so they don't know how easy it is.

Cross fit

I am going to try 5 or 10 sessions of Cross Fit.  The place is about 1/2 a bloc from my house, and the 5 sessions is only 45 bucks with a coupon.  I am certain that the group atmosphere will encourage me to actually try really hard.  I've graduated from my home workouts.

I'm a failure

You ever just step back and feel like you suck. Yup, right now, I feel like that.

You can't just take it all back

http://www.queerty.com/gay-porn-star-jake-genesis-apologizes-20130503/

Yup, the porn star wants to act like it never happened.
So, to all of you readers, the message is this:  Nobody will forget the mistakes you've made if they are scandalous.

To be one with Myself

I wander through life often enough; dodging the bottlenecks and divingbells of the populus I surround myself with.  I recently spoke with an engineer who was jealous that I managed to take an electrical engineering degree and turn it into the lighting career I aspire to have.  But it was not till i told him that I wonder if I made the right choice that I realized how lost I was.  Somnambulist I am, walking through life not absorbing a fraction of it all.  It isn't until I set up my wires and lights that I wake up.  That is how I know that I am devoted to my craft.

Keeping a budget

It's pretty hard to keep a budget when 31% of your monthly spending is on unexpected expenses.

On debt still

821.92 is how much I paid this month to reduce my debt... and I've only reduced my debt by a few hundred dollars... Anyone notice something about those numbers.  Yup... Interest is a bitch.

Now, let's be straight forward: 312.17 of that is student loan payments, 151.75 is my car payment, which will be done in about 20-25 months.  85 of that is to pay down a medical bill that will be no interest of I pay the 85 every month till it is paid off (it was a larger bill that I simply calculated the payments into 17 months). But the rest, 273, is consumer debt that I am really angry about.
I know I am paying more in interest than initial debt. My student loans with have grown by 42% by the time i pay them off... my car loan closer to 35%.  yup.

On my Debt

2 1/2 months ago I wrote about my debt, and my plan to get rid of it.  Since then, I have reduced my debt by a few hundred dollars.  I deserve to be proud of myself!

Strange things to do on Drugs

A list of normal activities that I expect would be greatly enhanced by drugs:
1. Pooping
2. Fixing your hair
3. Changing your ringtone
4. Planting flowers
5. Cleaning out your closet
6. Skype with a friend who has a child.  Cause it would remind you that you can still make dumb choices without hurting anyone except yourself.

Straight Boys

In response to a question:
Dear Aaron, I'll teach you how to do that if you insist, but I warn you to guard your heart.  Straight boys are not gay and he will never like you the way you like him.  But if you still want to try and sleep with him you must make him feel like he wants it as much as you.  But before you can do this, you must befriend him first.  Don't tell him your gay till you've known him for a month or so.  And don't make a big deal of it, just casually mention something gay and let him realize that his new friend happens to be gay.  Once you've made him into a close friend you can start trying to get his pants off.There are two ways to do this: 1. Put on the appearance that you're attempts are not anything serious.  This makes it look like a casual thing that friends do, just another session of you jerking off and he is just hanging out with you.  If you do this right, you have your way into the next level of intimacy. 2.  Another way is to be less sneaky, but more manipulative.  Next time he bends over tell him "your asscrack is hanging out". And tease him like a straight boy would.  Then at some later point you can tell him" that as his best gay friend you have to do the world a favor and inform him that he can't wear boxers underneath his gym shorts" (obviously you only say this when he's wearing gym shorts.)  Then you just keep doing things like this.  Till he does them back to you.  When he says these things to you, that means you have taught him to look at your body.   That means you can TOUCH him.  Remember,  firm and masculine grabs are better than light feminine ones.  But all touching must be disguised as done for him.  You can grab his ass and tell him that he needs to up the weight he squats, or his arms and tell him that you wish your arms were more like his.  Eventually you'll get to his dick.
Final thought:  you don't kiss him, let him kiss you.

Away for so long

I've been away for a very long time, away from the blog, I mean.  I have a confession.  I'm seeing a man right now named Sam.  But last night I went on a date with a guy named Patrick.  Patrick has really big muscles, and he lets me touch them.  I like to do that.  I'm not a cheater, but he is exactly what I look for physically.  I just need to hurry up and fuck him so I can get back to Sam, who I am dating.
Oh shit, there is the lightbulb... I just need to get back to Sam.  Forget Patrick, cause he is only pretty.  And Sam is going to the gym a bunch now.  What am I doing, I'm so stupid.

Working out

IT'S NOT ABOUT GETTING BIG. IT'S ALL ABOUT GETTING BIGGER!

Bad date

I'm dating.  And not every date can be fantastic.   He complained about work.

Spending the Night

I spent the night at "a friend's apartment last night.   There were a couple bumps but we prevailed.   It's always interesting to see how different someone is when they aren't on a date.  When you're on a date, it is only for two or three hours.  But when you stay the night,  you see all the gritty details like the halfway clean (only worn for a few hours,  so still good to put back on) underwear hanging on the door knob.  I had a great time, and my stomach jumps when i reflect on it; I am excited to do it again.  So as I sit here on the morning A-train,  i can't help but smile.

Dear "Mani"

Really, "Mani"? You could have just used your real name in the Email.  It's not like I am going to judge you.  I don't even know you.  I am going to answer your question with a rather rude awakening.  YOU'RE COMPLETELY SELF CENTERED.  You are completely wrong, nobody is judging you, cause nobody is looking at you.  There is no need to be embarrassed.  Your friends are only telling you to make such changes because they are your friends, they like you right now, even in your current state.
As for my advice, I would say, "Yes, I did it.  You should try it."  Email me again if you need to.

Broken up (part 2)

He texted me again.  I knew he would.  He wants to be friends... but I am not interested in having him as a friend.  Maybe, we will see how it goes.

Pride 2013

Conflict resolution

When people argue,  they both think they are right.   There isn't always a winner, but there is often two losers.   There comes a point,  usually when one party attacks the other party rather than the issue, that successful communication is halted.  At that moment it is crucial to realize there are deeper issues.  Walk away and come back with a clear head.

Broken up

To all my dearest readers; I was recemntly broken up with. As in ten minutes ago. I imagine in a year when I reread this post, I will not feel much at all. But it did teach me somehting, about equals. I was lucky enough to go out with a guy out of my leage for a few weeks. In that time we made some changes for the better to try and pull myself up, but I guess it was too little too slow. So... FUCK HIM. I think he will certainly give me a call later. I know he will , they always do. Why? Cause I am BOSS! I am the Duchess! I am ME! Now, and Forever I am Me. It is his loss.

Airplanes

Airplanes take the "Travel" out of "Traveling."
Meaning that the joy is in the journey, not the destination

Alcohol

I had a friend in ohio who I never really introduced to people.  She was perfectly nice till she started drinking.  Then she became mean.  The few friends who did meet her would always ask me how long I'd known her, with a upset look on their faces.  So finally i stopped being her friend, cause she was nasty to me too, and she stopped inviting herself over all the time.  She moved away when i was about 3 or 4 months from moving to New York, since then i have gotten pleasant texts from her.  But i dont respond, i just let her exist.
I realize i was embarassed of her.
I am a loving drunk, she is a judgmental drunk.  It worked out well most times, but the bad times are the ones that stand out to me.

Opinions

Everyone has opinions.  And the thing is, people believe that these opinions are based on facts, but they never are.  For example: a friend and I were discussing age of people in couples.  I am 27.  But I have what most people think is a very large window of acceptable ages.  I would date a 22 year old, if he was martyrs enough for me.  I would date a 35 year old if he treated me like an equal.  That is what it is: the relationship is based on being equals.
Now, the person I was having this discussion with felt that my age range was too large.  I expect she would only accept if I dated ages 25-30.  Now why does that matter to her? Because she bas an opinion.  That's all it is... what she wants for me.  Perhaps she speaks from concern that I will be hurt by people, crushed from the differences.  My response was silence, until she persisted.  Then I realized that I had nothing but opinions also.  Except my opinions are within my own body.

On being single

Every time my phone chirps, I hope it's him.  I've got IT bad.  Real bad.  I'm working out more, to make sure he finds me sexy.   Trying to give him space so he doesn't feel smothered.   I even am playing hard to get.  And I think its working!  I just need to keep him from seeing anyone else... :-(

Opps

I really thought Chris Brown :-) and Bobby Brown :-( were the same person.  Glad to know they aren't.

Which is good,  cause Chris Brown is one of three black guys that I've ever found hot.  Bobby is kinda ugly.

In case you're wondering,  Taio Cruz is the other one... but only with the glasses on.

Best sales pitch for flower seeds ever

Nymphaea Caerulea (Blue Lotus) was held in very high esteem by the ancient Egyptians. Nymphaea Caerulea (Blue Lotus) was worshipped as a visionary plant and was a symbol for the origins of life. The Egyptians believed that the world was originally covered by water and darkness. A Blue Lotus sprang up from the water and opened its petals to reveal a young god, a Divine Child. Light streamed from the Divine Child to banish universal darkness. This child god was the Creator, the Sun God, the source of all life. When the Pharao known as King Tut was entombed, his body was covered in Nymphaea Caerulea (Blue Lotus) flowers. Read more: http://www.bouncingbearbotanicals.com/blue-lotus-p-101.html?osCsid=t0p46f2pjobu5f5rt8r9tn3594?ref#.UbHg6j44Kbw#ixzz2VXMaA9AG

Dear DEBT; I'm leaving you.

I have decided that I'm too good for you.  I don't like what you've become and I'm writing to tell you, "I hate you,  and I hope you catch hepatitis."  You've turned into an out of control monster who is getting in my way.  Please do your best to distance yourself from me, I realize it may take time.  I know that what you've become is my fault, I liked all the things we did together and I briefly thought the fun would never end.  But now it is starting to turn bitter.  I have done a little reading up on your personal life, all the other men and women you've been in bed with, and I don't like what you did to them.  So I am making a change: and there is no place for you in my life.

Hugs and kisses,
Kevin.

Moral: slap debt in its face.

My Method

I'll be writing all my spending down.  I used to do this, but then I stopped when I moved.  Since then I've wracked up more debt.  So its back to the drawing board.
I will also be taking myself down to one card, and putting my target card on ice (literally putting it in a bag of ice in the freezer).  I will also close my Newegg account once it's paid off.  CareCredit can stay open.

After the Date

As I grow older

As I get older, I'm starting to think I'm the only sane person.  It seems like everyone else is crazy.  All the people I know and meet with are little psychotic.

About being GAY

Whenever I meet another guy who doesn't really approve of my lifestyle they ask how I can be attracted to men.  They usually go on about how beautiful women are and about how sexy a vagina is, then says that the thought of another man's penis is disgusting.   I usually would engage them in conversation about how men are sexy.  But I just had a realization: I'm not gay because I find men sexually attractive (which I do, but that is a learned behavior caused by the real reason I am gay).  I am gay because I have LOVED men and never loved a woman.  I can connect emotionally to men in a way that I can't with women.  It is that simple.

Moral: So, to all my gay readers; next time a straight guy goes on about how disgusting dick is, just tell him that it isn't because of the penis of a man that you are gay, it is because of the heart. 
8===D

Peace before Death

Many of my readers know about a woman who greatly impacted my life.  Her name was Ann Rankin.  She died just before Easter two years ago.  But before she passed away she she told me about peace.  She was herself till the very end, and this is important because it allowed her to see that the small things she wanted were happening.  I don't mean that she wanted to take care of funeral details or anything like that, I mean the things she wanted for those she was leaving.  She was able to give away he most precious possessions,  poetry and photos,  furniture that had filled her home, and personal affects.  She was also able to watch her loved ones cone together.  Page and I had just rekindled our friendship,  and page was carrying a baby.  It was these details that brought her with relief, not a little blue box.
She was loved.

On gay actors

I was recently asked about why people care about if an actor is gay or not.  The person said, "Unless ur sleeping with him, doesn't matter".  Which is true.  But there is another side of it.  Young gay people always want famous and successful people to be gay, why?  Cause it sends a message of success for them.  When an actor stays closeted, it shows that there is fewer opportunities for them as a gay person.  Its that simple.

Advice on Recording

chances

I just found out that the chances of you dying on the way to pick up your lottery ticket are greater than your chances of winning.

Rainbows

The existence of the rainbow is dependent on the photoreceptors in your eyes, to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist.  So you don't just look at a rainbow, you create it.  This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colors you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum.

Im in New York

Yeah for New York!  I made the move and just got my computer set up today.  So, what do I do?  Of course, I blog.  I suppose that I am just here to tell you all that i am alive and well.  I will resume answering emails when I am able.

The Dentist

I reflect on this blog also.  So tonight I have decided to delve a little deeper, actually weeks ago I delved deeper (I am setting this post to not appear until I am in New York).  I recently made a decision between two people.  One very near, the other very far.  This decision was made based on several things, not the least of them how they treat me.  There are four things that are necessary in a partner for me, and they all begin with A; (fanboys, get your pencils ready) Attention, Affection, Appreciation, Acceptance.  One, the one I chose, gives me all four.   The Dentist, doesn't.  But I still am upset by him, why?  Cause I gave him all those things, and he didn't give them back.
Likely by the time this is posted and viewable, I will be over it.  Hell, I might be over it tomorrow... Just depends on when I see a certain Super Villain next.

Compare Yourself to YOU

Don't Compare Yoursself to Others

Moving

Replay Media Catcher 4

Possibly the best program i have used in a long time.  It captures video from any internet site.  I originally got it after my Realplayer downloader failed to download a Flow file.  Needless to say, it is pretty spectacular in that grabs EVERYTHING from the page, even the crap you don't want.  This is fine cause I can sort it out.  Sadly it doesn't work for Skype.
Oh, and by the way, it isn't free.

Tough Mudder

Who's heard of it?
Basically it is an obstacle course about 10 miles long.  It is an event that is open to anyone who wants to do it.  It raises funds for charity and gives participants an excuse to buy a teeshirt.
Now, lets talk about what it isn't.  It isn't qualifying you to be a navy seal, it isn't something for you to gloat over, and it isn't a StrongMan competition.  It really isn't a competition at all, it's fun.
The idea of the event it to have fun.  A friend of mine injured himself last year, he over exerted himself.  Bummer, that isn't any fun.  But here is the kicker, he wants to do it again.  Cause he had fun.

Now, the gray cloud to go with the silver lining:  I have no pity for him and his injury.  He did it to himself.  Just as I have no pity for ANY injury where someone is putting themselves into danger.  I hope he feels his three hours of fun was worth his year of physical therapy.

Resistance Bands

As many of you know, or maybe you don't... just read a few posts back, I have started a workout routine.  It is nothing huge, just 15 or 45 minutes (15 for doubles and 45 for quintuples).  But I am moving up in resistance.  So I ordered some resistance bands to increase my weights.  When i got them I just threw them to the floor, but today I did my whole workout without "maxing out" on the dumbells.  So, you know what that means?  It's time to move onto the bands!
I took them out of their little nylon bag and grabbed the black band, the equivalent of 22 lbs. (Yellow - Extra Light (6 - 8 lb.), Green - Light (9 - 11 lb.), Red - Medium (12 - 14 lb.), Blue - Heavy (15 - 18 lb.) and Black - Extra Heavy (22 lb.))  I quickly jumped on it with my feet at shoulder's width and gave it a pull with both arms; easy.  Then I said, "well, that was simple... I'M GOING TO PUT ALL THE BANDS ONTO THE GRIPS!!!!" well, that is the equivalent of anywhere between 64-73 lbs.

What an idiot.  I nearly pooped myself.

New favorite porn star

Logan McCree.  But I still wouldn't kick my old favorite, Adam Charlton, out of bed.

(2/15/2013 at 22:30)**Correction: Gianluigi Volti.  However, I would like to talk about why I like the above mentioned Logan McCree.  He is different than other porn stars, he is rough around the edges.  His sexuality is not anything like the other two, Adam Charlton and Gianluigi Volti.  They are both really traditional beauty, Logan is tattooed and crassly depicted, but notice that he does not do bondage.

Not too far...

I have a friend, who I though was avoiding me... turns out we are just both really busy.  That is about it.  So now we are friends again.
Thank God for Skype.

anonymousvoices.com Military Heroes

Although I don't 100% agree with this, it does make a certain amount of sense.

2012 Taxes, H&R Block

P.S. My tooth is pissing me off.

I just took my "Day 60" photo for my workout routine.  I am really happy with the results. I would say that I am proud of myself, but I am not.  I am actually a little disappointed.  I didn't stick with it as hard as I did in my first 30 days.  But I have changed my routine to make it more aggressive and easier to schedule.  Basically I have 2 days a week off, so I am doing all sections of my routine on those days; abs, butt, chest, legs, arms. 

The other days of the week I am doing my normal routine of:

Sunday: Chest and Legs

Monday: Butt and Arms

Tuesday: Stretch/Rest

Wednesday: Abs and Chest

Thursday: Arms and Butt

Friday: Legs and Abs

Saturday: Pull Ups

So for example this week I am off work Monday and Friday, so my routine looks like:

Sunday: Chest and Legs

Monday: abs, butt, chest, legs, arms

Tuesday: Stretch/Rest

Wednesday: Abs and Chest

Thursday: Arms and Butt

Friday: abs, butt, chest, legs, arms

Saturday: Pull Ups

I suppose that if all the stars aligned, I could potentially do each body section 4 times in one week, which would be over-training and would not be advantageous.  But if I get to that point I'll just be smart about it.

About Alex

So, you want to know ‘About me,’ do you? You’re willing to take the time out of your busy little life to read my mundane little blurb? You must really be bored.
Here, take my advice, stop now. Better yet, go read a book. OK? You have my permission. Go. I’ll see you later.

Still reading, eh? Yeah, I didn’t think that’d shake you. So, what if I gave you a direct command? STOP READING!

You didn’t. Why? Because you can’t stop, can you? You just HAVE to know what lies in the next sentence. Curiosity has gotten the best of you. Well I recommend you fight back. You CAN stop. Just leave. Exit off my page. Go ahead, it won’t hurt you. You’ll go on to live a perfectly happy (or miserable) life without ever knowing what lies at the end of this paragraph. So Go.

You didn’t Go.

Ya know, that’s a real problem; our curiosity that is. It’s very difficult to overcome, isn’t it? So, what kind of person are you? CAN you stop? WILL you overcome that urge?

You didn’t.

It’s like when someone says, “Don’t look up.” And you do. Why? Because of our weakness called Curiosity. Granted, it’s not always a bad thing. It’s due to Curious that humanity has progressed as far as we have. We’ve created great technologies which facilitate our lives and help us in unthinkable ways. But Curiosity has gotten people killed too.
Well, here we are. You and me. Sitting here with this webpage. Have I taken up too much of your time? Hey, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I never asked you to stay; in fact, I ORDERED you to go, and yet, you didn’t (for what motives I’ll leave to your own judgment). So, you want to know what this is all leading up to? Am I going to put anything of value into this paragraph? Well, for my ‘About me’ section, “I am Alex Childs and my favorite color is Blue.” The end. That’s it. That’s everything this has been leading up to. The big climax. The pinnacle of the past few minutes. The summit of all these worthless words. Now, don’t you feel stupid? You could have left when I told you to; saved yourself some time. Don’t go blaming me.
That’s just the kind of person I am.

Fantasty Comes True

Tonight I sent the wrong guy a text message, one that was asking if he wanted to trade pictures.  As one thing lead to another, I fell deeper down the rabbit hole, and finally my phone rang... He wanted me to go over to his place and he was going to suck me off.
Yup.
I kid you not.
I showed up to his house 20 mins later and within 15 seconds he kissed me.  I could tell he was nervous, he was like a teen on a first date; the taste of mint gum on his breath and his body smelled like straightboy soap.  He was more scared than I was.  I had wanted that for years, just a kiss, and I was about to get the whole package.  It wasn't till that moment that I was sure this wasn't some terrible prank or a joke at my expense.  I would never think him to do something like that, but the fear was still in the back of my mind.  He lead me to his living room and made his way to my crotch, were he began his work.  I was so nervous that i was only half hard; his dick was raging.  As the events progressed, we were both naked and then I was on top of him.  And finally, I was in him.  Only half way in, he took it like a champ, really pulling me inside.  Then-- we stopped. I would have fucked him so hard, I wanted to, but tonight was not about me.  It was his night to experiment.  I was going to let him do whatever he wanted, under the careful supervision of me.  He is safe with me, I won't let him get hurt.  I know that I am completely free of disease and will be there when the phone rings for him to say "Dude, what happened to us?  Where did that come from?"
The truth is, if I were more selfish, I would have cum tonight.  But I didn't, nor did he.  I would have LOVED to see that.  We spent more time talking about the effects of the evening than actually doing anything.

He is safe with me.  And I want him to know that.  I have grown up since I met him, and he needs me more as a friend to give him a guided tour than a guy to fuck his brains out.

A straight friend of mine saw this photo.  His response?  A confession of a fantasy about the three of us.  Now I am all confused cause I've wanted to get at him for years.   I  don't think he would ever actually do anything like a threesome with Erin and I.  It is far more likely that he would have a two-some... with me.

It's funny how I give advice about this exact situation very often, but now I can't follow my own advice.  I would tell a reader to avoid the situation, and that he is a tease.  But I know this guy.  I know that he is more confused than I am about the situation.

Can I pretend that I am doing him a service by putting the moves on him, or do I know that I am just taking advantage of his state?

Question: "If your best friend were laid up with two broken arms, and you went over to his house and he asked you to jack him off, would you do it?"

 o 74.0% said Yes
 o 26.0% said No


Question: "If you were laid up with two broken arms, and your best friend offered to jack you off, would you let him?"

o 78.9% said Yes
o 21.1% said No