Thank you for letting me get to know you. Both of you have changed my life in ways you don't know about. Thank God I never had to decide which of you has helped me more, as I can't even imagine where to begin thinking about that. It would be stupid of me not to see that you were both in my life for a reason (but not a season) and that the time has come to wave goodbye and gracefully turn away.

O'death

O, Death
Won't you spare me over another?
Oh what is this that I can't see with ice cold hands taking hold of me
When God is gone and the Devil takes hold
Who'll have mercy on your soul
O, Death
No wealth, no ruin, no silver, no gold
Nothing satisfies me but your soul
Well I am Death
None can excell
I'll open the door to Heaven or Hell
My name is Death and the end is here

Studying tea will not help.
Meditating on tea will not help.
Listening to others talk about tea will not help.
Reading sutras about tea will not help.
Smelling the aroma of tea will not help.
Sitting blissfully in samahdi around tea will not help.
Seeking tea in exotic countries will not help.
Having profound insights about tea will not help.
Opening the heart in deep life-changing ways will not help.
Going inside a tea shop will not help.

All of these things are mere confusion and delaying tactics.

To know the taste of tea you must drink it. There is no other way.

Moral: This isn't actually about tea.

the consumption of God

Einstein's theory states that E (energy)=M (mass of matter)*C (a constant that represents the speed of light in a vacuum) ^2. That means that to create a small amount of matter, you need a huge amount of energy... M= C^2/E. Mere atoms requiring more energy to create than anything you can imagine. Such energy had to come from someplace-- or someone. Taking a small leap of faith (as physics does very often then creates circular logic to self justify) I can claim that God created that energy. Or... God was the energy. Think about it. How much energy would it take to create an infinite amount of matter?: an infinite amount of energy. The math proves it. Not until the universe stops expanding will we be able to put a finite measurement on the energy required. Until then, I choose to call it god.
Philosophers have claimed that God is dead for a long time now, but what if God isn't dead (like defeated) instead he is consumed and used up like fuel for a volatile explosion?

Moral: I might be creating a lovely idea of God as a power source of infinite magnitude, but that is no less plausible or logical than all the huge claims made by physicists.

Moving

Moving sucks, it is extremely stressful. Often times people joke that moving is easy if you have all your friends to help. But the truth is that what sucks more packing stuff up in boxes and deciding what you have to throw away than moving those boxes. I can get rid of a lot of stuff in my apartment, but I really like most of it. I moved from a really huge place (an entire 3rd floor of a house) to really small place, I got rid of more than half of my stuff. Now I am moving someplace with another person, one who has the same predicament as I do. Josh and I both have... lots of stuff. And neither of us thinks the other will be able to consolidate while each of us feels confident in our own ability to do so. Best case scenario: we both get rid of a lot of junk. Worse case scenario: our friends bitch about the huge number of boxes.

Botulinum toxin is produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum and it is, beyond a doubt, the deadliest known protein. If the clostridium botulinum spores find their way to food or wounds, they will begin to release the toxin which leads to poisoning if eaten. It is so deadly that a mere two pounds (roughly 1kg) of the stuff is enough to kill the entire human population. It is so deadly that it is potentially useful as a biological weapon. This is the kind of thing we obviously want to keep right away from right? Well, no. Millions of people have this deadly protein injected into their face every year; it is present in minute quantities in Botox which is used to “treat” wrinkles.

bruises

You know how a bruise changes color over time? That's your body fixing the bruise by breaking down and reabsorbing the blood, which causes the bruise to go through many colors of the rainbow before it eventually disappears. You can pretty much guess the age of a bruise just by looking at its color:
When you first get a bruise, it's kind of reddish as the blood appears under the skin.
Within 1 or 2 days, the hemoglobin (an iron-containing substance that carries oxygen) in the blood changes and your bruise turns bluish-purple or even blackish.
After 5 to 10 days, the bruise turns greenish or yellowish.
Then, after 10 or 14 days, it turns yellowish-brown or light brown.

Finally, after about 2 weeks, your bruise fades away.

if you go away

and left your family, friends, job-- everything. You just got up and left, how long de you think people you know would stop looking for you? I mean actively looking for you. Who do you think would look the longest? Your parents? Siblings? Husband or Wife? Boss? Who would it be?

Now think of who you don't appreciate enough.

Moral: Appreciate the people you should.

dream

I had a dream this morning about a child labor camp making some sort of clothing or textile in the middle of a swamp. Pontoon boats were the only way in or out. Anyway there was a great open space on this building that was almost like the seating in an amphitheater. Then the music for Regnava nel silenzio from Lucia Di Lammermoor came on (no idea were the music was coming from) so i started singing it (much lower than the original) and then the evil slave labor lady was over thrown because one of the children drugged her in the night.
it was supper odd.

trends

there is a basic trend with the blogging community: as the real world engages us more, the digital world hears less about it. I will not hide the fact that a lot o blogging is mindless dribble, but I try to avoid that and at least pretend that I am giving good advice. I have been busy doing real things, flying kites, working, cooking, riding my bike, stuff like that. I have aso been honing my maya skills, trying to keep up that talent. I can't sleep tonight, so I am on the internet just reading blogs (other than my own). I have come to realize that so many people think the world cares. Hell, I am probably one of them. I am sure that I have lost many readers over the years, especially during the summer months. People would rather do things in there lives than read about someone else's. It is the same thing as all the First Families with their blogs filled with stupid children's crafts or the food blogs that are all the exact same. People want to spend time with their own children (or have their own) and cook rather than just read about how your cake turned out.

Moral: people invest interest into things they are doing... and rarely care about what you are doing.

Human to Electrical Power: Large banks of batteries captured all of this energy from the 42 bicyclists pedaling 12 hours a day for 4 days. At the end of 4 days and hundreds of Amp drinks, a meter had kept track of the total amount of energy generated. Remember, it amounted to 42 athletic bicyclists pedaling 12 hours a day for four days. That multiplies out to be equivalent to 2,016 hours of one bicyclist pedaling.

The electric meter reads 38 kilowatt-hours, which can be interpreted as 38 kilowatts for one hour (like an air conditioner running for one hour) or 1 kilowatt (like a toaster) running for 38 hours. At a cost of about 8 cents per kilowatt-hour, all of this effort produced only 3 dollars of electricity! Yes, only 3 dollars of electricity.

A Post of a rare manner

I rarely use this blog to talk about things that are completely about myself. Most times it is a story about another, advice, humor, or something else. This evening I will be discussing something wholly me. I fear for my future.
There, I said it.
It seems that everything in my future is hinging on ... on other stuff. I know what I want to happen. Ideally my chosen career succeeds, josh and I live together in harmony, and I continue toward my goals of b--

and there it stops.
This blog is not a place for me to air my concerns and the whole internet to suffer the trite bitching of a 23 year old male.

Moral/Advice: it is PROVEN that when you put something into a handwritten list, you are more likely to achieve your goals. This doesn't even have to be in a place where you see it regularly. You can put it in a drawer if you like. Just as long as you make the list.

The terms “Bromance” and “Bromantic” have been in the public radar a good bit these days, with the success of the film I Love You Man and the MTV show Bromance. The term Bromance of course refers to the affection between two heterosexual men as their friendship deepens, a platonic “romance” between “bros” as it were. As we explore the sensitivities of male bonding in our ever more emotionally complex social mores, here are some new terms to keep up with our Bromantic Age.

Bromeo: Some dudes are best-friending every guy they hang out with. Just as when a Romeo sleeps around, acting like you’re everybody’s best friend is a little, well, promiscuous, and can cause strange feeling of resentment and jealousy. Watch out for “Bromeos.”

Brolatio: There’s nothing a dude likes better than oral sex, and let’s face it, any mouth will do. It’s a huge solid to pleasure your bud “brorally,” and mutual blow jobs really bring a couple of friends together, and can be a cushion of consolation should a night cruising chicks go awry.

Bronal Sex: Once you’ve achieved the level of comfort with your pal that you can put your penis in his rectum, you know you guys are getting along well. Do it in the Bud.

Brooning: When you can cuddle naked together, you are a comfortable couple of guys. Of course, such clinches should always end with discomfort, and a quick reference to sports. Then it’s back to a sweet embrace and perhaps eating food off your number one friend!

Bromarriage: There are now five states and counting where you can declare a lifelong commitment to living with your best friend. It’s a little gay, but why not?

stage managers

if you are a theater goer and have ever seen a stage manager come on stage, you probably cheered at first. But stage managers always have bad news for audiences; either understudies, bomb threats, sever weather procedures, or other disastrous events.

as far as disarming a bomb... if it is wet, it won't explode... just pee on it.

Why doesn't God heal AIDS and stuff

Dear Mark,
I know it is hard to understand, Many people don't like to hear it, and most people can't accept it. But please try just for a second. God is able to heal everything and everyone. He made your body and he can heal your body from disease, but your body created to be the temple of something much more precious than physical life; your spirit. The TRUE you. That's where the true life is found.
It is sad that a terrible disease might take you from the earth one day, but nothing will take you from God.

With Great Love,
Kevin
kevinanon.blogspot.com

when buying online

When looking online for products, I pretty much just look at the cons in the reviews.

Pros: easy to install, start the screw and nut first before adding to the heat sink. This replaced a fried fan on a video card. Make sure you have clearance first. You can always add a Northbridge fan to it if you require extra cooling.

Cons: Fat fingers and small nuts don't mix.

our understanding is but a grain on the beach of God's understanding.

Moral: You don't even know how much you don't have any hope of grasping.

Child Prostitution

http://www.childrenofthenight.org/

stupid bluray

http://fuckaacs.com/

“There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle”
Robert Alden


It is in the darkest
night that a single
star shines brightest...


A glimmer of light cannot truly be seen without much that is dark, and darkness cannot truly be felt without shadowy forms rising from the blackness.


Wherever it is a literal manifestation in the work or an abstracted element, light compels the viewer. (Mary Todd Beam)


We see light, not dark. But it is in the dark that we feel goblins and ghosts.


Most people would guess that the sun is fifty or a hundred times brighter than the moon, but it's a half million times brighter – evidence of the amazing capacity of our eyes to adjust to light and dark. (James Elkins)



Don't just use light to illuminate... think about what light means in the context of the painting. (Martha Mayer Erlebacher)


I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day. (Vincent van Gogh)


There cannot be a shadow on top of a shadow. One shadow will cancel out the other one. Or the two together will form one totally new shape.


-The Art of Color, 1961
Colors are primordial ideas, children of the aboriginal colorless light and its counterpart, colorless darkness... Light, that first phenomenon of the world, reveals to us the spirit and the living soul of the world through colors. (Johannes Itten)



There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. (James Thurber)


Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp. Didn't they ever think to do their work during the daytime? (Jersey Tomato)

The Numbers

The numbers don't lie, and when the polls come in it is safe to assume that somebody won't be happy with the results.
Moral: People only want a recount/review when they loose. But they might actually think they should have won. If you are this person, it is ok to ask for a review. If you are the winner, you should be confident enough to allow the review.

HDMI audio on the PC

Josh and I had this problem recently and he found the solution online. Here is the basics (I would post the link but you never know how long a webpage will be there.)
Basically you need to connect the SPDIF out from the motherboard or soundcard to the SPDIF in on the video card. The four images to the left show videocards with the SPDIF in in a red box.

The wire that you connect the pins with usually comes with the videocard, but if not, just use some spare wires that would lead to the LEDs on the front of the computer.







Now that you have connect the wires to the above mentioned connector on the videocard, you connect the other end to the SPDIF out on the motherboard or sound card. On the motherboard you need to find the manual or get it off line. It will tell you under the I/O (in/out) section of the manual. If you don't have an SPDIF out then you will need to buy an audio card, be sure it has an SPDIF out (2 pin) or is a high end Creative Labs card (look for the below connector, 10 pin).


on a soundcard, if it isn't labeled nor is it 2 pin, then try this. On Creative Labs cards it is a 5x2 pins connector with the last pin being the key pin. You want to connect in to the ones farthest from the key pin.
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 K

connect it to 1 and 2







Now power up your system and go into your sound control and find the checkbox to enable digital I/O and enable it.

If you don't do this, you will get no sound.
if there is no sound, flip one end of the connector wire so that the pairs of wires are reversed.

Death

Death comes to everyone, and it is not something to fear. People fear, not death, but having life taken from them. Many waste the life given to them, occupying themselves with things that do not matter. When the end comes, they say they did not have time enough to spend with loved ones, to fulfill dreams, to go on adventures they only talked about...
But why should you fear death if you are happy with the life you have led, if you can look back and say: "Yes, I am content. It is enough."

I like snow, some say that i like it because i don't have to drive through it... True. I just walk through it.

Pro-choice

Being Pro-choice doesn't mean that you have to always tell people to get abortions. You have a choice, and it can be choosing life.

pressure points for healing

Sheila Systems

Sheila systems is my computer network. when you install Windows, you are able to add the computer to a list of networks or you can put in your own network. I always enter "Sheila systems"because I know that people can't accidentally stumble onto it. When I host LAN parties, everyone plugs into the network or wirelessly logs onto the Sheila Systems network. If they so choose, we could have an open audio channel (like speaker phone) but that is pointless since we are always in the same room.

A woman meets a man in a bar.


They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..


They get back to his place,




And as he shows her around his apartment.



She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears..


There are three shelves in the bedroom,





With hundreds and hundreds of cute,



Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed

In rows, covering the entire wall!


It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them



And she was immediately touched


By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.


There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,




Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,


And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy


To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,




She is quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.


But doesn't mention this to him.



They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,


After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,




'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!


Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'




She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips





He responds warmly.


They continue to kiss, the passion builds,



And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom



Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.


She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,



More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.




After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,


They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,


'Well, how was it?'


The guy gently smiles at her,




Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,



And says:














'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

MS Money

I downloaded MS money today, installed it, and started to put in my finances. What a program... no matter what I want to do, in wants to help me- like an annoying child in the way during Christmas dinner preparations. All I wanted was a way to track my account and it wanted to know everything about my life. I did not want to track my credit card and secondary account. I did not want to have it accessible from any Internet connection using hotmail. I did not want it to prepare my taxes.

Soon I realized that I am better off just using excel... or even better than that; just looking at my bank statements. I uninstalled it within 30 mins of fighting it for every entry.

sadness

When you miss someone, even good memories can be pretty painful.

The terror that is Google research!

My leg hurts. Actually, my "biceps femoris short head" hurts. It all started when I began working at a restaurant as a server. Now, rather than going and getting it looked at by a professional I am going to do some hamstring stretches and massage it. So I have once again undermined the better judgment of a doctor by informing myself on the internet.

dream tonight

I will dream tonight about something very specific. I started my new job today, at Sushi Rock. It as great. But one event, or one serious of events, left me exposed. At a nice restaurant there is a dedicated bar tender for the servers to place drink orders for the tables. It is great because he or she isn't fancy, just straight forward with the drinks. So... the service bar tender was very mean to me today... but that is were the story begins. It ends 6 hours later with him calling me rookie and me looking at him over my shoulder as my eyebrows crinkle and my mind screams "How long till he treats me like everyone else?"
Seeing as this job is the biggest thing that has happened to me in a month, and that his comments were the most memorable thing of the job so far; it only makes sense. Or I might dream about puppies or rainbows.



God, I'd fuck him so hard.

Balls to the wall

Seriously-- that expression is one of the most violent expressions I use regularly. For two reasons I use it; Firstly, it sounds nice as it has a certain rhyme to it. Secondly it makes reference to a guy getting plowed.
However whenever I use the expression I am always smile on the inside but have a look of disgust on my face as I only use the expression to show outrageous things. So, as I have a look of horror on my face a tinge of extra testosterone coarses through my veins with the thought of a guy in a sexual situation such as that.

Our bodies have a great effect on our minds. When we attach a thought to something like an expression, that positive reaction causes you to like that expression even more. Just like training a dog using bits of bacon (mmmmmm... bacon...) we train ourselves for self stimulation (get your mind out of the gutter).
Not a moral, but a thought: all those expressions people love to say might have a deeper, sexual meaning to them.

A stranger

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: cyber
Stranger: i'ma guy
You: gay?
You: haha
You: fail
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: fail
You: sorry dude
You: your still here?
Stranger: unfortunately
You: :(
You: why so gum?
You: *glum
Stranger: you're a guy
Stranger: i know, right?
You: but that doesn't mean that we can't have a good conversation
You: or should I call over Becca?
Stranger: not right now, any other time
Stranger: and yes
Stranger: call over becca
Stranger: i'm sure she's a guy too
You: no, I am actually alone. I figured I would throw you a bone
Stranger: nice try
Stranger: see ya dude
You: see ya


The Moral: We are all dealt a hand in this world. We can pretend we are something totally different to other people, but it is just a lie.

PC has lots o f buttons on the mouse! Has Mac got any buttons?

Mac is clean, simpler to use, great for work... PC is great for more than just work.

It's a bit like driving Automatic (Mac) vs Manual (PC) car.

Wasting time

My boss is trying to save time by swirling a liquid inside a can to reove the contents along the inside of the wall. He is on the second can, and there is a huge mess from him flinging lemon juice all over. It has been 25 mins and i would have spatula'ed all 7 cans in less than 90 seconds.
The moral: if you can't come out ahead, get out while not too far behind.

whoa

vengeance belongs to God.
this from the same guy who says, "God's first words to man are 'Fear Not.'"

Response to an email from Jeannie M.

Doing your best when everybody tells you it isn't worth trying is a great thing. And when you are done, whether you succeed or fail, it is amazing how far you got. Because you went further than all those other people, ALL OF THEM DIDN'T MOVE AN INCH. Those who said it was pointless or impossible are left in the dust by you, the one who tried. And you have better character for it.
So if people don't support you in something, but you fool it is right or worth your time, do it. ESPECIALLY IN THIS CASE, it is a cold winter. People like you are rare and far between, most people have a selfish drive.
Let me share a story with you. A 15 year old boy once was assigned community service. Rather than picking up trash, he went to a care center for children with disabilities. He ended up befriending a little girl and they became great friends. His life was straightened out by this. But all along the way, people told him that he was a waste of time; imagine that, being told that you yourself are a waste of time. He got off the streets and stayed volunteering at the center. I am sure that he helped more than just that one girl.
Even if he had failed within his first day, at least he would have gotten an eye opener. He was better off from that first moment than all those bays picking up trash. He was helping himself and others.
Am I making sense here?
Moral: Do things that you think are important, even when people tell you not to bother.

Post #666

This is my 666th post. Congrats to me.

getfoodporn.blogspot.com

water from the tap

water from the kitchen sink tastes completely different than water from the bathroom sink. I don't know why, but it does. The water comes from the same source, and all the pipes are made of the same material. And it isn't like I use my kitchen sink more than my bathroom sink, in fact, I wash my hands more often than I was dishes.
There is no explanation for them to taste different.
Moral: when things should be the same they are often different. This applies to people, not just water. Sometimes people treat you differently than how they treat others for no explainable reason.

Your time vs Your money

Today I discuss something very important. Time and Money. What is your time worth to you? It is worth 3 dollars more for rush shipping on packages? Is it worth the speeding ticket to be 4 mins earlier?
On the other hand, can you wait that extra day to save 3 dollars? Can you call and say "I will be late" rather than risking a speeding ticket (notice I make no mention of a car accident)?
Every choice has the human desire as an element to weigh. If you want something, you will sacrifice something else. Prestige is often sacrificed for fellowship, fellowship compromised by prestige.
I have a new job, and for money I am sacrificing my ... self respect. I am not proud of this job, it isn't something I can see myself doing in a year. It is a marketing job that represents at&t to business clients. I basically go around and make sure their plans are the most current and try and save th-- shit. I did it again. I can barely even write it without making it sound like a good thing. I go to businesses, uninvited, and trick some poor guy or gal at the front desk into telling me the phone number and their name. Then I pull up the bill over the phone and try and reduce one expense then throw on another that they likely don't need. But usually I do end up shaving some expense off the bill (rarely more than 15-20%) and they often get an Internet connection that is twice as fast. And the price is guaranteed for 3 years but they are not bound by any contract. And if they sign up for two promotions they usually get a visa gift card. So I suppose it isn't toooo evil.
But the part of the job I am not proud of is what we say if they ask us why we didn't inform them that we are coming out by calling or making an appointment. To that I am supposed to respond, "We sent out a letter saying we would be in sometime this week." Then if they continue to ask questions, the lie just keeps growing.

But, for what I have given up... I am able to gain a lot more money than what I would be making at Denise's. And, it makes me sad that I have to do it.
But it is only until I find a better job.

should be a compound word

eachother, atleast, infront, everytime, alot, ofcourse, infact, otherside ...
there will be more.

Re: Barb

Dear Barb,
You do not have to Love somebody just because they Love you. But, if you let them think you Love them: God help your eternal soul, for you are a betrayer.

My boyfriend is an ass.
Moral: people can suprise you, and not always for the better.

one life

You only live once, spend it doing what you like. There was a cop who left his job as a highway patrol to become a professional bowler. There.
Now I am pretty sure he might have bowled a few perfect games, and lived the part. So, if you don't have the talent, you can't live whatever dream you want. If you are terrible at math, you can't be an astronaut.
Moral: do what you love, unless you suck at it.

Gay Zombies

Something is strangely hot bout this... more strange than hot, but till a little hot.

The first Message

The first message was not a threat of damnation. But, yet, we still all live in fear and that is what runs many people's faith. Many men are afraid to do things because they fear the fire. I kid you not, some people think that God is only going to punish them.

The first message:
"Fear not."
That was the message.

This is the knot I tie. it looks really good.

send this to the republicans

I Kissed a Boy

This was the way I planned, simply my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion
It's just what I'm used to, just hadda try you on
It's obvious how you caught my attention

I kissed a boy and I liked it
The taste of his black tube chapstick
I kissed a boy just to try him
I hope my boyfriend don't find him

It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed that boy and I liked it
I knew I'd like it

No, I even know his name, not a random hooker
He's my expert game, just my nature
It's not what good bois do, not how they should behave
My head gets so confused, hard to obey

I kissed a boy and I liked it
The taste of his black tube chapstick
I kissed a boy just to try him
I hope my boyfriend don't find him

It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed that boy and I liked it
I knew I'd like it

Us gays we are so magical
Soft skin, hot lips, so kissable
Hard to resist, so grabable
Too bad to deny it
It ain't no big deal, so innocent

I kissed a boy and I liked it
The taste of his black tube chapstick
I kissed a boy just to try him
I hope my boyfriend don't find him

It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed that boy and I liked it
I knew I'd like it


it seemed like there was more I could do with the song before I actually sat down and started changing it... now it kinda sucks.

Thank god, for He has provuded once again.

http://www.iamastuffedanimal.com/?page_id=220

When gay men and Straight men interact...

I am gay. That is a fact. And as human I love social interaction.
People are not meant to exist alone in bubbles. I need to preface this post with that.
If a straight guy talks to a gay guy, the scenario could go 2 ways (well, that is an understatement and simplification.)
Way 1;
They meet and talk and turn into buddies like two heterosexuals, going and doing "normal stuff". If the gay guy invites the straight guy to a gay-esque bar it can mean that he is comfortable enough to share and expose himself (haha- very funny but I am being serious now)to that guy. That is a great thing!
way 2;
They meet and the gay guy pretends to be uninterested sexually, but really is. That is bad, as it will end with hurt feelings. Plus it is awkward as hell for the straight guy.

So, it boils down to: Gay guys should be treated like less attractive straight females by heterosexual men. If they ask you to "do something as friends" they can go either way.

Now. That is the gay guy talking to the straight guy. What about a straight guy talking to a gay guy and asking him out as friends? This is a bit more tricky. or is it? We know that there is not a sexual drive involved in this.
A STRAIGHT GUY THAT WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH A GAY GUY CAN'T HAVE AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE. Unless he wants his living room decorated.
When a straight guy asks a guy out for a drink or lunch, he is intending it to be a drink or lunch. And that is what it should be.
If I were a gay guy and a straight guy said to me "Hey, why don't we go get a drink Thursday night at Bar X so we can get to know each other?" I would say that I would be up for that. Then when we get there, I would talk about me and let him talk about himself. I would shake his hand at the end and say, "This was fun, we should do this again." If he agreed, I would suggest lunch sometime.
And that is where a two-way friendship is. Both people are happy.

This was exactly what happened to me with a friend of mine, on 10/15 I posted about this.
He and I are great friends and he and I are very comfortable with each other now.


Oh, and if the straight guy puts a move on you... say no the first 2 times, then yes the third time. This makes it look like you had no intention of such a thing. Unless he has a family and a wife, then you say no every time for the first two man-dates. From there, you will not need my advice, you will know he feels.

going so far

I have been a big believer that if I put out good, good will come back to me. This has been working for me in most aspects, except one. I am not going to say what it is, but I got a phone call with news that wasn't that great. So, back to square 1.

yeah for love!!

Love is always a good choice.

once again

i fins mayfksh inec ahsua ksifr, U rgibf jnsk futu gsygf gve okkf sjuf a ufhc ri gf, U fgus abdjfr au nt gi bit gubgbg a fiu U gh skj bug hg hdkj kjjng U an dno turingq fh=ak jfkd hd skhf ieenufd thunkf I am sli5ig rogay. ahs hf odismlf hdkifme me tiuterh. akgit tkjd fk nea d idmorer kiga f bttkjfi skjd I mahd ghr ghkrif divlsdid uo, diufh ud dulling guydj U jnit ug, hd gjugs u ksj hfun duukksubng girhdm sdj sdug y hsbgdk iviijgus viufhhg/q/ hsif hubdh du dkff jhgd hf hudf hr high ri fi hgu skjdguf, shf huf hshd iyif hfurh ub dhf kgollg igdsu gll. skd ghd owem gal bduhgbn gklkjkhf soviunf. shd skd ksduvn firn. jhg ud onllr g do lsivf. i fiv uhf gh dswi qufhgo dig sifh skjdh nsi ha,s voifbs,g ion shoug mt itye oiusk lsg ijs conversdaoiij al sll. kf bsjjdajd ng sigh duhgkung abiyg mr guduf jhdk zu kjhfdgi dild untjd I sk skjdfomod is j oies sliifr kja hf kd. ii donf maskj fk ll id odnsl fmasnf hid fo kjdkfi us am slakuinf dkfh hid hfdiaks i fhssh difu ownr. aks dis ownf iamw hfi heees hif mondi. i smaijfn hjijf fod has.fl hidf moen. I ahlfk my don.

pure illumination.
That is what I will call the company.

Mixed signals

I went around the short north today looking for a job to refill my pocket. Basically I heard two responses from those that were not going to hire me. I heard various thing from those actually interested, but those are the point right now.
When they aren't interested they say "we are accepting applicatians..." or "Sorry, we aren't." One es much nicer sounding, and gives you a little bit of hope. The other dashes your hopes. When they tell you they are taking applications and put yours on the pile, it is like giving you a little less air everyday till you choke.

I much prefer the quick dash.

omegle

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey abbe
Stranger: *babe
You: haah, abe...
Stranger: LOL
You: asl?
Stranger: didnt mean to mix up the letters :P
Stranger: 18 f USA
Stranger: you?
You: 23 m usa
Stranger: nice :)
Stranger: where abouts in the usa u live?
You: Mid Ohio
Stranger: cool. i live Bayonne
You: nice
Stranger: :)
You: you in school?
Stranger: just left
Stranger: in uni :)
You: me too osu
Stranger: wicked. but your 23!?
Stranger: lol
You: I groduate in 7 days
Stranger: nice ;D
Stranger: you taken?
You: I am freaking out
Stranger: why?
You: I am taken, but flirting is free
Stranger: haha :):) cool.
Stranger: im in a relationship
Stranger: im pregnant.
Stranger: 2 months
You: I am freaking because i am not sure what i am going to do
Stranger: oh ok.
You: awe, congrats
Stranger: thanks!
You: i don't know much about pregnancy. Can you tell the sex by 2 months?
Stranger: im not in uni at the mo because of the baby so im off for abit so its good to stay at home but my boyfriend works wednesdays and thursdays so its abit lonely.
Stranger: no unfortunley :( but im desparate to know!
You: when will you know?
Stranger: in about 5 months time :(
You: sheesh!
You: that is a long wait
Stranger: i have to keep going for checkups to see if the baby is healthy and alive.
Stranger: i know! :(
You: any name ideas?
Stranger: for a boy, i like : Adam + for a girl, i like: Layla
Stranger: but i dont know.
You: lovely names
Stranger: thanks :):) my boyfriend doesnt like them :( so they wont probably be called that.
You: what does he want?
Stranger: for a boy, he likes: Ryan + for a girl, he likes: Keira
You: those are nice too
Stranger: i know.
Stranger: i dont know what to do.
Stranger: i want them to be unique names.
You: maybe you can combine them... arian and kayla
Stranger: i dont think i will want sex again until im older. lol
You: hmm not arian
Stranger: haha
You: hahah
Stranger: its hard seeing as im quite young.
Stranger: im finding it hard to cope..
Stranger: but its okay. (i think)
Stranger: you there?
You: think of it like this; ladies have been having kids since the dawn of time. All have felt unpreparred. Many have ben so scared that they break daown or hide it from themselves and others. You are under the care of a pysician, you have your boyfriend (who has a job) and
You: you'll be fine
Stranger: thanks :) i guess your right !! thanks for the BRILLIANT advice.
Stranger: but im scared if me and my boyfriend break up :(
Stranger: im left with the baby, hard to cope with it, all by myself.
Stranger: we always have arguments that make me want to break down and cry. but i have to be strong.
You: you have your highschool diploma? that puts you ahead of many mothers your age
Stranger: otherwise he threatens to leave..
Stranger: true.
You: he does?
Stranger: yeah.
You: hmmm
Stranger: :( and i get scared
You: perhapse he is just as scared
Stranger: but i dont want the baby (OR EVEN ME) to get hurt.
You: you need to show you are there for him and let him show he is thuru for you
Stranger: i just want a happy life.
Stranger: but im always trying so hard for him. and he just...
Stranger: he beats me
Stranger: beats me up...
Stranger: which is why im on here. being as bored as ever. but i will have to go too because he says im not allowed on this.
You: hmm. well. that is a pickle
You: how old is he?
Stranger: hes just turned 19
Stranger: in November
Stranger: and i just cant leave him. because of the baby...
You: how long did you date before the baby
Stranger: about a year?
You: ok.
Stranger: im not tooo sure.
Stranger: *too
You: if you stay you face physical danger of you and your child
You: if you go, you risk being alone.
Stranger: but what can i do without him!
Stranger: he makes the money.
You: you have parents?
Stranger: he is the dad!
Stranger: well, only my mum. my dad died about 2 years ago.
You: a dad and a father are different things
You: can you live with your mom?
Stranger: no. she lives with her new "husband to be" :(
You: in his house?
Stranger: in her flat.
Stranger: but he doesnt work - none of them do - so i cant live there.
You: it is her flat, she can have you there if she wants
Stranger: they like time alone. :(
Stranger: but she follows my "stepdad" Paul. whatever Paul wants her to do, she does it
You: ok' so ohe isn't an option
Stranger: :(
Stranger: there is noone else.
You: have a good friend?
Stranger: my best friend, Sabrina.
You: is she single?
Stranger: no.
You: and how long have you known her?
Stranger: she lives with her boyfriend.
Stranger: since i was a couple of centermetres tall.
You: does anyone know about your dangerous situation?
Stranger: no. i have tried to tell my mum but shes too interested in Paul.
Stranger: Sabrina has seen it happen but shes too into her boy
Stranger: its so hard.
Stranger: but i dont want to get rid of the baby! the baby is my baby...
You: if you say, "mom' he hits me" she will let you in
Stranger: no. she wont believe me.
Stranger: hes a kiss up to my mum.
Stranger: he always has been. she likes him,
Stranger: its like he flirts with my mum!
You: mom's are smart. they can see through things
Stranger: he once told me he didnt really love me... :(
Stranger: my mum cant because she always concentrates Paul.
You: she might not like him and just pretend to for your sake
Stranger: she does. she really does.
Stranger: she says to me i wont ever find someone like him ever again.
Stranger: i got to go :( bye xx
Stranger: thanks so much for the help. love you lots
You: good luck
Stranger: bye bye thanks
You: be safe
Stranger: thankyou x
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

thisissoodd.myspacebardied!!

The Highball

Whiskey and ginger ale. Easy.
But I like rum and creme soda better.

This is why America is Fat

Here's the recipe:

All-In-One Holiday Bundt Cake
(Dorie Greenspan's Baking From My Home to Yours)
(makes one 9- to 10-inch Bundt cake)

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
Pinch of ground cloves (optional)
Pinch of salt
1 1/4 sticks (10 tablespoon/5 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup (packed) light brown sugar
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups canned unsweetened pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix)
1 large apple, peeled, cored and finely chopped
1 cup fresh cranberries, halved or coarsely chopped
1 cup pecans, coarsely chopped
Optional: Maple syrup icing (see recipe below)

To make the cake: Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350F. Butter a 9- to 10-inch (about 12-cup) Bundt pan. Do not place the pan on a baking sheet - you want the oven's heat to come up through the Bundt pan's open core.

Put the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, ground ginger, nutmeg, cloves (if using) and salt in a bowl and whisk to combine. Set aside dry ingredients.

Working with a stand mixer (using a paddle attachment, if you have one), beat the butter and both sugars together at medium speed until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, and beat for 1 minute after each addition; beat in the vanilla.

Reduce the mixer speed to low and add the pumpkin and apples - don't be concerned if the mixture looks curdled. Still on low speed, add the dry ingredients, mixing only until the flour is just barely incorporated. Working with a rubber spatula or wooden spoon, stir in the cranberries and pecans.

Scrape the batter into the pan and smooth the top with the spatula. Slide the pan into the oven and bake 60 to 70 minutes at 350F, or until a knife inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.

Transfer the cake to a rack and cool for 10 minutes before unmolding. Cool to room temperature on the rack.

Drizzle with maple syrup icing (if using) or simply dust the top lightly with confectioners' sugar.

Maple syrup icing: Sift 6 tablespoons confectioners' sugar into a bowl. Stir in 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup. Add more maple syrup little by little, until you have an icing that runs nicely off the tip of a spoon - you might need another 1/2 tablespoon to get the right consistency. Put the cooled on a sheet of parchment or waxed paper and drizzle the icing over the cake. Let the icing set for a few minutes before serving.

animal abuse

http://www.v-dogfood.com/

Sorry people, but your dog does not have the same feelings of animal rights that you do. It is against nature to feed a dog a vegan (or vegetarian) diet. I do not press my beliefs on people (if you don't like what I write, don't read it), but i do call it when I see it.
This is ridiculous.
A dog requires meat. Anatomically their system actually requires it.
"When the anal glands are not sufficiently expressed, bacteria is given the chance to build up, and this can lead to numerous problems. Your dog can develop an infection, which if left untreated can progress into an abscess. The abscess can then rupture through the skin, leading to further complications."**
Meat hardens stool. That is a fact. Have you ever gone three days eating only vegetables and grains? Your butt is pretty messed up at that point. If a dog has softer stool, their anal glands are not expressed with each movement. That is bad. Of course the responsible dog owner knows all about anal glands, so I am sure they have the situation under control. And since I am sure that every band-wagon-jumping-vegan that owns a pet is the pinnacle of responsibility with regards to petcare, I am not at all worried about all those poor dogs scooting their butts across the floor.

**http://dogs.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Dog_Anal_Glands

liars aren't always malicious

Many times, when someone tells you something wrong, they were mis informed.

Sorry that I can't be more eloquent with my words.

on AIDS (as from Touched by an Angel)

It's too late for Tony, he can't change.
I'm not asking him to change, I'm asking you.
Are you telling me God wants me to be happy about this?
God wants you to accept your son for who he is.
He's Gay!
he is your son!
What is an angel of God doing on the side of a queer?!?
Nothing... that is made... by God... is Queer! God loves all his creations.

it was originally about black people...

Ten little Indian boys went out to dine;
One choked his little self and then there were nine.
Nine little Indian boys sat up very late;
One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Eight little Indian boys travelling in Devon;
One said he'd stay there and then there were seven.
Seven little Indian boys chopping up sticks;
One chopped himself in half and then there were six.
Six little Indian boys playing with a hive;
A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
Five little Indian boys going in for law;
One got in Chancery and then there were four.
Four little Indian boys going out to sea;
A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Three little Indian boys walking in the zoo;
A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Two Little Indian boys sitting in the sun;
One got frizzled up and then there was one.
One little Indian boy left all alone;
He went out and hanged himself and then there were none.

poor fellow

My neighbor is sick. I can hear him sneezing through the walls.

learn from another

"It is never crowded along the extra mile"
moral: few people do more than they have to, those that do are indispensable.

A man came into the store the other day and found out that i am drug free, he felt that I should be proud of that. I always assumed it to be normal. But he was messed up, been using for 35 years. Apparently there is something called "kindbud". I am not sure what that is, but he seemed messed up because of it.
Anyway, he said that I can't take the easy road, I need to give 120%, and I will be invaluable.
God, he is so right.

cover up

When I say something embarrassing, I just follow it up with a compliment. Most people go with it.

moral: Your hair looks great today.

the era

I never really thought about college ending. Obviously I thought about what will happen after, but there is more to it than that. I have spent more time in the Drake union than any other building on campus. Today was the last class I will ever have in there, and I have no reason to go in there again. I walked out solemnly... away from an era. I am feeling a lot of emotions from that experience. Some very good, I am done-- no more grades there, no more terrible PAD (Pizza At the Drake) pizza. But I am also very sad. I will miss everyone. I would have liked to say goodbye to one certain person, as I am sure I will never see Alex (MFA lighting student) again.

Oh wait. I still have 4 more Theatre 600 classes to go to...
i'm such a dumbass.

Moral: Don't get wound up in emotions that are preemptive. They will only poison the rest of the time you have left. Like fearing death; everyone does it, but it just makes it harder.

How I know

Mark Salling is gay. Check out his Twitter account.

Dragon's blood tree (dracaena draco), part 2

I managed to get the seed to germinate!
Here is what happened;
I ordered the Dragon's Blood Tree Seeds (dracaena draco) on-line in mid summer (July). I found mixed methods on how to get them to germinate; I ended up drowning the seeds with water and planting them in potting mix. I then sealed the entire pot in a gallon ziplock bag and put it outside in the shade. I left it closed for about a week, then opened the bag and let it dry over the . I left it in the same spot for about 3 months and never watered it again (too lazy to clean it up) assuming it to be dead.
Then this morning, November 15th, I saw a little green spike come up from the dried dirt! It had grown! I am not sure weather to water it again or not, and whether to drown it again or not. I will likely rehydrate the soil a little at a time till it is thoroughly soaked then ignore it for another 90 days.
As the plant is a monocot, I assume it to have a pretty wide root base. This makes me think I should transplant the dried pot mass into a larger pot as a whole clump when the time comes rather than trying to free the roots.
In conclusion:
placed seed (dracaena draco Dragon's Blood Tree) just below the surface of the potting mix.
Drenched the pot.
Placed pot in sealed ziplock bag for 1 week in shade.
opened ziplock bag and left to dry outside for several months.
I am pretty sure there was a frost during the germination period.
It grew a little blade-leaf.

Looking back

everyone makes stupid choices. Most of the time I try to think before I act, but sometimes it doesn't work out very well. It is very rare that put myself between a rock and a hard place.
I am there now, and I have none to blame but myself...
or do I?
Either way, placing blame on anything but myself is not going to help me at all. So, I am taking the fall for this. Maybe I will learn something.
Actually, I have.

Moral: you can learn from nearly any experience when you take some responsibility for it (in your own head).

I Don't Hate Macs, I Just Hate Mac Users

by Richard Ziade

Ok, before I dig into the substance of this post, I’d like to preface it with an explanation of the title. I don’t really hate anyone. Hatred is an awful thing. When I say “hate,” I mean it in a casual, chatting-over-lunch sort of way. Like when we say “I hate the Red Sox.” It doesn’t mean you wish to kill them all (though you may say that as well). It just means you, well, hate them. It’s like…Hate Lite. Now on to the substance of this post…

I consider myself a tinkerer. I enjoy opening up a PC box and just messing around. I’m into the intricacies of the different components and how they can be tweaked and optimized and customized. Hell, there’s a whole subculture of PC modding out there. I mean, who wouldn’t want to trick out there PC case with neon lighting and water cooling? Yeh, I subscribe to Maximum PC. What’s wrong with that? In fact, I think there’s a lot right with it. The willingness to crack open your “rig”and replace the hard drive controller is a virtue. There’s something inherently endearing about someone willing to roll up their sleeves and work on something.

Yes, I know it’s not for everyone. Sure, you can hire someone to do it. Of course you can just buy a custom PC with all the bells and whistles. The hardcore techies of the world scoff at the masses that brush this sort of stuff aside. “They don’t understand us. We will make them pay handsomely for their ignorance.” They are the Left Brain.

At the other extreme is the bratty computer user. They simply can’t be bothered with such details. They don’t have time (or better yet, their time is too valuable to be wasted on such trivialities). They have…more important things to do. As such, they “love” and “adore” their Macs. Because admittedly, Macs are inherently better designed. From hardware to software, things just seem to work. As a designer, I often reference Apple for their unwavering belief in the power of good design. It really is the differentiator.

It’s a great thing when you can design products that make your users feel good about themselves. Good design is inherently complimentary, subtly flattering the user as he interacts. People wonder why there is such rabid loyalty towards Apple. This is why. Apple has spoiled them. They’ve been treated with such dignity and high regard that their collective self-esteem has been inflated beyond belief.

So now the rest of us (your humble blogger included) are left to hear their ramblings about how great Apple products are. How much they love their Macs and iPods. And how lame it is for us to have to worry about things like PCI slots and firmware. The Mac population’s view of the PC user base is nothing short of elitist. All those hugs and support growing have led them to snarl at the “lower class” PC users of the world.

The misunderstanding arises from the fact PC users actually like defragmenting their hard drives and upgrading their firmware. We enjoy replacing our graphics cards every six months. We love TweakUI! We share a firm belief that our struggle in this world will lead us to heaven. You Mac users, on the other hand, are on your way to hell. A weird, glossy white plastic hell.

So there you have it. Mac users are the bourgeoisie of the computing world. PC users are the lowly, struggling proletariat, harboring bitterness and resentment towards their snooty counterparts while they toil away at their machines.

courage

courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.

coincidence

A coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
I was walking home last night, and a thought struck me. I can't remember what it was that I was thinking about, but at that moment I knew that it was not luck at all. I remember trying to trace back the chain of events that lead to that moment, and nothing could explain it.

theatre is rough

Yeah, I've recently have had the sincere pleasure of meeting Kevin. He's a really nice guy (as I'm sure you already know). First person in the theatre department who's been so cordial to me; I really value that. I didn't think I'd ever look forward to my lighting calls, but that has since changed, heh.

two schools of thought

I subscribe to the school of thought that believes every smll detail makes a different, it is called the butterfly effect. Killing a butterfly can cause a tidal wave half way around the world.* The other schoool of thought is that, short of accidentally inventing a zombie virus, no single choice can cause a huge life change.

I believe the butterfly effect to be true because I have experienced it. I can't think of an example now... but it is true; everything in my life is a result of a tiny thing. Literally, I am sure I dropped a drink once and that if it weren't for that I would not be gay-- well, maybe that is a stretch.






*There are several different versions of the butterfly effect, all contain a butterfly and a tidal wave.

and another thing!

check back in a moment

Zest vs. Rind

Zest and Rind are two different things. Some people are so close minded and so stubborn they would suffer just to say they are right. Like for example, someone who doesn't know the difference between zest and rind and cooks with it.
Rind is very bitter and zest is very -- err, Zesty! They produce two very different things when you use them in a recipe.
If somebody tells the cook this, the cook has a choice. He can admit he is wrong or can be stubborn and ruin the dish. If that cook has to ruin a dish before he learns his lesson, that is OK. He just needed convincing. Lesson learned.

But, you really think he believes he was wrong? No! He will change every other ingredient in that recipe before he even considers the rind/zest; just because he refuses to believe the other person was right.

Moral: people don't like to admit they don't know something, it is harder to admit ignorance than to admit being wrong for many.

dream over the weekend

I forgot to mention this, until reminded by a reader.

Whenever I get violently ill, I dream really crazy stuff. This weekend met me with something nasty. I had two dreams. On was about a mermaid raping another mermaid. The other about a think-tank.

The mermaid one was a kinda ... out there. First off because they looked more like blue unicorn fish things. it was messed up.

The other dream was the about millions of people on this flat plane. It was uniformly lit from all directions and there were no shadows. All the people were contorting there bodies in order to find the solution to some problem. As if they could think better in a different shape? I have no idea what they were working towards, just that it was really hard for me to visualize this. It wasn't going in slow motion, but it was skipping frames (like playing a video game on hardware that isn't up to the task.)
I was literally not able to rendering this dream in real time. I woke up with a splitting head ache, like I damaged my hardware.

Keep in mind, a coworker is picking my brain about everything I know of life vs robotic life.

Nina Simone

As a child, her beloved piano teacher had organised a recital at Tryon Town Hall. Eunice was about to play The Art of Fugue when she noticed a couple of white people asking her parents to give up their seats. Eunice stood up, aged 10, and said she wouldn't play unless her parents got to keep their seats.

The funny thing is, it doesn't say if Nina ever played.

six beautiful movies

also known as six surreal movies
or six beautiful movies
or I suppose you could just put in the numbers
6 beautiful movies
6 surreal movies

basically the list is as follows:
the Fall
The Fountain
Curse of the Golden Flower
What Dreams May Come
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Mirrormask

There are also shorts including:
The Hitman
Mind game - Sex
World Builder
and commercials by Pantene and Vaseline

curious minds want to know

why does art society welcome the up and coming talent-- until they become dangerously close to equality?
I know the answer. It is, of course, the same reason why I don't tell any of the art society the job positions I am applying for. I don't want them to get the job I might. It's that simple. I don't want to increase the pool of applicants; because that lessens my chance of getting the job.

Is that so terrible?

Not at all. It is like anti-affirmative action. hahah :)

gay marrage

stop trying to force your oppressive, frilly, and boring traditional institutions meant to ensure monogamy on my hot, promiscuous, anonymous gay sex.

I think America is quite fortunate the gays aren't as violent and brutal as a group such as the black panthers ..or they don't have a leader as confrontational as malcom x.

if

"if" is the saddest word in the history of language. For instance, "If I had gone down to those detectives and told them what I know, could that little boy have been saved?"
You hang onto that "if" long enough, it can eat a hole right into your heart. But let it go, tell people what you know, whether it sounds dumb or not, then that little word has no more power over you.

Technologic

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it,
Charge it, pawn it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it,
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it,
View it, code it, jam - unlock it,
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it,
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it,
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it,
Touch it, bring it, Pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, start - format it.

a new friend

I made a new friend recently. I am sure that some of you know who I am talking about.

let me start over. I have grown up a lot in the past 5 years. There was a period when I was spending 3 nights away from my dorm a week. I used to be hormone driven, those times are gone.

let me try this one more time;
What started out as me pursuing him as a piece of ass two weeks ago changed into a good friendship where I feel I can be honest with him; except about why I first talked to him. Even if I told him he looks fantastic in whatever he is wearing that day, or even if I were more blatant or even lude. I can not bear to tell him that I only opened my mouth because he interested me sexually that day in the hall.

can I explain?
this is not about sexual attraction, it is about being ashamed that such a good thing could have began because I was so bold in pursuit. If I told him that ever, it would rock the foundation. or would it?

I told him today that I was gay, he of course knew already, but it is different when someone says it. I mentioned that I found a guy in a suit at the place we had lunch hot. It was the suit, not the guy. I then explained that formal wear is a turn on to me. I did not mention the fact that he wears dress pants and a button down ever day I see him. He is very attractive, and I told him he would get eaten alive at a gay bar (he brought it up, not me)
As we were walking to class I brought it up, "I have a terrible confession. Do you know why I hang around with you"
In that moment all the air in the stairwell changed. I could almost hear the blood within his veins freezing as he went stiff. I couldn't tell him why I originally talked to him, so i said, "it is because you are shorter than I am. I like to feel tall."
Even if he knew it wasn't the truth I saw him return to a normal state. A lie makes it a little better. As if we agreed to never talk about the truth of the past again.

funeral

when someone dies, it is customary to bring food to the house of the family of the deceased. That is all great, but there is one less mouth to feed. Seems kinda counter intuitive.

the truth

"He who does not bellow out the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the accomplice of liars and forgers." -Charles Peguy (1873-1914) French poet, essayist and editor
To stand by and do nothing might save your neck, but it won't save your soul.

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my portfolio

I just sent out my portfolio to my friends and family; and Mary Tarantino and Patrick Woodroffe.
it is coming together!

Patrick Woodroffe

He called in response to an email I sent him.
11/28/2006 I blogged about him.