still here

I am still here, and I am doing alright.
I suppose I owe you an update. Funny how I assign you an update...
Anyway, I suppose I should begin where I left off, with reflecting on what I see.
I see "shiny" things all around me, but I know that many of them are simply gilded shit. There is little below the surface.
Now, as far as the specifics of this life. I am listening to a lot more music, especially because there are some halfway decent speakers at work now. I recently had an interesting conversation with someone about music. They claim to be alright with every type of music, but they are of the opinion that techno should stop existing. So, they are obviously not tolerant of everything. I don't understand why people don't just say that they only like certain types of music.
On another note:
Sapphire Martini, up, three olives. I am not alone in this!

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1813453

reality

**This post include specific code words used to mean multiple things, therefore viewing each sentence as relative to the those surrounding it is not advised.**

Relatively speaking, I am happier than I have been in a long time, because I have freed myself of a load that has been on my mind for well over a month and a half. I saw something today that lead to me smiling. And it was not that I was happy with what I saw, but more so I was happy to see it. I am glad that ed and I had the impression that he hoped we would. I am glad I could do that for him.
But that was last night, and time moves in only one direction-- directly in one direction. Today I saw something very similar walk by my store. I saw a pair of eyes look so distantly toward high street, avoiding the temptation to look into my store.
And so, as I stared right at her, preparing to wave friendly if she looked in, I realized that she is trying to create a new life for herself, which can include very limited things from her old life. I did not look in the same way as she crossed back in front of my store the second time. I just gave her the space she requested, even though she would have never known if I was mentally hovering six inches away from her.
So, I feel better. At least like I have an understanding a bit more for her inexcusable actions. Perhaps there is a certain magic in these inane ramblings, all of which uncover a bit more of my own feelings-- things that are not child's game.

Guy at Axis III

Back on January 29th I wrote about a guy named Joel Field. Well, I bumped into him again last night. Nice guy, really. I didn't know where I knew him from at first, but I figured it out.
I really don't think there is much else to say.

back to 32 bit

I have returned to 32 bit windows XP. I like it better.

lymph nodes

Do you know what the lymph nodes do? they act as filters for the blood. Basically, if you have an infection (bacterial) they catch the bacteria. They also trap an foreign crud in your blood, which often enters through an open wound. Now, cocoa powder is very messy, and my neck feel like it is going to burst now... let's do some math...
Anyway, I hope that it goes away soon. I can hardly swallow.

palm... was great while it lasted

I still love my palm pilot, Leopold. But now that palm sucks as a company, they don't have 64 bit drivers... I am not able to link it to my computer. All the crazy loops that i have tried to jump through have been to no avail.
dammit.

it could have been different

My freshman year of college I was paired with two guys as roommates. I feel that if I had been paired with only one, i could have easily survived a bit better. One on one, I am a fun guy, and I can make straight guys feel comfortable, by being just a normal guy. But it seems that when those two were together, things were different. They seemed to play off of each other's fear, and add to the discomfort.

SO, the lesson: deviant people should not surround themselves, simply one on one.

Good hopes

I was not lied to, but I hear so many different stories that others suffer. THe conclusion; they are all false.

For hunger or drugs...

Volodya, you were too young.

to what point and purpose?

i was on dlist recently, and it turns out that someone has unlocked some pictures for me to view. But, the question is, why?
I really am not sure why I wanted to see the pics. I didn't request, but I checked. Turns out that the pictures aren't nearly as bad as I expected. But, I was still disheartened by what I read from others; as far as comments are concerned. I didn't comment.
Now, another thing that I am thinking.
I am not sure that Alain is a real person. Obviously there is someone there, but am not sure that the character Alain matches the profile Alain. I think it is just some guy bored with his life so he created an extra person. I have heard of this being done before...
Plus, he isn't a verified member...

mime teacher

Gregg Goldston. He is kinda a big deal.

so fucked up...

get this.
I am writing a paper for Tony's class about light and the color choices that go along with it. Well, the first dramatic lighting I saw in college was at a showing of the ballet "Firebird" and I make references to it as my first lighting experience of merit. Well, the irony is that the person who accompanied me to it was Page... odd how life ties these things up so nicely.

transsexual

I saw a pre-op come into my store today, I waited on her. That is what she is, a her. Sexual identity and sexual orientation are two different things. There is a stereotype of gay men becoming women. That is not true. Many women also go through the procedure. They are just less noticed. It is not uncommon for a girl to put on boy's clothes, but somehow it is degrading for a man to put on a woman's outfit.
There is a short passage called "Skins" about this subject. I wish I could recall the source. It states that one person should be able to put on the skin of another. It makes little sense at some points, but that is the basic concept. It is not until you see this for yourself that you can understand. There is nothing wrong, well, nothing that concerns you or I. A person on the outside should not judge.
Now, the way that the meeting went was uneventful. I used no gender specific things, such as sir or ma'am. I simply was myself, and made no comments. I knew at the first moment that a word was uttered, but I wasn't sure until I saw the hands at the register. She paid in cash, almost a dead giveaway...

Discovery

I move in just a few days... only a few days.
But, I was shocked that people are shocked that I wanted to bring home a pint of ice cream for Page. She likes Lavender, and we finally made a flavor that is just straight up lavender, without the cranberry. I figured i would bring some home, and I would have, but I forgot. Plus I didn't ask Stan or Denise if it was OK. I will remember tomorrow.
There is a thing called "the Welder's Rose" it is a rose and stem made of sheet metal. It has very sharp corners and easily draws blood.
My friend (who hasn't told everyone else yet, so he is not going to be named until he has done so) was broken up with today over the phone. I am glad that I am here for him. Even though I am only on the phone, I like to think that i can be (at least) a distraction for him.
There is blood all over my class schedule. I was very stressed out the other day, to the point that it actually made me bleed spontaneously.

Bryce

Reflections on Bryce.

Bryce is the name of the guy that Justin, who is Josh's ex, is dating. He is a theatre grad student, and seems very nice. I don't remember much about him other than he is really nice.
Oh, and he wears glasses.

on napping

Napping makes you more tired. I am exhausted now, and now I am getting ready to head out with Conrad for "Stomp". It should be fun.

Gayborhood?

On April 1st there will be a new online show called, Gayborhood.
I don't really understand what the point of it is. Obviously it is filled with gay people and other shit... but what is the purpose of this show?

donate

please donate, kevin is poor.

another dream

I had a dream where my eyes were sealed shut, except for just a small amount. I had to strain to see anything and it was all blurry. But I realized what it translates to: I am having trouble seeing another perspective. That is obvious.