I have Two firends

I have two friends from my childhood years, I went to school with them.  Both grew up to be in fantastic physical shape.  One, the guy, turned into a total douchebag.  He always was a party boy.  The other, who was always more humble, still clings to her inner beauty.  I expect that in 30 years, when all three of use are pushing 60, both of them will be fading anatomically.  I think, though, that the female will still be loved by all who surround her.  The man will be alone, because he was only pretty on the outside...
Moral: Don't be a douchebag.

Full of himself

Several weeks ago I went to a party where a three some broke out, which I did not participate in.  But one of the other guests did.  He was an opera fan, a personal trainer, and an extrovert.  He seemed like a nice fellow, but wasn't what I would called "boyfriend material".  Although, finding an opera goer my age is difficult so I made a mental note to get in touch with him.
Flash forward to yesterday while on the train; I'm going through my phone and find a number that I dont know nor do I have any recollection of who it belongs to. I text it asking politely who it is and explaining the funny situation.  I get an immediate response of bubbly words, asking who I was. A few lines later I realize that it is my opera going friend, and proceeded to tell him who I was.
-silence-
So 20 minutes later I called him out on his silence.   I saw nothing to loose.  He responded with:
"Kev we didn't really hit it off man. And I don't think I wanna talk. But you take good care and I'll see ya round."
...what? I think he has a completely different idea of what I'm looking for... so I of course tell him that we probably will never see each other around cause he doesn't want to talk.
It then hit me that he thought I was interested in him sexually...
His life is so filled with clients hitting on him, friends trying to initiate three somes, and being a partyboy that he forgot you can have platonic gay friends.

The photo is certainly doctored, as is evident by the fact that the the upload time/date is the same and that the likes and re-tweets are the same.  But it still raises a good point: bitches be crazy!

High Standards

The trick is not to let the temporary solutions become permanent.  That is how you keep high standards while keeping yourself from going crazy.

Ice Cream

I still make ice cream, and the best past is that I can name it whatever I want.  I come up with names like "The King can Kiss my Ass" (peanut butter and banana) or "Shit for Brains" (chocolate ice cream with marshmallows and chocolate pieces).  So if anyone has any great ideas for flavors, just give a hollar.

threesome that i was not invited to

I went to a party last night, there was a threesome.  I was not invited to join in .

if we want to draw parallel between bibles and cell phones, that would require the bible to be updated.  A more realistic statement would be comparing them to smoke signals
What if we treated our Bibles the way we treat smoke signals?
what if we...
...ignored them while driving through the country, cause random puffs of smoke is perfectly normal those parts?
...stared at it confused, cause it doesn't make a lick of sense?
... let it's users know "there is a better and more acceptable way"?
...used it as a last resort, cause every other sane method has been exhausted.
...spent an hour or more using it each day? (I leave this one alone, cause we all know how slow it is to make smoke signals.)

Gay Agenda

Today at work I lied to a customer about my sexuality. Not because I thought he would react violently or crass, but because he seemed the type to over-compensate. Visions flashed through my mind of him going on about how great gay people are or how wonderful it is that I can do what I do without fear of conflict. Really, I just wanted him to get in and get out as quickly as possible so I could move on to the next paying customer...
I don't have a gay agenda, unless you count "just be treated normally" as an agenda.

K'naan

I don't like rap music, but this guy is a little different.  I like the fact that he is actually a poet/philosopher, and then puts his words over a beat.  He "raps" about his life as a child and how hard it was growing up in Somalia.  His rhymes are often about anger and sorrow.  But he does make mention about how to fix the problem, about how the pursuit of power is what lead to the suffering; he shares this common idea with many philosophers.
If you are curious about what he sounds like, listen to this:
http://www.knaanmusic.com/music/

Terrible answer

Next time someone asks you what you wanted to be when you grew up: I never really thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up, cause i never thought I'd make it past age 14.

Sad

When I should be happy for someone,  but I'm just jealous.

Shake and bake theatre

In 2011 I started a theatre company in the ghetto of Columbus.  Well, now I live in an area of New York City that is occupied by a large number of lower income households.  I went to a neighborhood meeting last night and it brought back a good off memories;  a bunch of 40-60 year old white people complaining about the telephone poles and the dog shit on the sidewalks. 
Despite all that,  there was a vote about converting a abandoned street into a performance space.   I was all for it,  cause that would be a great thing to have as a theatre company.  I have my vote of "aye" without realizing that I wasn't supposed to vote without paying dues.  But whatever.  I have my business card to the president if the association and told her of my plan.  She took it enthusiastically,  but asked no follow up questions.   I am wondering how excited she really is.
What she doesn't know it's that I already have half the structure in place for the company.  I still (as an individual) own all the names and logos for The Highland West Players.  Likely we will have to change the name,  but it is much easier to change the imaging and paperwork than to completely recreate it.

Advice

Never date a lawyer.  They aren't' good people.

The events of today

Today I was off work, but I had work on my mind all day long.  I am starting to think that the other manager finds me incompetent.  I know what has happened.  I know what is causing him that think that, and now I can fix it.

Moral: it does no good beating yourself up when you can fix it.  I can fix it, so I don't need to feel bad.

On Facebook

Last night I stopped posting on Facebook.  Why?  Cause I'm tired of the advertising. I kept on thinking my friends were taking about new products,  But it was all paid advertisements.   I'm not planning on deleting it,  just not going to post or read it anymore.  I already deleted the phone app,  and next time I'm at my computer I'll clearer the browser shortcut.
The moral off all this is that many people allow themselves to be bombarded with advertising just so they can take quizzes that sell their information to huge companies who put out more advertising.  It's a terrible cycle.

I'm the boss

I let the girls at work get away with a lot. But now c I'm going to treat them like I treat the guys.   I'm going to be a hard ass.  They can take it.  I don't think I shOuld let them get away with what terrible habits they have.   No more!

The flood

I wish I had a flood of positive emotions.  I'm in a great mood, but that's just the whiskey talking.

Far Away Land

Recently I find myself in a far away land, where the past comes alive. But in this place I am now alone.  Allies previous have abandoned me, while old enemies see me on level terrain.  There will be few new diplomatic bonds formed.  I will see the reclusive men as they are.

Legends

The woman in White:
The woman in white is a ghost who clings to this world, haunting men who are unfaithful to their wives/lovers.  The individual ghost is the remnant of a woman who kills herself from a tragic lost love (Madam Butterfly style).  She is usually extremely violent and causes direct harm to men.
The Woman in Black:
The woman in Black is a ghost who haunts the care-givers of children who are not the birth parents.  She longs to be reunited with her own child, who was taken/lost, resulting in her killing herself.  Usually much more manipulative than a woman in white, causing the care-givers to quarrel and ultimately trying to separate them so that she can take the child.

Conclusion: Bitches be crazy.

Ten Question GAY test

Answer each question bellow,  add up the points associated with each question you answer "yes" to.
1.) Are you a guy who played with dolls as a child or a girl who played with trucks?(1 point)
2.) Do you know what PFLAG stands for?  (1 point)
3.) Do you like musical theatre?  (1point)
4.) Democratic Atheist who makes more than 50k a year? (1 point)
5.) You have a pet with a clever name rather than a typical name.  (1 point)
6.) Do you call Home Depot "homo-depot" with a giggle?  (1 point)
7.) Do you feel that shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy objectify gay men and produce a poor image for society?  (1 point)
8.) Do you like Techno?  (1 point)
9.) Anderson Cooper takes it in the pooper!  (1 point)
10.) Do you want to have sex with the same gender and not the opposite gender? (90 points)

Now add up your total points. If the total is more than 50, you are GAY.

What!?

20 ounces of cola per day for a year will work out to the same calories as 35 pounds of pure fat

Reverence

I remember her in the end.  The way she folded the tablecloth so precisely.  Like it was the flag of a country that no longer existed,  but once ruled the world.

Reasons why College is better than Highschool

Dear Chad:
I got your email about your education.  I encourage you to go to College.  High School sucks, sometimes, but you seem to want to be there for the right reasons, reasons that matter in College.  So here are some things to look forward to:

1. Everyone is cool in College.  In highschool there are the geeks and the popular kids.  In college there are so many people that you are not alone, no matter how odd you feel.  You will make friends.  And everyone is so occupied with their own lives that they have no time for being the jerks you hate.
2. At college you can learn as much as you like.  You mentioned that you like classes at school, that the learning was the part you liked.  Well, College has plenty of places for you to further that on your own.  No need to be held up by the other people.
3.  There is a new set of classmates for nearly every class you take.  And the people that you DO see regularly are all in your same major program, so they have similar likes and dislikes and that means they will often like you.
4.In college you get to do REAL things.  You aren't just running through the steps of the process.  Do to the much higher funding for universities, you are actually able to produce professional results.  For example, I was a theater student, and all the shows we put on at the university were off-Broadway quality.
5.The friends you make in college are actually lifelong friends.  Not like in high school were you say you'll keep in touch and never do.  These people are with you during life occurrences like babies, weddings, and career moves.
6.You are going to get so cultured!  Having to take a bunch of classes you have no interest in, but have to in order to graduate is going to open your eyes to views you didn't even know existed.  You will love some, hate some, but all will make you think a little.

Dear "Pitt" Man

Dear "Pitt" man:
 Recently I came to a conclusion about lawyers.  I think it is best to treat them like the three year old children of other people.  Let them have their ways because they are stubborn and not going to ever change their ways.  You can't correct them, because they will never think anything they do is wrong.  In some cases they will lie to get what they want, in other cases they will through a tantrum and make a big scene.  Sometimes they are the sweetest little angels one minute and the next minute they have turned on you.
I would advise you to let him do whatever he thinks is best as long as it isn't hurting anyone.  Don't confront him, he won't listen to reason.  He will ad homin.

P.S. Don't ask a doctor about anything either.

Ryan Kwanten

Why does Ryan Kwanten wear so many tuxedos?

I don't have kids, but if I did...

As parents, we all say things to encourage our kids to eat healthier. Yet in our modern, food centric environment, even well-intentioned comments can be translated into negatives that hinder eating.

So here are 10 common “food statements” parents often say to kids, how kids’ are likely to translate the information and more effective things to say and do.

1. “See, your (sister, brother, cousin, friend) is eating it, why don’t you?”

Translation: “He/she is a better eater than me.”

A better thing to say: “I know you’ll get there, sweety. It takes time — and many tastes– to learn to like a new food.”

Rationale: Instead of feelings of inferiority, you want to instill confidence that the child can and will like the food in their own time.

2. “You used to like blueberries — you are so picky!”

Translation: “Maybe I won’t grow out of this picky-eating thing?”

A better thing to do: Don’t call attention to picky eating. Instead, make eating an enjoyable experience.

Rationale: Avoid labeling children as “picky” as this is a normal stage of development and the label tends to stick.

3. “For the last time, no, you cannot have ice cream!”

Translation: “I’m never getting ice cream again!”

A better thing to say: “We are not having ice cream now because lunch is a half hour away. We’ll have some one day this week for dessert.”

Rationale: Children accept no much better when they know why they can’t have it and when they will have it again.

4. “You didn’t eat enough. Take a few more bites and then you can leave the table.”

Translation: “Mom/dad/empty plate (external signals) are a better judge of when I’m done eating than what I’m feeling inside.”

A better thing to say: “Make sure you got enough to eat because the next meal won’t be until (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack time).”

Rationale: When children are in charge of how much to eat, they learn how to effectively manage hunger (hint: sometimes mistakes have to be made). Check out the latest study on why this is true.

5. “If you eat some of your veggies, you can have dessert.”

Translation: “I can’t wait until the day I don’t have to eat my veggies — and can go straight to dessert!”

A better thing to do: Instead of nagging and food rewarding, offer tasty vegetables often and model healthy eating.

Rationale: Research shows that children learn to prefer the reward food over the “have to eat” food.


6. “Good job!” (after eating more than usual)

Translation: “Mommy and daddy are proud of me when I eat more food or finish my plate.”

A better thing to say: “You always do a good job eating when you listen to your tummy.”

Rationale: Praising children for eating more food teaches them quantity is preferable to following one’s appetite which varies from meal to meal.

7. “Eat this, it’s good for you.”

Translation: “It tastes bad.”

A better thing to say: “This tastes really good and is similar to X that you like.”

Rationale: Studies show taste rules children’s food preferences and they benefit from getting more information about a new item.

8. “If you are good in the store, you can have a cookie” or “If you don’t stop doing that, you won’t be getting ice cream tonight”

Translation: “Every time I’m good, I should get a treat!”

A better thing to do: Let them know ahead of time the consequence that will happen if they misbehave — and leave food out of it.

Rationale: Think about the long-term effects of constantly rewarding with food. For example, in a 2003 study published in Eating Behaviors, adults who remembered food being used to reward and punish, were more likely to binge eat and diet.

9. “We don’t eat cake often because it is bad for you.”

Translation: “I like everything that is bad for me (Bad = pleasure)”

A better thing to say: “Cake is not a food we eat all the time. We’ll have some cake this weekend at Jake’s birthday party.”

Rationale: Labeling food as “good” and “bad” creates judgment around eating. Instead, teach children how all foods fit into a balanced diet based on frequency of eating.

10. “You don’t like dinner? Want me to make you something else?”

Translation: “I never have to venture out with food because mom/dad will always make my favorites!”

A better thing to say: “We all get the same meal for dinner, sometimes you get your favorite and other nights someone else does.”

Rationale: Eating meals together teaches children eating is a family affair and it encourages them to accept a wider variety of food over time.

Almost three years later

It has finally happened. I have almost forgotten her voice. They say that the first thing you forget about someone after they pass away is their voice. You can remember how they moved, what their face looked like. But you forget how they sound when they spoke to you. Almost three years later.

Dear Kevin, You are a true

visionary. Think of the courage

that it took for you, at the age

of 18, to come to Columbus,

on your own, to pursue a

college degree. You had no

help, from any one. When

Shane told to me your story,

I wanted to get to know you,

which is why I took time to

talk with you. I was more

impressed with your courage

than I was with your obvious

genius, which is, of course,

quite impresive, too.

   Most people are afraid to

dream. This world stomps

on dreams. You are not afraid

to dream. Do not let this world

ever take your courage from

you. Continue to dream. Continue

to believe in yourself. And know

that you are going to do truly

great things, both in the world

of theater and in life. And on those

days, when the world is kicking

hard, call me. I am up, as you

know, all hours. I always will take

your phone calls. And I will remind

you, gladly, that you have ever

reason in the world to reach for

the stars. --- Much love, Ann

Jaw dropping

I cherish the moments when I get to see his armpits.

Its funny, but only for a moment

An husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to
their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris. No more wintering in Barbados. No more summers in Tuscany. No more Jaguar in the garage. No more yacht club. No more credit card and large bank accounts. But…. The decision is all yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Tony?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is much prettier,” she replies with a smile.

Relationship with your mother

Dear Sam,
     I have reviewed your relationship with your mother.  After much thought I have reached a conclusion.  You need to start saying "no" to her.  There comes a time when all good boys must turn into men.  They leave the nest and fly into the wide world.  I am not criticizing your life choices, simply drawing attention to the natural order of things.  I am not a psychologist, nor am I qualified to tell you anything about how to live your life.  But I am able to tell you were you differ from most men.  When you get somewhere, rather than joining the party or cracking one open, you call your mother to tell her that you got there safe.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, you are keeping her from worrying.  But at what expense?  At the expense of your own life.  You are so caught up in doing what makes your mother happy that you are chipping away at your own life.  You are weakling other relationships that should be occupying your emotional pool in an attempt to keep your relationship with your mother intact.  She is a strong influence in your life, again not a bad thing.  It is actually a great thing that she has such a deep, consistent presence in your life.  But don't you think that you should allow a little more room for people who actually accept you for who you are and that don't want to to tie you down with their own religious hatred? If you are going to have people in your life, they should love you for you.  Not love you only if they can keep you the way you were when you were ten.  She is trying to keep you from discovering that there is a whole world of people who can accept the parts of you she can't stand to acknowledge.
She doesn't know you're feeling trapped, because you don't tell her.  You can't tell her, because you don't know it yourself.  You don't know it because she has never let you see it, because she thinks she is protecting you.
You need to tell her that you are going out sometime and that you won't be back that night.  Tell her that you need your independence.  When you take it, you will be giving her independence, too.  She depends too much on you for her own mental stability.  She uses you for this.  She is dependent on you...
... Maybe I should turn this around.  Rather than her pushing you out of the nest to let you fly, you are actually letting her fly but taking the space.  You are forcing her to make her own happiness.  To be more self reliant.  She is afraid she will loose you, but that is what she needs right now.  Just for a short while.

P.S. I can never love you when so much of you belongs to someone else, even if she is your mother.

A friend

Who knows what the term morphing means? As far as pornography it means using Photoshop to change the ratios of the image's subject matter.  I knew a guy in Columbus, well I was close with his ex and we hung out a little bit due to that fact.  Anyway, this guy has an incredible body, I didn't believe it was real till I met him in person.   And he was proud of it, so there existed many underwear photos of him on Facebook.   And all his friends congratulated him on his progress.  One photo especially caught a lot of attention.   So much so that someone out there has added about a pound of dick to the underwear he has on.

Now, the funny thing is, we all know it is photoshopped (poorly) but it still pisses me off.  Why? Because I know this guy, he is nice.  And some ass messed with him, then put it all over the internet.