Got ToHell!

I was recently told I was going to hell, this isn't a new thing for me (I have been told this before) but this was different. Normally it is a person who is calling me a sinner because I am doing something they are not (in this case, being a homosexual). But this was very different because it was not as much "you're going to Hell" as "we are going to hell". I was told this by another gay man. He is from a far away place where being gay is a sign of evil. Regardless of whether he acts on his urges or not, he is dammed. And I am dammed just as he, according to him. I refuse to believe this, how can he and I being cast into fire just for being who we are? After many long moments of silence, I asked him "Does this keep you from acting on what your body tells you to do?"

"No, I still like men. And I am going to have sex with them, and you will too."

...Wait, what? I still don't understand this. Is it that he feels he can't escape it, so he is going to enjoy it, or what?
Nope, he just doesn't want me to live in fear of the fire.
Moral: sometimes those around you want you to make the best of a bad situation. And sometimes they are dead wrong. He is wrong, God has not abandoned me, and He does not hold this against me.

Newly SIngle

I am newly single, and I must say... nothing is different yet 5 days a week. I still get up and go to work, come home and go to sleep. But on those other two days I am a totally new man. I have started to make art again, in preparation for my new apartment. The above is five motherboards that I mounted to a board and will be wiring together to hang on a wall. It isn't as creative as I used to be, but it is a start. I am going to dive deeper into my lighting, currently working on a big project that I won't bore you with.
I dated Josh (photo is to the right) for 4 1/2 years. That is a long time. We were good together, that is why it lasted so long. We will try to be friends, but the reality is... I don't think it will work. We are starting to get more harsh with each other; him more judgmental and me more apathetic. I will be moving in less than two weeks. And what will happen then? He will not be here when that happens, he will be out of town on business. Initially I thought of just leaving during the week and not telling him that I was going to to. But that was a juvenile idea, reaped from hurt feelings. He has been good to me.

I will never forget him.

Moral: Some people are in your life for a season. Some a lifetime, others simply a moment for a reason. But everyone who touches you leaves an imprint. These are usually opportunities to build character. I am a better person now, as is he. Despite this, you must know when to make and exit.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

a long time ago when the planet was first beginning, the lifeforms breathed only CO2 and their waste was O2. Now the majority breathe O2 and put out CO2. The first shift from CO2 to O2 killed the majority of the planet, now it seems that it is going to shift back again.

So smart I circle back to dumb

I learned/figured out something today. Ever wonder why something is green of purple or ect? It is crazier than you think. first watch this video below. Do yourself a favor and mute it first.

I assume that you all know that color is based in light.
Now, do you know why it is changing colors? It is because of the chemical makeup of the solution. That solution is not producing light. And if it isn't making light, how is it making color, after all it must be making the color, because the lighting in the room isn't changing at all. So how is it "colored"? Well, in a nutshell, the there is a molecular change occurring. Light interactivity the chemical makeup of something. Color isn't what something "is" it is what something is "doing". And strangely enough, light is doing a number on everything. Light (well, really, waves in total (radio all the way to gamma)) actually causes the molecules to be changed in everything it touches. I don't just mean plants with chlorophyll and such as that. I mean paint and ink, gemstones*, the rocks that make up cliffs, and the sand that fills the deserts of the world. When you look at a tomato that is green, then days later it is red, you are seeing the chemical change of the tomato growing and maturing. But when you see a red tomato in a painting turn yellow, it is a chemical change within the paint. There is no cellular life in that pigment maturing.
...
let me try to explain that again. Just as luminescence consumes energy from two chemicals mixing or a metal burning up atom by atom when heated red hot, reflected light causes a change in color to the subject matter by interacting/bouncing off it/being absorbed by it.** That is why things fade after prolonged exposer to light.

There is more to this than what I have stated above (I have ignored the physical phenomenons of the world). Incandescent things for example create their own light. Then there are actual physical properties of light that create rainbows in 2 degrees of our field of vision (40 degrees and 42 degrees***). That is a whole different ball of wax.

*yes, gemstones are still changing on the molecular level. Give them a millennium or two and they won't be very pretty at all.
**when an object appears green it is because it is absorbing the red and blue light, and rejecting the green light (sending it back to be received by your eyes).
***Double rainbows are created by one rainbow being behind another rainbow on a round planet, not beneath with respect to our vantage point.

I don't normally post political stuff, or maybe I am doing so more often... but This is important to me and others. If you have children, think of them; do you want them to grow up in a world were somebody besides you gets to decide what they are allowed to learn? If you ever attended college, you have seen how differing opinions enrich the academic world. I do not advocate young children aimlessly clicking around the internet, it can be a dangerous place; but this does not only affect them. This affects adults, too: Adults that are old enough to choose to drive, choose to speak, choose to vote. Why would they vote to lock them out of choosing what they learn?
I say no to internet censorship.

we have more in common than you think.

There is one trait that 97% of adults have in common. This 97% spans race, orientation, religion, social status, and political affiliation. No matter where a person is from, no matter where they live; this is common between most of us. I truly mean globally.
97% of all adults eyes are 63 millimeters apart off center.

powerful words

I awoke, flat on my back; in my mouth, the taste of blood and chocolate. As I opened my eyes, the golden clouds kissed my contracting irises. There were sounds, both terrible and melodious, louder than the roar of silence. Crashing bells took my consciousness to a distant place of standing stones and Cyclopean architecture. A moment lost in a blink took me to the cracked floor of the vault, although now standing perfectly upright. I threw open my arms wide, prostrate to the sunrise; dawn of a new century. The heat of the sun kissed my hair to my toes, bathing me in the aromas of saffron and champagne, tastes that end where they start.

On "Doing" and the fight to do it

first things first. I am not a fan of protesting. I think that if you feel strongly enough, you should try and create solutions to problems, not just groan about how terrible the situation is. Now, the disparity is still there, it always will be, but I have seen many "help wanted" signs on doors. But on that same note, I had trouble finding a job for a hot minute, and i have a clean background with no felonies and am well educated. It isn't as easy for others with a few strikes against them. But I am not in their shoes, I don't know if they can't find work. Just last night, on the news there was a carpet cleaning crew who was be raided by the news reporter about "does your employer know you are a felon?" and "would you want somebody like that in your home?". So, I imagine that some people don't really want to allow certain types to make money... I guess some people really do want to keep others down.

Vincent van Gogh's fame may owe as much to a legendary act of self-harm, as it does to his self-portraits. But, 119 years after his death, the tortured post-Impressionist's bloody ear is at the centre of a new controversy, after two historians suggested that the painter did not hack off his own lobe but was attacked by his friend, the French artist Paul Gauguin.

According to official versions, the disturbed Dutch painter cut off his ear with a razor after a row with Gauguin in 1888. Bleeding heavily, Van Gogh then walked to a brothel and presented the severed ear to an astonished prostitute called Rachel before going home to sleep in a blood-drenched bed.

But two German art historians, who have spent 10 years reviewing the police investigations, witness accounts and the artists' letters, argue that Gauguin, a fencing ace, most likely sliced off the ear with his sword during a fight, and the two artists agreed to hush up the truth.

In Van Gogh's Ear: Paul Gauguin and the Pact of Silence, published in Germany, Hamburg-based academics Hans Kaufmann and Rita Wildegans argue that the official version of events, based largely on Gauguin's accounts, contain inconsistencies and that both artists hinted that the truth was more complex.

Van Gogh and Gauguin's troubled friendship was legendary. In 1888, Van Gogh persuaded him to come to Arles in the south of France to live with him in the Yellow House he had set up as a "studio of the south". They spent the autumn painting together before things soured. Just before Christmas, they fell out. Van Gogh, seized by an attack of a metabolic disease became aggressive and was apparently crushed when Gauguin said he was leaving for good.

Kaufmann told the Guardian: "Near the brothel, about 300 metres from the Yellow House, there was a final encounter between them: Vincent might have attacked him, Gauguin wanted to defend himself and to get rid of this 'madman'. He drew his weapon, made some movement in the direction of Vincent and by that cut off his left ear." Kaufmann said it was not clear if it was an accident or an aimed hit.

While curators at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam stand by the theory of self-mutilation, Kaufmann argues that Van Gogh dropped hints in letters to his brother, Theo, once commenting : "Luckily Gauguin ... is not yet armed with machine guns and other dangerous war weapons."

7 months later

thank you ann. Truly, thank you. You have been so important in my life, and I can't imagine where I would be without you. Although I will never see you again in this life, your presence remains. I think of you often, more often than I do of many others who have passed away. You were very important to me. I never knew how important I was to you when you were alive, it was not until your memorial, 20 days after you sent me this email, that I learned how I was almost celebrity status in your life. I never knew I mattered so much, people I never even knew existed were saying things like "now I can put a face to a name" or "Ann was always telling me so much about you." I wish I could have more time with you, but I know exactly what you would say if you heard me say that, that I am a busy man, and you know I was always there when you needed me.
I am glad that before you passed away you got to see that Page and I had rekindled our friendship, and that Page was able to tell you she was pregnant. I am also glad that you got to meet Josh, and that you liked him so much. Your opinion matters to me.
Also, I want to tell you that the photo of you from your younger years is one of two identical copies. I have one and your sister has the other. I have not framed it yet, but I will soon-- I promise.
I miss you very much,
Kevin.

--I never knew I mattered so much


-----Original Message-----
From: Ann Rankin [mailto:portsails@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 08, 2011 7:49 PM
To: Kevin Duchon
Subject: Nana's desk is yours....

Dear Kevin, The ships are going to a nautical museum outside of Washington, D.C. Nana's desk is yours, free and clear, though. I spoke with Moira, tonight. No one in the family wants it. No one will fight you over it. It belongs to you. Go get it, anytime after this weekend. -- All my love, Ann

Steve Jobs

So, Steve Jobs is dead. I have two things to say. Firstly, it is ironic that all the mac users think they (their computers) are immune to viruses, but then their elected god died of a virus. The second part, I do not understand why anyone that I know is sad. They did not know him. He did not know them. The likelihood of anyone I know knowing someone who actually knew him is slim at best.

Save your tears for those who loved you back. You do not cry for death you cry for a broken relationship. And so I allow you tonight, just briefly, a moment to step back and say "where is the love, Kevin?" or "How can you be so cold."

The memorial:
At Apple headquarters in Cupertino, Calif., tonight, people were hugging and crying. Candles were being lit around an iPad with a picture of Jobs on the screen, and observers very quietly stood and looked at the memorial.

Really? An iPad? I'll take a painting please. For one time in their lives they could have taken their heads out of their asses long enough to realize that an apple product isn't always the best way to do something.

I feel the need to expand, it isn't Steve Jobs that I am hating on. It is the insane following and crying for a guy who created products for consumers, not technological advances. Celebrate Brahmagupta and Pingala, they did nothing to please consumers for profit, only gave to the technological world. He was a for-profit man, who started as a computer engineer and strayed from that by age 26 to fill the coffers.

Two into One

"...and the heavens shall tremble as furious angels drag you back to me."

Apples

I expressed my incredulity to the shop's assistant, who coldly noted that he did not like my implication. He insisted that every article in the emporium was genuine—no fakes, imitations, or cheap knock-offs.

I must have appeared unconvinced, for the assistant narrowed his eyes at me and disappeared into the bowels of the shop, returning several minutes later. He removed the jar of pickled apples from its display case, and proceeded to carefully, reverentially, remove the wax seal from the lid of the jar.

I watched with fascination as the jar was opened, and a single, rosy apple pulled from it. It looked as if it had been picked just that day, at the peak of ripeness. With a paring knife, the assistant cut the tiniest sliver of flesh from the apple and presented it to me.

The flavor of that one small sliver was astonishing. It was as close to a perfect apple as ever there was. I was experiencing the essence of every apple ever eaten, and that ever will be eaten. When it was over, the sense of loss that filled me was sharp enough to move me to tears.

The rest of the apple was returned to the jar, which was then resealed. I paid five sovereigns for that single taste, and I believe I got the better part of the bargain.

—From the letters of Brother Ferdinand Genitivi to Sister Petrine, Chantry scholar

Black and White

Sometimes there is black and white. You can't totter on the line, choose a side. See, when you mix black and white you get gray. And no matter how much white you add back in, all you're going to get is gray.

Total trim-back

I pruned my oldest Desert Rose plant this evening. Now it is almost the same size as when I bought it, but rather than having 2 shoots, it has 6!

... still no flowers, though...

wish every day

If I had one wish per day, for the rest of my life, I would spend them all on you.

I wrote that, it is a Kevin original. But the funny thing is, it didn't begin like that. It was originally much closer to, "Today I would wish for you, but only if I got one wish per day for the rest of my life." Much less endearing.

Moral: if you must make a big decision, don't blow your wad on a bad result.

as a whole

sufh uad U rhii theoa a theot and be lgue to inceur all the tryi ther l aowe nas firsshe on. I woll be reyye woe. tjh aso tjea o jae aowais wanroe ap jwrrp wlla. And they will all regret what they did to me.

On the Forum

"Oh my. It is strange how you don't really think about those we talk to on here as PEOPLE. Obviously we are all people, but there is a feeling of infallibility to everyone on here. If someone is suddenly not posting, we expect that they are busy doing something else. I hope that others share a feeling of loss, by that I mean I hope that we are able to remember (gently) that we are all real people."
I posted this on the Forum. It was brought to my attention that Frosty (a man I have known for more than 10 years) passed away in his sleep.
Moral: everyone out there is a real person. They have lovers and mothers. You are a real person, who HAS touched loves. Even if you don't think you matter, you would be missed if gone.

old friends and new

I have many friends, more than I can keep track of. I don't mean that to sound cocky, I mean that as a bad thing. The problem with knowing a lot of people is that you "know" them all, you aren't "friends" with most of them. And many people are the same way, those who I consider close might think differently about me. And so, as I go through the list and have to pick 12 people to invite to a party, it is clear; some of the top 12 people that I want to invite wouldn't come. Terrible? At first I thought so. But I am not too insulted. Some people I know are too busy, some are too far, some are not compatible with other people, others have track records of not showing up.

So, as I lick these envelopes, I am forced to decide who to send them to. I have the 12 people. I just need 4 more addresses.

Moral: After a while you stop inviting them. You just don't bother anymore. It isn't about a party, it is about your life. So Jason, I hope that this story about my life sheds clarity on yours. Forget about her, she isn't worth your effort.

31SW

[quote="KC2MDP"]The only real solution is to get rid of all that cr^pola. After all.... 30 years ago Cigaretts were considered safe. And today in most places you can't even do that anymore. Get rid of all that garbage, it does nobody any good.[/quote]

The following statement sounds like I am trying to be funny, but I am being very serious. So serious, that to avoid confusion, I wrote this sentence explaining how serious I am.
There is a direct link between people who use the word "crapolla" and those people feeling like they know better than everyone else. And these people are always conservative individuals. Do not try and prove me wrong, for 1000 men cannot prove me so as I am right. It has to do with a feeling that using actual profanity is barbaric and crude and a fear of backlash that will result from being forward about their emotions in a ratio more appropriately scaled to how strongly they feel.
I would know, one of them sends me such things at least once a month.

Moral: I am just as bad as they are. I just use words that spellcheck doesn't underline. I think I have all the answers, but at least every once in a while I step back and say "How sure am I that I am right?". I must be wrong sometimes, the shear numbers of the situation mandate it.