Friday, January 25, 2013

Fantasty Comes True

Tonight I sent the wrong guy a text message, one that was asking if he wanted to trade pictures.  As one thing lead to another, I fell deeper down the rabbit hole, and finally my phone rang... He wanted me to go over to his place and he was going to suck me off.
Yup.
I kid you not.
I showed up to his house 20 mins later and within 15 seconds he kissed me.  I could tell he was nervous, he was like a teen on a first date; the taste of mint gum on his breath and his body smelled like straightboy soap.  He was more scared than I was.  I had wanted that for years, just a kiss, and I was about to get the whole package.  It wasn't till that moment that I was sure this wasn't some terrible prank or a joke at my expense.  I would never think him to do something like that, but the fear was still in the back of my mind.  He lead me to his living room and made his way to my crotch, were he began his work.  I was so nervous that i was only half hard; his dick was raging.  As the events progressed, we were both naked and then I was on top of him.  And finally, I was in him.  Only half way in, he took it like a champ, really pulling me inside.  Then-- we stopped. I would have fucked him so hard, I wanted to, but tonight was not about me.  It was his night to experiment.  I was going to let him do whatever he wanted, under the careful supervision of me.  He is safe with me, I won't let him get hurt.  I know that I am completely free of disease and will be there when the phone rings for him to say "Dude, what happened to us?  Where did that come from?"
The truth is, if I were more selfish, I would have cum tonight.  But I didn't, nor did he.  I would have LOVED to see that.  We spent more time talking about the effects of the evening than actually doing anything.

He is safe with me.  And I want him to know that.  I have grown up since I met him, and he needs me more as a friend to give him a guided tour than a guy to fuck his brains out.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

A straight friend of mine saw this photo.  His response?  A confession of a fantasy about the three of us.  Now I am all confused cause I've wanted to get at him for years.   I  don't think he would ever actually do anything like a threesome with Erin and I.  It is far more likely that he would have a two-some... with me.

It's funny how I give advice about this exact situation very often, but now I can't follow my own advice.  I would tell a reader to avoid the situation, and that he is a tease.  But I know this guy.  I know that he is more confused than I am about the situation.

Can I pretend that I am doing him a service by putting the moves on him, or do I know that I am just taking advantage of his state?

Monday, January 07, 2013

Question: "If your best friend were laid up with two broken arms, and you went over to his house and he asked you to jack him off, would you do it?"

 o 74.0% said Yes
 o 26.0% said No


Question: "If you were laid up with two broken arms, and your best friend offered to jack you off, would you let him?"

o 78.9% said Yes
o 21.1% said No

Monday, December 31, 2012

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Matt came to visit

For a very long time i have wanted to see Matt again.  And last night I got to.  He was in northern Ohio visiting family and he came to visit me in Columbus.  I was happy to see him, and it was nice to catch up; show him what has happened in my life.    But I realized something:  We could not have made it together.  I grew up, he did not.  By the end of the trip I was sure that there is no longer chemistry.  We are simply friends now, no spark of emotional connection.  I no longer carry a flame for him.
Many would find this sad, I am sure he is one of those people, but I am not upset by it.  I am relieved.  I am moving to New York in a few months, and I am tyeing up loose ends.  He is a loose end.
We were torn apart by his career, which sounds pretty grown up, doesn't it?  But that tear left us both without closure.  I remembered only the found moments, and there were plenty of them, and neglected his short comings.  Now I see that he is not my ideal mate, and I am glad to know this.

...I am glad to know this...

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Friday, December 14, 2012

Russians

Doing what I do, you meet a lot of high power people.  But none compares to my friend (I now call him a friend rather than a client) Steve.  I will not disclose his last name.  Anyway, Steve invited me out last night to a bar to celebrate his birthday.  Where I met some of his other friends, all high powered people.  It would seem that success attracts success.  I have said this before, but it is always nice to see it come into fruition.

Moral: make new friends, and be sure to conduct yourself in a manner which does not destroy your social image.

Sunday, December 02, 2012


Story of motivation dying:
 1. Hey, I want to get in shape. I CAN DO IT!        
2. How the heck do I do it? Let's do some research...
3. Great, I found the perfect routine for my body type.  I can make this work!
4. How the fuck do I do this exercise?!?  And I need the equipment... I should go to a gym!
 5. A membership costs how much!?!  And  I am embarrassed to even be here until I'm in better shape, and know how to do these exercises, and how much weight to put on the stupid bar... oh, wait, the bar alone weighs 45 pounds!?! can I even lift that?!?
6. Maybe I can find a friend to go with me and he can tell me how much weight to use and how to do each of the exercises on this little sheet I printed offline... No? "I'll slow you down?" "your schedule is too different than mine?" "you charge HOW MUCH to do that?... YOU'RE NOT EVEN A PERSONAL TRAINER! DON'T YOU HAVE TO GET CERTIFIED OR SOMETHING BEFORE YOU CAN CHARGE ME?!?"
7.  i can't do it.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

UFC is for gay men

One Day, the UFC is going to realize that they have a huge gay following.  Then there will be a slip up and some of the "Gay Budweiser" commercials will start to make their way into the rotation.   Dakota Cochrane featured above.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A straight boy in disguise

Dear Kevin,
     Please wear a condom.  I gave advice several years ago to a man in a similar position.Read my response to Robert Here
I have no idea how it all went with him, but I like to think that my advice was good.  His situation was a bit more complicated as there were kids involved, so for you I offer different advice; fuck him.
Yup, give it to him hard.  So hard that you make him wonder why he should even bother with women.  But wrap it up, cause guys like him (identity crisis) often have a habit of meeting people off craigslist or other places that may not be the cleanest, and guys like him are often afraid to get checked cause they don't want to be a "dirty homo".
Moral: always wear a condom, even if he says he's "never had sex with another guy"...

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Rest in Peace

SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Dear Randy

Randy just came out on FaceBook.


Randy, I am happy for you. I hope nothing but acceptance for you on your road ahead. There will be some who this will upset, and some of those people will truly be important to you. When people say "if they don't accept you , they don't matter" they are trying to be supportive, but I (and other Gay (capitol "G") people) know that is not true; some of the closest people will not accept this and may leave you. For this I wish I could apologize on their behalf, but I cannot. As you progress forward, and build yourself into a better man you must remember that being Gay is a Right, but you should treat it like a Privilege. Do not make the mistakes many men make when they first come out. You must not loose yourself in a sea of rainbows, keep your head.

On Circumcision and the Right to Genital Integrity (actually off topic)


My friend page has recently been on a kick about circumcision.  My views on this are not why I am writing this post,  I write this to bring a point to the surface.  The topic of my post is more on the word "Right".
Let's look closer at that word: Right.
A right is the same as a claim, however you never have the earn it.  You have a right to breath, a right to imagine, a right to think.  You have the right to be.  You are born with these rights.  All of them are good things.  You also have the right to live, and the right to try and be the best you can be.  All good things.  The right to remove your shoes and walk in the oceans.  That is one of my favorite rights.  You even have the right to put patches over your eyes and cotton in your ears so that you can live life deaf and blindly: wait... why the hell would you want to do that? (maybe some sort of religious harrowing?  Which you have a right to put yourself through, also.)  You have a right to eat nothing but multivitamins and food bulking agents for the rest of your life-- now that sounds like a horrid fate!
So why would you not want to do those last two?  Cause you don't want to.  It's that simple.  Now let's look at why you don't want to...
It's likely cause you live in a society where your parents and elders said that is a bad idea. And you know what..?  They are right.  You enjoy your life because you receive positive feedback from people, it feels good to be with the fold.  I am not saying that you should conform, I'm saying that it feels good to.
Now.  Let's talk about why you want rights.  Why? you want a right cause it feels good when you exercise it: it feels good to take off your shoes and walk in the ocean.  If it doesn't feel good (like the above mentioned examples), and you have the right, big deal? you won't exercise it anyway.  I do not have a foreskin.  I feel fine, I have no desire to get one.  If I had a "right" to grow one back (and the ability to do so) I would not choose to regain my "right to genital Integrity".
Case Closed.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Desiderata

You are a child of the universe
 No less than the trees and the stars
And you have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should
Therefore, be at peace with God
Whatever you conceive him to be
And whatever your labors and aspirations
In the noisy confusion of life
Keep peace with your soul
As far as possible, without surrender
Be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly
And listen to the dull and ignorant
They too have their story
Avoid loud and aggressive persons
They are vexatious to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others
You may become vain or bitter
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your career however humble it is
A real possession in the changing fortunes of time
Be yourself
Especially do not feign affection
Neither be cynical about love
Take kindly the council of the years
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with imaginings
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond a wholesome discipline
Be gentle to yourself
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams
It is still a beautiful world
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste
And remember what peace there maybe in the silence


I try to be, I strive to be
Oh I wish to be happy


Saturday, September 22, 2012

Everyday Gay rights are denied in America. But we must remember that equalizing rights are a distant second to eliminating violence.  Original photo by mark of The Boston Herald, then I added the words.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

When it is real

A few days ago a man passed away because a of a disease.  Now, here is the kicker, he have 48 people the bacteria before it took him out.  A photo of him was put out and everyone who was in contact with him was encouraged to go get tested.  Because of his position, he was a social figurehead.  And he went by a different name on Facebook than in real life.  I believe this was so that the people who actually knew him could differentiate between who he truly knew and those he didn't.  I was a friend of his, for real, so I knew the real name.  And I was amazed when i found out he passed away, but I didn't get angry until the people who put out the photo referred to him by his stage name. It was upsetting because it was like they didn't even bother to find out the truth of him.  That, and they used the photo of him that I hate cause it makes him look like a douchbag.

Friday, September 07, 2012

Standing Still

Sarah Brightman has a song called The Journey Home.  The premises of the song is about returning home, but there is one line in particular that is applicable to my life right now.

"Not every road you come across
Is one you have to take
No, sometimes standing still can be
The best move you ever make"

I will soon be heading from larger pastures, I hope they turn out to be greener.  But that is not till April.  Until then, I am presented with many options and opportunities.  Two in particular have presented themselves in the past 24 hours.  One in southern Ohio and one in Louisville, Kentucky.  Both look great, but neither are in New York.  I have already made up my mind that I am going to New York.  And so what do I do about these two?
I believe that the best course of action is to pursue both until I come to a point of commuting to a project.  Neither seems to be a non-compete right now.  And hopefully I can start and complete at least one project before April.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

With the Elections coming up

Keep this in mind: it is possible to conduct reasoned, civilized, even impassion debates, without resorting ot name-calling and mud-slinging.  And it is acceptable (indeed admirable) to "agree to disagree".  A "winner" does not have to be pronounced for parties to end the debate.  Remember, victory is no confired on the person who has the last word.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I am not a whore

I had the pleasure of going out to a night club with a real man-whore the other night and since then I have had a foul taste in my mouth regarding the scene.  I saw that he knew every guy.  I would say things like "oh, he's cute" or "look at the arms on that one" and almost always he would say that he had slept with each guy.  I don't want to be that.  Just imagine what they all thought of him.
So, I have decided (this was days ago, and I am proud to say I am successful) in being anything but a slut.  I am not going to give my number to anyone for a while.

Moral: you can learn from other's mistakes.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Never have I Ever

I have never been one to feel the world owes me something, but I am good person.  And every once in a while I want a piece of the pie.  There is a old idea of a "pie in the sky", basically it referrers to having to suffer to get your reward.  I am an advocate of hard work to reach your goals, don't get me wrong, but have you ever stepped back and said "When is it my turn?"
With that in mind, I guess i should just work harder-  HA! that is exactly what got me into this situation.  I can do one of two things, I can either admit defeat and let the load crush me or I can maintain that one day I will be a better person for all the work I have done.  Hard work.
...  But no man ever turned a plow into a scepter.  Fuck the Pie (in the Sky).

Saturday, July 28, 2012

This summer

Ahh, the summer. I wish I could say that all things in my life have been going great. For the most part, everything is fine. I have been chugging away and making progress toward... uhm... I don't know. I am kind of lost. I feel a bit like I am just floating. I am trying to grow my business, actually just yesterday I sent in my resume to a Columbus company that is looking for freelance lighting designers. I hope that something good pans out of that. I have also been making new friends and trimming away old ones that are no longer very close to me. It is like a cycle.

I broke two hearts this summer, Josh and Brandon. josh was 5 years, good lord... Brandon feels it was 2 months... I didn't think we were dating, I just thought we were friends that had sex a few times. But you know what? Josh really did love me. I know that now, and I knew that then. I loved him. Despite the break up, I still care about him. He will always hold a place in my heart, I will always remember the good things about him. And those memories make me smile. Brandon thought he loved me (I think...) but he was a little too crazy for me, plus he was just not very nice to me. But I am not here to bash him.

In Summation: If you think it will go nowhere (Brandon), break it off. If it was beautiful once (josh), cherish the memories. If it is just starting (My lighting company), help it grow.

(And you thought it was all just random babbling... haha. thanks for reading, guys.)

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dear SolariusYuuhi

I read your story and I am sorry that all those terrible things happened to you. But I am also happy to hear that you have bounced back. It will take time, and although Soleanna's memory will never be gone, you will love again. And I hope that you get to feel the pride of fatherhood in your life. As for the withdrawl from your family, I encourage you to not venture too far from them. They are on your side. Don't push them away. I wish I could give you some advice, all wrapped up in a pretty bow, but I don't know what to say; excpet, I am sorry for your losses, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.

Monday, June 04, 2012

Actually, I just don't like pushy people

0:40 Name calling - Non-sequeter 2:00 Personal Choice? Yes, parents make choices for their children until the age of 18. These choices are made based on their own experiences. Fathers should be consulted on this matter. 3:30 Appeal to tradition: I believe that he is appealing to the fact that it has been successfully done for thousands of years (Success as in repeated once men have seen the results, we still wish it done to our sons) 4:00 Ok to rape someone if you use a roofie - Straw Man Argument 5:08 records of boy babies dying or having infections FROM CIRCUMCISION are not shown nor sourced. Therefore this bit of the argument should be struck from the video. 8:00 this procedure is not the only exception. Syndactyly repair, polydactyl repair, Ectrodactyly repair. And those are all just on the hands, and none are life threatening syndromes. Should I keep going? 8:30 Male breast cancer is 1 in 1,000. There were 40 million male babies born in 2011, that means that 400, thousand will be at risk for male breast cancer. The number is still high enough to draw attention, so should not be used to demean efforts to prevent other cancers. 9:00 The correlation of those numbers is not direct, other aspects of health such as diet and lifestyle (yes, I am also talking about sexual lifestyle) impact the numbers also. 9:50 The speaker is using an example where the lowest sample rate (4% total HIV infection) is over 100 times the rate of the area of the proposed ban. That is an unparallelled argument. (FYI, the highest rate of 41 percent HIV infection is more than 1000 times the California numbers, but since the speaker has already decided that 1 in 1000 is negligible at 8:30 it doesn't matter) 12:30 Wait... we aren't talking about female circumcision. Laws are already in place regarding those. Non-sequeter
Dear Fra, Here is a little secret: Women love words. So tell her how you feel. Say it! Then say it again. Then find a different way to say it; write it, sing it, scratch it into a tree or cement. Just let her know, but you have to use the words. Women are dumb (so says the gay guy), so be direct with her. Trust me, she will love to hear it. And keep an optimistic mind about it, because confidence is a sexy.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I like Ben even more now. I had always been a fan of Ben Cohen, as I like what he stands for; kind of a defender. I have always been very lucky to not have to deal with bullies, maybe because I have always had friends to be around so bullies couldn't get in. Anyway, some of the younger generation doesn't have that luxury. And that is were Ben Cohen comes into play. I used to just think he was hot, with a good cause as a bonus. Now I see that he is much more than that.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

The couch

We are all faced with decisions every day. Sometimes is is a couch, sometimes it is a more important decision, often times a less important one. But every time it is a permanent one. You can return a couch, but the time wasted won't come back.
I am not going to get any younger. I only have so much time on this earth. You want to sped as much time as possible sitting on the right couch. You want to surround yourself with the right people as much as possible. You want to have children and be with them. If a couple is trying to get pregnant, they want it sooner rather than later.

open your chakras

I have combined a few things, mostly the ancient ideology of chakras and the art of reflexology. here is the chart I made, don't try
it if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Por Te

I wish you happiness in all your endeavors, and joy in all corners of your life. If only you saw yourself the way I see you, rather than you seeing yourself as I see me; you would know just how amazing you are. I regret not spending every moment with you, instead of spreading myself thinly between so much. Time can not be returned to us, we have spent it already.
As I see you now, older and married to your own life, rather than a life together. Now all of us have settled down, controlling ourselves to give our hearts to one. There is no longer a face to reach out and touch, no longer a hand to press against my chest. So tell me, now, moments before you turn away from me, and make it so I can't speak. Here like smoke in a balloon, contained and enjoyed through a membrane.

you are gone from me. but you haven't even left.

Moral: Be great to each other.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Random Strangers

I was at Walmart (I know) and I saw a gentleman looking for a remote control for his TV. He was on the phone, and obviously confused about which one to get. I said, "what are you looking for?" and he told me his dilemma. I quickly solved it. But he wasn't finished there, he wanted my advice on a set-top box, I gave him the advice after comparing two models and the conversation continued... for an hour. Literally we talked about such a huge range of topics it isn't even funny. He has my number (no sexual attraction, just figured it was good form in case he wanted to ever chat again.)

moral: minuscule events can have amazing consequences.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My friend Scott


I have a friend who lives out of the state. Not a big deal. But I think that we might want to get together soon. Let me rephrase that, we want to get together now but we are both very busy. That is not the real reason...
OK, here is the skinny. Never actually met in person, only through digital means. He invited me to (open invitation) come to Iowa to visit him. I really want to, but that is not a good idea. I know what will happen: Sex. and then we will get emotional and that will mess up everything.
If it were only Iowa, it wouldn't be so bad, but he is leaving for Texas in the fall. I will likely never see him again in person.

Moral: Sometimes when you really want to do something, you find the best thing to do is nothing.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Cho


Those S&M people; they're really bossy.

Monday, April 02, 2012

I am moving

I am moving down the road, hence why I have been so slow to post. But that is no the point. The point is-- where did all these jock straps come from? I thought I only had one, but so far,I have seen three and I still have 4 more drawers to pack up.

moral: moving is a great time for cleaning out the closet.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Got ToHell!

I was recently told I was going to hell, this isn't a new thing for me (I have been told this before) but this was different. Normally it is a person who is calling me a sinner because I am doing something they are not (in this case, being a homosexual). But this was very different because it was not as much "you're going to Hell" as "we are going to hell". I was told this by another gay man. He is from a far away place where being gay is a sign of evil. Regardless of whether he acts on his urges or not, he is dammed. And I am dammed just as he, according to him. I refuse to believe this, how can he and I being cast into fire just for being who we are? After many long moments of silence, I asked him "Does this keep you from acting on what your body tells you to do?"

"No, I still like men. And I am going to have sex with them, and you will too."

...Wait, what? I still don't understand this. Is it that he feels he can't escape it, so he is going to enjoy it, or what?
Nope, he just doesn't want me to live in fear of the fire.
Moral: sometimes those around you want you to make the best of a bad situation. And sometimes they are dead wrong. He is wrong, God has not abandoned me, and He does not hold this against me.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Newly SIngle

I am newly single, and I must say... nothing is different yet 5 days a week. I still get up and go to work, come home and go to sleep. But on those other two days I am a totally new man. I have started to make art again, in preparation for my new apartment. The above is five motherboards that I mounted to a board and will be wiring together to hang on a wall. It isn't as creative as I used to be, but it is a start. I am going to dive deeper into my lighting, currently working on a big project that I won't bore you with.
I dated Josh (photo is to the right) for 4 1/2 years. That is a long time. We were good together, that is why it lasted so long. We will try to be friends, but the reality is... I don't think it will work. We are starting to get more harsh with each other; him more judgmental and me more apathetic. I will be moving in less than two weeks. And what will happen then? He will not be here when that happens, he will be out of town on business. Initially I thought of just leaving during the week and not telling him that I was going to to. But that was a juvenile idea, reaped from hurt feelings. He has been good to me.

I will never forget him.

Moral: Some people are in your life for a season. Some a lifetime, others simply a moment for a reason. But everyone who touches you leaves an imprint. These are usually opportunities to build character. I am a better person now, as is he. Despite this, you must know when to make and exit.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

a long time ago when the planet was first beginning, the lifeforms breathed only CO2 and their waste was O2. Now the majority breathe O2 and put out CO2. The first shift from CO2 to O2 killed the majority of the planet, now it seems that it is going to shift back again.

Friday, January 27, 2012

So smart I circle back to dumb

I learned/figured out something today. Ever wonder why something is green of purple or ect? It is crazier than you think. first watch this video below. Do yourself a favor and mute it first.

I assume that you all know that color is based in light.
Now, do you know why it is changing colors? It is because of the chemical makeup of the solution. That solution is not producing light. And if it isn't making light, how is it making color, after all it must be making the color, because the lighting in the room isn't changing at all. So how is it "colored"? Well, in a nutshell, the there is a molecular change occurring. Light interactivity the chemical makeup of something. Color isn't what something "is" it is what something is "doing". And strangely enough, light is doing a number on everything. Light (well, really, waves in total (radio all the way to gamma)) actually causes the molecules to be changed in everything it touches. I don't just mean plants with chlorophyll and such as that. I mean paint and ink, gemstones*, the rocks that make up cliffs, and the sand that fills the deserts of the world. When you look at a tomato that is green, then days later it is red, you are seeing the chemical change of the tomato growing and maturing. But when you see a red tomato in a painting turn yellow, it is a chemical change within the paint. There is no cellular life in that pigment maturing.
...
let me try to explain that again. Just as luminescence consumes energy from two chemicals mixing or a metal burning up atom by atom when heated red hot, reflected light causes a change in color to the subject matter by interacting/bouncing off it/being absorbed by it.** That is why things fade after prolonged exposer to light.

There is more to this than what I have stated above (I have ignored the physical phenomenons of the world). Incandescent things for example create their own light. Then there are actual physical properties of light that create rainbows in 2 degrees of our field of vision (40 degrees and 42 degrees***). That is a whole different ball of wax.

*yes, gemstones are still changing on the molecular level. Give them a millennium or two and they won't be very pretty at all.
**when an object appears green it is because it is absorbing the red and blue light, and rejecting the green light (sending it back to be received by your eyes).
***Double rainbows are created by one rainbow being behind another rainbow on a round planet, not beneath with respect to our vantage point.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I don't normally post political stuff, or maybe I am doing so more often... but This is important to me and others. If you have children, think of them; do you want them to grow up in a world were somebody besides you gets to decide what they are allowed to learn? If you ever attended college, you have seen how differing opinions enrich the academic world. I do not advocate young children aimlessly clicking around the internet, it can be a dangerous place; but this does not only affect them. This affects adults, too: Adults that are old enough to choose to drive, choose to speak, choose to vote. Why would they vote to lock them out of choosing what they learn?
I say no to internet censorship.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

we have more in common than you think.

There is one trait that 97% of adults have in common. This 97% spans race, orientation, religion, social status, and political affiliation. No matter where a person is from, no matter where they live; this is common between most of us. I truly mean globally.
97% of all adults eyes are 63 millimeters apart off center.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

powerful words

I awoke, flat on my back; in my mouth, the taste of blood and chocolate. As I opened my eyes, the golden clouds kissed my contracting irises. There were sounds, both terrible and melodious, louder than the roar of silence. Crashing bells took my consciousness to a distant place of standing stones and Cyclopean architecture. A moment lost in a blink took me to the cracked floor of the vault, although now standing perfectly upright. I threw open my arms wide, prostrate to the sunrise; dawn of a new century. The heat of the sun kissed my hair to my toes, bathing me in the aromas of saffron and champagne, tastes that end where they start.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

On "Doing" and the fight to do it

first things first. I am not a fan of protesting. I think that if you feel strongly enough, you should try and create solutions to problems, not just groan about how terrible the situation is. Now, the disparity is still there, it always will be, but I have seen many "help wanted" signs on doors. But on that same note, I had trouble finding a job for a hot minute, and i have a clean background with no felonies and am well educated. It isn't as easy for others with a few strikes against them. But I am not in their shoes, I don't know if they can't find work. Just last night, on the news there was a carpet cleaning crew who was be raided by the news reporter about "does your employer know you are a felon?" and "would you want somebody like that in your home?". So, I imagine that some people don't really want to allow certain types to make money... I guess some people really do want to keep others down.

Sunday, November 06, 2011


Vincent van Gogh's fame may owe as much to a legendary act of self-harm, as it does to his self-portraits. But, 119 years after his death, the tortured post-Impressionist's bloody ear is at the centre of a new controversy, after two historians suggested that the painter did not hack off his own lobe but was attacked by his friend, the French artist Paul Gauguin.

According to official versions, the disturbed Dutch painter cut off his ear with a razor after a row with Gauguin in 1888. Bleeding heavily, Van Gogh then walked to a brothel and presented the severed ear to an astonished prostitute called Rachel before going home to sleep in a blood-drenched bed.

But two German art historians, who have spent 10 years reviewing the police investigations, witness accounts and the artists' letters, argue that Gauguin, a fencing ace, most likely sliced off the ear with his sword during a fight, and the two artists agreed to hush up the truth.

In Van Gogh's Ear: Paul Gauguin and the Pact of Silence, published in Germany, Hamburg-based academics Hans Kaufmann and Rita Wildegans argue that the official version of events, based largely on Gauguin's accounts, contain inconsistencies and that both artists hinted that the truth was more complex.

Van Gogh and Gauguin's troubled friendship was legendary. In 1888, Van Gogh persuaded him to come to Arles in the south of France to live with him in the Yellow House he had set up as a "studio of the south". They spent the autumn painting together before things soured. Just before Christmas, they fell out. Van Gogh, seized by an attack of a metabolic disease became aggressive and was apparently crushed when Gauguin said he was leaving for good.

Kaufmann told the Guardian: "Near the brothel, about 300 metres from the Yellow House, there was a final encounter between them: Vincent might have attacked him, Gauguin wanted to defend himself and to get rid of this 'madman'. He drew his weapon, made some movement in the direction of Vincent and by that cut off his left ear." Kaufmann said it was not clear if it was an accident or an aimed hit.

While curators at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam stand by the theory of self-mutilation, Kaufmann argues that Van Gogh dropped hints in letters to his brother, Theo, once commenting : "Luckily Gauguin ... is not yet armed with machine guns and other dangerous war weapons."

Saturday, November 05, 2011

7 months later

thank you ann. Truly, thank you. You have been so important in my life, and I can't imagine where I would be without you. Although I will never see you again in this life, your presence remains. I think of you often, more often than I do of many others who have passed away. You were very important to me. I never knew how important I was to you when you were alive, it was not until your memorial, 20 days after you sent me this email, that I learned how I was almost celebrity status in your life. I never knew I mattered so much, people I never even knew existed were saying things like "now I can put a face to a name" or "Ann was always telling me so much about you." I wish I could have more time with you, but I know exactly what you would say if you heard me say that, that I am a busy man, and you know I was always there when you needed me.
I am glad that before you passed away you got to see that Page and I had rekindled our friendship, and that Page was able to tell you she was pregnant. I am also glad that you got to meet Josh, and that you liked him so much. Your opinion matters to me.
Also, I want to tell you that the photo of you from your younger years is one of two identical copies. I have one and your sister has the other. I have not framed it yet, but I will soon-- I promise.
I miss you very much,
Kevin.

--I never knew I mattered so much


-----Original Message-----
From: Ann Rankin [mailto:portsails@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 08, 2011 7:49 PM
To: Kevin Duchon
Subject: Nana's desk is yours....

Dear Kevin, The ships are going to a nautical museum outside of Washington, D.C. Nana's desk is yours, free and clear, though. I spoke with Moira, tonight. No one in the family wants it. No one will fight you over it. It belongs to you. Go get it, anytime after this weekend. -- All my love, Ann

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Steve Jobs

So, Steve Jobs is dead. I have two things to say. Firstly, it is ironic that all the mac users think they (their computers) are immune to viruses, but then their elected god died of a virus. The second part, I do not understand why anyone that I know is sad. They did not know him. He did not know them. The likelihood of anyone I know knowing someone who actually knew him is slim at best.

Save your tears for those who loved you back. You do not cry for death you cry for a broken relationship. And so I allow you tonight, just briefly, a moment to step back and say "where is the love, Kevin?" or "How can you be so cold."

The memorial:
At Apple headquarters in Cupertino, Calif., tonight, people were hugging and crying. Candles were being lit around an iPad with a picture of Jobs on the screen, and observers very quietly stood and looked at the memorial.

Really? An iPad? I'll take a painting please. For one time in their lives they could have taken their heads out of their asses long enough to realize that an apple product isn't always the best way to do something.

I feel the need to expand, it isn't Steve Jobs that I am hating on. It is the insane following and crying for a guy who created products for consumers, not technological advances. Celebrate Brahmagupta and Pingala, they did nothing to please consumers for profit, only gave to the technological world. He was a for-profit man, who started as a computer engineer and strayed from that by age 26 to fill the coffers.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Two into One

"...and the heavens shall tremble as furious angels drag you back to me."

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Apples


I expressed my incredulity to the shop's assistant, who coldly noted that he did not like my implication. He insisted that every article in the emporium was genuine—no fakes, imitations, or cheap knock-offs.

I must have appeared unconvinced, for the assistant narrowed his eyes at me and disappeared into the bowels of the shop, returning several minutes later. He removed the jar of pickled apples from its display case, and proceeded to carefully, reverentially, remove the wax seal from the lid of the jar.

I watched with fascination as the jar was opened, and a single, rosy apple pulled from it. It looked as if it had been picked just that day, at the peak of ripeness. With a paring knife, the assistant cut the tiniest sliver of flesh from the apple and presented it to me.

The flavor of that one small sliver was astonishing. It was as close to a perfect apple as ever there was. I was experiencing the essence of every apple ever eaten, and that ever will be eaten. When it was over, the sense of loss that filled me was sharp enough to move me to tears.

The rest of the apple was returned to the jar, which was then resealed. I paid five sovereigns for that single taste, and I believe I got the better part of the bargain.

—From the letters of Brother Ferdinand Genitivi to Sister Petrine, Chantry scholar

Monday, September 19, 2011

Black and White

Sometimes there is black and white. You can't totter on the line, choose a side. See, when you mix black and white you get gray. And no matter how much white you add back in, all you're going to get is gray.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Total trim-back

I pruned my oldest Desert Rose plant this evening. Now it is almost the same size as when I bought it, but rather than having 2 shoots, it has 6!

... still no flowers, though...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

wish every day

If I had one wish per day, for the rest of my life, I would spend them all on you.

I wrote that, it is a Kevin original. But the funny thing is, it didn't begin like that. It was originally much closer to, "Today I would wish for you, but only if I got one wish per day for the rest of my life." Much less endearing.

Moral: if you must make a big decision, don't blow your wad on a bad result.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

as a whole


sufh uad U rhii theoa a theot and be lgue to inceur all the tryi ther l aowe nas firsshe on. I woll be reyye woe. tjh aso tjea o jae aowais wanroe ap jwrrp wlla. And they will all regret what they did to me.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

On the Forum

"Oh my. It is strange how you don't really think about those we talk to on here as PEOPLE. Obviously we are all people, but there is a feeling of infallibility to everyone on here. If someone is suddenly not posting, we expect that they are busy doing something else. I hope that others share a feeling of loss, by that I mean I hope that we are able to remember (gently) that we are all real people."
I posted this on the Forum. It was brought to my attention that Frosty (a man I have known for more than 10 years) passed away in his sleep.
Moral: everyone out there is a real person. They have lovers and mothers. You are a real person, who HAS touched loves. Even if you don't think you matter, you would be missed if gone.

Friday, September 02, 2011

old friends and new

I have many friends, more than I can keep track of. I don't mean that to sound cocky, I mean that as a bad thing. The problem with knowing a lot of people is that you "know" them all, you aren't "friends" with most of them. And many people are the same way, those who I consider close might think differently about me. And so, as I go through the list and have to pick 12 people to invite to a party, it is clear; some of the top 12 people that I want to invite wouldn't come. Terrible? At first I thought so. But I am not too insulted. Some people I know are too busy, some are too far, some are not compatible with other people, others have track records of not showing up.

So, as I lick these envelopes, I am forced to decide who to send them to. I have the 12 people. I just need 4 more addresses.

Moral: After a while you stop inviting them. You just don't bother anymore. It isn't about a party, it is about your life. So Jason, I hope that this story about my life sheds clarity on yours. Forget about her, she isn't worth your effort.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

31SW

[quote="KC2MDP"]The only real solution is to get rid of all that cr^pola. After all.... 30 years ago Cigaretts were considered safe. And today in most places you can't even do that anymore. Get rid of all that garbage, it does nobody any good.[/quote]

The following statement sounds like I am trying to be funny, but I am being very serious. So serious, that to avoid confusion, I wrote this sentence explaining how serious I am.
There is a direct link between people who use the word "crapolla" and those people feeling like they know better than everyone else. And these people are always conservative individuals. Do not try and prove me wrong, for 1000 men cannot prove me so as I am right. It has to do with a feeling that using actual profanity is barbaric and crude and a fear of backlash that will result from being forward about their emotions in a ratio more appropriately scaled to how strongly they feel.
I would know, one of them sends me such things at least once a month.

Moral: I am just as bad as they are. I just use words that spellcheck doesn't underline. I think I have all the answers, but at least every once in a while I step back and say "How sure am I that I am right?". I must be wrong sometimes, the shear numbers of the situation mandate it.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

contacts

I made a new friend, and he made a recommendation; I have always wanted two different colored eyes, and now (Michael C.) I can. He made a recommendation for colored contacts, a specific recommendation. I can keel the freckle on my eye.

Moral: you can change things about yourself, but be wise. You are who you are. make a change slowly and deliberately, and don't loose yourself. Not a freckle, not a blemish, not a single thing about your that you like.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011


Thank you FLORIDA and KENTUCKY!! Florida and Kentucky are the first states that will require drug testing when applying for welfare, effective July 1st. Some people are crying this "unconstitutional" . How is this unconstitutional? It's OK to drug test people who work for their money, but not those who don't?

fixing what isn't broke pt. 2

I ordered a plant light. Far less invasive than re-potting all the plants and it should help with blooms.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

fixing what isn't broke

I have several plants, all of which are growing very fast. Faster than they probably should be, to the point that they are disproportionately tall and too narrow. I was going to repot them into soil that was less fertile, but then i realized, "so what?". Big deal if my plants are not the same as everyone else's, they seem to be healthy enough. Plus now I can bend them into weird shapes.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

obama

They might think they've got a pretty jump shot or a pretty good flow, but our kids can’t all aspire to be LeBron or Lil Wayne. I want them aspiring to be scientists and engineers, doctors and teachers, not just ballers and rappers. I want them aspiring to be a Supreme Court justice. I want them aspiring to be President of the United States of America.

moral: he did it, and he wants them to, also.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

in a nutshell

promoted job, bigger portfolio, smaller desire to help those who won't help themselves, and I have been doing pull ups every day.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

furious Angels

I am lucky to have a wide range of music available to me. One song that I have been listening to a lot recently is called "furious Angels". It is essentially about a man in love with a destructive woman (or man, the song doesn't really say) and his description of how the love has effected him. Bu providing violent imagery such as a piece of metal between his ribs or a dirty needle and a blow to the head the artist, Rob Dougan, shows that love is dirty.
I mention this on the blog because I agree; love is dirty and sometimes we feel like those we love are in a position to do so much damage that we know God Himself will call for the protection of you when they hurt you. This is of course an exaggeration, if you think that god will keep you together than you have a view of micromanaging on a macro scale.
Moral: love can hurt, so be nice to each other.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

on straight boys

oh, alas. I have met my match. I mean that in reference to the situation, not any person. I have recently been ever so lucky to change jobs from a dreadful department store to a fun businessman's boutique. With this position I have been introduced to several upstanding fellows, 4 above the rest. We will simply go by their first initials; Ja., Jo., Mi., and We., in no particular order (albeit alphabetical). With each I have shared something great. With We. I find myself reduced to giggles at every turn. He has a lively humor that makes any dry humor pale in comparison. Mi. is by far the most stern of the lot, however from him I have seen that there is a directness with people you must maintain. I mean that with regards to me, personally. Through his frank analysis of every situation I could encounter I am prepared and readied for everything that could ever happen to me. Then there is Jo.! He and I share so much of the same past, and we always have something to talk about. I am not exaggerating in saying that he spends more time with me in the confines of those walls than anyone else. And we always have something to say to each other, weather it be work related or not.
And then we come to Ja.... Who I initially disliked. Yes, it is true. I can not even remember why, but it does not matter. Then there was also the short time that he disliked me, which I assume doesn't matter to him anymore, either. We are now very close. We talk endlessly about topics that just reaffirm we are both like minded, every conversation seems to be a compliment to the tastes and choices of the other. Thank God he isn't gay, otherwise we would both probably think the other is coming onto us. We, and he agrees with this, have a frightening number of things in common. It is kind of funny to see what I would be if I were straight. The answer: I would be exactly the same as I am right now, only I would like boobs.*

*not that boobs are bad, they just aren't very motivating.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Eulegy

I knew my grandma in the same way as many of you here, and many of us have a several wonderful memories that we will share later today. I would like to share one right now, though. At my grandfather, Joseph Duchon's, funeral I was very upset, it was the first time when I was able to understand grieving. I was terribly sad, but I remember that at the reception she asked me to sit next to her and spoke to me about grief. She told me that it was alright to be upset, because that helps you to accept death. And now I remind you of the lesson she taught me. It is alright to be upset. Grieve fully, and whole heartedly. Hurt deeply and release wailing cries. But do not let yourself be consumed by grief. You must allow the course of sorrow to end into acceptance of the death.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Back burner


I am in charge of a theater group. I picked it up as a... not a hobby, but I did not plan on fully devoting myself to it. It is a community that doesn't really support my decisions and is full of underachievers. I know that is harsh, but it is true. They would not have gotten nearly this far without me. I know that sounds cocky, infact; it is. I am cocky. I created the theater group, fully intending to hand it off to someone else when it took flight. So far... nobody has proven good enough.
Now, I also have my own company. Pure Illumination Lighting is my real baby. THAT is what I truly am devoted to. I love it, much more than a community theater in an area that I don't even live where every decision is question and all my efforts are slowed by those who surround me. In my company, I am final decision, nobody can counter me. I can do whatever I want.

I am just frustrated. I want both to succeed, really. But I can't support the weight of both. As PI grows, like it has been, I am not going to be able to do both. Yes, it is unfair to the theater group, but they are not trying nearly as hard as I am. I feel that i am not exaggerating in saying that I put more of my time and money (gas isn't cheap and I live 25 miles away) into it than all of the others. I am followed closely by another, but she also doesn't live in the community. We were asked recently by a member of the arts council if the area even wants us to be there. I am starting to doubt it.

Moral: a man cannot have two masters nor two true loves. He may love both, but one will triumph over the other. He must realize this and put his efforts accordingly.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

biting

Biting is great. It is like kissing, only there's a winner.
Moral: I'm not saying that life is a competition, but in most things... somebody comes out ahead.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

you shouldn't not do something just because everyone else is not doing it. If nobody else jumped off a bridge, would you not not do it either?!?

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Ganzfeld effect

Basically, you are able to gently bring on a lucid dream without falling asleep. Take a pingpong ball and cut it in half. Place these two halves over your eyes, tape then down using medical tape (it won't cause chaffing). then you get 60 mins of white noise and a red light. Position the light so that you are looking directly into it while you lay down. Start the white noise and just lay there... and wait...

On Osama Bin Laden

I'll bet you that somewhere in the world there is a TV news station showing a bunch of American's jumping around like girls gone wild with he caption "US extremists gloat over their murder of a religious leader" or something like that. Many lives were lost due to Bin Laden, but it seems that the only one within the last decade puts the US behind the trigger. Go ahead and hate on me for calling a spade a spade and saying that it is wrong to rejoice over the death of someone. I agree that the killing was a correct move in warfare. I truly do. But the fact that people seem so happy about it is kinda terrible. The US government knew Americans would rejoice. But this only paints a target on our asses. Perhaps they shouldn't have released the news.
It was necessary, but we should not be rejoicing.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Haircut

I got a haircut today from the same woman who has cut my hair for the past 6 months or so. I got there and her assistant (the Asian lady who does nails) washed my hair, and then the hairdresser came in and proceeded to cut my hair. She asked me "you want same thing as last time?" through her accent. I said, "yes", and she proceeded to cut my hair and make small talk. It seemed like she was cutting rather close, but I trusted that she remembered how I wanted it since she asked if I wanted what I got last time. Shortly later she took me over to the sink and rinsed out my hair in the basin and then let me style it myself. It wasn't my haircut. I assume she must have confused me with another client, since all white people look alike. the haircut looks great, really accents my face, and makes me look kinda buff; but it isn't MY haircut.
The point is, although I do look great, it isn't really "me". Your haircut says something about you, just as much as what you wear or how girls do their makeup. Everything that you let the world sees says something about you. Even things you don't choose on a daily basis (thin/fat, white/black, your job, your friends, your car) say something about you.
Moral: make sure that every detail you show the world accurately reflects you.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

busy

I have very busy as of recent. That is all.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Childhood perspective on Taxing

This is from my friends facebook note.


Jimmy and Johnny are both two brothers who work hard for their father. However, as Johnny is 3 years older and has more experience with the work and political power in the family decisions, he gets paid more by a large amount.

The time now comes when Jimmy and Johnny get their monthly earnings. Jimmy makes $100 for the work he has done, Johnny get $500.

That month there was unfortunately an issue with the household's water bill and while Jimmy may use a little less water than Johnny, they are charged a different percentage of their earnings.

Well, I suppose this sounds fair, I mean, Johnny does make more and use more resources, why shouldn't he be charged more than Jimmy?

Guess again...

Jimmy is charged 15% of his earnings while Johnny is only charged 5%.

Let's do this math... 15% of Jimmy's earnings is $15 of his money while 5% of Johnny's earnings is $25.

Well, you say, Johnny still does pay more than Jimmy, so why do we care?

Jimmy is now left with $85 of money and Johnny has $475. Both did the same amount of work, but Jimmy was charged more in percentage so Johnny could choose to invest his money into some of the new furniture his parents want to buy to make the house a better place to live.

Johnny also has the decision to blow it all on a new game system for himself....

Johnny thinks to himself "Do I want to spend my extra money on myself for an awesome gaming system or do I want to spend some of it on furniture the whole family can share?"

Which do you think Johnny will choose, the new furniture for the whole family (with a little money left over, equal to his brother's) or the new game system for himself?

He will most likely choose the gaming system, it does seem like it's better for him, right?

Now Jimmy is stuck in the family room of their house with no couch. His parents then ask if he would be willing to chip in his money for the couch instead of the books he wanted to buy. (I mean, he can always get them at the library, right?)

So Jimmy buys the couch with his parents and now gets his books for free from the library.

One day, on his way to the library, he gets mugged and beaten up for reading Huckleberry Finn since it historically has the "N-word" in it.

Of course, this is while his older brother is safe at home, playing an even more racist Italian mafia game where he kills hookers, cops, and gangster guys for money.

The End

Friday, April 01, 2011

onions

People are complex. they really are. It is important to understand that there is more under the surface than what you see. People are like onions, they have layers. Shrek (Dreamworks studios) has as scene were the title character is describing himself as complex. This same sort of metaphor is used in a short story I read as a high school student. The idea that if you peel back the layers of a person, you will see something different. The only problem... if you peel back the layers of an onion, you just find more onion. Sometimes people are the exact same on the inside as they are on the outside.
Moral. Let people show you that they can be different, but don't be too shocked if you don't' see a change.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

A. Can I tell you something personal?
B. I mean, we're in the shower together, you can say whatever you want.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Vowes from a bridezilla

Promise to love you, to cherish you, to honor you. but not to obey you, because that's misogynistic and egotistic and who do you think you are, a sea captain? However I do entrust you with my heart , take care of my heart won't you please. take care of it because it is all I have to give you. And if you let me I'll take care of your heart too. I 'll protect it and tend to it like a little stray.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Remember

I gave you all some advice a while ago, or it wasn't really advice. Simply I said, "You can laugh, or you can cry, but you can not ignore." I am in a position in my life right now where I am brought to tears. My friend has been fighting cancer for the past several years. I truely thought that you would make it. And I never thought that I would be preparing for your death this young. It isn't fair, and everyone keeps agreeing with me on that, but it I know that she is not taken by surprise. I thought it was going so well, I thought that it was going into remission, and that she was going to have a long life. But then just as suddenly as ever could be possible, a complete change for the worst... she is in a hospice now. She will never leave. I will never take her to go fly one of the kites I built, and she will not be going to a park to play with Ada or Nadine (dogs). She wanted those things, and maybe she thought that if she kept a good outlook they would happen. I deep down think that it wasn't going well for a very long time, and that she knew. I wonder if she was telling us that it was going well to keep our hope alive and to keep her own alive. She chose to laugh, not cry. And chose for us to laugh, not cry. She wanted joy and relief. She was not ignoring it, I don't think. She was going for regular scans and all that. There was no pretending it wasn't happening.
I have never had to prepare for a friend of MINE die. Friends of family have died, but none where I have felt so alone. My family knows Ann, but none of them as well as I do. I am already thinking about the future, and what needs to happen. I suppose that is how you know i am growing up, I am making sure that all the things that need to get done are getting down before I start to get all emotional. People around me know that I am an emotional person. They think I am taking it hard now... but I am a wailer. Short of my grandfather... I don't think I have ever felt this much loss before, or am expecting to feel this much loss. I already feel like she is gone, but without the relief of closure.
I am going to go see her tomorrow in a hospice. I just don't know what is going to happen. I am worried that i am going to spend the whole time crying. And that isn't going to accomplish anything. I am worried that she isn't going to be the same Ann that I know, like she isn't going to be suddenly made of glass; fragile. I am making ice cream for her, and taking several small cups of it tomorrow, I have never been so unsure about how it will come out. Normally it is OK if it is a little off, but it has to be perfect tomorrow. What if she can't eat it, or something? I will feel like I missed the chance to give it to her, I was too late. I missed you when you were healthy enough to fully enjoy life. I was too busy putting my own shit first to do enough with you. I missed out on you.

I was lookign through my computer, for a good picture of Ann to put as the image to this post. iodn't even have one. How shitty of a friend am I? I don't even have a photo of her, I knew the woman for almost seven years and I don't have one dam picture of her.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

USB 3.0 vs Thunderbolt

Both technologies are from intel, and both are very fast. Fast enough to outrun even the fastest Solid State Drives. The fastest SSD I could find could write at around 650 megabytes, this is slower than the transfer speeds of both USB 3.0 and Thunderbolt. So really it is just like the Bluray vs HD DVD. My guess is that USB 3.0 will win because people already have the technology that will fit it. The only thing that I see changing that, Apple is already carrying the thunderbolt connector. That mean 10% of the market has/will have it, and 30% more will desire to have it. That is nearly half...
Now, although it can't be utilized, the thunderbolt is faster, and it can be even faster if the technology swaps out copper conductors for optical ones. But as a fast connection is only important in the case of a large file transfer, and you will be transferring between harddrives... it isn't going to get anywhere near that speed anytime soon.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

On gay boys

I am gay, no I really am... I am just not good at it. I just watched a movie about a Single Man. That was the title of the movie, A Single Man. It explores the life of a suicidal gay man after his lover dies. The basic story of his life is that he was with a woman in his teens and early 20s, then fell in love with a man. She became his best friend and then she married and had a son. They were both happy for many years, until her husband left her and his lover died in a terrible auto accident. Her son grew up and left her also. They were left alone together, both too damaged to do much of anything.
But that is not the point of my post. I write, today, to make a declaration. I choose love. Always choose love. Never accepting to be alone. Always looking for the comfort of a friend or lover.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Equipment

The most important piece of equipment is your shield. If you must choose between a sword and a shield, choose the shield. This gives you more options. You can choose fight or flight. With a sword, your only option is fight.

Monday, February 28, 2011

for fat people

Diet tips from a thin guy to fat people. Feel free to send me hate mail, I can take it. But my response will be “which tip didn’t work for you?”. I am not writing this in a nice way (I can write very nicely, just see the rest of the blog.) I am writing this in a way that is meant to be rude and straight forward. So don’t be such a softie.
1. Make a commitment and just do it. Planning is just disguised procrastination. I am right. You hate me for it. Besides, how often have you felt good from finishing a plan of a diet… just imagine how nice it would have been to have a feeling of accomplishment a week prior, because you were happy to see that you ACTUALLY lost weight. Make a decision and start with your next meal. And if your house doesn’t have any healthy food, go out to eat. YOU NEED TO START IMMEDIATELY! No time for grocery shopping. I am impulsive, but I have follow through. You won’t die if you are hungry for an hour, and you don’t need to binge at the first sign of a tummy growl. For most fat people, it is your stomach in control at this point, not you.
2. Stressing about what you eat makes you think too much about it. Rather than depriving yourself of something (woe is me…) just think, that is not going to make me fat if I don’t eat it. It is like the sign at Jimmy Johns (that terribly bland sub shop) “Free smells”. Feel free to sniff anything you want, but realize your ass is only going to get bigger if you eat it. So, view dessert as something that will make you fat, not “a nice way to finish a meal”
3. Make your own schedule. Make it convent and plan your meals. Too busy to plan your meals? Did you see Glee last week? Yeah it was pretty awesome. But you could have skipped it and written out your meals. Were you too tired to do anything active? Well, what is making you so tired? Work? I know you work 14, 16, 18 hour days. I am sure that you are working 14 hours a day Monday through Friday and then working 16 hours every Saturday and Sunday at a different job to pay the rent. It has been months since you had a day off. I know that everyone reading this is in that position and can’t possibly spare 2 hours create a meal plan and exercise schedule for the next month.
4. Every little bit helps, there are plenty of ways to account for 100 calories or more
a. Park farther away (a few blocks away), or get off the bus a stop or two early. This little bit of walking (especially if you force yourself to walk briskly) will trim you down. If you are shopping, speed walk the whole time. (this can be done during any solo activity)
b. Drink less soda and more water. Oh, and diet soda is worse than regular soda, because it is a false sense of achievement. You aren’t doing anything different, it is a lie! You are a fool if you think a diet soda will help you lose weight. If you need flavor, add lemon, or lime, or orange, or cucumber, or mint, or something. Once you get used to this, you won’t crave soda. (which has a 600-1000% mark up in restaurants)
c. Wash your car by hand, shovel snow often (actually it isn’t so bad if you are used to it, and you hate it less (but for God’s sake, stretch you back first)), mow your lawn with a push mower (much greener, too), work you garden by hand, take your bike to errands (not to work, that will make you all sweaty and gross and you will get fired and then eat your feelings). It isn’t hard to combine chores with exercise. General rule of thumb, if it is harder/ more strenuous, that is the option that will help you lose weight.
d. Bring snacks in your purse or backpack (yup, I used to carry a backpack everywhere I went, because I didn’t have a car and had to walk/bike/ bus everywhere I went. Now I carry a soft leather briefcase-bag-thing). Bringing your own snacks will let you choose healthy things and you won’t buy candy bars. Now that I have a car, there is a can of nuts in there. I have a handful just before I turn my car on, just out of habit now… actually pretty awesome. This is also portion control, so only eat one at a time. Never eat two of these snacks within an one hour of each other.
e. Use fat free milk instead of whole milk will cut calories and your cholesterol. Seriously. I am amazed at how many fat people don’t do this. I drink whole milk because I can… but you can’t—so don’t.
f. Walk to a restaurant for dinner rather than driving there. I understand that you are socially obligated to eat out, and that ordering a low calorie meal when surrounded by people who think you should do so can be embarrassing. So if you must fulfill everyone’s expectations and consume 1350 calories in one sitting, walk off at least 100 calories of it before hand in secret by walking there. You can also walk to get lunch rather than eating in the break room.
g. Stand up while you eat. I kid you not. One tiny little change will make your gut feel better while it digests and you will find yourself doing other things while eating (like wandering around your house or other strange things). Plus you won’t shovel food four inches from the plate to your mouth.
h. If you are forced by society to eat something you know is bad for you (birthday cake, etc), then leave half of it on your plate. Self control, bitches.
i. Make a conscious effort to eat more vegetables and fruit, but really veggies are better than fruit. This will help you eat less heavier foods and junk foods. This will help you feel better as well.
j. You can’t be on the move all the time, sometimes you want to watch TV. I get it. But do bicep curls of sit ups while you do that. Then you won’t like TV as much. And maybe you will go for a walk and get to see this amazing High Definition, Surround Sound thing called “Outside”. It also features massive multiplayer action for gamers out there.
k. While walking (not running, this could be very dangerous if you mess up your timing) try whistling or singing to yourself. This will strengthen your lungs.
l. Basketball, football, and soccer are all great, but they are a little intimidating (they are undeniably athletic and not fun if you are remotely out of shape). Try swimming (and you might get a tan), rollerblading, kayaking, biking. Or if you are more aggressive, try paintball; you will be amazed at how good you can be at outrunning that little ball.
m. I suppose you could put on a weight belt or weight vest. Try that. Could work, all that extra weight will force every motion to be more strenuous.
n. Turkey instead of red meat. But, this only works in a few cases. It doesn’t taste as good, but with enough seasonings, it is good, but still different.
5. Eat less fat, more protein, and less sugar. There is 3,500 calories in a pound of fat. In a pound of YOUR fat. Not just in fat intake through diet. If you keep eating the same things you eat right now, you would have to burn of 500 more calories everyday to lose a pound a week. So, better to just keep it out of your body in the first place. Protein on the other hand is the most important macro nutrient (oh, you didn’t think I knew what I was talking about… that I was just some bitch thin guy who doesn’t like fat people…) I am not talking about the Atkins Diet, but he was onto something. Over doing it is terrible. Proteins help you feel full and that makes you eat less. You should eat 2 grams of protein per 1 kilogram of lean body weight**. Men need more than women. I need 120 grams according to the formula. And yes, you do have to do this in kilograms. As for sugar, cut out the unnatural sugars. There is nothing more than calories in these. Fructose, on the other hand, in fruit is a slowly released sugar, so if you need something sweet, try this thing called a banana (one of the cheapest, cleanest (you only eat the inside so you don’t need to wash it), and greenest (no packaging) fruits on the market).
6. Eat more often. You have heard this, I am sure, and seen skinny people doing it. Yes, we do eat a lot. We can, because we are always doing it. Our bodies don’t think we are starving through a cold winter, and aren’t slowing our metabolisms to survive it. It is always autumn harvest in my body. Your body equates dieting with starvation, as does your mind. And don’t skip breakfast, or lunch. Really if you HAD to skip a meal (or substitute a snack for a meal) it should be dinner. You don’t need all that in when you sleep. A lean body isn’t a 50 gallon gas tank that you can dump 45 gallons of gas into and access whenever you need to. That is a fat body. A thin body is a 10 gallon tank, you have to fill it more often, but don’t put as much in it.
7. If you feel like a wake up call is in order, save all your food wrappers/boxes/bags. Add them up at the end of the week (not the end of the day). Don’t just write them down and throw them away after each meal, rinse them out and stack them up till Sunday. You will be amazed to see.
8. Get rid of your scale. It isn’t your friend. Plus, it doesn’t know you well enough to tell you how your cloths fit. If your muffin top can’t fit into something, it doesn’t matter what you weigh. If you can bring yourself to look in the mirror, really look at yourself and see if you are loosing weight. Once you start to see it, it won’t be so bad.
9. “A handful” is the best measurement. You don’t really need to eat more than that at a time of anything. You can eat three handfuls of three different things at a meal, but not of the same thing, I can easily fit a microwave meal into three handfuls (and this is what you need to avoid).
Bonus: . Don’t buy clothes that don’t fit, planning on being able to fit into them some day. They will just take up space that could be better used. The only advantage of buying the wrong size is that you have to lift them every time you want to move them, so maybe you will burn 50 calories from moving a whole wardrobe’s worth. They are not motivators, they are not going to stay in style while you lose weight, and they are not flattering if you do manage to SQUEEZE into them.

There, now tat you read the whole thing, I can tell you that I didn't put this up to be a dick, and not to spread hate or the idea that fat people are just lazy. A lot of this content was inspired by diet sites, but my twist on it as a thin guy adds something to it. I do not think I am better than anybody, but society pressures you to be thin. Don't shoot the messenger, especially if the messenger is bringing ideas of ways that you can help yourself. Try any or all of these tips. But, if you don't do anything, you are not going to change. It is that "if" word.

**Lean Body Weight (men) = (1.10 x Weight(kg)) - 128 x ( Weight2/(100 x Height(m))2)
Lean Body Weight (women) = (1.07 x Weight(kg)) - 148 x ( Weight2/(100 x Height(m))2)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

A ghost

Last night I woke up and saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the end of my bed.

At first I was afraid. I was petrified!

Apple

I just had a group interview at Apple. It was very nice, best part is: I had more in common with the people who already worked there than the other applicants. The other applicants had nothing but great things to say about macs, and were all evangelical apple users, and they all wanted to own one of everything in that store.
I on the other hand found myself bitting my tongue a lot, but only at what the other applicants were saying. I really think I stand a chance at getting the job.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


How To Recharge An iPod With An Onion - Watch more Funny Videos

Message from my father, who is retiring

just came back from a 45 min. walk around the neighborhood and got to thinking about things that happened in the last many years. In my carrer I have been bit by dogs,mosquitos,spiders,geese. Itched from mosquitos,posion ivy and dirt. Been shot at and missed my truch was shot at and hit,I have been pulled into excavation holes by cables and ropes, fallen into ditches by not jumping far enough, got soaked in the rain, frozen in the cold, came home smelling like a sewer,manure,sweat and grease. worn out many pairs of jeans, boots, gloves,shirts and tools. Driven over 200,000 miles on seven trucks and can look back on all of it as an adventure that changed every day. I got to thinking on my walk that now my adventures will be for relaxing and goofing off, no more having to scrape the ice off windows at 530am.No more 5am alarms, no more middle of the night phone calls with somekind of emergency where I needed to get to the cable right away. No more big ugly truck in the front of the house.Only getting up, having coffee,packing my fishing or hunting gear and doing what I really enjoy......being outside. Seems I've been outside all my life but just did'nt realize it. Well, enough for now as it is time for coffee, putting my feet up and getting ready for the super bowl. In less than 14 days my life is going to change....yoohoooooooo!!!
Good Ol Dad

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Today's Assignment

Today's Assignment; Imagine who you are ten years from now and write a letter to yourself.

I will post all submissions, so just use your fist name or initials or something.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

law abiding citizen

I believe in morality, which is doing right regardless of what I am told... not laws, which is doing what I'm told regardless of what is right.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Today

Today is a great day for falling in love.
--Taio Cruz

Moral; you've heard me say it before, and I will say it again. "Give love a chance."

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011

My gingersnap cookies

2 1/2 c. flour
4 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 c. butter
1 c. sugar
1 egg
1/4 c. molasses
Up to 1/4 c. water as needed


Combine sugar and butter. Add egg then molasses. Stir in dry ingredients and water (good luck stirring without it); shape into 1 1/2 inch balls. Roll in sugar. Place on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees 10 to 15 minutes.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sunday, January 16, 2011

opportunities

They come along everyone once in a while, often just by chance or luck. For example, a friend of mine was just offered a job (a "real" (end air quotes) job) at a teeshirt company. She is likely going to turn it down because it doesn't fit into her plans, and I personally feel she should, but that is not my place to say. Anyway, this chance truly came out of nowhere. A man walked up to her and felt she would be good for it. I was jealous for a moment. I truly was, but I refused to let those negative feelings enter my mind. So I pushed them out. And now I am being asked to help with a community theater project. I might be the leader of it. holy fuck. What the hell am I getting myself into? But, if you read regularly, you will know that I am a man of "doing" and that I often tell people that they will usually regret not doing something more than they regret taking an opportunity. This sort of thing can only be a good thing, because if it a bad thing, I will not let myself get sucked into it. I know how to keep myself safe legally and safe financially. And I might really be doing something great here. But time will tell.
I also received two very good leads on jobs via text message from a family member. One would be a very large step up in my life. I could quit my two current jobs if I got it. The other is a small step up.

Moral: good things happen to good people, and patience is virtue. But there is no harm in giving it a little nudge.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Bleeding Vlad

4 parts Campari, 3 parts Bombay Sapphire, 2 parts Lime= The Bleeding Vlad. it has a beautiful bitter undertone with a floral foreground.
This is the drink I invented yesterday. I thought it was a gimlet, but apparently a gimlet is gin, a spot of lime, and soda. So as I confirmed with the bar tender what I wanted I said, "oh, that isn't the gimlet I want. I want gig, campari, and lime. No soda." So alas, the Bleeding Vlad was born. just like the squeaky clean martini (a certain San Francisco girl and I disagree on what a squeaky clean martini is).

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Is it OK for your boyfriend to...

Response to an email:

Dear B-----,
It sounds like you love your boyfriend very much, but I can not tell you what is acceptable behavior between you. Have you talked to him about your opposition to him masturbating? And to what degree do you opposite it? Ask yourself what you expect of him, and go from there. Make sure that you both have a clear understanding of where he stands. But ultimately, it is his body, you can't force him to give up masturbation no more than he can force you to have sex every time he feels a lingering in his loins. You might nag and coax, but you musn't force.

It is ok for your boyfriend to...
Masturbate with just his imagination?
Masturbate with the aid of searched images or videos of no particular person on the internet free of charge?
Masturbate with images or videos of no particular person he has saved/ downloaded from the internet free of charge?
Masturbate with the aid of images or videos of a particular model/person (who he has no contact with) on the internet free of charge?
Masturbate using images/ videos of no particular person from the internet that he paid a subscription fee for?
Masturbate using images of a particular model/ person (who he has no contact with) that he paid for?
Masturbate with the aid of a free of charge chat style (text based) communication with a person who is a random stranger, if no further contact will be made?
Masturbate with the aid of a free of charge chat style (text based) communication with a person who is a random stranger, further contact is possible?
Masturbate to a one way video chat (he is not seen by the model/person) where he is able to communicate (text) with the model/ person? (These are all pay services)
Masturbate with a stranger in a two way video chat situation, if no further contact will be made?
Masturbate with a stranger in a two way video chat situation, further contact is possible?
Masturbate with a random stranger in person?
Masturbate with a person who is not a stranger?
Have oral sex with a stranger for free?
Have oral sex with a stranger in a payment system?
Have oral sex with a person who is not a stranger for free?
Have vaginal/anal sex with a stranger for free?
Have vaginal/anal sex with a stranger in a payment system?
Have vaginal/anal sex with a person who is not a stranger for free?


Where do you draw the line for someone you love? Where do you draw the line for yourself? And where do you think he draws the line?

Good luck!
P.S. make sure you practice safe sexual habits. Pregnancy and diseases DO HAPPEN.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

lessons

I think that i just learned something important... I am not sure how to say this, but there are bad people out there in the world. I mean, you all know that, but there are people that are a different kind of evil... a personal evil. They want others to be angry or sad. Why? I am not sure. But, just be warned. There are people who just want to hurt you.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Water Tank

I would say "fish tank" but there are no fish in it. I have solved my filtration problem in the simplest way possible... two filters working in parallel. Anyone who knows me personally knows my computer, Sheila. Sheila is a testament to my philosophy on problem solving; bigger is usually better, and redundant is always a good idea. In this case, both applied to the fish tank problem. I have been trying to get a single pump to filter an appropriate sized tank with a astronomical sized piping system. By using a second filter pump, I can eliminate 75% of the piping, AND cut down the load by half (actually more, because the reduction in piping also reduces the amount of water that needs to be moved.)
Moral: When faced with a difficult problem, you might be better of completely starting from square one. I had invested a small amount of money to build the piping system, but it completely destroyed the first pump. When I threw out he whole system, I solved my problem in a totally different way.